Dear X

[Curious3456]

Dear Sweet Sweet man,

I thank the god of porn websites every day for bringing you into my life. It's nice to know there's a kindred spirit out there, even if we shall never be together

My life is a better place with you in it.

Signed
Smitten Kitten
Xxx

 

[showyousomelove]

Dear Sweet Sweet man,

I thank the god of porn websites every day for bringing you into my life. It's nice to know there's a kindred spirit out there, even if we shall never be together

My life is a better place with you in it.

Signed
Smitten Kitten
Xxx

Thank you baby x

 

[37_ttej]

Dear Lit,

Damn your addictiveness!

That is all.

 

[newbiebabe]

Dear X,

Why it should still surprise me that you do something like that... I have no idea. But the surprise is soon followed by the knowledge that once again you will disappoint me. Why do you do things like this? It's not fair and it's not fun...

Signed,

Rolling her eyes with the knowledge that you are seriously full of it

 

[DoRaMe]

Dear X,

I obviously am barking up the wrong tree.

 

[37_ttej]

Dear X,

I obviously am barking up the wrong tree.

*hands you a vine*

Come swing with Tarzan and he'll show you his 'tree'.

*monobrow waggle*

 

[Trixareforkids]

*hands you a vine*

Come swing with Tarzan and he'll show you his 'tree'.

*monobrow waggle*

Dear Tarzan,

Here's some tweezers. Jane says get home before she uses them on your tree.

Snickering,
Jane's stylist

 

[37_ttej]

Dear Tarzan,

Here's some tweezers. Jane says get home before she uses them on your tree.

Snickering,
Jane's stylist

Me not want to be ring-barked!
Me king of jungle, but Jane king of me. Er, queen. You know, boss-person.

 

[Trixareforkids]

Me not want to be ring-barked!
Me king of jungle, but Jane king of me. Er, queen. You know, boss-person.

Dear Tarzan,

The term you're looking for is She Who Must Be Obeyed.

Sincerely,
All Women

 

[37_ttej]

Dear Tarzan,

The term you're looking for is She Who Must Be Obeyed.

Sincerely,
All Women

Dear All Women,

Me now feel like me making speech to very large crowd ...

Yes, ma'am.

That is all.

Yr Obedient Savant

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Pubic Pimples,

My groin area should not resemble Proactive commercial actor. I trim you up so it makes it look like I have an adult sized penis. The last thing I need are groundhog pubic hairs deciding that growing out of the skin and seeing their shadows would be too traumatizing. As much as women like to be able to read brail around a cock and balls I simply find you unattractive.

Signed,

Smooth as Edward James Olmos face.

 

[mindseduction]

Dear Pubic Pimples,

My groin area should not resemble Proactive commercial actor. I trim you up so it makes it look like I have an adult sized penis. The last thing I need are groundhog pubic hairs deciding that growing out of the skin and seeing their shadows would be too traumatizing. As much as women like to be able to read brail around a cock and balls I simply find you unattractive.

Signed,

Smooth as Edward James Olmos face.

Thank you!!! You made me laugh and giggle so much I forgot my Dear X rant.

Signed,

Still giggling

 

[sereneone4u]

Dear DaddysBabyGirl,

Thanks for your PM.

I am sorry that I am testy and for the misunderstanding.
Glad to have the matter cleared and getting to know you.

Sisters,
S.

 

[LifeIsGood3976]

Signed,

Smooth as Edward James Olmos face.

Cheers to all that understood this reference.

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Kellogs,

Just wanted to tell you to lawyer up. I see no warnings on your box of Corn Pops. The fact that the roof of my mouth feels like a bag of pop rocks. For the past two hours I have been tounging a flap of skin up top that has been driving me nuts. I will be suing for physical and mental anguish. The problem is I ate 3 bowls of cereal because the little fuckers taste so good. I am asking for damages totaling $1.3 billion. Yeah you read it right. Like I said this damn skin flap is driving me bonkers.

Signed,

I should have just eaten oatmeal.

 

[MortalKombatKitteh]

Dear future ex,

Fuck you!

signed,

Me

I wish I could love this!

 

[MortalKombatKitteh]

Dear Douchenozzle using memes in a conversation:

It's not funny. You use the same ones over and over. If you are going to keep up a conversation with memes at least fucking change them. It's like using the same pickup line over and over. You look like a fucking assbag. Plus, if you have nothing to say then just fucking say that. You come across as less than intelligent and I have better things to do.

Signed,

Sick of your shit

 

[availableslave2u]

dear future brother in law,
turn your fucking tv down. i have no idea what in the fuck you're watching in there, but it sounds like a spooky choir singing moaning like songs (and not the good kind of moaning). you're getting on my every last nerve lately. clean up after yourself, quit doing drugs non-stop, quit being ignorant and help out around the house. i haven't gone off on you in the nine months we've lived together, but it's getting very close. we've only got three more months together, please shape up so i don't kill you before it's over.
signed,
my tongue is bleeding from biting it

 

[NeonSubtlety]

Dear science,

It's cool that you send very specific signals across the bar to geneticists mapping the human genome and climatologists fortelling the end of days...

But could you kindly stop sending those signals, like a Tourette's-stricken epileptic, to meteorologists telling me it's going to rain every fucking day. I'd like to plan a weekend. And planning a work day on a sunny Sunday can fuck off. Thanks.

 

[Trixareforkids]

Dear Little T,

If you keep blocking mommy from getting "snuggle time" with Daddy, shit's gonna get real up in here.

Love,
Eating Brownies for Breakfast (aka Big T)

 

[badjanus]

Dear x

I'm not done just yet...

YB

 

[37_ttej]

Dear Kellogs,

Just wanted to tell you to lawyer up. I see no warnings on your box of Corn Pops. The fact that the roof of my mouth feels like a bag of pop rocks. For the past two hours I have been tounging a flap of skin up top that has been driving me nuts. I will be suing for physical and mental anguish. The problem is I ate 3 bowls of cereal because the little fuckers taste so good. I am asking for damages totaling $1.3 billion. Yeah you read it right. Like I said this damn skin flap is driving me bonkers.

Signed,

I should have just eaten oatmeal.

Meh, at least it's distracted you from your pubic proactivity.

 

[lakesailer_mi]

Dear Staff Person,

I think you've got some serious problems again.
I'm sympathetic, but you have to
stop lying to me
stop pissing off the other staff
start showing up and actually doing at least some of your work
start telling me what's going on.

I know that basically you are a good person, and that you have talents, but you're boxing me in...

Signed,

The "boss man"

 

[Deprived_in_AZ]

Dear bp,

Please don't fail me tomorrow.

Signed,

I just get so nervous about this stuff!

 

[Deprived_in_AZ]

Dear fate,

I wish I knew what you have in store for me..

Signed,

Hoping it's something good.