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dear yahoo,
is it really necessary to send me every e-mail twice? do you think i'll ignore it if i only get one? do you think i need more e-mail? let's make a deal. i will open every e-mail (except the spam, the notices that i don't want, and stuff from stupid people) if you only send it thru once.
thank you in advance,
in this case once really is enough
 
Dear Bank of America:

Yeah, it's me again. It's already too late since you canned the April Fool's teller at my distinct request. Now in the wonderful world of Banking here's a couple more questions:

1. What sort of security protocol do you employ that anyone and I mean ANYONE can tell just from looking at the unopened envelope and not even touching it that it contains an ATM or credit card? Must be from the WE DON"T GIVE A SHIT portion of the protocol. You know the one that contains the instructions: PLEASE STEAL THIS PIECE OF MAIL.

2. What sort of security protocol do you employ that allows a "undisclosed third-party" to compromise your customers' debit card information? Must be the one that starts with "WELL IT"S NO FAULT OF OURS" as you so carefully explained.

3. Please give me the name of the idiot who decided that posting the date on your correspondence concerning the security breach, replacement ATM card and self-absolving statements about your security was a good idea. Then let me meet the proofreader who didn't manage to catch that the date on said correspondence was APRIL 1.

4. Now, where the hell are my new checks that your newly unemployed former teller said he ordered for me just after his APRIL FOOLS joke?

Sincerely -- not calling India to talk about my accounts in California Customer. :D
 
Dear Silver Bullet Vibe with the Silicone Sleeve,

I would like to take this time to tell you how much I appreciate your faithful and dedicated service. Of all my toys, you are the oldest, and like Timex you take a ... wait,I don't lick you...but you sure do keep on keeping on. Your hunger for AA Batteries notwithstanding, you are an amazing piece of, I stop short of saying technology, but you are a mechanical wonder.

I love you,

K
 
Dear lungs,

I get it. Pollen season, along with some extreme climate changes in the last few weeks, does not agree with you. Now. I have done my part; I have medicated properly, I have eaten and drank and rested accordingly, so it's your turn. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD clear out whatever gunk is keeping you from allowing me to sleep at night and function while awake, and let's get back to normal life, ok? I know you miss the gym as much as I do.....c'mon, work with me here fellas......
 
Dear Keeping you on your toes Litster :)

Whoda thunk it ?

I am glad with the recent turn of events :)

Trust , laughter and friendship are always good TY


Signed,

Me
 
Dear Co-worker,

If you don't take my Wednesday next week, I may just have to...Well, it isn't polite to say that I want to choke you with your scrub top until I kill you. Do you realize that I have not had sex in-

FOUR AND A HALF YEARS!

If you give me the time off, I'll come back to work much happier and more productive. Now, Co-worker, give me my day off and I won't go to your house at 3AM to kill your fucking cat.

Signed,
Four and a half years without sex
 
taborgirl said:
Dear Co-worker,

If you don't take my Wednesday next week, I may just have to...Well, it isn't polite to say that I want to choke you with your scrub top until I kill you. Do you realize that I have not had sex in-

FOUR AND A HALF YEARS!

If you give me the time off, I'll come back to work much happier and more productive. Now, Co-worker, give me my day off and I won't go to your house at 3AM to kill your fucking cat.

Signed,
Four and a half years without sex
Click to expand...


Dear Her co-worker,

Do whatever the hell she says!!!

Kisses and such,
Knows-A-Pent-Up-Woman-When-She-Sees-One.

(hugs, hon, it will work out!!)
 
Dear Prospective Landlord:

When you send me information about a place that I might be interested in - for god's sake send it from an ACTIVE e-mail account. Or one that I can reply to. The place sounds great -- perfect location -- right number of bedrooms -- place for the Wii to go -- and the Pics are lovely. I know just about every house in the town -- it's not a big town -- so I think I know which one it is. I even drove by -- no signage by the way -- and really got interested. Now you cannot receive an e-mail from me expressing my interest because every time I try -- well -- it get a complete delivery failure. Nice work.

Sincerely,

Moving Back To the Beach But Need YOU to get YOUR Shit Together Litster/Prospect
 
Dear Select Few Literoticans whom have whittled away the hours of my lonliness by imparting your most perverted thoughts on me. Though, I am incognito, I still think of you.

Here's a big wett :kiss: forr you.
(now one from my mouth:kiss:);)

Signed,
AWOL
 
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