Dissociation, how to taylor play around it.

[HarlotMinx]

Sorry if this ends up a bit rambling or with no clear question, just a topic that's been rolling about my head for the past week or two. I couldn't really find any threads on it and I was looking for people’s experiences, opinions, and ideas.

Recently I was attending a class on knife play held by Travis Wilson (he does a lot of classes on single tails and knives across America). Well I ended up getting by far one of my favorite instructors to date, focused a lot on the mind games and intimacy behind the knife rather then actual concept of cutting. The one thing that stood out from the class was a story about a girl who had issues with dissociating physical sensations and how he'd had to resort to forcing things into the quick of her nails to elicit any physical reaction.

The whole account really got me thinking about subs who dissociate physical sensations. I've noticed quite a few subs (myself included) and even some Dom/mes who dissociate physical sensations of pain or pleasure. Despite what most of the literature I could find online about the subject said, many people who I've met who have this problem are not overtly traumatized individuals. For one reason or another physical sensation felt does not translate to a mental reaction. Like if you start shoving needles through me while I feel the needle fine but for one reason or another it has no connection to pain or is dulled. My body has normal physical reactions to the source; it's just that my mind doesn't.

Moon has kind of found the whole thing frustrating but also a learning experience in how we commit play. We've found that there are whole ranges of play that we don't even bother with because I don't react to them (electricity, figging and many irritants, thud toys, needles, sounds, tickling, and anything related to sexual pleasure to name a few). We've had to gear our play a lot more to the mental side like public humiliation and control games. Even so we find we have some regrets that there whole territories of play closed to us. We've actually considered doing a class on this or making it a section of a class since talking with a few subs who have this issue and often feel either something is wrong with them or get labeled as "pain sluts" by people.

Anyways, I'm wondering if anyone has any recommendations for types of play that we could present as options for people, generally play that causes a massive amount of pain with little to no lasting physical damage (generally the goal of play is to make the slave writhe not send them to the ER). Also, if anyone has seen or is in relationships where one partner that require massive physical stimulation, I'd love to hear about any recommendations.

-poppet

 

[myinnerslut]

i learned to dissasiociate in my previous relationship. it was a self defense mechanism. if i didnt feel then i couldnt cum. if i didnt cum then i didnt get in trouble. since i was hardly ever allowed to cum, i ended up slipping into disasociation a lot. it was a habit i never knew i was getting into and that i have fought like hell to get out of.

the only way i got out of it was to be very aware of it and to have Master's helo every step of the way.

 

[HarlotMinx]

i learned to dissasiociate in my previous relationship. it was a self defense mechanism.

Yeah, I've found in lots of cases it's a bad habit learned at some point that just is hell to drop. I've done it a large part of my life, not really from any real direct trauma but just out of the ease of living that way, and now it's a hell of a hard to to work out of. Moon and I find that with play that is on a more intimate level without a toy between us we can generally work my brain into accepting sensations... I tend to have bite and nail marks on my skin at all times from our play but even so we have to play pretty hard to get to that point where we really have an interaction on a physical level.

-poppet

 

[Homburg]

In some cases, it is a matter of changing the sensations frequently. I don't keep at anything for too long, as I don't want her (or anyone else I play with) to become desensitised to it. With her, it is more important. Intimacy is another major tool. My hands, fingers, nails, and teeth elicit more reaction in many ways than a flogger or cane. If anything, I tend to use floggers, canes, and such for pleasure.

I have my own issues with desensitisation, as I will occassionally just stop feeling much sensation at all in my penis. Very frustrating, but all part of Retarded Ejaculation, whee. In my case, it means similar tactics, and thus I change angles, rhythm, position, etc fairly frequently when in intercourse. And, through it all, mental and emotional arousal are a must. If I am not fired up, I won't orgasm.

 

[Etoile]

Just in case anybody finds this thread because they're looking for info on playing with someone with dissociative identity disorder (also known as multiple personalities):

DO NOT undertake play with someone without talking to their "body" owner or their primary controlling personality. One personality could very well consent to something that the others would not agree with, and you could end up hurting them physically or emotionally.

This post should not be construed as medical advice. If you have doubts, talk to a friend, relative, or doctor of someone in the multiple system.

Now back to talking about emotional disconnection/dissociation...this was just a PSA, not a change of topic.

 

[Puman]

*nods*. I have to make a concious effort to "stay in play"... I find that if I switch my mind on the right way, then I can actually become more sensitive. Of course, the opposite is also very true, especially in regard to pain... For me sex and play is 90% in the mind and only 10% physical... then again, I am rather weird.

 

[HarlotMinx]

especially in regard to pain... For me sex and play is 90% in the mind and only 10% physical... then again, I am rather weird.

Oh god, not at all hon, I think most people I've met who are kinky regularly place a importance of mind over body, even physical play is meant to elicit some mental response or effect. Moon and I volunteer at a local club that makes money by doing swingers nights.... it's people who do things purely for physical satisfaction that confuse us, it's so impersonal (not that I'm saying all swingers are or that it's even the norm just that the ones that show up at the club are).

-poppet

 

[ataxia.girl]

i dissociate a lot. Daddy figured it out right away and does not give me pain very much at all. Its almost frustrating really. i am more in control of myself if i am managing (read dissociating) from pain or humiliation.

He gave me pain the first time just by fucking me for forever which hurt a lot but in a way that was hard to remove myself from like caning or something more severe and less intimate. Since then He has not really give me any. He tells me i am to tell Him if is hurting because He does not want that. It make it so much harder for me to run away from everything by hiding in the pain and abuse. He won't let me.

i my Daddy.