Depression. It's a silent killer.

Stunning! I don’t get that in my neck of the woods, but that is one example of the healing beauty of nature.

Edited, I was feeling sorry for myself this morning and went on a bit of a rant about my problems that seems childish to me now. It's bugged the hell out of me all day. I've got a hell of a journey ahead of me to beat this crap. 😔
 
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I’m not currently depressed, but one of my big things to get me back on track is nature and beauty.

If you’re feeling down or depressed, maybe these will help you.

Northern lights.

They’re a little bit tough to see with the naked eye where I am (NJ), but your cell phone camera you can take great pictures!!



I missed that as I was asleep. Was visible all over UK and as far south as south of coast of England - Sussex.
 
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Thank you. And Burnished Brass is very glitzy when attracted to the UV light and the UV is shining on it. The green areas look crazy psychedelic gold.

I do love doing moth population surveys.
Very interesting hobby!! How’d you get into it?
 
Started out as a way of being away from my foul father when I was a kid. Using fluorescent light. It built on my love of butterflies - another reason to be out of the house. Done voluntary conservation work with butterflies and moths since teens. Worked in professional conservation for 12 years. There I learned to build and use mercury vapor lamp survey gear. UV light reflecting off a white sheet attracts moths and they settle on the sheet.
 
I had a bad day in front of my mother, and now she's trying to fix me.
I feel this so hard.

I went through a breakup earlier this year. I hate crying in front of anyone as it is, but I had no choice but to call my mother to help me pack because everything was setting me off. Her excellent advice of, "Quit crying." Was so  incredibly helpful... I ended up telling her she made me feel like shit and I didn't want to go anywhere with her because of it. Things got slightly better.

If you need to vent, my PMs are open <3
 
Hello all. I’m busier than a hop picker on a frog farm. I’m flying to AZ on Saturday and I can’t seem to focus on anything that would make that happen. Ugh.
I hope you’re doing as well as you can.
Love you.
Be safe out there.
 
I will try to keep this somewhat short (maybe).....I have been experiencing increasing depression and anxiety for the last 10-12 years, after the death of my father, brother, and my divorce in a short time span. Before that I raised my two brothers, a step-dauther, step-son, ran the family business while working as a firefighter and 911 dispatcher (to provide for my 5 siblings). Over the last decade my all of my family (mother, brothers, sisters, ex-wife and both step children) have stopped talking to me and sued me several times in court. I lost my job last year (they closed the 911 center) and have spent the last year fighting for 6 weeks of unemployment. I have applied and interviewed for jobs in my field but cannot get a job because I have too my experience and time working in my field. I can go several days to a week not having contact or talking to anyone, and when I do reach out I get no limited or no response because people are to busy.
 
I will try to keep this somewhat short (maybe).....I have been experiencing increasing depression and anxiety for the last 10-12 years, after the death of my father, brother, and my divorce in a short time span. Before that I raised my two brothers, a step-dauther, step-son, ran the family business while working as a firefighter and 911 dispatcher (to provide for my 5 siblings). Over the last decade my all of my family (mother, brothers, sisters, ex-wife and both step children) have stopped talking to me and sued me several times in court. I lost my job last year (they closed the 911 center) and have spent the last year fighting for 6 weeks of unemployment. I have applied and interviewed for jobs in my field but cannot get a job because I have too my experience and time working in my field. I can go several days to a week not having contact or talking to anyone, and when I do reach out I get no limited or no response because people are to busy.
Having been where you described I can relate. No words are enough. I have no surviving family, bankrupted by lockdowns, out of work countless times. And yes people don't seem to have time.

Keep posting, and reaching out...
 
I’ve been away for a bit. I originally had a different start to this post but decided it was too much info, so I’ve edited it out. All I will say is that things got dark last weekend.

I hate myself, I always have. My entire life, I have watched every woman I have been interested in turn me down and then leave in the arms of other men. I came to the conclusion that I am genetically inferior and that is why I am unloveable/unfuckable. For years, I had suppressed those thoughts, but I recently decided to confront them, which led to all of it hitting me again at once. It's become clear that I cannot do this on my own.

I have been almost entirely inactive on this forum because sex is everywhere, and it's just a painful reminder on what I've missed out on, I can't even enjoy porn anymore. Even though there is work to be done, I have made some realizations on my own. I have already admitted to having a problem with comparing myself to other men, but I also realized that I have put sex on a much higher pedestal than it should be on, that has helped to be honest. Still need to work on that inferiority complex.

Why am I sharing this? Not entirely sure, maybe I just wanted to vent some of this crap out. I'm not expecting anyone here to come to my rescue, I think I'm beyond what someone that isn't a mental health professional can do at this point. I may pop in every once awhile, namely on this thread. But others, no. I will post story updates, writing my erotica ironically eases my mind despite everything else, I guess I'm living out my fantasies?

In any case, hope everyone is having a better day than all of my recent ones have been.
 
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I’ve been away for a bit. I originally had a different start to this post but decided it was too much info, so I’ve edited it out. All I will say is that things got dark last weekend.

I hate myself, I always have. My entire life, I have watched every woman I have been interested in turn me down and then leave in the arms of other men. I came to the conclusion that I am genetically inferior and that is why I am unloveable/unfuckable. For years, I had suppressed those thoughts, but I recently decided to confront them, which led to all of it hitting me again at once. It's become clear that I cannot do this on my own.

I have been almost entirely inactive on this forum because sex is everywhere, and it's just a painful reminder on what I've missed out on, I can't even enjoy porn anymore. Even though there is work to be done, I have made some realizations on my own. I have already admitted to having a problem with comparing myself to other men, but I also realized that I have put sex on a much higher pedestal than it should be on, that has helped to be honest. Still need to work on that inferiority complex.

Why am I sharing this? Not entirely sure, maybe I just wanted to vent some of this crap out. I'm not expecting anyone here to come to my rescue, I think I'm beyond what someone that isn't a mental health professional can do at this point. I may pop in every once awhile, namely on this thread. But others, no. I will post story updates, writing my erotica ironically eases my mind despite everything else, I guess I'm living out my fantasies?

In any case, hope everyone is having a better day than all of my recent ones have been.
Please keep us updated. It’s good to see your posts.
Be safe out there.
Love you.
 
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