Did you see me on TV last night?

[Algore]

Man, did I look good or what? That Barbara Walters really knows how to bring out the best in a guy. Man, I feel all Alpha Dog today! I realy looked sympathetic and did you see how she hung onto EVERY word I said!

Gawd America LOVES ME! JUST ADORES ME! WANTS ME IN 2004!

Barbara gets it. She let me tell my story and begin building my campaign so I could get out the truth. George W. Bush was handed the election by ONE Supreme Court Judge. Well I guess one judge is WAY more important than half a million disenfranchised voters, but we'll set that right in 2004, by golly by gum! If they had JUST given me the recounts, like I told Barbara, I would have won fair and square! I knocked every question right out of the ballpark! I'm a lock for the nomination and, this time, we'll win because journalists like Barbara will never, ever give up in the relentless pursuit of truth and esposure of right-wing bias in the media. Look, she was even smart enough NOT to bring up the recounts by the press that showed the appointed President winning because most of those people unknowingly voted for the wrong cadidate and couldn't get their chads poked out because of defective machines, not to mention the Klan was out with big dogs dragging black voters to death, well let me tell you, there will be MORE of that sort of stuff going on in 2004, so vote early, vote often, for me, Algore, the rightfully elected President of these here United States...

Gawd Bless and have a Wonderful Weekend!

 

[Guest]

How about our allies! Glorious! No more talk of cowardly suicide bombers! Why the brilliantly planned Sabbath attack got a top-level Israeli Defense Commander! We’ll get those murdering Jews and restore Arafat to HIS rightful place in the world too! If the Jews expel Arafat, he’s welcome at Tipper’s and my house.

 

[Guest]

How about Intel! They just came out with a newer, faster chip that’ll speed up your games and improve your porn. I invented it. And if you elect me, my wife and I will write regulations on how you can use these chips so we can protect your children. We need to control the Internet and get rid of gateway kiddie porn, especially the stuff that involves teachers seducing high school girls. We must clean up and protect Our Gawd Loving Country at ALL costs. Loss of Freedom is a small price to pay because only perverts will be affected and I KNOW you folks here at Lit are not perverts!

 

[Algore]

Damn thing logged me out... Must have been a hanging cookie...

 

[Algore]

And Speaking of our allies, are we being UNFAIR to Saddam or what? Bush is so determined to clean up his daddy’s mess, you wanna talk about LEGACY BUILDING?, that he’s going to get the whole world destroyed by anthrax, other biological weapons, and NUKES! We showed the world for 8 patient years how to deal with thugs… You make deals. You send them aid. You look the other way when they break embargoes. Otherwise the Iraqi people are going to suffer needlessly and have to watch the Republicans starve all their children to death JUST LIKE THEY TRIED TO DO IN ’94. But we stopped that! Just like we kept the Chinese, the Russians, and the North Koreans in line. When will you people wake up and learn that to keep these people peaceful, IT’S BEST TO GIVE THEM EVERYTHING THEY DESIRE (and then, maybe a little bit more… Those people VOTE you know. DEMOCRATIC. WE NEED THEM! Gawd that dubya is a stump when it comes to world affairs…

 

[Algore]

Not to mention the environment! HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE TO DIE FROM TORNADOES IN THIS COUNTRY BEFORE WE SIGN KYOTO? Hmmmmmm? I ASK YOU, Now who’s the expert on the environment? Who wrote the book? Who gets it? Whose your man?

 

[Algore]

Well, thanks to the Interview, I feel re-invented, like a new man…

 

[SINthysist]

See Al? No one likes you or finds ANYTHING you have to say interesting!