Distance Domination-Support Thread

[the captians wench]

Two hour birthday phone call. And promise of more tonight.

And I didnt even have to remind him the date this year.

I bet he has it bookmarked some where *giggles*

 

[DiscusDave]

I think it's becoming clearer and clearer that Georgia should definitely relocate to between Illinois and Iowa.

Seriously.

 

[Lady_Fiona]

Hello all

Haven't posted in a while and to be honest, I'm posting now because I don't know what else to do, I simply need to get it out and off my chest. I'm posting here because I always got support and care when I was a thread reg.

As the regs who are here know, I had a Daddy, he was in Dublin. We were together for 18months ish and then it all went wrong last November, I wont go into details, but I think I actually heard my heart break and I am certain he will say the same.

I know he lurks on here, he watches my posts, to make sure I am safe and well. I refused to take his phone calls/answer emails etc. I had to be that way to heal.

Well I got an IM, this week. They are making him redundant from his job in Dublin city centre. He has no internet access at home and tbh, his wife watches him way too closely, so he sent me an IM to let me know that he would no longer be part of my life, that he would not bother me anymore (his words not mine).

It feels as though the last part of my life has just crashed around my ears. Although we have had no contact, knowing he was watching made me feel safe in some small way. And now its going. I feel heartbroken and idiotic in the same heartbeat, my throat tightens when I think of it and then I get angry at myself for crying over him again.

He was my heart and soul, everything I wished for....I simply didn't wish hard enough.

Sorry for the ramble

 

[malstroem]

Hi everybody
I just decided to stop lurking and post something. It always amazes me how you guys manage support each other.
I'm in a LDR switch relationship with another Lit person. We've only been together for like a month and we've already had our fair share of stupid fights that we would never have had if we were together r/l. Often our fights are based on frustration due to the distance and 7 hours time difference. We had another one last night. But at least we got it solved before we went to sleep. It's just annoying that we focus our energy on fights instead of enjoying the time we have together. I shouldn't complain too much, at least we usually get to spend several hours a day on yahoo

Anyway, all I wanted to do was to quickly introduce myself and join the ranks


Hugs to Lady Fiona. I hope it'll all work out for you.

 

[ecstaticsub]

Hello all

Haven't posted in a while and to be honest, I'm posting now because I don't know what else to do, I simply need to get it out and off my chest. I'm posting here because I always got support and care when I was a thread reg.

Lady_Fiona I am so sorry you are hurting. I can totally understand the comfort you felt just knowing he was silently watching your posts.

Allow yourself permission to to take time to grieve the end of not only the relationship but the friendship also.

Take care of yourself. Pamper yourself as you heal.

Hugs

 

[ecstaticsub]

Hi everybody
I just decided to stop lurking and post something. It always amazes me how you guys manage support each other.
I'm in a LDR switch relationship with another Lit person. We've only been together for like a month and we've already had our fair share of stupid fights that we would never have had if we were together r/l. Often our fights are based on frustration due to the distance and 7 hours time difference. We had another one last night. But at least we got it solved before we went to sleep. It's just annoying that we focus our energy on fights instead of enjoying the time we have together. I shouldn't complain too much, at least we usually get to spend several hours a day on yahoo

Anyway, all I wanted to do was to quickly introduce myself and join the ranks


Hugs to Lady Fiona. I hope it'll all work out for you.

Welcome to the joys and frustrations of an LDR. I found those fights at the beginning to just be the way Daddy and I got to know each other a little better. They enabled us to establish how our own personal D/s relationship was going to operate.

Good luck to you and come back here often.

 

[LearningSub]

deleted

 

[the captians wench]

Lady Fi- That final string being cut always hurts just as bad if not worse than the first. My exhusband and I hadn't lived together in 4 years, I was happy and celebrating 3 years with Jounar, and yet when we signed the devorce papers I spent the afternoon crying. I leaned heavy on Jounar that day, and then felt guilty for it.

The most important thing I've found is letting go and letting it out. If you feel like crying, don't try to burry it, embrace it. Listen to your body, it will tell you what you need. *huggles*

malstroem- Welcome. Time differences suck big time. I have a 5 hour difference (well, after sunday it will be back to 5, my time changed before his), on top of that I don't have a set schedule, nor am I at a desk or near a computer all day, so it's very hard finding time to spend together.

Learningsub-I don't think it's selfish at all to realize some one is not what you need in life. It happens, are I have a great deal of respect for coming out and saying that and not dragging something out.

 

[ecstaticsub]

Haven't posted in some time.. but I'm feeling the need to now.

I just wanted to say that everyone on this thread.. ecstaticsub, captain's wench.. you are all so inspiring and supportive of one another. I know this was mentioned a post or two above, but I wanted to second the thought.

Lady Fiona.. I am so sorry you are hurting, and I hope that you come through this a stronger person and a stronger submissive. Relationships ending, and that final loss of contact with the person... that is so incredibly hard. Hugs and flowers for you.

I have been involved in an LDR for about six months now.. and He came and saw me a few weeks ago. That visit was amazing, and I am so grateful for it. However (and there is always a 'but' or 'however' isn't there?) I am coming to realize, and so is He.. that we are just too different and too busy and unwilling to give up certain parts of our respective lives for our relationship to continue. I am not what He needs, and I think I am coming to realize that He is not what I need. Is this selfish at all? I don't know.

In the end, I learned a lot of things about myself from the relationship.. and ironically, those things are what are making me realize that this one will never work.

Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you for the support that you all gave me the few times I did post on here about my relationship, and to say that you are all incredible, beautiful and strong women. Flowers and chocolates for you all.

Flowers and chocolates? Yeah, I love them.

I, too, don't think you are being selfish at all. Since you both are feeling the same way perhaps it doesn't have to end, just transition. Transition from a D/s relationship to a friendship. Daddy and I have both said that if for reasons beyond our control our relationship would have to end we would still be friends.

I know this isn't always possible and might not be in your case. It's just an idea.

Hugs

 

[ShyVixen]

(((big hugs to everyone))) Just wanted to leave a lot of support and hugs for people in a LDR.

I'm very lucky in the sense I get to see my PYL regularly, but there are still times when I feel the distance intensely; times when I feel the need to be of service and can't, times when want to see him smile and can't.

I'm not moaning because I'm extremely lucky but sometimes I feel like damn the distance!

 

[lil_slave_rose]

hey everyone! i know, it's been forever since i've been here. i'm not real sure why i'm back now other than i miss this place and i miss this lifestyle. as most of you know me and Sir (MasterPhoenix) split up a long time ago, however we keep coming back to each other. i have moved on, i have "nilla" boyfriend who no lives with me but somehow i still feel there is something missing. i still talk to MP all of the time and i know he still loves me as well. but i guess i am just confused. because i do love the man i'm living with, with all of my heart. but when MP and i chat it's like we never split up. it's been like from the beginning, even when he had another subbie. ugh, i'm not sure why i'm posting this here other than i've always gotten so much support from all of you and i miss that. i've felt so alone for so long. i don't have anyone i can talk to about all of this, especially the lifestyle.

anyway, i'm confused and hurting and MP keeps telling me the offer is on the table to come to Cali to just get away from it all and "play" but i know where "playing" will lead. it can't just be a "play" relationship between us, there's no way. and besides that i do have a boyfriend who has no idea of my confused feelings. UGH!! why does life have to be so complicated??

i hope everyone else is doing well!

 

[CurlyKat]

I'm not dealing well, at all, with the distance right now. I'm getting more and more flack in my present people relationships for "wasting my time" with someone who's not here. I've tried a million different ways to explain it and why it would work, but at this point with several different people we've had to agree to disagree.

Truth is, it's excessively hard. I miss all the simple things that would come from being in a relationship with someone who was present, like just a little touch, learning the nuances of his movements, and just sitting there doing nothing together. I already know all of these things, but it makes me miss them a thousand times more when I'm constantly being reminded by others that I'm missing out on it.

 

[GoldunAngel]

Hello everyone,
I am both excited and empathize with you all. It's wonderful to see how many of you have been together for years, that is truly impressive!
There is also the "other" things that come along in a LDR. Not having Him all the time, and missing on a bunch of "little" things...I think we can all relate to.
I love this thread and look forward to sharing and learning from all you pros.
Hugs and kisses to the ladies having it rough.....it gets better....

 

[the captians wench]

hey everyone! i know, it's been forever since i've been here. i'm not real sure why i'm back now other than i miss this place and i miss this lifestyle. as most of you know me and Sir (MasterPhoenix) split up a long time ago, however we keep coming back to each other. i have moved on, i have "nilla" boyfriend who no lives with me but somehow i still feel there is something missing. i still talk to MP all of the time and i know he still loves me as well. but i guess i am just confused. because i do love the man i'm living with, with all of my heart. but when MP and i chat it's like we never split up. it's been like from the beginning, even when he had another subbie. ugh, i'm not sure why i'm posting this here other than i've always gotten so much support from all of you and i miss that. i've felt so alone for so long. i don't have anyone i can talk to about all of this, especially the lifestyle.

anyway, i'm confused and hurting and MP keeps telling me the offer is on the table to come to Cali to just get away from it all and "play" but i know where "playing" will lead. it can't just be a "play" relationship between us, there's no way. and besides that i do have a boyfriend who has no idea of my confused feelings. UGH!! why does life have to be so complicated??

i hope everyone else is doing well!

I can talk more in PM if you like, but for the moment I'll just say this. You have to decide your actions on your own with out considering how any one else feels about it.

Let me expand because that sounds very uncharacteristically bitchy *giggles*

What I mean is this. You need to sit down and decide what it is you need out of a relationship, and what you can't live with out, and what you can settle with. Make a list. Number them, and then rearrange them according to importance. From there it will be a lot easier to see what is the logical move.

Now, I'm a very anylitical person. So this helps me. Once I see what's the most logical and most healthy for me, it's easier for me to figure out what I should do, or don't do. But love isn't logical, it's what we call a variable, and it makes this neat math all messy *giggles*.

That's as far as I can go with a public post, but like I said I'd be happy to expand even more in PM.

I'm not dealing well, at all, with the distance right now. I'm getting more and more flack in my present people relationships for "wasting my time" with someone who's not here. I've tried a million different ways to explain it and why it would work, but at this point with several different people we've had to agree to disagree.

Truth is, it's excessively hard. I miss all the simple things that would come from being in a relationship with someone who was present, like just a little touch, learning the nuances of his movements, and just sitting there doing nothing together. I already know all of these things, but it makes me miss them a thousand times more when I'm constantly being reminded by others that I'm missing out on it.

I know exactly what you mean.

On my birthday wednesday an uncle I haven't seen or spoken to in years called while I was out with mom and decided to chat with me a bit wishing me happy birthday and what not. Part of that conversation was "so are you seeing anyone?" I replied, "still my Irishman" to which he replies, "Is that it?" again "that's enough" and then he said good bye.

But lately I've been feeling a little bit of this myself. I think it's because of my birthday. I get antsy at birthdays. I start measuring my life up against what I expected or wanted at this point in life, and I'm no where near either. I'm also feeling a little unsettled because I'm afraid to make a move that's too large in fear I won't be able to liquidate as quickly when and if I move accross the pond. So I go in circles.

And that's the big things. The big things are kind of easy for me to look over most of the time, but those little things you mention, those just don't seem to be fading lately. I'm a very social creature, but lately I haven't been getting a lot of social interactions. I never have been very good at making or keeping friends, so family and lovers has always been where my attention came from. With him so far away, that's not so easy.

It's a hard life, and some times you have to make some hard choices.

Hello everyone,
I am both excited and empathize with you all. It's wonderful to see how many of you have been together for years, that is truly impressive!
There is also the "other" things that come along in a LDR. Not having Him all the time, and missing on a bunch of "little" things...I think we can all relate to.
I love this thread and look forward to sharing and learning from all you pros.
Hugs and kisses to the ladies having it rough.....it gets better....

Welcome.

 

[musicfan2009]

I hate time difference as well.

 

[scarletnym]

Is this thread just for dominants or for subs as well?

 

[malstroem]

Is this thread just for dominants or for subs as well?

I think most people posting here are subs but both are welcome.

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

Is this thread just for dominants or for subs as well?

It is for anyone and everyone.

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

I'm not dealing well, at all, with the distance right now. I'm getting more and more flack in my present people relationships for "wasting my time" with someone who's not here. I've tried a million different ways to explain it and why it would work, but at this point with several different people we've had to agree to disagree.

Truth is, it's excessively hard. I miss all the simple things that would come from being in a relationship with someone who was present, like just a little touch, learning the nuances of his movements, and just sitting there doing nothing together. I already know all of these things, but it makes me miss them a thousand times more when I'm constantly being reminded by others that I'm missing out on it.

I know all of this all too well. You just have to take it one day at a time.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I can talk more in PM if you like, but for the moment I'll just say this. You have to decide your actions on your own with out considering how any one else feels about it.

Let me expand because that sounds very uncharacteristically bitchy *giggles*

What I mean is this. You need to sit down and decide what it is you need out of a relationship, and what you can't live with out, and what you can settle with. Make a list. Number them, and then rearrange them according to importance. From there it will be a lot easier to see what is the logical move.

Now, I'm a very anylitical person. So this helps me. Once I see what's the most logical and most healthy for me, it's easier for me to figure out what I should do, or don't do. But love isn't logical, it's what we call a variable, and it makes this neat math all messy *giggles*.

That's as far as I can go with a public post, but like I said I'd be happy to expand even more in PM.

first of all: hey there wench! long time no see and i knew you'd come to my rescue here LOL..thank you so much for your words and suggestions. by the way, you can PM me anytime you want....would love to hear what else you have to say, i respect your thoughts so much!

 

[monique_minx]

Hey all,

I haven't posted since I said hello so I thought I might update! I'm seeking some outside advice actually; gotten a lot of bias opinions but I would like to do this wisely. I'm considering moving from Australia to the States to be with my Master as he has more ties than I do.

This won't happen for awhile (at least a year) but we've covered a lot of bases and concerns that we both have such as friends, families, work, living conditions and the strength of our relationship. We are going to meet in person and don't want to rush into this but we're very much in love so patience is difficult!

Anyways, my question is what else should we cover? We've both spoken to our families and answered a lot of their questions as I'm five years younger than him and still live with my family. Financially he is a lot better off than I am and I consider myself to be something of a burden to him although he assures me I am not.

It's so hard to be level headed about it for us as we are so...entangled. Our families have emotions about it so I'm seeking logical view points we're both very afraid of messing up our relationship and this is a big step so we want to cover everything.

I hope I covered a fair amount but freely ask me a question...I know I skimmed a lot and just gave a thin cover of it!

I see a lot of woes in here from subs, be strong everyone! Even if you talk to your dom everyday...it is so hard not to have them with you!

Oh and hey Scarlet, hope you're joining here

 

[insert____here]

have you considered kids?? want them, don't want them.what kind of education if you do decide to have them...are either of you even remotely religous, and do you want the kids baptised? organ donation, life support in case of brain death or major physical injury, medically assisted suicide, pets, weddings, public play, community involvement, working hours, housework...the lists are endless when it comes to sharing a house and a permanent relationship.

 

[scarletnym]

Hello there, little Minx.

I am truly happy that you have found someone you are comfortable to share yourself with.

As insert____here said, there is a lot to consider. I have a friend who went in the opposite direction, moving from the states down under. The only suggestion I have is...take it slow. Visit more than once. The differences in scenery alone are overwhelming. Come and visit, stay with him for more than a week, see what it feels like.

 

[the captians wench]

Hey all,

Hi.

The first step I would take is finding out what you will need to do inorder to gain a green card, and how you can get a work visa. This will help with other considerations.

The number one fight that couples have is over money, so figuring out how and if you can draw income and how that will effect you both.

I would also bring up issues about religion, children, what area you'll be living in, and the future in general. Will you plan to marry? etc. etc.

But before you start selling off your things and packing I would wait and see how you get on when you're together. Which will be for how long btw? I would plan an extended visit first, something longer than 2 weeks. It takes about that long in order to start letting your gaurds down and be real with each other rather than the politeness of guests.

And trust me, I have all the desire in the world to just drop everything and trapes off to Ireland to spend the rest of my days. But that wouldn't work for us, for some it does. There are those around here who have jumped on a plane and married their loves after just a few months, and have stayed together for years so it can work, but me being the logical thinker I am, would prepare just a tad more

 

[Sweetdaisymae]

Hi Everyone!
Sorry Ive not been around for a while, my pc got infected with a hideous virus that had me offline for ages grrrrrrrrr!
I have had a great month!
He has given me a proper collar with a tag on indicating his ownership (soo happy to be his) and I have accepted it willingly, feels good to wear it!

I am sad to hear so many of you are not in a good place right now, ld is tough on everyone, i hope you can find peace and happiness.

Love and hugs to all xxxxx