Defining Love

[GiveawayGirl]

*to back track a bit*

Hey GG really good to see you...been a while.


Don't believe there is one rule that fits all, so won't comment on your question. I will say I tried what you suggested...for many many years after I divorced...and appeared to be fairly successful at it. But the time came when I finally realized it was a defense mechanism against having been hurt very badly...and a poor one at that, cause it kept me from dealing with the pain. Took a lot of work to finally get to the point where I thought the benefit of a loving relationship was greater than the risk of being hurt again. Only then was I prepared to take a chance on love again.

Hi WW, it's great to see you! It's been far too long since our paths have crossed. How have you been?

I am sure that there is a great deal of wisdom in what you say; I'd expect nothing less from one of your posts! At the same time, I'm content to just take it as it comes and not invest a great deal of time in thinking troubling thoughts.

Sometimes avoidance is a necessary evil.

 

[Wyldfire]

Hi WW, it's great to see you! It's been far too long since our paths have crossed. How have you been?

I am sure that there is a great deal of wisdom in what you say; I'd expect nothing less from one of your posts! At the same time, I'm content to just take it as it comes and not invest a great deal of time in thinking troubling thoughts.

Sometimes avoidance is a necessary evil.

Wise choice

 

[wicked woman]

Originally posted by GiveawayGirl
Hi WW, it's great to see you! It's been far too long since our paths have crossed. How have you been?

I am sure that there is a great deal of wisdom in what you say; I'd expect nothing less from one of your posts! At the same time, I'm content to just take it as it comes and not invest a great deal of time in thinking troubling thoughts.

Sometimes avoidance is a necessary evil.

GG I trust that you know what you need and is best for you. I only offered my personal experience on the issue...and only wise sometimes.

Me? No reason to complain...been working too much but it's to be expected this time of year.

 

[Shoshisexy]

My beloved Damsel...You are agreeing with avoidance? With Swain and I both with you?

Not saying it is easy...and it never will be...but it is as necessary as breathing, lover.

 

[redrider4u]

My beloved Damsel...You are agreeing with avoidance? With Swain and I both with you?

Not saying it is easy...and it never will be...but it is as necessary as breathing, lover.

Sho, sometimes avoidance is the best route.

 

[Shoshisexy]

I would agree that there are times when avoidance of certain people is best...but completely...no. I have too much love in me to agree with that one.

 

[redrider4u]

I would agree that there are times when avoidance of certain people is best...but completely...no. I have too much love in me to agree with that one.

Um sho, I agree to you to a point, but,there are sometimes where you have to shed the love and move onwards.

 

[Shoshisexy]

I would have to disagree. There are people that are no longer in my life...but I still love them. I am not saying I would allow them back in my life, either...but the love is there.

There can be times when the person kills the love...but the memories are still there and the love in those. *shrugs* So the love itself persists...just not with that person.

 

[redrider4u]

I would have to disagree. There are people that are no longer in my life...but I still love them. I am not saying I would allow them back in my life, either...but the love is there.

There can be times when the person kills the love...but the memories are still there and the love in those. *shrugs* So the love itself persists...just not with that person.

um, I think I disagree and agree........ok, an oxymoron. For example.........even though I am totally broken from a women, yes, I have some love for her being the mother of my children.

But, beyond that, there is nothing, nothing.

 

[midwestyankee]

This discussion reminds me of something. Our memories can hold incredibly rich detail with remarkable clarity that may be hidden until triggered by some outside event. For example, the smell of baking bread always reminds me of my mother's kitchen in the after-school hours and I can then describe her kitchen wallpaper and describe where all the various pieces of cookware were stored, but I could not do that without the memory trigger of the aroma of the bread. Perhaps we also hold vibrant memories of the emotions we felt when we loved someone in the past.

I can see how the brain and memory could store all that we felt when in love with someone so that years later we could be flooded with those feelings even though there is no reason in our present reality to be feeling them at all. We would experience these emotions anew and, in a sense, still feel in love with that person. In the same way, any time we consciously bring a long-lost beloved to mind we feel many of the same emotions.

In my book, loving someone is something you do in the present so it's impossible to love someone who is no longer part of your life. But, that does not exclude the possibility that we could feel our love again through memory.

Just my few pennies' worth on a sunny Saturday.

 

[DLL]

Originally posted by midwestyankee
This discussion reminds me of something. Our memories can hold incredibly rich detail with remarkable clarity that may be hidden until triggered by some outside event. For example, the smell of baking bread always reminds me of my mother's kitchen in the after-school hours and I can then describe her kitchen wallpaper and describe where all the various pieces of cookware were stored, but I could not do that without the memory trigger of the aroma of the bread. Perhaps we also hold vibrant memories of the emotions we felt when we loved someone in the past.

I can see how the brain and memory could store all that we felt when in love with someone so that years later we could be flooded with those feelings even though there is no reason in our present reality to be feeling them at all. We would experience these emotions anew and, in a sense, still feel in love with that person. In the same way, any time we consciously bring a long-lost beloved to mind we feel many of the same emotions.

In my book, loving someone is something you do in the present so it's impossible to love someone who is no longer part of your life. But, that does not exclude the possibility that we could feel our love again through memory.

Just my few pennies' worth on a sunny Saturday.

 

[midwestyankee]

that sounds like a buck fiftys worth...


hi MWY

Hello, DLL.

Maybe I should raise my rates.

 

[No.1Pinklady]

It's time to pose a few questions and open up a place for some serious discussion of an important topic: love.

To begin: What is your definition of love?

What experiences helped shape your definition?

What have you read that helped form your definition?

Taking familial love as a given, what other forms of love can you identify?

What are the limits on loving? Can we love more than one person at a time (again, all outside the category of familial love)?

What freedom do we gain through love? What constraints do we take on through love?

What is the difference between being in love and loving someone?

I guess that will do for starters.

• Love is seeing someone for who they were, who they are, and who they can be.
• my parents marriage, my grandmother's acceptance, and the times I thought it was love and I was wrong
• I Corithians
• friends, sexual, pets, empathitic(sp)
• there are no limits to love, you can love more than one person and still love them equally
• the freedom to be yourself, the self restraint not to hurt another
• Being in love you tend to see the world thru rose colored glasses, loving means you took the glasses of and still want to give them roses

 

[midwestyankee]

Re: Re: Defining Love

• Love is seeing someone for who they were, who they are, and who they can be.
• my parents marriage, my grandmother's acceptance, and the times I thought it was love and I was wrong
• I Corithians
• friends, sexual, pets, empathitic(sp)
• there are no limits to love, you can love more than one person and still love them equally
• the freedom to be yourself, the self restraint not to hurt another
• Being in love you tend to see the world thru rose colored glasses, loving means you took the glasses of and still want to give them roses

These are marvelous answers. Thank you so much for joining the discussion.

I am particular interested in your last three answers. That you can love more than one person equally, that you gain the freedom to be yourself, and that loving means taking off the rose colored glasses. These sound to me as if they come from experience that you weathered well.

 

[No.1Pinklady]

Re: Re: Re: Defining Love

These are marvelous answers. Thank you so much for joining the discussion.

I am particular interested in your last three answers. That you can love more than one person equally, that you gain the freedom to be yourself, and that loving means taking off the rose colored glasses. These sound to me as if they come from experience that you weathered well.

Yes, I can say that I have been tossed around a bit while on the sea of love and relationships but, I am still willing to give it another chance. What is it that interest you abou those answers?

 

[midwestyankee]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Defining Love

Yes, I can say that I have been tossed around a bit while on the sea of love and relationships but, I am still willing to give it another chance. What is it that interest you abou those answers?

Many people think it's nearly blasphemy to say it's possible to love more than one person well. I disagree with them. I'd be interested in knowing more about how you formed this view.

The idea that we gain the freedom to be ourselves through love interested me because I think that it is through love that we most accurately tell who we are. Perhaps we are saying the same thing?

So many people fall in love with the world they see through those rose-colored glasses and then feel that love has abandoned them when the glasses come off. Love just begins when you accept someone for who she is, it seems to me. Before that it was just lust with a sugar coating.

 

[No.1Pinklady]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Defining Love

Many people think it's nearly blasphemy to say it's possible to love more than one person well. I disagree with them. I'd be interested in knowing more about how you formed this view.

The idea that we gain the freedom to be ourselves through love interested me because I think that it is through love that we most accurately tell who we are. Perhaps we are saying the same thing?

So many people fall in love with the world they see through those rose-colored glasses and then feel that love has abandoned them when the glasses come off. Love just begins when you accept someone for who she is, it seems to me. Before that it was just lust with a sugar coating.

I came to that conclusion after I realized that although I love the father of my children, there is a man that I love more and that loving both of them took nothing away from either of them, and no it was not an affair but the fact that both of them filled emotional needs for me that I did not realize were not being met, of course I had to chose and the choice was not easy nor did it change the fact that I love them.

Loving someone and being loved in return gave the courage to change things in my life that had made me unhappy, knowing that I had a firm foundation at home, it was easier to face the world and show them who I really was. I knew that at least one person would be there when I needed them.

So many people expect perfection in those they love, forgetting that they are not perfect themselves, if you can take the things you like the least multiply them by 100 and you still cannot imagine life with out that person then you have found love.

 

[redrider4u]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Defining Love

I came to that conclusion after I realized that although I love the father of my children, there is a man that I love more and that loving both of them took nothing away from either of them, and no it was not an affair but the fact that both of them filled emotional needs for me that I did not realize were not being met, of course I had to chose and the choice was not easy nor did it change the fact that I love them.

Loving someone and being loved in return gave the courage to change things in my life that had made me unhappy, knowing that I had a firm foundation at home, it was easier to face the world and show them who I really was. I knew that at least one person would be there when I needed them.

So many people expect perfection in those they love, forgetting that they are not perfect themselves, if you can take the things you like the least multiply them by 100 and you still cannot imagine life with out that person then you have found love.

I've read your above comment several times, and, well, I do not completely understand. I'm quite interested in your feelings and your opinions. At the risk of asking too much.........you had to choose? Someone did love you unreservedly? Please do not answer if you feel uncomfortable.

 

[No.1Pinklady]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Defining Love

I've read your above comment several times, and, well, I do not completely understand. I'm quite interested in your feelings and your opinions. At the risk of asking too much.........you had to choose? Someone did love you unreservedly? Please do not answer if you feel uncomfortable.

My childrens father and I are divorcing, I met someone who I love dearly and who loves me, and then my soon to be ex asked me to try again. I gave it serious thought because of the children, but in the end I chose to be where I thought I would be happiest. I believe a happy parent is a better parent. Yes, this man loved me with no reservations and accepted all of the things in my past that made me who I am, I was able to tell him things that I would tell no one else. He was not only my lover but my best friend. Please feel free to ask me anything if I am not comfortable answering in thread I will answer in PM.

 

[redrider4u]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Defining Love

those were great answers..i am curious MWY..do you love more than one?this is a subject I am very much interested in myself...

kisses...........hi dll..........I find you here and there.........we share something here............smiling.......blowing you a kiss.

 

[Shoshisexy]

I love many people.

Specifically..I love my LadyLove, Damsel, and Swain. I have no reservations about that love. I may have insecurities...but those we have discussed. I am not saying that our relationship is perfect in any way....It is an internet relationship at this point until they get to me. And they are getting to me as fast as they can.

I love both of them in different ways. Swain, well...he held me and comforted me on one of the worst nights of my life...but he didn't let me cop out of what I had done wrong...And he showed me -why- it was wrong in such a way that I never had to be taught that lesson again. He trusted me with truths about himself that he KNEW might drive me away from him. And I trusted him with truths that no one else had ever known. I also know this love isn't going away anytime soon and is only going to grow.

Damsel is the only woman that has ever and will ever hold my heart in her hands. I have always believed in bisexuality and even flirted with it in college. But I was bound and determined to be different than my brothers who are both bisexual to some degree, although one is mostly hetero and the other mostly homo...Talking with Damsel...feeling what I feel and knowing it is only going to grow...has changed that for me. It doesn't matter any more that she is female...just that I love her.

So yes, one can love more than one person.

 

[DLL]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Defining Love

Originally posted by midwestyankee
Many people think it's nearly blasphemy to say it's possible to love more than one person well. I disagree with them. I'd be interested in knowing more about how you formed this view.

The idea that we gain the freedom to be ourselves through love interested me because I think that it is through love that we most accurately tell who we are. Perhaps we are saying the same thing?

So many people fall in love with the world they see through those rose-colored glasses and then feel that love has abandoned them when the glasses come off. Love just begins when you accept someone for who she is, it seems to me. Before that it was just lust with a sugar coating.

 

[midwestyankee]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Defining Love

those were great answers..i am curious MWY..do you love more than one?this is a subject I am very much interested in myself...

I have been blessed in my life with the opportunity to love more than one woman at a time. It is a gift of sorts, when you love and are loved by more than one at once.

I treasure that gift.

 

[DLL]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Defining Love

Originally posted by midwestyankee
I have been blessed in my life with the opportunity to love more than one woman at a time. It is a gift of sorts, when you love and are loved by more than one at once.

I treasure that gift.

 

[GiveawayGirl]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Defining Love

So many people expect perfection in those they love, forgetting that they are not perfect themselves, if you can take the things you like the least multiply them by 100 and you still cannot imagine life with out that person then you have found love.

BINGO!