Do we make friends or do we...

[p_p_man]

forge friendships?

Making friends is easy. It could be someone you get on well with, share a common interest with or just generally like to have, and be, around.

But what happens if something goes wrong? Would your friends rally around and help you? Would you rally around and help them? Is friendship really quite a shallow relationship and we only accept it because of the need for some sort of human contact?

Whereas forged friendships are to the death. You have been through thick and thin together, know and have experienced each other's worst possible moods and times, and have supported each other no matter what. Sometimes you've hated each other, other times you feel a closeness that not blood family or married couples can experience.

So when does a friend become a forged friend. Is it a matter of going through a particular trauma together or is it just a matter of being around each other for long enough that over a period of time you both see each other at your worst and it doesn't matter.

When you say "I've got plenty of friends".

Do you really?

 

[Mensa]

I think it's counterfeit

It all sounds like "forgery" to me.

 

[koalabear]

Hmmmmmm...hot topic.

 

[Dynamite]

Their are

ACQUAINTANCES: People you've met at one time or another.

FRIENDS: People you spend time w/ now and again.

BEST FRIENDS: Person/s you share all of the intimate details and the one/s you count on when the chips are down.

 

[InnesLane]

It seems to be a matter of semantics...

but hey, he got me in here reading it, so I guess it worked.

Yes p_p, there are friends and then there are friends. I'll take the latter any day.

 

[p_p_man]

Their are

ACQUAINTANCES: People you've met at one time or another.

FRIENDS: People you spend time w/ now and again.

BEST FRIENDS: Person/s you share all of the intimate details and the one/s you count on when the chips are down.

But "Best Friends" are just top of the "Friends" category...

Nothing special. You wouldn't lose too much sleep if you never saw them again...

 

[Herbie Handcock]

You answered it.

Your statement says it as well as it can be said.

"It's just a matter of being around each other for long enough that over a period of time you both see each other at your worst and it doesn't matter."

Good thread PP Man. Might be interesting to see the responses eh.

 

[Angelus]

I would say that I have got plenty of friends and several that I can count on when everything has gone to shit.... but there are friends that I know but I know I can never count on unless I have something they want- those friends I don't need.

So if you forge a friendship it is pretty much a person you can count on... well for me it is, if not then I am real big trouble.

 

[Guest]

I think there are casual friends, whom you know well, and see regularly. Coffee, dinners, phone calls, et cetera. These are the friends that will hesitate if you need anything beyond company.

Then, there are the friends that you can go a couple of years without seeing even once, and when you do, it's like you were never apart. And they don't hesitate, ever, if you're in need. They know the real you, right down to the ground.

I think most people have mostly casual friends. We are very lucky to find that one person who will cry with us, laugh with us, make a fool of themselves with us - or for us, watch the 1967 version of Romeo and Juliet with you, over and over...

I am happy to say that I have 1 friend like that, and she can say the same about me.

And I think, you're right p_p, time is the forge, and familiarity the fire that binds.

 

[hotti]

sheesh.
that was me.
Blonde is a state of mind, and I'm the freaking governor! *G*

 

[Astro]

Words of wisdom (aint mine)

Friends that judge don't matter
Friends that matter don't judge

Friends are people who know things about you, best friends are people who know enough to blackmail you!

 

[Cheyenne]

This is actually a good thread! Pardon me for being surprised, p_p_man.

Forged friends have an element of time to them. If they have been around you for any length of time, chances are they HAVE seen you in some kind of trauma and you know how they will handle your need for their help. They have already proven themselves. Here's another clue- who do you go to when the chips are really down and you need someone who understands you and supports you, no matter what? That person is likely to be a forged friend.

 

[*ladylove*]

I have lots of aquaintances. Those i say hi to and know their name. And have conversations with at lunch.

Friends that I "hang" with. Go out with. And just act silly in general with.

But then I have 2 friends who have been thru thick and thin with me. And I with them. The ones who I know I can call when my world feels like its falling apart at the seams, and I'm wandering aimlessly through life lost as hell. When my heart feels like its crushed in my chest, and I look like shit, am bitchy and crying, moody as hell. These are the friends who take me in for the day, let me curl up on their couch with their favorite quilt, sip wine or pepsi with me, and don't let me alone until I know my world isn't crumbling around me.

So I guess with that, I would say there are 3 kinds of friends.

 

[Guest]

trust no one, keep the negatives, always cut the cards and pay in cash!

 

[TonyG]

I believe Cheyenne is correct when she says that forged friends have an element of time to them. I think to reach this level of friendship is a slow process which is nurtured by shared happenings from both parties. Once achieved I feel this type of friendship rarely falls apart and can transcend distance and time.

 

[knightstalker]

I have three friends that i have had since 3rd grade and we still hang outn when we can and yes i trust them with my life ..Outside of them nobody..Just some drinking buddies i see once in awhile at the bar but the other three are like family to me

 

[MissTaken]

I have one, count em, one forged friend!


We have been through it all, her cancer, my divorce, shared work, job stress, her break up, her marraige, her crazy mother, my not so crazy but depressed mother, the birth of my children, and yes, we have inadvertantly caused pain to one another. Always, we are strong in our friendship.

Time and experience made us this way.

 

[ksmybuttons]

Not time, but caring

My forged friends are the one's I can ask help from and get it. I can count on them. We know when we are having a hard time, we will ask for the help we need and know that it will be there. Always.

I have two that have been in my life for a very long time and one that is newer and just as loved. I love them.

I don't use the title friend lightly at anytime.

 

[ShamelessFlirt]

There's a progression in any relationship. It would be nice to have convenient little boxes to file everyone away in, but it's not that simple.

I have acquaintances, I have friends and some friends I have grown to love. For me it's not what we've been through together, but how we treat and respect each other that changes my depth of feeling. Life events can contribute to this, but aren't the sole contributing factor. Interaction has a lot to do with it too. People you see in person as opposed to only knowing from online. Not that you couldn't be friends or more with someone you've only spoken with and never met. But the human factor does increase the bond.

For me acquaintances are people I've come to know through direct interaction. Notes, e-mails, speaking on the phone or in person, people I've spent time with. They're more than strangers because they've shared a bit of themselves with me. Essentially given me a reason or excuse to regard them more than someone else.

To what degree I regard them depends on what we've shared, how much time I spend with them or thinking about them. What makes them progress from an acquaintance to a friend for me is a mutual respect for each other.

Friends for me are people I would go out of my way for, confide in and share private thoughts with. People who I can speak my mind to, and not worry about being judged. They're the people I don't expect anything from, but give of themselves anyway. People who care about my well being. I don't question how we've come to be like this, I just accept it at it's face.

When things happen that can test a friendship and my friend sticks by me, I don't think of that as making someone more of a friend. They're either a friend or they aren't.

For me there's a kind of unspoken blueprint.

Being a friend means different things to different people. How well you know a person, and how much of yourself you're willing to reveal to that person all play into how close a friendship you forge. The amount of time it takes to know someone also plays into this for me too.

So for me, it's not how we became friends. Forged over time, or just something profound shared briefly on a bulliten board.

I'm your friend if you respect me, and are willing to confide in me and listen to me when I need to vent. You're my friend if you're willing to do the same.

 

[pabloback]

what is a friend?
when you have been fucked over by as many "friends " as i have you lose the real definition , i have hundreds of aquaintences that i can stop by and see and have a drink with but i am realistic enough to see that if i dropped off the face of the earth tomorrow
i wouldnt be missed
cynical, me?

 

[Laurel]

Re: Not time, but caring

My forged friends are the one's I can ask help from and get it. I can count on them. We know when we are having a hard time, we will ask for the help we need and know that it will be there. Always.

Exactly. Friendship doesn't just happen - it takes time and effort. It means learning to disagree with each other without blowing up and getting hysterical or personal. It means having respect for other people's feelings.

Some people - my sister, for example - are too selfish and mean-spirited to ever have true friends. She insults her friends, takes her moods out on them, and never, ever apologizes when she's cruel. "I was just being honest," she'd say - even though if they treated her like that, she would have a fit. Then, she calls me up and wonders why she's so lonely. I just roll my eyes.

I have friends and I have acquaintances. I have one forged friend who also happens to be my S.O. I think friends are very important. It's not the quantity that counts, but the quality. And the only way to have friends is to be a friend to others.

 

[Angel]

I just beat the shit out of people until I scare them into chillin' with me.

 

[PHANTOM5875]

I am almost embarrassed to add to this thread as there has already been so many truly eloquent postings on what comprises a real friend. I never cease to be amazed at the degree of sensitivity and understanding of human nature here on this site.

(Okay, nuff ass kissin, on with the program...)

Here's my take.

A REAL friend is one who is still there when you are facing the truly difficult issues or situations. Your true friends stick with you in the best of times and in the worst of times.

For example:

You've just lost your job......................
You're dad just died............................

You've just been indicted for forging checks when you're flat broke and your kids need food ..................................................

You, your spouse/SO or child has just been diagnosed with a serious or terminal illness..................

and on and on...................................

When the real world is crashing in all around you and you can feel a tender hand squeezing your shoulder and hear that quiet voice saying "I'm here for you, friend"

THAT'S A TRUE FRIEND

 

[Laurel]

I just beat the shit out of people until I scare them into chillin' with me.

That works too. One beating and I follow you around like a puppydog...

 

[teresafannin]

I have a very large group of acquaintenances & a very small circle of forged friends. These are the women whom I can call at any time of the day or night & they are here for me. One is my youngest sister, the other are a group of women I met on the Net & have met in person over the last 2 years.