Depression. It's a silent killer.

[Leglover1234]

Thank you

 

[Wetkitty09]

Thank you

I’m here to chat if you need/want. I’m usually in and out but I’ll answer when I check in.

 

[Leglover1234]

Thank you

 

[Wetkitty09]

Giving this a bump.
Stay safe out there.
Love you.

 

[Bassytian]

Oh good, I was about to give this thread a bump myself, this is an important one.

I hope everyone is well today, but you're not, much love to you. Much love to those that are having a good day as well.

 

[Desiree_Radcliffe]

Here to give this thread a bump. I've been away for a moment because I've been genuinely enjoying life for the first time in months. I start to feel like my cheerful self again, like I am waking up.

I do want to tell you, in talking about suicide (it's also Suicide Prevention Awareness month) that I encountered a woman on the chat here, who told me that she had made attempts before, and her last made her severely disabled. It's not just about "if someone dies" it is also about the consequences of one's actions. Many do not complete and people are left with marks, brain damage, and other issues--wishing they had not attempted.

You are all super precious, each one of you. I know you may not feel that way now, but there is literally no copy of you on the planet. We need you. Stay alive.

 

[PapaRomantic]

It was one of the best days of my life when somebody finally put a name to what I was feeling. Once I found out I was depressed, it was much easier to deal with. I'm fortunate that my depression is mild enough that it doesn't really debilitate me too severely. I can live with it without too many people knowing what's going on. At my worst, I experience what I call "dark days," and I'll even tell my wife or others when I'm having a dark day so they will understand why I might be quieter that day, and they usually give me some space.

But finding out has also made me much more empathetic to others. I have publicly spoken about my depression and have been told many times that I don't seem like someone who is depressed. Those are great moments for me because I think I've helped someone understand that depression can affect anybody. I'm not afraid to have an honest discussion with those who are also depressed, and with those who blame themselves when someone close to them commits suicide.

If you think you have even the mildest case of depression, I urge you to talk to someone about it! You'll find that you are not alone, and that others want to help you walk through it with you!

 

[Txflgator]

Thanks Cherry. I have battled depression and anxiety for over 30 years. Although stable now for some years, there have been some extremely low points. Including hospitalization, shock treatments, the works. Thankful for a savvy and long time psych who has me on a good treatment of medications.

I agree completely about those childhood experiences. Took me a long time to understand that I am an Adult Child of an Alcoholic and that was laying beneath my emotions for many years.

This is a real and terrible experience to go through and I hope the best for everyone here who has/is experiencing it.

I'm 63yo man. My wife don't understand depression. She says what happened to you as a child, you should out grow it. You're an adult now.
My name wasn't Charles from my dad. It was fat ass, garbage gut, all those wonderful names.
I was physically as well as emotional abused.
I attempted suicide twice, and I swore there won't be a 3rd time.
But you know what? It's pretty bad when you get jealous of someone who went thru with the suicide.
I pray everyday, that today will be a little easier too cope than yestetday.
So many times I question why am I here? I'm not a doctor, a preacher.
I'm not anything.
I just try too survive each day
Good luck to people that has this aweful disease.

 

[saintcero]

Numerous times per day I will think or even verbalize the statement “I hate myself.” Meds and therapy have not helped. The only thing that helps me is to remind myself that my wife and a true friend think I am a good guy. That alone keeps me going. But I have come to realize that this thread helps some too

 

[summer_reine]

If this post is not in keeping with the theme and mood of the thread, please just do not respond and let my comment silently go away. The "silently go away" is what I want to write about and this thread seems like a worthy location for me to drop what's been on my mind recently.

In my past, my family has suffered two separate suicides. One for my (now ex) wife's sister back in the late 1980's, and the other my cousin even further back. The trouble is that neither memory wants to "silently go away." The two situations were different, and my sister-in-law's death was particularly hard for me. But my cousins was as devastating on the family.

My cousin and I were very close as children. But we grew a part as we got older until we stopped making any effort at contacting each other. Then I found out he intentionally drove his car off a cliff in my hometown (recently, news reports about that particular area in California has been published because the community is falling into the ocean). I could not believe he would do that. But then came the other details.

He set up tire lifts so he could ensure he got airborne and would leap over the railing for the edge of the road that overlooks the ocean. He showed a pre-plan to kill himself. But the police at the scene said they found skid marks at the tire lifts and the railing had been destroyed - indicating that he changed his mind at the last minute, but could not stop the car in time.

My sister-in-law jumped off a different cliff. She was married and had two children, but jumped nonetheless. She did it on Christmas day. That was the same day that HER mom had jumped off the same cliff when she was much younger herself.

She was coming over to the family gathering when she merely popped her head into the house from the front door, smiled at everyone, and said, "I just wanted to say goodbye." Then she closed the door. Nobody understood what she was trying to say. Then we heard her car leave. We got worried and decided to try and find her. Everyone got into their cars and fanned out. Some went to her house, others to her friends. I was told to just "drive around" and hope to spot her.

This was in the pre-cell phone days. I thought I was on a fool's errand since even if I DID see her car, what could I do? I couldn't call anyone. But I did as asked.

I drove down a street I had never been on and ended up in a section of the town near the ocean - when I spotted her car parked on the side of the road. I parked behind it and saw that no one was in the car, and that the windows were all steamed up - halfway - as if someone had been crying and the moisture inside the car condensed on the windows. I started calling for her - no answer.

I looked around and saw lights on at one house across the street - it was Christmas day - so I knocked on their door and asked to use their phone. I called the house I was sent from and was asked where I was. I didn't know. I asked the owner of the house and he said the location. I might not know where I was or how to get there, but I KNEW once he told me that something bad was happening. It was the same location as where her mother had jumped to her death.

Fire rescue showed up and a rescue helicopter using a search light found my sister-in-law's body at the base of the cliff.

Why am I writing all this? Both of them were depressed. Suspicions abounded because nobody could believe they had killed themselves. It ruined my marriage because I found her car. Both have haunted me since they occurred all those years ago.

Depression IS a silent killer - especially if it leads to suicide. In my experiences, it doesn't just kill the human that dies. It also kills a little piece of every person that was touched by the life that was lost. EVERYONE dies when a suicide occurs.

I gave this a love emoji for one reason. It is heartfelt and truth. My father once said that suicide doesn't remove the pain, it just spreads out amongst those who loved us.. sort of adds to the guilt. But maybe it will help someone remember they are loved beyond their comprehension.

 

[cutcrystal]

My late mother developed paranoid schizophrenia when she went through menopause. It was latent, waiting to happen, until losing "oestrogen protection" enabled it to surface. Since medication did not help the remainder of her life was locked inside the nightmare within her mind. Convinced that a family she once lived nextdoor to was persecuting her and trying to kill her. She ran away to try and get away from them, all over England. And she ended up in hospital numerous times after taking pills in an attempt to kill herself. She even reached Beachy Head, intent on jumping off the clifftop into the sea and couldn't do it. She just wanted to be away from the former neighbours who in her head were always right behind her.

In a family where my late father bore no responsibility, as the eldest son he delegated to me the task of finding my late mother when she ran off. I was young and petrified of my mother dying. And leaving me alone with the narcissistic abuser that was my father. Verbal, emotional, physical, abandonment, neglect and betrayal.

I was consequently never prepared for adult life because what I had to survive was beyond the capacity of my psyche to withstand. I never felt safe, secure protected. My mind was an eggshell, easily shattered by life's adult challenges. My wanting to die was rooted in real life trauma, unlike my mother's which was wanting to escape from something which was only real in one place - inside her head.

Ironically my ex wife went through menopause at the age of 34, and developed paranoid schizophrenia. Just like her two sisters and her mother, she too developed the mental illness once "oestrogen protection" ended. From a fabulous partner she morphed into a totally different person, vitriolic, and convinced I was a serial killer who was going to kill her. She changed all the locks of the house I owned and locked me out of my own home.

She went into hospital and never left there as medication didn't remove her symptoms.

The first I knew of her mental illness was when she attempted to kill herself with pills.

So my own experience bears out that suicide and attempted suicide does indeed affect everyone around the person who is suffering.

 

[Desiree_Radcliffe]

I am glad that people are sharing about their experiences, but I am starting to find it a bit triggering. I finally came out of a cycle where I was having ideations daily, and have been free of suicidal thoughts for a few weeks now. I know you're trying to be helpful and I am not going to stop you, but if I don't respond, it's because I decided not to read the post due to content.

The last video I posted about mental health--the same people posted this video, about how it can feel when you are having mental health trouble and people just want to "fix" it in very unsympathetic ways. I've been bullied for my "negative" outlook when I am depressed, especially in online spaces. Yes, when you are not in a very dark place, you do tend to have better interactions, but we are all human.

 

[cutcrystal]

Whilst I will continue to read this thread I will not be posting any more thoughts. When what I post meets with contradiction or rejection it's time to leave.

 

[Desiree_Radcliffe]

Whilst I will continue to read this thread I will not be posting any more thoughts. When what I post meets with contradiction or rejection it's time to leave.

Who was rejecting it? Having a different opinion or setting up personal boundaries is not the same thing as rejection.

If it had to do with something I said above, I was just explaining my boundaries. I was trying not to complain or stop anyone from posting what they want. I just gloss over stuff that I find triggering or doesn't speak to me and move on. Not trying to throw shade here.

If it didn't have anything to do with my post, then ignore my comment.

Edited to add that it really wasn't a response to your post, but to the post situation in general over the past page or so.

 

[Wetkitty09]

Morning.
I hope the weekend finds you well and doing the best you can. That’s different for everyone and sometimes different from day to day for the same person.
Be easy on yourself and others. We’re all doing the best we can.
Love you.
Be safe out there.

 

[cutcrystal]

Morning.
I hope the weekend finds you well and doing the best you can. That’s different for everyone and sometimes different from day to day for the same person.
Be easy on yourself and others. We’re all doing the best we can.
Love you.
Be safe out there.

I had hellish couple of days and today is one of those loneliness and tearful days.

As often entomology videos on YouTube to the rescue. Absorbing moth survey videos.

 

[jsmiam]

There was a message from a troll and a handful of replies to said troll yesterday or day before. (I don’t think I dreamt that. Much. )

While losing the troll’s message represents no loss of brain waves of any value, I don’t necessarily agree with posts disappearing without a trace either. Leave it and as needed the mod replaces their text with their reasons. Deleting isn’t the right answer.

In this case if that post were still around, it might even have prevented up a mixup.

… (snip) …Edited to add that it really wasn't a response to your post, but to the post situation in general over the past page or so.

No need to reply though, instead let the momentum of the thread keep supportive and carry on. (Read fast though, this post may end up not lasting long either. ;-)

 

[cutcrystal]

I see things differently. As someone once wrote, "It's no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."

Depression is a normal response to living in a world saturated in hate and injustice. Sometimes depression can go too far, but in most cases, I don't think people should beat themselves up because they are depressed. Being depressed means you see the world for what it really is, instead of lying to yourself and pretending that everything is great. YOU are normal. Those who pretend to be irreversibly happy are not normal.

Viewing the world in this way has allowed me to fully accept that life is hard, and there is nothing I can do about it. I live each day being true to myself, and doing what little part I can to help others, because that's all I can do. Keeping this perspective mitigates any potential bouts of serious depression and allows me to soldier on, making the best of the life I have.

So when someone asks you, "How are you today?" Accept the fact that they really don't care how you are. It's just a greeting. Say "I'm great!" and move on. If you tell them the truth, most people will hate you, because you are ruining their efforts at pretending that they've got the world all figured out, and they are irreversibly happy.

If, however, you feel you can't go on, I urge you to get professional help. My mother was killed when I was nine years old. My father poured himself into a bottle of liquor, and as an only child, I was left to face life on my own. It was a miserable existence of self-hate and self-destruction, but my life now is completely different. I feel exceedingly lucky. So trust me, there is light on the other side of that seemingly insurmountable hill.

Sometimes life sucks, and it can be that way for extended periods. It's not your fault, and it's OK to ask for help.

For anyone reading this post, I wish you all the best.

I have spent a lot of time un-adjusting, so I completely understand this post. This post mentioned a reality that I too "saw" 37 years ago. Being true to self helped many people I have known over the years, and me too.

 

[Bassytian]

After having been depressed for almost two weeks, today I feel like I have come back to life. My one regret is that I can't share this energy with all of you

May all of you have good/better weekends!

 

[Wetkitty09]

Morning all. Just checking in and I see that this needs another bump.
Have the best day you can.
Be safe out there.
Love you.

 

[Bassytian]

Thanks, I'm at work that time of the day most mornings so I'm not around to bump it at that time. Hope everyone has had a great weekend.

 

[Zootonius]

Interesting topic. For me, I could never admit to my wife how depressed I get at times. Let alone what triggers it.

Still, writing erotica is an outlet.

 

[Wonderer67]

I’ve never posted on this thread before but have lurked a bit when I see it come up under what’s new.

Sometimes talking about it makes it worse.

I know that’s avoidance. But if I lean into it, I can go to really bad places, so I like to stay on the boundaries of it and stay busy.

I know, I know…avoidance. Not the best, but it mostly works for me.

But there are people out there who struggle w depression that you’d never know.

I am with you all and support you all.

 

[Massacre_]

I’ve never posted on this thread before but have lurked a bit when I see it come up under what’s new.

Sometimes talking about it makes it worse.

I know that’s avoidance. But if I lean into it, I can go to really bad places, so I like to stay on the boundaries of it and stay busy.

I know, I know…avoidance. Not the best, but it mostly works for me.

But there are people out there who struggle w depression that you’d never know.

I am with you all and support you all.

In my opinion.. avoidance works until you're ready to face the problem. I did it for years. I don't recommend it, but the alternative would have sucked me down a deeper hole, and I was already in pretty deep. Eventually I sat down and talked about things with a therapist. She didn't like the avoidance thing either..

 

[Wonderer67]

In my opinion.. avoidance works until you're ready to face the problem. I did it for years. I don't recommend it, but the alternative would have sucked me down a deeper hole, and I was already in pretty deep. Eventually I sat down and talked about things with a therapist. She didn't like the avoidance thing either..

I was in pretty intense therapy for a while when I had my last really bad bout of ptsd and depression. It helped a lot.

I mostly feel ok, mentally, lately. I just like to stay busy. Except for crazy work deadlines and dealing w my aging mom, I am doing pretty well. A fair amount of anxiety tho.