Dear X

[TongueLust]

Dear Mom,

I miss my sassy, hazel eyed, blondie.

Everytime I see a biker I think of you and smile.

 

[sunshinegirl05]

Dear Patients,

you're driving me to drink!

signed,

needing wine

 

[GiggLeGasm]

Dear Patients,

you're driving me to drink!

signed,

needing wine

so.. I walk into 305-2 yesterday and, after a minute, I realize something.
"Mr McM.. do you speak Spanish?"
"No." he replies.
"Then why are you watching the Spanish television channels?"
(long pause)
"There are channels?"

lol.. not to worry. I showed him how to work the new television!

Dear Wake up Call,
5:30am..

Signed,
eh.. Needing to wake up at 5:30

 

[Susurration]

Dear eX,

I'm still very sad that it had to be this way. I'm looking ahead though, not looking back. I hope you find yourself able to do that too. It shouldn't have been this way, I didn't want it to be this way. In the end though, when compromise is so one sided, this silent parting is for the best.

Wishing you all the best.

 

[someoneyouknow]

Dear people of Lit,

Can someone explain what this is:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M8-vje-bq9c

Is it a commercial? Is it just a song? Is it a spoof? What?

Just can't fathom

 

[1sickbastard]

Dear people of Lit,

Can someone explain what this is:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M8-vje-bq9c

Is it a commercial? Is it just a song? Is it a spoof? What?

Just can't fathom

It's sort of a spoof of J-pop metal bands like Baby Metal, but they are serious about their spoofing.

 

[smallgirl]

Dear X,
I'm not sure I am strong enough to let you go. I know I should. I know you are really not good for me, but there's still a part of me that knows if I walk away it will hurt you. I know in your own way you need me, but you need to grow up and realize I am one hell of a woman. A woman most men would love to have by their side and in their bed. It'll be your loss and your fuck up.

I'm sorry. That hurt too much.

Me

 

[NorthRockJohnson]

Dear X,

So days after we break up you tell me you're working things out with your ex. Then that didn't happen. So the next week you get a random new boyfriend suddenly. Last night you randomly text me flipping out saying awful things to me. You're just crazy and sad. I hate that I got to see this side of you and I'm deeply ashamed we shared anything together. And I feel bad for that poor sap who's with you now. And also for your kids, who thanks to you and your ex's shitty parenting and constant screaming matches on the phone that I KNOW they get an earful of daily, are sure as shit going to grow up to be serial killers.

I'm so motherfucking glad to be done with you forever. Can we go out again just so we can immediately end it again? Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you forever. I'm going to get out there and have fun and live a great life, meet awesome people, maybe even find a new lady friend. Who knows? One thing I won't do is steal your move and do the sad rebound.

Honestly I hope you die from a piece of Skylab hitting you in your dumb fat face.

I'm done. Have a good life. Spoiler alert: you won't.

But hey, I'm not bitter.

The Funzo is Dunzo Litster

 

[ashesatwork]

Dear X,

So days after we break up you tell me you're working things out with your ex. Then that didn't happen. So the next week you get a random new boyfriend suddenly. Last night you randomly text me flipping out saying awful things to me. You're just crazy and sad. I hate that I got to see this side of you and I'm deeply ashamed we shared anything together. And I feel bad for that poor sap who's with you now. And also for your kids, who thanks to you and your ex's shitty parenting and constant screaming matches on the phone that I KNOW they get an earful of daily, are sure as shit going to grow up to be serial killers.

I'm so motherfucking glad to be done with you forever. Can we go out again just so we can immediately end it again? Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you forever. I'm going to get out there and have fun and live a great life, meet awesome people, maybe even find a new lady friend. Who knows? One thing I won't do is steal your move and do the sad rebound.

Honestly I hope you die from a piece of Skylab hitting you in your dumb fat face.

I'm done. Have a good life. Spoiler alert: you won't.

But hey, I'm not bitter.

The Funzo is Dunzo Litster

oh sweet cheeks. her number needs blocked. seriously. it's time.

 

[Bookishleigh]

Dear Douche Bag Liar...or I mean Lawyer,

You are the epitome of why most people hate attorneys. You're arrogant, shallow, and an elitist for no reason. Working with you for the next week is going to be living hell - the only enjoyment will be when I finish up your bullshit assignment and throw it in your face and you look like the rookie asshat you are. But keep bragging about attending that non ivy-league college with your average grades and your average degree (oh, there was no scholarship - you weren't even that outstanding, were you?). Maybe one day you'll figure out WHY you've gone through more assistants than I've gone through handbags in a year.... until then, I'll suck up my week and listen to my audiobook and mentally give you the finger every time your unusually fat head finds its way in my space.

Fuck you very much.

P.S. - I BEGGED them to move my office away from yours and made them remove me from your back-up list because that's how much I loathe you.

 

[NorthRockJohnson]

oh sweet cheeks. her number needs blocked. seriously. it's time.

Yuuuuuup already done. It felt amazing.

 

[Deprived_in_AZ]

Dear PT,

Thanks for cheering me up today. Hearing about your screwed up life made me feel not so bad about mine!

Signed,

See you Wednesday

 

[JeffVal1989]

Dear Cheryl,

I can clearly remember that day in June of 2004 when I kicked you out of the house and told you I wanted a divorce. I was so over you. And mad. And hurt. Time has a way of erasing all the bad memories, fights and hurt feelings. Now all I seem to remember are the good things. Not sure if you went to heaven or hell, but I would love to be able to spend an hour with you again.

 

[ydahecnot]

Holy hell, no one is topping this

 

[ashesatwork]

Yuuuuuup already done. It felt amazing.

Thank goodness...

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Makers of Candy Crush,

5.9 Billion??? For little green squares and bananas? Can I borrow $20?

Signed,

Are you fucking kidding me????

 

[Deprived_in_AZ]

Dear Marianne,

Thanks!

Signed,

30D

 

[Titts4Tatts]

Dear neighbor who thought she would come over and fuss at me over a cat we do NOT own....didn't go so well did it I'm usually very peaceful but don't go all rude and nasty in front of my Grandchild.

Signed : Large and in Charge

 

[TongueLust]

Dear friend,

Sometimes I just want to walk away.

I'm not sure why I stick around.

 

[someoneyouknow]

Dear grocery store bagger,

In what universe did you think it would be a good idea to put one tube of gel into its own bag? The fact I had to tell you not to do it but put it in with one of the other bags leads me to believe you're involved with the plastic bag manufacturers.

Wondering where common sense has gone

 

[afriendg]

Dear friends and good people of the universe,
I really feel that we are now engaged in a sort of a "world war"
and recent world events are battles in this terroristic and horrific engagement.
What's next?

 

[flirtygirly]

Dear Douchebag:

Are you so afraid of me that you have to have your sister be the go-between? I do understand the question and the why behind it. But am amazed that you couldn't ask me yourself. Didn't realize your balls were cut off after the divorce, or perhaps they shriveled up and died thanks to your drug/drugs of choice. We have a legal arrangement. It's been final for three yrs now. And not once have you exercised your right to make a visit to see her. And it's probably been 2 yrs since you've seen her. I can't even remember the last time you called her. I certainly do not miss you. But I don't want you to mess with her head either. Yes I'm the protective mama bear, that is my role. I have the right to say no. I am supposed to be present at all visits. And today I was asked by your family if she could come up to celebrate a late thanksgiving with them/you. Honestly, I'm torn. I wish you had some human traits she could be proud of. I don't want to be the evil parent. But I also don't want her exposed to any of your b.s., your habits, your habitual lying and empty promises. I will have to mend her heart, or explain things to her delicately...especially when I wish I could tell her the truth. But she's too young for that.

 

[Bookishleigh]

Dear "Mutual Friend" on Facebook,

Informing someone you basically stalked them to get more information about them, is NOT a good way to get their attention, at least in a positive manner. Perhaps you thought I would be flattered, but if anything I am now thoroughly creeped out! Between the litany of married men and the creepers, I'm kind of over it already. Sigh....why can't they just be normal?

Signed,
Perplexed Litster

 

[NorthRockJohnson]

Dear "Mutual Friend" on Facebook,

Informing someone you basically stalked them to get more information about them, is NOT a good way to get their attention, at least in a positive manner. Perhaps you thought I would be flattered, but if anything I am now thoroughly creeped out! Between the litany of married men and the creepers, I'm kind of over it already. Sigh....sometimes I think I should have stayed married.

Signed,
Hating the Single Life Litster

Dear Hating the Single Life Litster,

I'm in the same boat and it totally sucks. I promise we're not all assholes and creepers though.

Also single litser

 

[Bookishleigh]

Dear Hating the Single Life Litster,

I'm in the same boat and it totally sucks. I promise we're not all assholes and creepers though.

Also single litser

I had to edit my post from hating the single life to perplexed Litster. I truly don't hate the single life since I am happier single than I was married. I am just frustrated that I am NOT even putting myself out there at this time in my life and already attracting married men who seem to have forgotten they are married or men who do not recognize boundaries. It makes me terrified for if/when I ever do really put myself out there. If women didn't scare me even more I'd consider going that route...but we are crazy too.

Note to self...buy stock in batteries or invest in something rechargeable.