Define for me.....

[MissTaken]

"Online relationship" in terms of love and intimacy.


In my mind, intimate on line relationships require real time interaction. That is to say, I don't believe in "falling in love" with someone that I chat with or post with. When that relationship moves into the realm of phone or real time meeting, that is when the involvement becomes real for me.

The computer is a tool that introduces us to a world beyond our own real life communities. It allows us to "meet" others who may spark our interest. However, for that relationship to build into anything of substance, phone or meetings need to occur.

If I have an interest in someone, i coin it as a "crush", for lack of a better word.


This is my opinion....are they any others?

 

[AzureAngel]

I don't believe that I can have anything truly better than a great friendship online. The lack of a person ever being physically present, for me, denies a true realization of anything more than a dear friendship. *Shrugs.*

I find online "love and intimacy"-style relationships to be dreadful for one's self-esteem, if they're only online. And a bit deluded. Encouraging a touch of pessimism.

That's just me. I'm not judging anyone else's relationship(s), of course. Just how I've seen it in personal experience and observation.

 

[Wiggles]

Crush is a safe way to put it. A way of distancing yourelf, this isn't real.

I think it's possible to have online love. It's not the ideal, but it can happen. I think you would be falling in love with the idea you have of the person more than the person themselves though.

Online relationships are hard though, it's very easy to just slip away.

That's all my opinion though, I've never had one.

 

[lovetoread]

I am so tired of hearing about how "online" or "LDR" relationships are not real, they are.

Relationships start off on the net. Its cheaper to type in an im than it is to call on the phone.

But for the relationship to go beyond im's, you need to hear from them and you have to meet. Especially if you have kids.

Intimacy came into the relationship when he called me,the knowledge that it was love that I felt for him came when his arms wrapped around me.

Yes,lots of people like to get off online.

Yes,lots of people lie about who,where,and why they are with you.

But not everyone is doing that,and that is what you should remember.

 

[bluemuse]

There was a time when people fell in love through the exchange of love letters......why not this?



bluemuse

 

[Hamletmaschine]

Def. "Online relationship"--a relationship that develops through computer-mediated communication.

Are such relationships "real"? Of course, if the people involved in the relationship treat them as such. Because the relationship is built and/or sustained and/or developed through computer-mediated communication, though, many people assume that they are less "real."

This has nothing to do with the medium of communication, but with people's attitudes toward the medium. It's an old story. When writing was invented c. 700 BCE, the people of that time assumed that written communication was less "real" than oral, F2F communication. Plato even wrote about it, fer chrissakes.

When the printing press was invented, mass produced books were considered less real than original manuscripts.

The cycle repeats itself with every new communication technology.

I know that doesn't answer your question about love and intimacy, MissT, but I hope my answer would be obvious from what I've already said.

 

[alexandraaah]

Hey, while you're at it...will someone help me define "friendship" online?

I've been curious about this one for a while.

I take being a friend probably more seriously than anything else in my life, and I just can't wrap my brain around a friendship existing with someone I may never meet, or even more sadly, cannot meet because their significant other or spouse doesn't know of their online world.

 

[just pet]

One can fall in love online but it is the intimacy of realtime, of sharing quiet time, before you've had a chance to brush your teeth, and you have a zit, and you haven't shaved in a few days, and now you're giggling because there is a piece of toilet paper stuck to your shoe at the formal business dinner you attended together after making passionate messy sex in the parking lot because you both looked and smelled so fucking hot...
That's real love

Online is a great place to meet... but give me R/T

 

[Guest]

But not everyone is doing that,and that is what you should remember.

So true - and if I could count all of the dishonest face-to-face guys I've known ... I mean, really, I should trust them more because I can see them?

Though I haven't had an online relationship, I think that while people CAN lie online, they also have a greater potential to express themselves more honestly and completely in writing. My husband and I do talk face-to-face all the time (very chatty couple), but when he writes, it's almost like he's a different person. Not a better or worse person - just different.

VBG

 

[VeryBadGirl]

Not to go off-thread, but...

HOW am I getting unlogged mid-post?

VBG

 

[riff]

One can fall in love online but it is the intimacy of realtime, of sharing quiet time, before you've had a chance to brush your teeth, and you have a zit, and you haven't shaved in a few days, and now you're giggling because there is a piece of toilet paper stuck to your shoe at the formal business dinner you attended together after making passionate messy sex in the parking lot because you both looked and smelled so fucking hot...
That's real love

Online is a great place to meet... but give me R/T

Ah, just pet! You put it so very well!

 

[just pet]

Ah, just pet! You put it so very well!

Thank you Riff... was that you in the other car?

 

[Coven911]

Online relationships.......

Online relationships can be as real as off line relationships.

It is up to the participants as to how they foster or tear asunder a relationship developed online.

just my thoughts though.

 

[freescorfr]

One can fall in love online but it is the intimacy of realtime, of sharing quiet time, before you've had a chance to brush your teeth, and you have a zit, and you haven't shaved in a few days, and now you're giggling because there is a piece of toilet paper stuck to your shoe at the formal business dinner you attended together after making passionate messy sex in the parking lot because you both looked and smelled so fucking hot...
That's real love

Online is a great place to meet... but give me R/T

I love that description Pet. There's a special "really being alive" and "fuck it if you're all thinking what we've been up to. So our world is bigger than yours" feeling on those occasions. And when she says after, "They were all being so serious and I could still feel you inside me", and you could still feel her all around you.
No, that's not possible on line.

The preparations can be all set, however, as Hamletsmachine says, by the written word.

 

[Ishmael]

Hey, while you're at it...will someone help me define "friendship" online?

I've been curious about this one for a while.

I take being a friend probably more seriously than anything else in my life, and I just can't wrap my brain around a friendship existing with someone I may never meet, or even more sadly, cannot meet because their significant other or spouse doesn't know of their online world.

Precisely the point with me too. Why would I want to form a realtionship with someone that leads two lives? A little so salty for my taste.

Hamlet makes excellent points as well.

Ishmael

 

[just pet]

Re: Online relationships.......

Online relationships can be as real as off line relationships.

It is up to the participants as to how they foster or tear asunder a relationship developed online.

just my thoughts though.

I agree that it can be real. But it is like dating casually... you only see them on occasion. The webcam is only on when you look good and you can always leave suddenly... feigning server problems. You can't see the subtle expressions or reach out to touch a face, give a reassuring hug, smile in real time or even feel how soft the skin is on the inside of the upper arm... And to wear the scent of one's lover is heaven

 

[Hamletmaschine]

Hey, while you're at it...will someone help me define "friendship" online?

I've been curious about this one for a while.

I take being a friend probably more seriously than anything else in my life, and I just can't wrap my brain around a friendship existing with someone I may never meet, or even more sadly, cannot meet because their significant other or spouse doesn't know of their online world.

Golly, I feel like the Shell Answer Man today....

A friendship is a kind of relationship. There are different kinds of friendships, however: some are temporary, some are ephemeral, others are more permanent, and yet others are quite specific, tangible, or concrete in terms of what you expect from them.

People sometime distinguish between "friends of the road" and "friends of the heart." The former can be quite stong and close friendships, but they tend to be temporary. The friendship lasts only as long as you are both engaged in the same activity, interest, etc. The latter tend to be longer-lasting. We think of these people as our "best" friends, our "oldest and dearest" friends. They survive distance, time, and even the lack of any other connection except shared history. My best friend, as I think of him, I've known since jr. high school. We live across the country from each other, only see each other every couple of years, and only talk maybe 3-4 times a year via phone or email. It isn't necessary to communicate much to sustain the friendship, but Iknow if I needed him he'd be there in a flash--and vice-versa.

Problems often result in friendships (as in any other relationship) when people have different expectations about what friendship means, or about the type of friendship they want.

"online" simply means you plug something into the wall before you communicate with the person

 

[Calamity Jane]

I agree that if a true relationship is going to develop, there has to be some form of personal interaction. Phone or physical meeting. I have friends I met online years ago, but they didn't become close, intimate friends until we'd spoken on the phone. The friendship was stronger after spending time together. (With a couple of exceptions... finding out the person had been less than honest with me)

The few 'romantic' interests I've had online eventually disintegrated because there was just nowhere for the relationship to 'go'. Being online limits the relationship to timezones, work schedules, computer malfunctions and the interruptions of life. Sooner or later, some other form of communication needs to be explored.

 

[thumbs2_ca]

My Opinion

Personally I feel that an online relationship can develop because two people can discuss and exchange information and develop a bond without any hangups about physical attraction.
They can get to know how each other feel about things and see what they have in common and develop a love of the mind with out any distractions.
Just my opinion.

 

[PaganZepher]

"Online relationship" in terms of love and intimacy.




This is my opinion....are they any others?

I think an online relataionship can be as real or unreal as the people involved want it to be. In terms of intimacy, obviously the RL relationship has the online one beat all to hell. But in depth of feeling, and compassion there is no difference! Both can let you soar to the stars, or sink in the swamp!

IMHO

 

[SXCRgirl]

Re: Re: Define for me.....

A relationship involves two people being on the same page. Whether it be online or real time, the two people involved share the same emotions and needs at that time. What I've found with an online relationship, which for me includes the phone, is a bit more intense because you share the most intimate of thoughts and the deepest of desires. If your *online* relationship doesn't cross over to real, i.e., meeting face to face, then your relationship has no where to go. It eventually disintegrates and you move on.

I digress. I believe that online relationships are real. It requires two people. But I agree with alexandraaah, if it is to be hidden, then how truly real can it be?

I think an online relataionship can be as real or unreal as the people involved want it to be. In terms of intimacy, obviously the RL relationship has the online one beat all to hell. But in depth of feeling, and compassion there is no difference! Both can let you soar to the stars, or sink in the swamp!

IMHO

 

[MissTaken]

I am so tired of hearing about how "online" or "LDR" relationships are not real, they are.

Relationships start off on the net. Its cheaper to type in an im than it is to call on the phone.

But for the relationship to go beyond im's, you need to hear from them and you have to meet. Especially if you have kids.

Intimacy came into the relationship when he called me,the knowledge that it was love that I felt for him came when his arms wrapped around me.

Yes,lots of people like to get off online.

Yes,lots of people lie about who,where,and why they are with you.

But not everyone is doing that,and that is what you should remember.

LTR,

I didn't mean to imply or offend. I am sorry if I have. I also am not negating that on line or LDR's are "real." Basically, what you have said supports what I meant to say....for the relationship to move forward, real time interaction took place vis a vis the phone.

hugs

Something that I have said in terms of romantic relationships is that when I am typing text on line to a person, for thetwo of us there is only .....the two of us. The relationship is very insular and does not include all of the outside stressors and/or stimuli of real time. I told one person that I was involved with , "You can't love me until you have experienced me in the real world." In this situation, he did in so as far as phoning me, hearing me talking with my children, fixing dinner, etc ...... later we met. (An aside, the relationship just wasn't meant to be. )

You can love my mind, but my mind doesn't encompass my entire being. It is how I react to my surroundings and how my environment is affected by my presence that will tell more of the tale.

Thank you all for your input. Keep posting. This issue is very individualized and each of us benefits from the net as we chose.

 

[AzureAngel]

Hey, while you're at it...will someone help me define "friendship" online?

I've been curious about this one for a while.

I take being a friend probably more seriously than anything else in my life, and I just can't wrap my brain around a friendship existing with someone I may never meet, or even more sadly, cannot meet because their significant other or spouse doesn't know of their online world.

Depends on how you define friendship to begin with and what's important about it. *Shrugs.*

My spouse won't let me meet you, Draaah. I still want you to lub me.

 

[BustyTheClown]

People have made very good points here, but in the end it's just a matter of personal preference for what kind of relationships you like to have. There may be people out there who only want to know someone through chatting -- that, to me, would be the definition of a true online relationship. I think many of us would disagree that interaction like that is "real" in the serious sense of the word, but as long as that person thinks it is real, our opinions do not matter.

I am involved in an "online relationship." I put quotes around it because it stopped being strictly online as soon as we started calling, and then after we met. I am just in a relationship now, and it is as real life to me as anything else I experience. It was up to both of us to make it that way, though, and it would not be "real" had either one of us not wanted it to go past chatting. I also think there needs to be more than just chatting online to make the relationship one that will go somewhere. Meeting face-to-face is the ultimate confirmation -- either positively or negatively.

I know I haven't contributed much new to this thread, but I wanted to share my thoughts and experiences, and confirm what others have said.

 

[tswyk]

Problems often result in friendships (as in any other relationship) when people have different expectations about what friendship means, or about the type of friendship they want.

"online" simply means you plug something into the wall before you communicate with the person

Ditto on both points.

Thanks, Hamletmaschine