Deflowering synonyms

[yowser]

I have never liked the 'deflower' euphemism for describing the loss of a woman's virginity; among other things the 'de' prefix usually is a negative (decommission, defrock, etc.)

If anything, it seems the transition might be better described in the opposite direction, although I never hear expressions like 'flowering' or 'ripening.'

Any suggestions for other terms for this? I am aware of the 'cherry' metaphors, never was fond of them either.

Regional or dialect suggestions welcome, also from other languages, just something more appealing and positive.

My ears wince whenever I read or hear 'deflower.'

 

[BobbyBrandt]

Maybe if we knew more about the context in which you intend to use the term that you are searching for.

For example, I have one story where the MC had a reputation for "slaying" the virgins at his school, and was nicknamed the "Virgin Slayer". Obviously, his conquests weren't fatal for the fair maidens, but he did destroy something sacred to many of them.

 

[Djmac1031]

Obviously it depends on context.

"She gave him the gift of her virginity."

"He claimed her virgin hole."

Or you could get all poetic and drop the word virginity altogether:

"She gave him her once in a lifetime gift; he gratefully accepted it."

 

[Euphony]

I ask we consider if we aren't trying to put lipstick on a pig here.

Virginity is a patriarchal/religious construct so you're playing in that space, even on somewhat, when you invoke it through less upsetting forms.

I'd focus on the contrast of what was expected/built up by society vs. what occurs. Or how the now lovers relationship changes or each individual participant.

This isn't a "fight the patriarchy" post but an invitation to consider why you have the reaction to the generally used word(s) that you do.

If it's nothing more than not vibing with particular prose, the standards and minor offshoots (usually evoking nature or coming into "womanhood") are out there.

Though, my own experience has been readers are very dogmatic with their terms: Virginity, flower, womanhood, maidenhead in certain contexts.

I'm of the "waxing" mentality. Don't slow pull it, rip that ish hard and fast or leave things mostly au naturel. (specific word choice being tidying up a forest-y bikini line.)

 

[yowser]

Maybe if we knew more about the context in which you intend to use the term that you are searching for.

Thanks. I am working on a story that involves a ritual public copulation (not a tantric maithuna kind of thing) and I am not really looking for a 'solution' to the phrasing, but in the process of writing I started to think that 'deflowering' is obviously just such a male construct, and that there are likely more celebratory ways to describe what is certainly and inevitably a momentous change of status.

'Losing' a virginity remains a headspinning concept.

'Lost and Found,' anyone?

 

[MrPixel]

Virginity is a patriarchal/religious construct so you're playing in that space, even on somewhat, when you invoke it through less upsetting forms.

Thank you. I was grasping for the words trying to say that very thing. Even before I was sexually active, I found the societal-religious focus on a physiological phenomenon of the female anatomy troubling, especially given it was being used as a metric to determine the "quality" of the person.

But in the context of a story touching on that very issue - the societal part - in a scene depicting a ritual first intercourse, my thinking is sort of from the socially acceptable form of the "debut", the Anglo-American form of introducing the person's transition from girl to woman in a flowery ceremony. In this case, a "debutante ball". Pun intended.

 

[Euphony]

Thank you. I was grasping for the words trying to say that very thing. Even before I was sexually active, I found the societal-religious focus on a physiological phenomenon of the female anatomy troubling, especially given it was being used as a metric to determine the "quality" of the person.

But in the context of a story touching on that very issue - the societal part - in a scene depicting a ritual first intercourse, my thinking is sort of from the socially acceptable form of the "debut", the Anglo-American form of introducing the person's transition from girl to woman in a flowery ceremony. In this case, a "debutante ball". Pun intended.

Glad it helped.

People are quick to color my ruminations as dismissals which they are anything but.

Everything is a tool in writing. I just try to understand the tool and the problem it is solving (and any it might create)

As long as what you want your characters to "say" about themselves when they use specific wording, that's what matters, not some overall agreement on generic "best case most times."

It can be hard not to inject yourself on even very different characters from yourself in your fiction b/c they are "you but not you but some you."

Use your word choice to frame who THEY are not who YOU are.

If these are dogmatic, dyed in the wool religious zealots, sticking to old, outdated concepts and language (even if you despise it) can make the most sense.

One of my favorite things to do is write a character so unlikeable that traits you give them are turned on by the readers merely b/c they hate that fucker so much. Negative space usage can be tough but funner than hell when you make it work.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Thanks. I am working on a story that involves a ritual public copulation (not a tantric maithuna kind of thing) and I am not really looking for a 'solution' to the phrasing, but in the process of writing I started to think that 'deflowering' is obviously just such a male construct, and that there are likely more celebratory ways to describe what is certainly and inevitably a momentous change of status.

'Losing' a virginity remains a headspinning concept.

'Lost and Found,' anyone?

Whose ritual? Traditional central Australian ritual was fairly simple for the female. Since the origin myth has living things starting as flower buds with the limbs and other parts caught in membranes. The creatures were freed of their membranes with a stone blade wielded by the Great Gray Kangaroo Mother. For human females, the process was completed by a simple slitting of the hymen with a stone blade.

Trying a more Western approach, "opening the veil" ("Aperiens Velamen" in Latin) might be a good solution, suggesting facilitating the hidden thing to "see" and "be seen".

I'll see what I can do from the ancient Sumerians, where Innana, the Queen of Heaven and Earth, once stood under an apple tree and looked down, exclaiming "what a wonderous vulva I have," before heading off for a drinking contest with Enki, the God of Wisdom. I suspect they have a more positive view of a woman's frst time.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

From Allan Sherman’s The Rape of the APE, a search for other words for ‘fuck’:

ROMANTICISMS

These darling little stinkweeds blossomed everywhere in Queen Victoria’s garden of purity. To stay in business, pornographers and preachers must have a word that means fuck. The words they chose always depicted the girl as a helpless bystander surprised by an insatiable gargoyle. You can almost see the Victorian author frothing at the mouth as he savors each of these tidbits of emotional garbage.

He despoiled her: Speaks for itself; after a girl’s first fuck, she turns rotten.

He ravished her: A horrifying picture. When the ravenous beast has had his fill, there was nothing left but a few bones and a chewed-up chastity belt.

He deflowered her: The poor girl will never be the same, unless she runs into Luther Burbank.

He violated her: As though the lady were some city ordnance. Comedian Woody Allen tells of dreaming of his ex-wife. In the dream she was arrested for having sexual intercourse with another man. But Mr. Allen assures us that she will get off with a light penalty. He says, from bitter experience, “It couldn’t have been a ‘moving violation’.”

He debauched her: Literally, he removed her bauch. Inexcusable.

She succumbed to his blandishments: She fell unconscious, but he went right on blandishing.

He took her honor: Were they fucking or playing bridge?

A fate worse than death: Somewhat exaggerated. Even in those days, it wasn’t worse than death. And if a girl lived through it once, she usually got to enjoy it.

 

[WyreBendr0417]

Harvest of innocence, or innocence plucked. That's all I got.

 

[GrushaVashnadze]

Well... I wrote about "deflowering" in a very particular context, so it may not be directly helpful to anyone else - but here is how Snow White describes it in anticipation, at the beginning of my The Princess and the Cuntsman:

"You see," explains Snow White, "these are my labia maiora. Sounds jolly important, doesn't it -- very High Church, don't you think? Gratias agimus tibi propter labia maiora tua!" she intones in mock ecclesiastical tones. "Not at all difficult prising these apart: see how soft and puffy they are? That's because I'm already feeling just a tiny bit excited! Soon they'll be all swollen and pink!" She titters with delight, and her friends follow suit, chirping and chattering where they perch.

"But these," continues the girl, "are my labia minora -- and that's something quite different entirely, because inside them is hiding this little flap of skin -- see?" She stretches her inner lips wide to show off her intact hymen. "I say, do you realise" -- Snow White licks her fingers again, slathering a large smear of saliva across her vulva -- "that is what makes me a virgin: because no one has ever fucked my pussy before -- isn't that utterly champion?!" She giggles again -- and her friends follow suit. "I know that doesn't mean an awful lot to you -- I mean, you rabbits are always at it like rabbits, aren't you?" (The rabbits look sheepish.) "But for humans, especially for royalty like me, being a virgin is terribly important! No one is permitted to penetrate this pussy until I am properly married." (She pronounces the word rather like "merried" -- as a well brought-up Princess should.) "But then," she continues, "my husband can stick his big hard cock in there, rupture my hymen, fill me up with his hot cum, and we will all live happily ever after -- isn't that simply spiffing!" She claps her hands in self-congratulation, and her menagerie of admirers hoot and chatter in appreciation.

And here is how it is accomplished at the end of the story:

Meanwhile, Snow White is lying on her back on the soft grass before the Cottage of the Seven Dildos. Callum the Cuntsman is poised above her, his hard cockhead gently nudging at her vulva. She spreads her outer lips with her fingers to expose her intact hymen, stretched and inviting, whilst intoning with ecclesiastical solemnity:

Gratias agimus tibi propter labia maiora tua!

Callum's cock ruptures Snow White's hymen in one mighty swoop; its task too is accomplished in a stroke.

 

[KeithD]

Not that I suggest you use it, but in some of my stories, passing through the beaded curtain signals the deed has been done (or is about to be done). But it then signals a significant declaration of lifestyle choice too.

 

[thomas1965]

"She gave him her once in a lifetime gift; he gratefully accepted it."

I really like that.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

The only such act I've written about has the woman (who has previously been terrified of penetration) describing her physical and emotional feelings as she sinks inch by inch onto a guy.

Then concludes: "Yes, this was a huge breakthrough. One small thrust for a man, a giant leap for my mind."

 

[jehoram]

How about "enflowering"?

As for this "losing virginity" nonsense, I remember a woman saying "I never lost my virginity. I know exactly where I left it."

 

[ronde]

It depends upon the time period and the personality of the characters. I frequently write about the post American Civil War era and the old west and attitudes toward sex were much different than today. My female characters in this time period often used the phrase "make me your wife" or "make me your woman" just before the act. A man might say something like he'd "made her a woman". In earlier times, "deflowering" would be correct. If it's a bunch of modern guys talking, the correct words would probably "popped her cherry".

 

[Carnevil9]

If "deflowering" sounds too negative, how about using a positive? Call it "promoting" her, or "giving her a promotion." She is being promoted from virgin to, well, whatever you want to call a sexually active woman.

 

[Smuttyandfun]

In my story 'Summer Rain' it was her first time. I referred to it as her first taste of sex, and that he was surprised that she'd given herself to him. I didn't bother calling it anything like deflowering, just described their feelings while enjoying the experience together.

 

[Voboy]

“Losing one’s v-card” is how some of us used to say it in real life. Early ‘90s. It has the benefit of being unisex.

 

[gunhilltrain]

“Losing one’s v-card” is how some of us used to say it in real life. Early ‘90s. It has the benefit of being unisex.

I've never heard that one. "Busting one's cherry" has been used for both males and females. "Deflowering" is almost always a female, I suppose.

There is a lot of of confusion and exceptions to all of this, depending on cultural context and time period. The idea of anal sex ("Greek style") not counting has been around for a while, although I don't know if Greece had anything to do with it. Oral sex is also sometimes not counted. ("I did not have sex with that woman!") The concept of an intact hymen is also suspect, because I think enough masturbation can end that pretty quickly. (If anybody who can confirm that for me, please do.)

Then one's sexual orientation and gender identity makes a difference. How gay. lesbian, or transgender people define it varies I assume.

 

[Djmac1031]

The concept of an intact hymen is also suspect, because I think enough masturbation can end that pretty quickly. (If anybody who can confirm that for me, please do.)

I recently wrote a chapter in my Jenna series where the character of Trish decided she finally wanted to lose her virginity, accepting an invitation from her best friend Jenna to have sex with her boyfriend Tom.

Since I'd written the character as a young college girl, someone who was sexually adventurous but had just never been a guy she liked enough to go all the way, I figured she'd probably already broken her own hymen with a sex toy awhile back, and so was no "shy, delicate flower" that needed to be handled with care.

I have heard that many women have done this, either through masturbating or some other way.

In today's modern age, I would think it not uncommon at all for a woman to have never "gone all the way" with a man, but to no longer have an intact hymen.

Would that technically make her no longer a "virgin?"

What still counts as "virginity?" Is it ONLY if penis has never been inserted into vagina?

Many still think of it as an experienced young woman, completely unfamiliar with sex, but I certainly don't think that is automatically the case anymore.

Depending on their background and upbringing, some may still consider "losing their virginity" as something special, a milestone of great import.

Others may simply see it as another box checked off their list.

As authors, it's up to us how we write our characters, of course.

And there's certainly a market in erotica for the "young inexperienced woman finally loses her virginity" stories. It's a pretty typical male fantasy, being THAT guy to finally teach the young maiden the pleasures of the flesh.

But we certainly shouldn't be limited to that, and can be mindful that "virginity" means different things to different people, and not all "virgin" characters need be some timid, repressed young person.

 

[Thefireflies]

Leave the flowers on the cinnamon trees so they can attract birds and bees to lap at their sweet nectar and share the pollen around. But if you want to spice things up I’d take the bark, it’s rather hard and woody.

…Oh, I misread, Synonyms, I’ve never heard of that species of tree but I’d leave the flowers on them too!

 

[gunhilltrain]

I recently wrote a chapter in my Jenna series where the character of Trish decided she finally wanted to lose her virginity, accepting an invitation from her best friend Jenna to have sex with her boyfriend Tom.

Since I'd written the character as a young college girl, someone who was sexually adventurous but had just never been a guy she liked enough to go all the way, I figured she'd probably already broken her own hymen with a sex toy awhile back, and so was no "shy, delicate flower" that needed to be handled with care.

I have heard that many women have done this, either through masturbating or some other way.

In today's modern age, I would think it not uncommon at all for a woman to have never "gone all the way" with a man, but to no longer have an intact hymen.

Would that technically make her no longer a "virgin?"

What still counts as "virginity?" Is it ONLY if penis has never been inserted into vagina?

Many still think of it as an experienced young woman, completely unfamiliar with sex, but I certainly don't think that is automatically the case anymore.

Depending on their background and upbringing, some may still consider "losing their virginity" as something special, a milestone of great import.

Others may simply see it as another box checked off their list.

As authors, it's up to us how we write our characters, of course.

And there's certainly a market in erotica for the "young inexperienced woman finally loses her virginity" stories. It's a pretty typical male fantasy, being THAT guy to finally teach the young maiden the pleasures of the flesh.

But we certainly shouldn't be limited to that, and can be mindful that "virginity" means different things to different people, and not all "virgin" characters need be some timid, repressed young person.

You are bringing up some interesting questions that I can't readily answer. Even "today's modern age" is hard to define (I know because I'm going to be 68 soon.) Assuming that we are only talking about the "Western World" - also a slippery concept (does that include Japan? Lebanon? Argentina?) - there seems to be a new cultural/sexual climate every ten years or so. That's why I rarely set stories after about the year 2000; I know longer know how people think.

Like Will Rogers, I only know what I read on the Internet. Supposedly, both sexes are more "promiscuous" than they were forty or fifty years ago. As I said, dating apps certainly have changed things drastically. I'm about to go down a rabbit hole with this and start writing a treatise. Which question would you like me to attempt first?

 

[Britva415]

What about just plain old "it was her first time." And "She'd never done it before."

 

[SomaSlave]

Or just the good old fashioned “initiated into the mysteries of womanhood.”

I’m reminded of a story about Aristotle (I believe) meeting a woman every day and saying, “Good day, maiden.” The morning after she was initiated, he hears her supposedly lower voice and said, “Good day, woman.” I’m dredging this up from the depths of memory and recollections from Havelock Ellis’ “Studies in the Psychology of Sex,” so I may have the philosopher wrong.

Now you’ve got me thinking: imagine a ceremony built around a triad of two women and one man. The older woman initiates the maiden into the joys of orgasm while the man penetrates the hymen only after she has had her ritual orgasms. Imagine a culture built around the woman’s pleasure, where the man is taught he is only allowed his pleasure after the woman has had hers.