Defining Love

[Cathleen]

Sky,

How wonderful for you!! I have friends that describe the same experience, as though all the stars were aligned for their meeting. I am happy for you both...truly!! More love to you!

Cate

 

[Cathleen]

Maggie, first off, thanks for joining the thread. I hope you'll stick around and enter into the discussion whenever you like.

Now, let's talk a bit about this idea of a perfect (or near-perfect) soul-mate, a Mr. or Ms. Right, if you don't mind. I have a hard time buying the idea for several reasons. The gist of my discomfort with the idea is that it tends to lead people into lives of desperation and disappointment when they can't seem to find their soul mate or when they discover that Mr. Right has a stubborn wrong streak in him.

My feeling is that nearly anyone might be an excellent match for anyone else if both are completely open to discovering and knowing the other deeply. More often what happens is people allow their biases and preferences to filter out any possibilities to get to know many others well enough.

Another difficulty with the concept of a soul mate is that too many people create preconceptions about what their "soul mate" will be like and then live a life of disappointment when no one ever fully matches that preconceived image. That's a terrible thing that people can do to themselves - all because they bought into the myth of pure romantic love with a single person they were destined to meet someday.

Instead, I'd rather see people exercise great openness in meeting and knowing others as they search for someone. Mr. Right need not drive a Harley and Ms. Right need not wear a size 6 below her blonde tresses.

Any thoughts?

While I am more than thrilled for Sky...and anyone who has found the "other half" so to speak, I have to agree with you MWY..... I know myself well enough that my biases do interfer with a "search" for a love. I suppose I could defend myself on this, but what would be the point. I can only try to move beyond them, release them...willingly, and be honest.

I think the possibility exsists for many to be "the one", there is more love in each human that I believe we truly know or even dare to admit sometimes.

I think Gary Zukav has hit the nail on the head with many of his thoughts about the human spirit and exsistance. I know I do not live to my full potential, I hide behind past hurts and pains. I do so in order to be painfree, but alas, this behavior actually brings pain from myself, not from another. And that I feel is a greater sadness.

I sure am glad Maggie joined in, she is an intelligent young woman, and I am thrilled with her words to this discussion. And to add, not all of us blondes are of the "dumb" variety!! LOL

 

[bigcpl4fun]

This needs a book, but I'll give my thoughts as concise as I can.

For us, it's seemingly no time when we were not together. She's my best friend and I am hers. We trust each other implicitly. We play with others, have affection for them, but have nowhere near the type of deep, intense relationship we have with each other.

We love each other no matter how good or bad things get. We admire each others talents and dismiss each other's shortcomings. We know what's important and that we can count on each other to pull through whatever life brings.

It's lasted 33 years and we're not surprised.

Oh, yeah, the sex is great too
.

 

[69forever]

Maggie, first off, thanks for joining the thread. I hope you'll stick around and enter into the discussion whenever you like.

Now, let's talk a bit about this idea of a perfect (or near-perfect) soul-mate, a Mr. or Ms. Right, if you don't mind. I have a hard time buying the idea for several reasons. The gist of my discomfort with the idea is that it tends to lead people into lives of desperation and disappointment when they can't seem to find their soul mate or when they discover that Mr. Right has a stubborn wrong streak in him.

My feeling is that nearly anyone might be an excellent match for anyone else if both are completely open to discovering and knowing the other deeply. More often what happens is people allow their biases and preferences to filter out any possibilities to get to know many others well enough.

Another difficulty with the concept of a soul mate is that too many people create preconceptions about what their "soul mate" will be like and then live a life of disappointment when no one ever fully matches that preconceived image. That's a terrible thing that people can do to themselves - all because they bought into the myth of pure romantic love with a single person they were destined to meet someday.

Instead, I'd rather see people exercise great openness in meeting and knowing others as they search for someone. Mr. Right need not drive a Harley and Ms. Right need not wear a size 6 below her blonde tresses.

Any thoughts?

This in a lot of ways carries over from a discussion on another thread.

I believe that we have many soul-mates throughout our many trips through life in this plane of reality. (re-incarnation)
Some are past lovers....some are more and some are less. When we meet them, there is a sense of bonding almost immediately.

Then there is our one true life-mate...the one that completes us and us them. Perfect union...Ying/Yang. I believe this because it happened to me....and my love. The bond was almost immediate.
Sight unseen, through our communication with each other we KNEW it. I wasn't consciously looking for more than someone to ease my lonliness and maybe get lucky. It just happened.
She wasn't looking for any intimate relationship. It just happened. By whatever forces there are, we were both ready and were guided to each other.

Too metaphysical? Maybe...but that's the magic of love.

 

[Jaenelle]

This in a lot of ways carries over from a discussion on another thread.

I believe that we have many soul-mates throughout our many trips through life in this plane of reality. (re-incarnation)
Some are past lovers....some are more and some are less. When we meet them, there is a sense of bonding almost immediately.

Then there is our one true life-mate...the one that completes us and us them. Perfect union...Ying/Yang. I believe this because it happened to me....and my love. The bond was almost immediate.
Sight unseen, through our communication with each other we KNEW it. I wasn't consciously looking for more than someone to ease my lonliness and maybe get lucky. It just happened.
She wasn't looking for any intimate relationship. It just happened. By whatever forces there are, we were both ready and were guided to each other.

Too metaphysical? Maybe...but that's the magic of love.

WOW!! I dont think your way of thinking is too metaphysical at all. I agree with you.

 

[69forever]

WOW!! I dont think your way of thinking is too metaphysical at all. I agree with you.

Thank you....from one fellow traveler to another.

 

[Jaenelle]

Thank you....from one fellow traveler to another.

Blessed Be, fellow traveler!!

 

[redrider4u]

This in a lot of ways carries over from a discussion on another thread.

I believe that we have many soul-mates throughout our many trips through life in this plane of reality. (re-incarnation)
Some are past lovers....some are more and some are less. When we meet them, there is a sense of bonding almost immediately.

Then there is our one true life-mate...the one that completes us and us them. Perfect union...Ying/Yang. I believe this because it happened to me....and my love. The bond was almost immediate.
Sight unseen, through our communication with each other we KNEW it. I wasn't consciously looking for more than someone to ease my lonliness and maybe get lucky. It just happened.
She wasn't looking for any intimate relationship. It just happened. By whatever forces there are, we were both ready and were guided to each other.

Too metaphysical? Maybe...but that's the magic of love.

Yes, yankee........we each have the opportunity to experience oneness with that special being...........yet, often we forsake that time, later to regret our hastiness.......longing for what we have forsaken, missing our dreams...........desolute in our abjection.........till..........yes......on the horizon...........love appears........and rescues us from the island of loneliness.......yes......our love is renewed..........and joy is around us..........

 

[69forever]

Blessed Be, fellow traveler!!

*bows* May the Sun shine on your face, and Peace and Love rule your heart...

 

[Cathleen]

Well, I have been thinking about commitment, and since I can't sleep...... wondering:

So, if releasing the wants of my personality, and giving all to another's benefit, I become more attuned to the universe or Spirit, would I be more complete with that person or less than, more humbled? I feel a certain grace can be achieved through being humbled, to allow the Spirit to work within me for the greater good of humanity.

I wonder, how do I go about this? Is it a lack of wanting? The gift of giving over to the growth of the other person? It all reminds me of M.Scott Peck's definition of love; that pure love is allowing the other person to grow in the direction of their choosing regardless of my growth, not in spite of it, but rather from my giving. There seems to be a universial theme to these discussions. Giving of myself, to another, I gain the intangibles of life. The beauty, the wonder, the love.

Would I be able to accomplish this, in this lifetime? I am wondering when, or if, this can be achieved. When would I feel it, know I am doing just as the Spirit wants of me. Will I know? Is it even knowable in this lifetime? We have discussed the idea of life everlasting and re-incarnation in another thread. I believe in life everlasting, that our souls never die, we live on, in another realm. But what if there is re-incarnation, would I choose to return here?

Would my soul know instinctively what I need to learn, or what it is that I lack and what I need in order to grow. Would my soul be able to recognize my accomplishment, should I indeed make this commitment to another? Is it that my soul is what drives me to seek out the other one, or ones?

If my soul knows this instictively, then wouldn't it be a nautural state to be a giver and easily make a commitment? Do I trust enough to follow the Spirit, to walk with that Entity? Trust in myself, in the Spirit, and in the other person. For if two come together, in this type of commitment, would their commitment to each other be maifested in their growth with each other, or would this commitment serve to draw them together, or apart, each seeing the wants of the other's person.

I guess the bottom line here for me, is how would I know I am creating the kind of commitment asked.

Confusing myself now! Off to bed!

 

[Cathleen]

It would okay if someone just knock me upside the head!! I guess I am just a touch curious...... always have been, but what the heck was that in the wee hours of the morning!

 

[GiveawayGirl]

This in a lot of ways carries over from a discussion on another thread.

I believe that we have many soul-mates throughout our many trips through life in this plane of reality. (re-incarnation)
Some are past lovers....some are more and some are less. When we meet them, there is a sense of bonding almost immediately.

Then there is our one true life-mate...the one that completes us and us them. Perfect union...Ying/Yang. I believe this because it happened to me....and my love. The bond was almost immediate.
Sight unseen, through our communication with each other we KNEW it. I wasn't consciously looking for more than someone to ease my lonliness and maybe get lucky. It just happened.
She wasn't looking for any intimate relationship. It just happened. By whatever forces there are, we were both ready and were guided to each other.

Too metaphysical? Maybe...but that's the magic of love.

69 my friend, you know how I feel about this subject......

But, (for once), I do have to agree with you. Once it happens, there is no denying it.

 

[69forever]

69 my friend, you know how I feel about this subject......

But, (for once), I do have to agree with you. Once it happens, there is no denying it.

My dear friend, with layers of armor guarding your heart and soul, indeed I know how you feel....

There can be great pain and uncertainty in allowing the walls to be penetrated by someone, even though your heart and soul tell you it is right. The beauty and joy of finally letting the Sun shine on one's heart and soul again....of trusting and growing together, make all the work worth it.

Love is the Answer....Communication The Key.

 

[GiveawayGirl]

My dear friend, with layers of armor guarding your heart and soul, indeed I know how you feel....

There can be great pain and uncertainty in allowing the walls to be penetrated by someone, even though your heart and soul tell you it is right. The beauty and joy of finally letting the Sun shine on one's heart and soul again....of trusting and growing together, make all the work worth it.

Love is the Answer....Communication The Key.

yeah, yeah.......

 

[TantaLiza]

The "other" half?

Yes, I believe it's possible.

When I first saw her there, this woman I'd never met, it stirred my raw lust for sure. But in that timeless moment, when we made eye contact, both of us standing there, looking into one another's eyes, offering, taking glimpse beyond the surface, something clicked in me. And in her too, I was sure, as she later confided that evening.

Yes, I spent the night with her. We talked, sharing thought and feelings all through to daybreak and shared flesh as we fell asleep arm in arm. And yes, if some guy told me he slept with a woman on their first date night out my judgment would be "how shallow."

In fact, except for a few trips, we've been together since we first met 25 years ago. To this day I still feel like we're living that first date. We've had our challenges of course, times of disillusionment and uncertainty. Tough times. But we've learned, and grown and continue to nurture our love and are still great lovers.

I cherish our relationship as much as I cherish her soul. And yet, as I recently shared here, to this day, when I look into the depths of her eyes, I still am left fathoming the mystery of the person she will always be to me.

So yes, I believe it's possible there can be that "other" half. If it's true, I'm certain the universe has connected me with mine.

To your passion and your courage to follow your heart,

Sky

One day hoping to find just that feelin, Sky.... thanks for the confirmation, sugah!!!

 

[midwestyankee]

I missed quite a night of discussion. My goodness.

Sky, you always amaze me with the lyricism of your posts when you write of the love of your life. You're a poet.

Cate, I'm glad Maggie joined in as well. It could be interesting to get ongoing contributions from an intelligent young woman who is thinking hard on the topic and yet whose life experience has been shorter and different from many of us here.

69, your posts are never too metaphysical for me. And you know I am thrilled for you and the love you have found. But - and perhaps this is the cynic in me, the one who insists on empirical evidence for everything - I am skeptical that the universe contains only one true mate for each of us. I do believe, however, that a profound and mystical union is possible between two people and that when that happens, surely it must feel as if the gods had decreed it should happen.

Jaenelle, welcome to the thread. I hope you'll drop by again and join in the discussion with more thoughts.

Red, I can think of few events that can cause more pain than to forsake a great love. Losing a powerful love can change lives - much to the worse I am afraid.

Cate, I sense a book starting to form in your mind: Zen and the Art of Maintaining Love.

GG, welcome back. It's been a while. I also agree: once it has happened, it's impossible to deny.

Friends all, have a great weekend.

 

[TantaLiza]

My dear friend, with layers of armor guarding your heart and soul, indeed I know how you feel....

There can be great pain and uncertainty in allowing the walls to be penetrated by someone, even though your heart and soul tell you it is right. The beauty and joy of finally letting the Sun shine on one's heart and soul again....of trusting and growing together, make all the work worth it.

Love is the Answer....Communication The Key.

What a mouthful you did just type, 69!!

(trying to loosen that armor of mine.... ~sigh~ )

 

[TantaLiza]

Mornin' Yankee...

Hope your day is exciting!!

 

[midwestyankee]

Mornin' Yankee...

Hope your day is exciting!!

Good morning, Liza. I don't know about exciting, but it's a bright sunny day and it's time to switch out the storm windows for the screens i think. We had our first 80 degree day yesterday, so spring has sprung finally.

As for that armor, I'm one for peeling it off whenever possible.

Besides, armor doesn't flatter a woman the way softer fabrics do.

Jokes aside, I suspect that the kind of armor we're talking about here actually shows up in a diminished gleam of the eye, a slightly faded smile, and no one looks his or her best this way.

Have a great day!

 

[TantaLiza]

Good morning, Liza. I don't know about exciting, but it's a bright sunny day and it's time to switch out the storm windows for the screens i think. We had our first 80 degree day yesterday, so spring has sprung finally.

As for that armor, I'm one for peeling it off whenever possible.

Besides, armor doesn't flatter a woman the way softer fabrics do.

Jokes aside, I suspect that the kind of armor we're talking about here actually shows up in a diminished gleam of the eye, a slightly faded smile, and no one looks his or her best this way.

Have a great day!

Well, Yankee.... I have to admit that I've gotten really good at fakin lots of things... at least I don't bring my friends down! I let my happiness for them show thru so it's not quite lying....

Laters...

 

[Wyldfire]

Well, Yankee.... I have to admit that I've gotten really good at fakin lots of things... at least I don't bring my friends down! I let my happiness for them show thru so it's not quite lying....

Laters...

Liza, Everyone fakes things now an then even wit th ones they love..... Is a fact a life an a neccesity now an then ta keep th family happy an t'gether.... Complete an total honesty is needed but it ALWAYS has it's time an place..... Sometimes it's jus best ta "Fake" somethin at th moment an then later ya go backm an honestly work thru it

I know I know........ Dam, shut up yer bein contrary...... Makin people confused

 

[SouthSkyEyes]

Liza, Everyone fakes things now an then even wit th ones they love..... Is a fact a life an a neccesity now an then ta keep th family happy an t'gether.... Complete an total honesty is needed but it ALWAYS has it's time an place..... Sometimes it's jus best ta "Fake" somethin at th moment an then later ya go backm an honestly work thru it

I know I know........ Dam, shut up yer bein contrary...... Makin people confused

Damsel ...

I do believe you raise an important point here ...

It's true, it is not necessary to attempt to know or to share everything. I don't expect 'Lady A', my luv, my wife, to indulge all my imaginations (erotic and otherwise) or to honor all that I feel a need to be recognized. I turn to my communities of friends, men and women, for such things. It's the same the other way ... I know there are thoughts and feelings she shares in trust with others that are not necessarily for me to know. If she wants to share them with me then it's my honor to do so.

And for me, there there are those thoughts and feeling that I should and need to share that sometimes I know I just need to be with for a while before bringing them forward. Of course during this time, I do my best to make clear that I'm in the midst of thoughts that I'll be sharing when the time is right.

Sky

 

[Wyldfire]

Damsel ...

I do believe you raise an important point here ...

It's true, it is not necessary to attempt to know or to share everything. I don't expect 'Lady A', my luv, my wife, to indulge all my imaginations (erotic and otherwise) or to honor all that I feel a need to be recognized. I turn to my communities of friends, men and women, for such things. It's the same the other way ... I know there are thoughts and feelings she shares in trust with others that are not necessarily for me to know. If she wants to share them with me then it's my honor to do so.

And for me, there there are those thoughts and feeling that I should and need to share that sometimes I know I just need to be with for a while before bringing them forward. Of course during this time, I do my best to make clear that I'm in the midst of thoughts that I'll be sharing when the time is right.

Sky

Ding ding ding Glad ta see th two a us see eye ta ee on this subject...... There's jus times ya can't tell yer loves what yer thinkin bout till ya got it straight in yer head...... An deceptions not an option in lettin them know ya got somethin on yer mind

 

[SouthSkyEyes]

Well, Yankee.... I have to admit that I've gotten really good at fakin lots of things... at least I don't bring my friends down! I let my happiness for them show thru so it's not quite lying....

Laters...

TantaLiza ...

I trust you don't mind my saying that when I read your words about faking I could't help but think of that quip ... that women may be known to fake orgasms but it's men who are known to fake entire relationships.
Yea, and I take no pride in that generalized truth hidden in the humor. Yes, it been many many years now but I have faked a few relationships.

But Liza ... I do hope that within your circle of close friends there are those who are willing to be with you in your sadness as well as happiness. I know for me it's powerful medicine to expose my heaviness to a trusted friend who is not going to hide from it or assume a responsibility to make it go away.

There is such a simple powerful gift to share a heaviness with a trusted friend who is willing just to honor what is going on. And this is often just what is needed to reconnect with that deep joy within.

To the wonder of your journey, dear woman,


Sky

 

[69forever]

What a mouthful you did just type, 69!!

(trying to loosen that armor of mine.... ~sigh~ )

{{{{ Liza }}}} Guess it all depends on whom you're speaking with, and if there are any more expectations than a good and trusted friend.