Deflowering synonyms

[Smuttyandfun]

Lost her innocence?

 

[TarnishedPenny]

Lost her innocence?

Another Victorian classic! I wonder how many young women remain truly innocent in that sense, given the Net and society’s openness to discuss most things.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

I detest 'lost her innocence' - apart from only being used for women not men, it implies you should feel guilty about sex, or more often, just knowledge about sex - as the main use of 'lost innocence' is describing children who have learnt about sex.

'she'd never gone all the way before' is a phrase that still sounds reasonably current. I recall a gentleman of my acquaintance using it to describe himself. Other relevant phrases included "I'm quite experienced at some things,", "Oh, you're that kind of virgin, are you?", "Hell, yes!"

I understand it's pretty rare for an active late-teenage girl to have an intact hymen - horse-riding, bike-riding and general running about tend to get rid of them if they were substantial to begin with. They need to be perforated or you get a buildup of menstrual products.

 

[Djmac1031]

Which question would you like me to attempt first?

Lol. They were rhetorical questions, really. The point is, "virginity" is defined differently, depending on one's beliefs and background.

One person could define virginity as abstaining from any and all sexual activities, including self pleasure.

Others might define it as a penis never entering the vagina, allowing for lots of OTHER forms of sexual gratification.

Some might define it in even narrower terms:
Intact hymen = virgin
Broken hymen = non virgin.

Is a GUY a virgin if he's had anal sex but not vaginal? What if he's received a blowjob? Technically his penis was still inserted into an orifice, just not the traditional one

What if he's gay? Which sex act with another man "takes" his "virginity?" Penetration? Being penetrated?

It's an interesting topic. But ultimately I think it's up to each individual to define their own terms with it.

 

[gunhilltrain]

Lol. They were rhetorical questions, really. The point is, "virginity" is defined differently, depending on one's beliefs and background.

One person could define virginity as abstaining from any and all sexual activities, including self pleasure.

Others might define it as a penis never entering the vagina, allowing for lots of OTHER forms of sexual gratification.

Some might define it in even narrower terms:
Intact hymen = virgin
Broken hymen = non virgin.

Is a GUY a virgin if he's had anal sex but not vaginal? What if he's received a blowjob? Technically his penis was still inserted into an orifice, just not the traditional one

What if he's gay? Which sex act with another man "takes" his "virginity?" Penetration? Being penetrated?

It's an interesting topic. But ultimately I think it's up to each individual to define their own terms with it.

All questions are rhetorical, I suspect, unless one is asking for directions to the rest room.

I have dealt with some of this in my stories. Let's see, for a man, lack of vaginal penetration but has done some or all of everything else? A technicality, I suppose, but I'd give it a qualified "no, not a virgin."

The condition of the hymen seems mostly obsolete in "Western" countries. It still seems to be a big deal in some other places. Notable that Somalian immigrants in Minneapolis have been caught practicing what they call "modification" but we would call "mutilation" on the genitals of women. A huge culture shock that no one had anticipated.

Here's a map that shows where it is practiced.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:FGM_prevalence_UNICEF_2016.svg

P.S.: To make it even more complicated, there are at least four different versions of it. Anybody who is curious can easily find the info online.

 

[Privates1stClass]

One time I made mention to my wife that I lost my virginity to her.
She responded, "You didn't lose it. You gave it away--and willingly, I might add."

 

[gunhilltrain]

I detest 'lost her innocence' - apart from only being used for women not men, it implies you should feel guilty about sex, or more often, just knowledge about sex - as the main use of 'lost innocence' is describing children who have learnt about sex.

'she'd never gone all the way before' is a phrase that still sounds reasonably current. I recall a gentleman of my acquaintance using it to describe himself. Other relevant phrases included "I'm quite experienced at some things,", "Oh, you're that kind of virgin, are you?", "Hell, yes!"

I understand it's pretty rare for an active late-teenage girl to have an intact hymen - horse-riding, bike-riding and general running about tend to get rid of them if they were substantial to begin with. They need to be perforated or you get a buildup of menstrual products.

"Going all the way" has a very 1950's sound to it, although I don't know when it started. It reminds me of that ridiculous baseball analogy. I once had a female character who said, "If a woman had made that up, it would be a lot more than four bases. More like twelve, maybe."

 

[yowser]

Thanks for thoughts, everyone.

I am struck by the paucity of language to handle what is for all of us a momentous life-transition threshold. I suspect almost everyone remembers the event, crossing over, and I would have thought there might be more evocative language around it all, about 'becoming' or achieving a new state.

I like the phrase about 'giving' it, Private, that is appealing.

But 'losing' or having a virginity 'taken' just seems so asymmetrical and skewed.

Obviously will need to work on some suitable phrasing.

 

[gunhilltrain]

Obviously will need to work on some suitable phrasing.

Yes, but who is going to work on that project? If we make up something just for Lit, possibly many will not get what we mean. Language, like concepts of sexuality, has somewhat mysterious origins.

 

[Djmac1031]

Thanks for thoughts, everyone.

I am struck by the paucity of language to handle what is for all of us a momentous life-transition threshold. I suspect almost everyone remembers the event, crossing over, and I would have thought there might be more evocative language around it all, about 'becoming' or achieving a new state.

I like the phrase about 'giving' it, Private, that is appealing.

But 'losing' or having a virginity 'taken' just seems so asymmetrical and skewed.

Obviously will need to work on some suitable phrasing.

I think the point us, depending on the scenario and the characters YOU create as an author, there is no "right" or "wrong" way to describe virginity.

If you're writing about a character that subscribes to a philosophy that virginity is a physical attribute, to be either "given" or "taken," then use those words.

"Deflowering" is an acceptable, if antiquated way, of describing the physical act of breaking the female hymen.

I'm not really a fan of "losing their innocence" either, as it implies NOT being sexual somehow makes one "innocent," while experiencing sex now somehow "corrupts" that innocence.

Still, if you have a character completely "innocent" of sexual behavior now partaking in said behavior, then I suppose technically that "innocence" is lost, as they now have a more personal, first hand knowledge of sex.

As I said in an earlier comment, the "Innocent young woman loses virginity to experienced male" story is quite popular. It's a common male fantasy, to be the one to show a young, inexperienced woman those pleasures for the first time, and of course, to do so in such a way that she's incredibly pleased by it.

But that's not the ONLY way to tell a "virgin" story either, and it can totally be up to us as individual writers with individual thoughts on the subject to write it in ways that fit with our opinions.

Or, to try and write it in a totally different way.

I've written two different types if "virgins," one experienced in other things and saw penetration by penis as simply one last hurdle, and another far less experienced who attached more importance to it.

I guess really all I'm trying to point out is the concept of "virginity" isn't as simple as we make it sometimes.

And we can totally take our stories about it in more than just one or two limited directions.

 

[gunhilltrain]

Thanks for thoughts, everyone.

I am struck by the paucity of language to handle what is for all of us a momentous life-transition threshold. I suspect almost everyone remembers the event, crossing over, and I would have thought there might be more evocative language around it all, about 'becoming' or achieving a new state.

I like the phrase about 'giving' it, Private, that is appealing.

But 'losing' or having a virginity 'taken' just seems so asymmetrical and skewed.

Obviously will need to work on some suitable phrasing.

I'm not going to go into details but the first time for me was rather, ah, messed up. It was life-transitioning eventually, but not that night. I remember riding home later on the subway, quite late, and I thought something like, "Well, I certainly don't feel any different." I think I realized that it was temporary, that better circumstances would soon come along, but my main emotion at that point was a kind of letdown from what I had expected.

Having my first child, sixteen years later, and seeing her born, now that was a very big deal. I guess I was awed, and scared, and a whole lot more. (She's thirty-one now.) My second child, my son, three years later - it wasn't exactly routine, but when we brought him home I thought, "Yep, this seems familiar; I've been here before."

 

[stickygirl]

It's not the choice of word that's the problem

 

[nice90sguy]

And I just don't believe there is a "correct" kind of sex

No, but there are a lot of incorrect kinds.

 

[onehitwanda]

No, but there are a lot of incorrect kinds.

Perhaps IKEA has an instruction book.

https://thomasjamesillustration.files.wordpress.com/2013/05/skvert_web.png

I am crying. Send help.

 

[MajorRewrite]

Synonyms are easy, but try deflowering an antonym. They WILL NOT give it up.

 

[gunhilltrain]

Perhaps IKEA has an instruction book.

https://thomasjamesillustration.files.wordpress.com/2013/05/skvert_web.png

I am crying. Send help.

Where is that from? The Onion? Probably not that specific source, but something similar online?

 

[Athalia]

As for this "losing virginity" nonsense, I remember a woman saying "I never lost my virginity. I know exactly where I left it."

You probably heard that from me. That's exactly the sort of thing I would say.

 

[Voboy]

You probably heard that from me. That's exactly the sort of thing I would say.

It's similar to the opening lyric in at least one song, too, "Charlie's Atlas" by Trashcan Sinatras.

Great song. Mid-'90s.

 

[Athalia]

I don't remember ever hearing that song, but I probably heard the phrase from somebody who did, and repeated it. Please note that when I said "heard it from me," I didn't mean to indicate that it was original with me.

 

[EmilyMiller]

I have never liked the 'deflower' euphemism for describing the loss of a woman's virginity; among other things the 'de' prefix usually is a negative (decommission, defrock, etc.)

If anything, it seems the transition might be better described in the opposite direction, although I never hear expressions like 'flowering' or 'ripening.'

Any suggestions for other terms for this? I am aware of the 'cherry' metaphors, never was fond of them either.

Regional or dialect suggestions welcome, also from other languages, just something more appealing and positive.

My ears wince whenever I read or hear 'deflower.'

I have nothing to add, save to say that I have misread the title of this thread as “deflowering symptoms” at least a Googleplexian times.

Em

 

[jehoram]

I have nothing to add, save to say that I have misread the title of this thread as “deflowering symptoms” at least a Googleplexian times.

Em

There's another thread somewhere called "Finger Fucking Four." Every time I see it, I think of a quartet.

 

[SomaSlave]

There's another thread somewhere called "Finger Fucking Four." Every time I see it, I think of a quartet.

I suppose that's one way of popularizing chamber music.