Deepest Darkest's Secrets

[deepest_darkest]

Have you ever had the urge to just tell someone the secrets that nobody else knows about you?

Don't feel you have to read this. But I think I'd like to tell it.

I'm a virgin. It's tacitly assumed by most of my good friends that I am. It's no secret that I don't date much.

But my pussy (I feel so dirty writing this) isn't untouched. I broke my hymen when I was thirteen pushing things inside me. I was so freaked out by the blood that I didn't notice if it hurt or not. My whole mind was focused on the need to get to the bathroom and wash off the blood before someone noticed.

Over the past several years the size of the objects I push into myself has gradually gotten bigger and bigger, though if I don't touch it for a few days it has to be stretched open again for larger things to fit. I like to play with my clit while something's stuffed up inside me. I like it better when I push it in and out, but I go all boneless when I feel that, and can't keep it up.

I'm not really sure how much a cunt is supposed to stretch, and I'm sort of worried all this playing has made me loose. Which would be pathetic. A virgin with a loose pussy. It's kind of embarrassing, humiliating even, and not in a good way. If I ever have sex I'm going to avoid this kind of stimulation for at least a month first.

I'm a virgin, but all I have left of that is my inexperience. My innocence is gone; probably I'm more carnal-minded than anyone I know. My hymen is gone, and has been for several years. This is one of my deepest, darkest secrets.

Maybe reading this will make you feel less bad about your own secrets, knowing you're not alone or knowing at least you're not as fucked up as this girl. Maybe some of you will share your own. It's not impossible that nobody will even read it, though judging from what I've seen of the male-female ratio here it's unlikely. More probably people will click, see the size of the thing, and skip it.

But you have secrets too, I'd bet. I can't think of very many scenarios that would have a normal, healthy, well-adjusted, socially active, at-peace-with-self human being browsing the forums attached to an erotic story site, certainly not enough to read something this long.

It doesn't matter. I feel better for sharing mine.

 

[deepest_darkest]

More Secrets

When I'm close to orgasm I always feel an overwhelming desire to submit. I'm not a diffident person in any sense of the word. But when I am aroused my body takes over my mind and starts spinning scenarios to explain why I am so helpless.

I fantasize about being raped. I fantasize about letting my pussy grow really tight again, in an act of determined self-control (I've managed for months at a time, a few times over the years), only to be forced by a man who wants to keep me.

I love the feeling of almost-painful pressure when I slide something into my cunt, and I imagine crying out in pain while I'm raped. Usually, in my fantasies, my attacker enjoys this. He likes knowing I am totally under his control.

Sometimes I fantasize about struggling, fighting every inch of the way and being conquered, forced, brutalized. Sometimes in this scenario I am forced to admit he has beaten me, that I am completely at his mercy. Often the fantasy-man forces me to feel pleasure until I am in a frenzy, willing to admit his dominance over me, willing to concede anything, if he will only continue.

Other times I imagine being drugged or otherwise helpless, unable to react as a man explores my body and claims it as his own. I imagine him touching me all over while I sleep, holding my hands while he thrusts inside me so that if I wake he doesn't have to stop.

I imagine being just plain fucked until I want to cry. I imagine, less often, being held by my hair while I choke on a man's cock. Even less often, I imagine being fucked in the ass, crying in pain while he does it.

This is the kind of twisted fantasies I have. No one else knows. I've kept it a secret as long as I can remember knowing about sex.

 

[satinpantyad]

hi there..great idea for a thread

 

[kemcleod]

Interesting..would love to read more..

 

[lord_byron78]

PM sent waiting to hear from you.

lord_byron78

 

[NeverWinterNite]

This is awesome thread.

 

[deepest_darkest]

More Secrets

While masturbating once as a very young teenager, I broke my hymen by accident. Kind of a freaking out "oh-god-oh-god" situation.

I think having that happen made me feel like there really wasn't a way to turn back, that I was going to be a very (if secretly) sexual girl whether I wanted to be or not. My failure in every attempt to "never masturbate again" over the next few years kind of cemented it.

 

[RickLovesErotic]

I've shared a few secrets here in various posts. There's something erotic and freeing to do so and see how others react to them also!
I'm sure I'll enjoy being here too!

 

[Macbillio]

It's good to share deepest darkest!!

 

[deepest_darkest]

It's good to share deepest darkest!!

Anyone else care to share any, then, and leave me less the fool?

 

[helloamyxo]

im sorry this is just sooo fake

 

[King_durandel]

im sorry this is just sooo fake

Who are you to judge?

Everyone's fantasies are their own. I think deepest_darkest is being courageous for sharing her fantasies on a public forum. I know I'm too selfconscious to be comfortable doing that.

There are always outliers in this world. If something doesn't fit your idea of the world, it's quite likely your view of the world is wrong, not that the thing you disbelieve is fake or doesn't exist.

 

[kaithel]

im sorry this is just sooo fake

Hey, on the grand scale of "fake" here, it's not even close to the top, which is populated largely by "I'm 18 and horny! Here are some pics that I just copied off the internet!"

 

[deepest_darkest]

im sorry this is just sooo fake

I'm actually kind of flattered to have drawn that kind of reaction.

Amy, what you may be forgettting is that a fake is typically calculated to garner the maximum amount of positive attention, whereas my posts are revealing the kinds of negatives that people would typically hide from others from a sense of embarrassment or shame. At the very most, even the fantasies I wrote about can only appeal to a very, very tiny number of people.

If I were going to do a fake, I would make one that was a lot more appealing.

Who are you to judge?

Everyone's fantasies are their own. I think deepest_darkest is being courageous for sharing her fantasies on a public forum. I know I'm too selfconscious to be comfortable doing that.

There are always outliers in this world. If something doesn't fit your idea of the world, it's quite likely your view of the world is wrong, not that the thing you disbelieve is fake or doesn't exist.

Durandel, I thank you for your vote of support, but that last paragraph is dangerously naive. A person can be wrong in an assessment of another person, but it's important that you listen to your instincts about whether someone is genuine, at least until something comes up to indicate that you were wrong.

Everyone fakes something. For me, here, now, the "fake" thing is the idea that I would confess the kind of things I've confessed to... if anyone knew me.

Amy's wrong in this circumstance, but being suspicious of others is normal and an important human survival trait. Sadly enough.

 

[King_durandel]

Durandel, I thank you for your vote of support, but that last paragraph is dangerously naive. A person can be wrong in an assessment of another person, but it's important that you listen to your instincts about whether someone is genuine, at least until something comes up to indicate that you were wrong.

Everyone fakes something. For me, here, now, the "fake" thing is the idea that I would confess the kind of things I've confessed to... if anyone knew me.

Amy's wrong in this circumstance, but being suspicious of others is normal and an important human survival trait. Sadly enough.

I didn't mean suspicion is bad or wrong. Nor did I mean nothing is fake. I just have a lot of mental issues that some people say make me act robotic in my thoughts and actions and I'm faking the whole thing to get attention when in reality it's the emotional responses I have to fake. I meant to say that sometimes normal is the lie.

I like being an outlier, and I may be naive. I am myself though and I want to stay that way.

 

[deepest_darkest]

I didn't mean suspicion is bad or wrong. Nor did I mean nothing is fake. I just have a lot of mental issues that some people say make me act robotic in my thoughts and actions and I'm faking the whole thing to get attention when in reality it's the emotional responses I have to fake. I meant to say that sometimes normal is the lie.

I like being an outlier, and I may be naive. I am myself though and I want to stay that way.

Liking yourself is a good thing. And I can understand the frustration of being misunderstood. But it is important to evaluate whether people are genuine. Too often they aren't, for this reason or that.

But do let's move on to another topic. Anyone else have secrets to share?

 

[deepest_darkest]

Another secret

I present myself as a nonsexual person, because I am ashamed to admit I think about it all the time - sometimes so often that I end up touching myself even after I'm sore from it.

 

[deepest_darkest]

I love the idea of saying no to everything and then being worked into a fever pitch where I will agree to anything. When I'm really, really aroused all I want is to be fucked. It makes the mind so focused on that one thing that I can think of nothing else. I secretly really like the idea of a man taking advantage of that.

 

[deepest_darkest]

Another secret

Sometimes, I play with my pussy so much that it hurts. Not just sore afterward, but painful to touch, and I still touch it.

Less often, I masturbate until tears are literally coming from my eyes and it hurts to orgasm. But I kind of love the feeling of helplessness that brings.

 

[Carosteph84]

Oh, wow, I love this thread. I'm going to get up my courage and confess something.

 

[deepest_darkest]

Oh, wow, I love this thread. I'm going to get up my courage and confess something.

You should.

 

[Carosteph84]

I, too, began with, um, insertion long before I ever had sex with anyone else. It started just with rubbing myself, and working a finger up inside as I lay listening to the sounds of lovemaking by someone else. After a few weeks, I had to have something inside me, but the only thing available was a candle. I swiped it off the dining room table one night!

 

[pussywillow112]

..........