Defining Love

[justthe2ofus43]

Perhaps, but you also have to honor his courage to try to re-engage in the first place. And it's also possible that they weren't really quite right for each other 30 years ago and their experiences since then actually brought them closer to being perfectly suited for each other now.

I guess this just shows my bias to try to avoid feeling regrets.

Good for them, btw. This is a great story.

I agree great story and have a short one of my own ........ my Aunt and Uncle got divorced when i was 13 and their marriage was hell after being divorced for 7 years they got back together and still are together now ,so they made the choice not to live together ,each has their own appartment and they both do alot on their own ,they seems happy now so it can happen i spose ,i just dont believe in it myself .
I could not bring myself to convince someone not to try to go after what they search and hope for , i just could not ever see myself going back to something i left behind for good reasons .

 

[GiveawayGirl]

Actually a relative of mine did that....30 years after falling in love with a woman. He was married when they first met. She wasn't. They had a close but platonic relationship. She eventually offered him more or nothing. Choosing to honour his marriage vows, he was left with the 'nothing'. Thirty years later when he was available...he called her...rekindled the relationship (she too was single at the time)...were married within months and have been happily married for a few years now. It is possible. While I respect his decision to honour his marriage vows...I sometimes question if he 'lost' 30 years of bliss.

Good morning WW

The thought that occurs to me is this: Would those 30 years of "lost bliss" have been possible of he had left his marriage and had to carry the burden of guilt for doing so with him all that time? There must have been a deep sense of commitment to his wife that kept him in his marriage despite feelings for another. Perhaps honoring that promise was the only way he could be free to enjoy his newfound bliss now? Food for thought is all....

 

[wicked woman]

Originally posted by GiveawayGirl
Good morning WW

The thought that occurs to me is this: Would those 30 years of "lost bliss" have been possible of he had left his marriage and had to carry the burden of guilt for doing so with him all that time? There must have been a deep sense of commitment to his wife that kept him in his marriage despite feelings for another. Perhaps honoring that promise was the only way he could be free to enjoy his newfound bliss now? Food for thought is all....

Hey GG

oh I know what you say is true...I have no doubt...my Mom always used to say things work out for the best...we may not always think so at the time...or even understand...but they do. I have no doubt what you say is true...how deep his love was for his wife (first) even if the marriage didn't always make him happy...and how honouring his vows were important....to his character...to who he is....just I care for him deeply...so I sometimes get this wisp of thought what it might have been like if he'd had this bliss longer....but the silly thing is...I doubt that he wishes it...he's just happy he found her again.

 

[GiveawayGirl]

Hey GG

oh I know what you say is true...I have no doubt...my Mom always used to say things work out for the best...we may not always think so at the time...or even understand...but they do. I have no doubt what you say is true...how deep his love was for his wife (first) even if the marriage didn't always make him happy...and how honouring his vows were important....to his character...to who he is....just I care for him deeply...so I sometimes get this wisp of thought what it might have been like if he'd had this bliss longer....but the silly thing is...I doubt that he wishes it...he's just happy he found her again.

I absolutely understand what you are feeling. I think that every situation is different for each person. I know that I read it from my own personal perspective. For me, something so wonderful is only truly good if come by fairly and honestly. If the negatives of getting what we want weigh in too heavily, no matter how much we want it, it cannot be enjoyed freely when the price is so high.

I hope you are enjoying your weekend

 

[wicked woman]

Originally posted by GiveawayGirl
I absolutely understand what you are feeling. I think that every situation is different for each person. I know that I read it from my own personal perspective. For me, something so wonderful is only truly good if come by fairly and honestly. If the negatives of getting what we want weigh in too heavily, no matter how much we want it, it cannot be enjoyed freely when the price is so high.

I hope you are enjoying your weekend

It's called morals GG.


*although just having typed realizing that I sit here divorced...but I never cheated on him*

 

[GiveawayGirl]

It's called morals GG.


*although just having typed realizing that I sit here divorced...but I never cheated on him*

I agree with you in part. Morals have a lot to do with it. But there are many other components to it as well. It's all interrelated and separating all those components doesn't really work. It's about what feels good vs. what feels right. The good is only worthwhile in the long run if it feels right too.

 

[Cathleen]

Hello Ladies - such an interesting conversation and I hope you don't mind me barging in.

I so agree with you GG - there are many aspects to what is a right relationship. Doing the right thing is so often the most difficult but in that same vein its easiest too. Hard to explain with words but I'm sure you understand. It may be hard on the heart but its the right thing.

Regarding my post of a few days ago, that seemed to spur this converstaion, this is just what I had to do. I have to leave it alone. Its not mine. I respect their relationship - I'd never want to interfer with it. Yes, I love him and wonder about the "what ifs" but that is futile to me. If it is to happen then it will - in its time. I shall not put my life on hold for it - I am not waiting for him to become available - I have no idea if that would ever happen.

But the love it there - its changed through the years - but its there. And bittersweet does have its sweetness!

BTW - hello to you all.

 

[GiveawayGirl]

Hello Ladies - such an interesting conversation and I hope you don't mind me barging in.

I so agree with you GG - there are many aspects to what is a right relationship. Doing the right thing is so often the most difficult but in that same vein its easiest too. Hard to explain with words but I'm sure you understand. It may be hard on the heart but its the right thing.

Regarding my post of a few days ago, that seemed to spur this converstaion, this is just what I had to do. I have to leave it alone. Its not mine. I respect their relationship - I'd never want to interfer with it. Yes, I love him and wonder about the "what ifs" but that is futile to me. If it is to happen then it will - in its time. I shall not put my life on hold for it - I am not waiting for him to become available - I have no idea if that would ever happen.

But the love it there - its changed through the years - but its there. And bittersweet does have its sweetness!

BTW - hello to you all.

Hi Cathleen, how are you?

Yes, I completely understand what you are saying. To put your life on hold for a "what if" would be the wrong thing for you. To be faced with a totally unavailable love doesn't make it go away, it just makes it take a backseat to everyday life.

Although we would all like to say we have followed our hearts, reality is an undeniable force that needs to be dealt with.

And if the object of that love were to become available by means that would cause hurt or harm to others, it would add complicated components to any future relationship that might occur.

 

[Cathleen]

Hi GG - I am well, thanks. Hope you are too?

Exactly - if my actions come into play to have that relationship then its no longer the same relationship I would want - it would be changed - irrevocably changed by my actions. I agree that reality is key. I live in the life I have today. Yes, I think lots about how I have come to where I am and think also of the future.

Perhaps I was given a gift a few years back when I became ill. Many people told me that it would become a blessing to me and I trusted them enough and knew their hearts enough to know they would propably be correct. They were. It is a blessing. Oh sure, it would have been nice not to get sick and not to have some of the problems I do but there is a freedom and clearness I have now. I know life is fragile - very much so - and I live today, but I'm not unprepared to live tomorrow either. I will be here - most likely - so I must remain prepared to live that day as well.

There is a song out "Live Like You Were Dying" (I think) and I've been there - I've heard the news - I know my fate. (Like we all do but there is a difference in having been told I think.) I live differently now, I live more seriously and with more fun. I don't think we are here just for a good time, we are here for learning and loving and giving and receiving as well.

But to try to live as if this man and I will be together someday isn't reality. Realtity is today and the preparedness for tomorrow.

 

[GiveawayGirl]

Hi GG - I am well, thanks. Hope you are too?

Exactly - if my actions come into play to have that relationship then its no longer the same relationship I would want - it would be changed - irrevocably changed by my actions. I agree that reality is key. I live in the life I have today. Yes, I think lots about how I have come to where I am and think also of the future.

Perhaps I was given a gift a few years back when I became ill. Many people told me that it would become a blessing to me and I trusted them enough and knew their hearts enough to know they would propably be correct. They were. It is a blessing. Oh sure, it would have been nice not to get sick and not to have some of the problems I do but there is a freedom and clearness I have now. I know life is fragile - very much so - and I live today, but I'm not unprepared to live tomorrow either. I will be here - most likely - so I must remain prepared to live that day as well.

There is a song out "Live Like You Were Dying" (I think) and I've been there - I've heard the news - I know my fate. (Like we all do but there is a difference in having been told I think.) I live differently now, I live more seriously and with more fun. I don't think we are here just for a good time, we are here for learning and loving and giving and receiving as well.

But to try to live as if this man and I will be together someday isn't reality. Realtity is today and the preparedness for tomorrow.

Cathleen, you are so very wise

The thing that I agree with the most is when you say that we are not just here for a good time. I firmly believe that my time on earth will be wasted if I do not find a way to make my life count and contribute to the future. Everything else is secondary to that. Right now, the most critical way that I can make my life count and contribute to the future is to raise my children well. That is my critical goal and all other things come in line behind that. When my children are grown and on their own, I may find that there is something else I need to accomplish or I may simply revel in the peace that comes with a job well done (hopefully).

Other components of my life will add to its quality, and help to make my job of being a good mother easier. That being said, they are not the critical components. They are merely the icing on my cake

 

[Cathleen]

Raising children to become part of life - to have a life - is the most important job on earth. I help raise two children - although they do not live with me, I am a major part of their lives and it is the most joyous part of my life I think as well as the most interesting.

I remember my mother saying "not one of you are doing what I wanted you to do, but you are all capable of doing what you wish. That is what I truly wanted." She raised five children - all very different and yet so similar - and yes, not a damn one of us did what she wanted but we are all good adults on this earth and do good for the world. What more can one hope for?

 

[GiveawayGirl]

Raising children to become part of life - to have a life - is the most important job on earth. I help raise two children - although they do not live with me, I am a major part of their lives and it is the most joyous part of my life I think as well as the most interesting.

I remember my mother saying "not one of you are doing what I wanted you to do, but you are all capable of doing what you wish. That is what I truly wanted." She raised five children - all very different and yet so similar - and yes, not a damn one of us did what she wanted but we are all good adults on this earth and do good for the world. What more can one hope for?

Your mother hit the nail on the head

And children need not live with you for you to have a lasting and loving impact. In fact, there are days when I wished my would go away for awhile....LOL!

But on that note, I am off to go do my job........what is a sunny Saturday afternoon without a trip to the park?

Enjoy your day

 

[Cathleen]

Your mother hit the nail on the head

And children need not live with you for you to have a lasting and loving impact. In fact, there are days when I wished my would go away for awhile....LOL!

But on that note, I am off to go do my job........what is a sunny Saturday afternoon without a trip to the park?

Enjoy your day

The very same to you Mom!

 

[GiveawayGirl]

The very same to you Mom!

OMG! Am I old enough to be your mother too? (j/k)

Thanks friend

 

[Cathleen]

OMG! Am I old enough to be your mother too? (j/k)

Thanks friend

I seriously doubt that!!

 

[midwestyankee]

To my friends GG, WW, and Cathleen, there is little I could add to this morning's discussion other than to say I wish I had been around to contribute in real time. But I do have two reactions to what I have just read here.

First, this is exactly the kind of discussion I had in mind when I started this thread.

Second, posts like these show why I enjoy all of you so much.

X 12 for each of you today.

 

[Cathleen]

Thanks Yank ~ I gladly accept your gesture. This is my kind of place (as you have figured by now).

 

[midwestyankee]

Thanks Yank ~ I gladly accept your gesture. This is my kind of place (as you have figured by now).

You're quite welcome.

And I'm sure you can appreciate that it matters to me that the discourse here is mostly to the point and thoughtful.

 

[Cathleen]

You're quite welcome.

And I'm sure you can appreciate that it matters to me that the discourse here is mostly to the point and thoughtful.

I do ~ its worthy.

 

[~Dream~]

To my friends GG, WW, and Cathleen, there is little I could add to this morning's discussion other than to say I wish I had been around to contribute in real time. But I do have two reactions to what I have just read here.

First, this is exactly the kind of discussion I had in mind when I started this thread.

Second, posts like these show why I enjoy all of you so much.

X 12 for each of you today.

I agree with yank ....but geez I dont warrant at least 1 Rose myself??? LOL...I feel so ..so dejected...

 

[midwestyankee]

I agree with yank ....but geez I dont warrant at least 1 Rose myself??? LOL...I feel so ..so dejected...

Dream, you deserve a garden of them. X 100

I was just complimenting these three for their discussion yesterday morning.

 

[~Dream~]

Being a good Mother is my primary role on this planet currently and some would say I am a bit Overprotective of my kids ,however I believe in showering them with as much affection as I have to offer....

they have all 4 turned out to be wonderful ,unique ppl all in themselves,the 12 yr old is still with me of course ,but any and all of my other 3 KNOW that they can turn to me in time of trouble for any help I can give them ...Too many parents are way too Eager to boot their kids out the door right after High school is finished and some are unprepared for what the world has to offer them ...

To me ,There is a fine line between being an enabler and being just plain cruel...I know my kids can and do have independence that's all their own ,however In my eyes Love also means ALWAYS being there should they need ya ..

 

[~Dream~]

Dream, you deserve a garden of them. X 100

I was just complimenting these three for their discussion yesterday morning.

thanks Yank ..I was just being way too sensitive and ...giving ya a HARD time

 

[shell seeker2]

Love is the best feeling when it's good, when it heads south it's the worst feeling

 

[midwestyankee]

Love is the best feeling when it's good, when it heads south it's the worst feeling

Agreed.

My own take on this is that, by itself, love does not hurt. It's the loss of love, or the fear of losing it that hurts so much. And does it ever hurt when this happens. I don't think there is a single person who posts here who hasn't had this experience more than once.

It is a short-term stay in hell on earth.