Do you have the Look of Love??

[JazzManJim]

I'm launching a new thread based on something very intriguing that pagancowgirl said in another thread. In the interests of not cluttering up that really good thread, I'm now here.

So here's what she said, in a nutshell. She can, and I don't doubt her for a second either, look at a guy and tell from watching him whether he knows what he's doing, sexually.

So I have a few questions. First, I'd love for pagancowgirl to come on in and embellish on this (Please?). Second, do you other women have this talent, too? And third, what is it that you see or don't see that clues you in?

I'm sure that some guys are good enough actors that they could take your tips and pull it off, but I doubt it. In the third question, I honestly want to know what you do and don't see, so I, and all the other good guys on here can trim away the dross from our presentation and give you all the "Mr Nice Stud" on the outside that we know exists on the inside.

 

[plasticman33]

C'mon Jazzman......

Do you really think the ladies are going to tell us their secrets?

 

[JazzManJim]

Re: C'mon Jazzman......

Do you really think the ladies are going to tell us their secrets?

I'm willing to beg. It's a crazy idea, but it just might work.

 

[plasticman33]

Maybe if we both get on our knees......

 

[Guest]

Beg, baby, beg!

 

[JazzManJim]

Beg, baby, beg!

You're not helping

 

[T.H. Oughts]

look at a guy and tell from watching him whether he knows what he's doing, sexually.

The personality of a guy is what makes or breaks it if I want to go any further than with him. He can stand there and look the most stud like kind of guy, but if he opens his month and talks a load of s*** or has not got the manners he should have, it would not matter how sexy he 'looked' he would not get a look in.

He could be wearing a business suit or old jeans with a torn leather jacket. It's not the wrapping, but what protudes (no pun) from that wrapping the catches the lady.

Looks do tend to catch the eye first, but I've neer been a hit and run kind of person in a bar. So if he's going to get lucky in the near future he better of learnt how to treat a lady nice beyound how to use his dick.

I dare to say 'all' women want a nice guy, just not a wimp

 

[Calamity Jane]

The Look

Dammit, this is going to test my communication abilities, I just know it...

It's not really a look, though that's part of it. It's a confidence, an obvious familiarity with their body, and with a woman's body. A natural movement, not the guys that you can tell are thinking about their 'walk'... a comfort in their own skin kind of thing.

I have no desire to be with a guy who constantly needs his ego stroked or his self esteem rebuilt.

I want a guy who is interested in his pleasure as well as mine. Someone who knows that sometimes, it is all about the physical contact, and nothing more.... The 'nice guys' I've been with, and I'm talking ultra nice, bring home to mommy on the first date kind of guys, have been good in bed, but have lacked the element of selfishness that is required to truly enjoy what you're doing to/with the person you're with. For example... I totally enjoy giving a guy head... so, in a way, doing it is a selfish act. His enjoyment of it is a bonus, but my enjoyment is key, or i wouldn't do it.

I don't want that guy who thinks maybe i'll enjoy oral sex, and so he goes down on me, I want a guy who is loving being down there as much as or more than I'm loving having him there, or is willing to tell me he's not into that, but there's something else he could show me.

does any of that make sense, or in any way answer the questions?

 

[JazzManJim]

Re: The Look

Dammit, this is going to test my communication abilities, I just know it...

You done good, but now I crave more information.

It seems that what catches your attention is a man "at ease" not only with himself, but with what's going on around him. It's a hard thing to translate, I know. Maybe it's the confidence, which is intangible, that you're feeling?

Maybe?

The other stuff you mentioned. I've no idea how you'd know whether or not the guy knew that or not by watching him. That kind of escapes me.

 

[plasticman33]

Shhhhhhhh, Jazzman, we're getting close to the truth.....don't ask too many questions.....just listen.

 

[Calamity Jane]

Re: Re: The Look

The other stuff you mentioned. I've no idea how you'd know whether or not the guy knew that or not by watching him. That kind of escapes me.

Ok, so I can't know all of that by observing from a distance... but look at it this way...

So many times you hear a guy say "well, I'm not into ________, but she is, so I guess I'll go along with it." doesn't matter if the blank filler is cooking, fishing, partying, or kayaking... if you don't fucking enjoy it, don't do it. Don't humor me, don't try and become the person you think I want you to be. And THAT is something you can figure out through observation. After a couple dinners with a guy, I can generally tell if he's going to be one of those, moldable, kind of not a strong opinion in their heads kind of guy.

And yes, it's an attitude issue. You can tell by looking at a person, or at least observing them over a fairly short amount of time if they're comfortable with themselves. And that's important, because anyone who isn't comfortable with who they are, isn't going to be uninhibited and comfortable with someone else, and that can't be faked.

 

[JazzManJim]

Re: Re: Re: The Look

Ok, so I can't know all of that by observing from a distance... but look at it this way...

Okay. I understand that. It's much of what I look for when I meet someone - the common threads that we may share. I can see that in women to some degree, though not to yours.

Like I've said before, I'm not all that bright.

 

[Summery]

Re: Re: Re: The Look

Ok, so I can't know all of that by observing from a distance... but look at it this way...

So many times you hear a guy say "well, I'm not into ________, but she is, so I guess I'll go along with it." doesn't matter if the blank filler is cooking, fishing, partying, or kayaking... if you don't fucking enjoy it, don't do it. Don't humor me, don't try and become the person you think I want you to be. And THAT is something you can figure out through observation. After a couple dinners with a guy, I can generally tell if he's going to be one of those, moldable, kind of not a strong opinion in their heads kind of guy.

And yes, it's an attitude issue. You can tell by looking at a person, or at least observing them over a fairly short amount of time if they're comfortable with themselves. And that's important, because anyone who isn't comfortable with who they are, isn't going to be uninhibited and comfortable with someone else, and that can't be faked.


All I am going to say on this subject is....What Pagancowgirl has shared....speaks volumes as to what a lot of us females think.

 

[Calamity Jane]

Re: Re: Re: Re: The Look

Okay. I understand that. It's much of what I look for when I meet someone - the common threads that we may share. I can see that in women to some degree, though not to yours.

Like I've said before, I'm not all that bright.

right, you're a big ol dumbass

i don't mean to say that i don't want to be with someone who doesn't share my interests... i have no problem with seperate interests... in fact, I think they're important... i just don't want a guy who is so interested in being nice that he'd change his interests to suit mine.

 

[juicylips]

I'm sure that some guys are good enough actors that they could take your tips and pull it off, but I doubt it. In the third question, I honestly want to know what you do and don't see, so I, and all the other good guys on here can trim away the dross from our presentation and give you all the "Mr Nice Stud" on the outside that we know exists on the inside.

Why do you even have to have a "presentation"? If a woman has to wade through a bunch of bullshit..I would rather forget it. I want real. Either you are real with me about who you are and what you want or you not. I can spot an asshole two miles away.

It will either click with me and the guy, or it won't.

Btw- I don't want the look of love..I want the look of being totally and thoroughly fucked

Cassidy

 

[Thumper]

Methinks

The word she is going for is "confidence".

Not an arrogant, God's gift to women, type of confidence, but the quiet kind. The kind of guy that is comfortable with women and isn't intimidated by them or in awe of them, ...(though I am, they are wonderful creatures) just appreciates them. He listens to them and can talk with them. He is comfortable in his own body and space. Instead of playing grab ass he knows that a subtle touch on the wrist or forearm can signal much more. He shows respect, but he doesn't fawn.

As for oral sex, if you only do it get it then forget it. Attitude baby. I love it...the best way to drive them crazy PC, I know exactly what you are talking about when you say you do it for your pleasure. Have don it a couple of times with women that did not enjoy it at all. Or wouldn't let themselves may be more like it. I still enjoyed it but....I need her response even if it is just a shivering of an inner thigh muscle.

I have an amusing tale about guys and oral sex to tell sometime...

 

[T.H. Oughts]

Re: Re: Re: The Look

if you don't fucking enjoy it, don't do it. Don't humor me, don't try and become the person you think I want you to be.

Yep, nothing worse than a guy who will follow you to every Art Gallery event because he thinks he will score brownie points with you. But because he know that art is your world he will want to come along occasionaly so when you have conversations at home about art, he knows what the hell you are going on about.

If my man has season tickets for his team, I hope he would not expect me to go to every game with him. But I would go to the occasional game because I would enjoy sitting watching the look of enjoyment on his face and also it would help me understand his conversations about the sport and me be able to add something to the conversation.

Even though you want to spend quality time with a person, sometimes it better to have time out with friends or mates that follow a passion of art or sport that you have........

 

[Calamity Jane]

Re: Methinks

The word she is going for is "confidence".

Not an arrogant, God's gift to women, type of confidence, but the quiet kind. The kind of guy that is comfortable with women and isn't intimidated by them or in awe of them, ...(though I am, they are wonderful creatures) just appreciates them.


I have an amusing tale about guys and oral sex to tell sometime...

Sure, I meant confidence... and an ass that looks eral good in leather pants doesn't hurt!

Tell the story Thumper... don't be a tease.

 

[JennyOmanHill]

Never went for a "look"

It may not be easy to express myself clearly in this thread, since I'm currently in love with someone I haven't actually "looked" at yet (a very new experience for me!).

Although I admire good looking guys, their looks have never impressed me as much as the way they act. As pagancowgirl first pointed out, a guy who is comfortable with himself is an attraction to me. I don't mean "cockiness", but someone who appears relaxed while they discuss anything with you, and can LOOK in your eyes, and actually listen to what you want to say as well (without feeling threatened).

Clear as mud?

 

[seXieleXie]

i don't have this talent at all.
once upon a time there was a guy who i was sure was amazing in bed. turned out he didn't know the first thing about how to please a woman or how to articulate what he wanted from me. it was a mess. my last boyfriend was a wonderful lover and i never would have known if i hadn't been with him. my last girlfriend was also an amazing lover, and with her i *did* peg that before we hit the sheets... but even still i'm saying that was blind luck.
i guess i need more practice. any volunteers?

 

[plasticman33]

Re: Re: Do you have the Look of Love??

Btw- I don't want the look of love..I want the look of being totally and thoroughly fucked

Cassidy

Damn, girl, I love the way you think!

 

[Thumper]

Then again...

I could be totally full of poopy.

Leather pants...guaranteed to get you NOT laid. Unless maybe you are at a Glam Metal show...

OK...My wife and I have a bit of an unconventional relationship. She has had a few different partners and I have had quite a few. Once while discussing oral sex(we discuss these sordid things sometimes) and various techniques she said very few men knew how to do it. They just acted like the woman should be ecstatic that they were down there. (Keep it up guys, makes those of us that pay attention that much more in demand LOL) She said they used the drinking dog technique. I laughed my ass off. I think they get it from the porno movies. I have rarely seen a guy or girl do it right in one of those. I also sorta get the impression that a lot of guys are like the wise old owl in the Tootsie Pop commercial..

KID: Hey Owl, how many licks does it take to get to the chocolaty center of a Tootsie Pop?

OWLtaking Tootsie Pop) Let's find out.
One
Two
Three
crunch.

Three.

A word of advice...One, imagine what it might be like having a vagina and clitoris and how you would like to have it done. Two, don't think you have it down...every woman is different and the fun is in the figuring out how different.

 

[Calamity Jane]

I'm not talking about a look as in an image, or a specific style of dress... i've had a rather eclectic experience with men...

skinheads, punks, businessmen, military men, poor guys, rich guys, bikers, cowboys...

i rarely stop and look at a guy and in any sort of superficial way think "He's totally my type, because he wears______ or drinks _____ or whatever."

Perhaps that's why I spend so much time here. The exterior is wiped away and we see a lot of what makes each individual who they are...

 

[JazzManJim]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: The Look

right, you're a big ol dumbass

i don't mean to say that i don't want to be with someone who doesn't share my interests... i have no problem with seperate interests... in fact, I think they're important... i just don't want a guy who is so interested in being nice that he'd change his interests to suit mine.

Sure I am! Ask anyone! Ask my ex!!

No, I dig what you're saying. It's not about similar interests, necessarily, but similar styles, so to speak. You don't want a milquetoast, or a guy who is so nice that he's pushed hither and thither by the other person's whim.

That about right?

 

[KillerMuffin]

I can't tell if a guy knows what he's doing sexually from a look or even a casual conversation.

I can tell if a guy is open to what I'm doing sexually from a look and a casual conversation.

Hell, within 15 seconds of meeting I can tell if he'll be any good in bed or not.

It's not his technique or lack of that he's already learned, it's what he's willing to learn from me. I'm not shy about asking for what I want. It's whether or not he's already picked up the necessary skills to learn what I like that makes a difference. I can tell within 15 seconds. Usually 5.