Do you return gifts

[Richard49]

OK
I never went steady or any of that other
stuff growing up and do not know how to "do"
certain things......

Paint me dumb

R gave me one gift I am not sure what to do with
it was at xmas ......
it was a bracelt ....
she said she picked it out because the links
reminded her of how our love interlinked

(I still am not sure our relationship is over permantly)

anyway
is it somethig I should return?

Sometimes I look at it and get sad
sometimes it makes me smile
sometimes I feel nothing ... it is just there

Also we made a flogger together

 

[bunny bondage]

ok, here's what i do. ditch the flogger. if she's gone, you don't want it around. if she does come back, or if a sweet young thing happens to cross your path, you can have that much more fun making a new one.

keep the bracelet, but put it away until it no longer makes you sad. one day, it might warm the pleasant memories of R, but for now, it's obviously just a pain in the ass. it's still a sweet gift though, and over time, the kind sentiment is all that will remain.

 

[Richard49]

ok, here's what i do. ditch the flogger. if she's gone, you don't want it around. if she does come back, or if a sweet young thing happens to cross your path, you can have that much more fun making a new one.

keep the bracelet, but put it away until it no longer makes you sad. one day, it might warm the pleasant memories of R, but for now, it's obviously just a pain in the ass. it's still a sweet gift though, and over time, the kind sentiment is all that will remain.

thanks bb

U know I never even went to a prom

 

[SexyChele]

BB has the right idea. Unless the gift is a family heirloom or has some other sentimental significance for the giver, the receiver keeps it at their discretion. I've always kept the gifts given to me. Sometimes the emotions fade and I end up getting rid of some things, but most remain. Sometimes, as BB states, I have to put them out of sight until I look at them with a fond smile of remembrance.

And I never went to the prom, either. I think there are more of us than people like to admit, frankly.

 

[Richard49]

BB has the right idea. Unless the gift is a family heirloom or has some other sentimental significance for the giver, the receiver keeps it at their discretion. I've always kept the gifts given to me. Sometimes the emotions fade and I end up getting rid of some things, but most remain. Sometimes, as BB states, I have to put them out of sight until I look at them with a fond smile of remembrance.

And I never went to the prom, either. I think there are more of us than people like to admit, frankly.

Who's Frank ?

She gave me few gifts
and the others are
well ... just there
this one is special
and the only jewlery

She has keep all the gifts I gave her

 

[bunny bondage]

i never went to the prom either. i didn't want to. i did, however, want to dress up in the pretty pink dress. so, a bunch of friends and myself got together prom night, dressed up in our nicest prom outfits, and went bowling. we capped off the evening with a feast at waffle house. it was the best prom ever.

 

[Netzach]

<-- Didn't go to prom.


(I think they might be sorry if they saw me now, heh.)

Keep the bracelet. I kept one that was cherished, then I hated it like poison, now it has lost its magic powers to make me feel anything other than "hey that looks nice." and it reminds me of lessons learned. I don't feel pain or rage about it anymore, just a peaceful neutrality. That comes in time.

 

[Richard49]

<-- Didn't go to prom.


(I think they might be sorry if they saw me now, heh.)

Keep the bracelet. I kept one that was cherished, then I hated it like poison, now it has lost its magic powers to make me feel anything other than "hey that looks nice." and it reminds me of lessons learned. I don't feel pain or rage about it anymore, just a peaceful neutrality. That comes in time.

Thank you for sharing

and the flogger?

 

[Etoile]

I never attended high school or middle school dances. In college, I went to the winter formal without a date and just had fun with my friends. By the spring formal, I had met my girlfriend, and she came in a wonderful tuxedo dress. (Yum...I still remember it!)

As for returning gifts...I love mementos. I wouldn't give it back unless it were asked for, but that's me.

 

[Richard49]

I never attended high school or middle school dances. In college, I went to the winter formal without a date and just had fun with my friends. By the spring formal, I had met my girlfriend, and she came in a wonderful tuxedo dress. (Yum...I still remember it!)

As for returning gifts...I love mementos. I wouldn't give it back unless it were asked for, but that's me.

and if it were asked for?

and the flogger?

 

[lark sparrow]

and if it were asked for?

and the flogger?

If it were asked for (with enough conviction ) I would give it back.

I had an inquiry a few years after our break up as to whether or not I still wore the engagement/wedding bands that my girlfriend gave me. I said yes, and left it at that. As it is, I do wear them, as it is the most convenient and easily accepted method to brush men off.. and I really like the rings. She could possibly pawn them for a fraction of cost or give the rings I picked out to another woman or let them sit somewhere unused... I'm not sure what motivated the question. She didn't press it further, but had she asked for them back directly I would have more than likely given them back to her.

I agree with putting gifts/mementos/symbols up for awhile during the initial pain and/or depression - it's true, at least for me, that they later become fond reminders of different parts of my life and what I have shared with others, or at the very least, no longer hold any strong personal attachments that may fuel negativity.

I didn't do proms or dances - I was a 'bad girl' well on her way to becoming an out lesbian in highschool, and we were far 'too cool' as alternative outsiders for silly school functions.

 

[Desdemona]

I'm with everybody else. Keep it and wait for the pain to fade.


OK, I'll come out of the closet now. I went to the prom. LOL

 

[Ms_Lilith]

When my ex-fiance and I broke up, he returned to me the silver key that I had given him, as the key to my heart, and I returned the engagement ring, which he then re-returned to me. He didn't want it. So I pawned it.

 

[Bachlum Chaam]

Keep them both Richard mayhap you'll get the chance to work out the pain on her arse.

Also we don't even get the chance to go to the prom its not a custom we have
Tim

 

[SexyChele]

As far as the flogger goes - I would look at this way. If you were to have an opportunity to use it again on another sub, would it simply be another tool? Or would you only be able to see "R" while using it? If the answer is yes to the first question, keep it. If the answer is yes to the second, either put it away or get rid of it.

And, yes, if a person specifically requests a certain gift back, I would return it. Although none ever have. But then, I don't get many expensive gifts.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Not me

I never return gifts that are given to me, and I do not expect my exes to return what I give them either.

Now I have been known to throw a few away in a fit of pique!

 

[Croctden]

Not to be crude

If you don't think you'll ever look at the bracelet again without mixed emotions then pawn it. I'd hide the flogger in the attic. At some point in time you'll meet someone new and it will become moot.

 

[serijules]

I personally feel that returning gifts to someone is very rude unless the item is as someone stated, a family or extremely sentimental thing, for THEM.

When I give someone a gift, it is to have meaning at that time...when I'm giving it, I'm not concerened about someday, or what if, or how come...

I made my first dom a beautiful dreamcatcher with peacock feathers and glass beaded webbing. I attached little silver charms in the web that symbolized each of his subs and himself. I put a lot of time and thought and heart into that gift, and while we are no longer on speaking terms and there is a lot of hatred and bad feelings there, at the time I gave it to him, our relationship was wonderful, and I think those memories are worth preserving. I don't know how he feels about this though, nor do I know or care what he did with the dreamcatcher. I don't regret making it nor giving it to him.

I would keep the bracelet, and let it remind you of the good times. I would not wear it if someone else comes into your life however...I've seen people do this and I know it would make me pretty uncomfortable if someone I was involved in was wearing something I knew had meaning from another relationship.

The flogger? Why not give it as a gift to another kink friend? The first man I ever played with had a gorgeous purple suede flogger. I asked him where he got it, and he told me that when a sub friend of his got out of a relationship, she gave away all of her toys and started a new collection. I thought that to be a waste of perfectly good toys myself, but he thought it was pretty cool to get a really nice flogger for free LOL

 

[WriterDom]

Sell it on Ebay for a penny. 5 dollars shipping. Why hold on to negative Karma

 

[Cheyenne]

Shouldn't this be a general board thread? Not bdsm specific topic, right?

 

[serijules]

Floggers are non-bdsm-specific?

 

[Richard49]

Shouldn't this be a general board thread? Not bdsm specific topic, right?

Let's see
1) it is about a Dom and submissive going seperate ways
2) about a flogger

gggeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
GB?
Not in my opinion

 

[navarre]

Shouldn't this be a general board thread? Not bdsm specific topic, right?

 

[Cheyenne]

Let's see
1) it is about a Dom and submissive going seperate ways
2) about a flogger

gggeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
GB?
Not in my opinion

Your post said the gift was a bracelet. Or are bracelets and floggers the same thing?

Don't answer that, I don't want to make this thread about anything bdsm related. That way MissTaken can still move it to the general board for you.

 

[lark sparrow]

Shouldn't this be a general board thread? Not bdsm specific topic, right?

Let's see... a D/s relationship... a gift given from sub to Dom... and a BDSM flogger made together.

Have any other exhibitionist, judgemental whines you feel you need to share on the BDSM board?