Dear X

[Kitty_Schrödinger]

Dear X,

Took me 3 days to open email you send me. I wish I haven't bothered. I don't think there is anything worth explaining or talking over.

Wish you best,
me

 

[MikeCasanova]

Dear computer,

What's with your screen dying? Jerk.

 

[Millianthe]

Dear Self...

Don't try to figure it out... you know you're an idiot anyway

Love
The DUH Side of You

 

[Isid]

Dear me

Doh!

Peaceful night
me

 

[Wings27]

Dear X,

Your smile, it just shoots me right in to the stratosphere. I don't think I could adore you more and then you go and say something that just makes me fall even further.

Love,
Me

 

[lovemonster]

Dear Snow,

Fuck off now.

Respectfully yours,

LM
x

 

[EnglishRoseFox]

Dear Snow,

Fuck off now.

Respectfully yours,

LM
x

Dear Snow

What she said. Bored with it now *sigh*

Also Respectfully yours

Rosie

 

[Millianthe]

Non Lit

Dear Head Up Your Ass Credit Policy Management~

Let's get this straight, shall we? You wrote into bank policy that you do not want this paragraph included in the insurance certificates we receive... HOWEVER, when this particular Desk Jockey (ME) called the agent to have said paragraph removed, I was politely informed that it CANNOT be removed since it is required by state law.

So tell me you fart sniffing goat fuckers, what part of CHECK WITH THE LEGAL DEPARTMENT BEFORE WRITING POLICY did you not comprehend??? If it is a state or federal law or requirement, it cannot be changed or removed just because you Boo-Fucking-Hoo don't like it!!!

Dear Gawd, even this underpaid desk jockey knows that you best make sure something can be changed without it being...hmmm... what's the word... OH Illegal!!!!!!

Signed
Why The Fuck Don't I Get Paid The Big Money For Finding These Fuck Ups???

 

[bisolom]

Non Lit

Dear Head Up Your Ass Credit Policy Management~

Let's get this straight, shall we? You wrote into bank policy that you do not want this paragraph included in the insurance certificates we receive... HOWEVER, when this particular Desk Jockey (ME) called the agent to have said paragraph removed, I was politely informed that it CANNOT be removed since it is required by state law.

So tell me you fart sniffing goat fuckers, what part of CHECK WITH THE LEGAL DEPARTMENT BEFORE WRITING POLICY did you not comprehend??? If it is a state or federal law or requirement, it cannot be changed or removed just because you Boo-Fucking-Hoo don't like it!!!

Dear Gawd, even this underpaid desk jockey knows that you best make sure something can be changed without it being...hmmm... what's the word... OH Illegal!!!!!!

Signed
Why The Fuck Don't I Get Paid The Big Money For Finding These Fuck Ups???

The fuck-ups are highly paid because of all the jobs they create...
hiring people to correct their fuck-ups.

 

[theravenfox]

Dear Anonymous Comment Contibutor,

It's one thing to not like my story. That's cool. No one can please everyone everytime. If you'd said that you didn't like x or y or z about my story and had the BALLS to leave your email address, I might have taken your comment as constructive criticism. But to leave me a fucking NOVEL making fun of my storytelling style and mocking me personally? That's pretty childish and OBVIOUS.

1. It was the second story I'd ever recorded. Yes, it could have been more polished.

2. It's funny that it came out back in June and you just now got around to listening and hating it. Strange, really. Could it be that I'm possibly up for an award for that story? (That's the OBVIOUS part, Sparky)

3. Your comment was deleted. If you care to try again, do try to keep it under eight sentences and leave an email address so that we can discuss your gripe. Otherwise, your next attempt to make me look bad so your or your friend's story can win will meet with the same delete button.

Sincerely,
Laughing At Your Piteful Ploy

 

[kiba]

dear x coach..hope you get what u deserve

 

[theravenfox]

Dear New Orleans Saints

Bless you boys! I wish my Daddy was still alive to see this season. I know he's watching, but I just wish he was watching with me. Win it for one of your biggest lifelong fans.

Signed

 

[alisonwunderlnd]

Dear stinky man on the bus
please find some soap and use plenty of it


Dear asshole at the cinema
you suck

Dear Urban Decay
either get my eyeshadow set back in or....well
just please get it in

 

[butters]

Dear new gas/electricity suppliers

remember you promised your prices were cheaper and you'd be saving me money?
well you're flamin' NOT! the price of your gas must be stoopid high since it wasn't exactly cold yesterday yet today it looked as though we must have endured a mini ice-age overnight.

not good in your first week - i give you two more and if it's as bad, i'll swap back again.

Yours sincerely

Ms Don't take the Piss!

 

[janeyl]

non lit related

Dear X

My aren't you getting fond of pontificating? And about stuff you clearly have no concept of except in your own increasingly twisted viewpoint

Good luck-I truly wish I was big enough to wish you well but I guess I'm just not as saintly as you clearly believe you are

Just waiting for it all to go spectacularly tits up because you are waaaay out of your depth and ivory towers of superiority get awfully lonely

Me

 

[kendra1980]

lit related

Dear X,

I haven't had much time to be on in the past couple days, but holy shit, that's funny.

VERY...lol

 

[EnglishRoseFox]

Dear Cute Online Boutique I Love

Please do you think you could deliver my dresses tomorrow morning so that if I don't like any of them I can buy something suitable when I go shopping on Wednesday. Super. Oh...and not before 8 would be good...cos I'll be in my jarmies

Yours

Beautiful Frocks Lover

 

[availableslave2u]

dear chair mat,
do you really think it's funny to roll up and the end and try to trip me all the time? i have enough issues with balance, i don't need your help, thank you all the same. yuck it up, your replacement should be delivered any day now.
signed,
i'll have the last laugh yet

 

[Morrigu]

Dear X

You should know by now that I do what I want and talk to who I want.

Sorry if that bothers you, but it's my life.

Yours

Shruggingly

 

[kendra1980]

Dear Airlines,

Ok, I do understand about the who airbus system of doing things, but I think it criminal that a 4 hour flight to Orlando costs about half of the 1 hour flight to Chicawgoah.

I really, REALLY don't want to take the train again, so your cooperation would be greatly appreciated.

~Looking for a lower, and fair, fare!

 

[call_me_Melody]

Dear crazy puppies,
I know you can't read..
but please wipe your feet before you come running in the house.
I think you are adorable and yes puppy snuggles make up for a lot, but enough already.
Tired of mopping the floor.
Thanks
Melody

 

[fathom7]

Dear Furnace Repair Guy:

Ok so the repairs are covered by a Home Buyer's Warranty -- does that mean that I have to wait for your FOUR FREAKING HOUR window of availability, three days after I requested the service before you show your smelly ass up here? Then, if by some weird chance I happen to have a life -- and I happen to be gone for a half hour during that four hour window and you do show up -- will you please just go in the garage and fix the damn furnace and take the check for the "deductible" I left for you? Or will you just leave me a note saying you missed me and that you won't be back again until July?

Sheesh.

 

[EnglishRoseFox]

Dear Weekend

Shape up nicely would you?

Thank you.

Living For The Weekends Me

 

[Gracie29]

Dear Mr. and Mrs. NonStupid,

I know that when I was at my most desperate earlier this week that I promised Mr. Nonstupid's and my mother that she could have another grandchild.

But, but, but .... to call just a few days later and announce that you're gonna have another baby? And that it's not a joke? Oy, but you've gone too far.

Seein' as though I've been raisin' your first two and finally thought I saw a light at the end of the tunnel considerin' they're both almost at the age for full-time school ... I really feel like I should have been consulted here.

Seriously.

Seriously?

Don't you remember that I cleaned out my house?! No more crib! No more high chair! No more infant car seat!

And damn you ...

Damn you cause I know the second I lay eyes on this baby, I'm gonna fall head over heels in love.

I hate you.

Sincerely,
Your loving sister and raiser of your children

 

[sexy_hottie_2003]

Dear Bro,

I cant take not seeing you anymore. Will you please get your handsome self online so we can talk because I miss you more than I can express. I think about you all the time. Remembering how good we were together in 07, oh god how good the sex was. I know you told me you havent' had a chance to be online because you sent me a email telling me so and that you love me just like I you. Fucking distance. If i could swim to get to you just to share 1 day with you I would. Please come and make me feel all "snuggly" all over.


Your loving sis,
Steph