Dear X

[aexoticgrl]

Dear slave girl,

That was a pretty funny stunt you pulled on Saturday. Lets just remember that I may be your sugar momma but I don't need a surprise visit to the salon that's going to cost me an arm and a leg. I'm your master and I expect you to perform. I'll think nothing of replacing you with someone who can handle my speed. As a side note, I'm looking forward to your makeover in January. You're going to be one hot little slut.

You deserve a spanking pet!!

 

[aexoticgrl]

Dear mommy,

You are the craziest person I know, next to grandma and my cousins. You make me laugh and I know that when I join the purple hat society all the ladies are going to be looking out for the crazy woman and her car. I hope that I become as independent and driven and have the tenacity to grab the bull by the horns like you do. By the way. Enjoy your new car. I want one for Christmas too.

Your only spoiled child,
Agave

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear teenagers who still go trick or treating,

Stop already. It is not only a sad sight but also annoying to watch you stick out your pillow case and say trick or treat to me each and every year. If you have grown pubes or experienced back acne then it is time to hang up the costume and take over passing out the candy so your mom and dad can get back to CSI.

Also can you come up with something more original than a gothic person or any other nonsensical easy to put together costume? I don't want to give away my candy to you guys. It cost me a lot of fucking money for a bag of the good shit and I am not about to waste all of the good leftovers on you lazy fuckers.

You see when I was trick or treating I remembered the house that gave away the shit candy and vowed I would never be that house when I grew up. I also remember the houses that have away a penny instead of candy. You can't even buy a tootsie roll for a penny you cheap fucks. So I only give away the good stuff. Snickers, kit kats, twix etc etc. when I am paying $30 to pass out candy I am hoping I only pass out about 2/3's of it so I can save the rest for drive by snacking when I am heading between the kitchen and living room.

You lazy shits need to go et a job and buy your own damn candy and leave the rest to the little kids too scared to come up to the door. I am taking te little man out tonight but it is only to see how cheap or how good my neighbors are. You can tell a lot about someone by the type of candy they pass out. I can already tell you that Brian on the left of me will be passing out apples or dates or some other obnoxious non-candy item. As for the others only one way to find out.

Happy Halloween to everyone. I will be the one in the serial rapist van with no windows playing ice cream truck music on my recorder. My goal is to be the pied piper of taking little kids good candy and giving them the shitty tootsie rolls and Brachs cinnamon disks I unfortunately get.

 

[Scentofawoman]

Dear IHC

Dude, you scare me.. Truly.

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Scent,

Well it is Halloween so I suppose that is par for the course.

 

[Scentofawoman]

Dear Scent,

Well it is Halloween so I suppose that is par for the course.

Sad think is I agree with you. I'm sick of the crappy candy. I want the good stuff. I have half a plastic grocery bag already of starbursts, nerds, and Skittles. I'm dying for the Almond Joys!

 

[IhateClowns]

Sad think is I agree with you. I'm sick of the crappy candy. I want the good stuff. I have half a plastic grocery bag already of starbursts, nerds, and Skittles. I'm dying for the Almond Joys!

Exactly. If I want a butterscotch disc or a tootsie roll then I will look in my couch cushion.

 

[luvthedesserts]

Dear candy snobs.

A little trick I learned once upon a time. Buy candy you like, eat candy, hand out toothbrushes so you're never bothered on Halloween again.


The guy that's rarely ever Sincere

 

[Scentofawoman]

Exactly. If I want a butterscotch disc or a tootsie roll then I will look in my couch cushion.

Oh yeah the generic candy... However I like the bags of chips. Those come in great as a midnight snack.

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear candy snobs.

A little trick I learned once upon a time. Buy candy you like, eat candy, hand out toothbrushes so you're never bothered on Halloween again.


The guy that's rarely ever Sincere

Dear Terrible terrible idea person.

What's a toothbrush?

Signed,

Oklahoman

 

[Scentofawoman]

Dear candy snobs.

A little trick I learned once upon a time. Buy candy you like, eat candy, hand out toothbrushes so you're never bothered on Halloween again.


The guy that's rarely ever Sincere

Lol!

Dude your house is going to be TP'd by those teenagers IHC was complaining about.

 

[IhateClowns]

Oh yeah the generic candy... However I like the bags of chips. Those come in great as a midnight snack.

A little salt with that sugar never hurts. All I know is that if you go to the grocery store and buy your Halloween candy using a scale and bag it yourself then you are a cheap fuck and shouldn't be allowed to live in a house and pass out candy. Just turn your lights off and let people wonder if you are on te sex offender list and aren't allowed to turn your light on during Halloween.

 

[Scentofawoman]

A little salt with that sugar never hurts. All I know is that if you go to the grocery store and buy your Halloween candy using a scale and bag it yourself then you are a cheap fuck and shouldn't be allowed to live in a house and pass out candy. Just turn your lights off and let people wonder if you are on te sex offender list and aren't allowed to turn your light on during Halloween.

Bwahahaha! .. That is just not right.

Times are hard, there can be some exceptions made.

 

[IhateClowns]

Bwahahaha! .. That is just not right.

Times are hard, there can be some exceptions made.

If you have to give blood or any other bodily fluid to get enough money to buy some fun size treats then do it. There is no excuse. Otherwise sell your home and move into an apt complex on the 3rd floor. No parent is walking 3 flights of stairs even if there are Twix up there.

 

[Scentofawoman]

If you have to give blood or any other bodily fluid to get enough money to buy some fun size treats then do it. There is no excuse. Otherwise sell your home and move into an apt complex on the 3rd floor. No parent is walking 3 flights of stairs even if there are Twix up there.

Lmao! True I might do it for Almond Joys, but it better be a bag, not the rinky-dinky fun size.

 

[someoneyouknow]

Dear Latin American female driver,

The person you cut in front of had the competency to realize they would be blocking the intersection because the traffic was backed up and left a wide gap in case the light changed.

You, being completely oblivious as you yacked on your cel phone, filled that gap and, as expected, blocked the intersection so neither the opposing traffic nor myself could proceed until half our light cycle had evaporated.

As I have said with some frequency, there's a reason I don't own a gun. Had I one, I probably would have flattened all your tires and let you explain to the cops why you were blocking the intersection while talking on your phone.

Stereotypes exist for a reason. Congratulations on perpetuating one of them.

Where's a copy when you need one?

 

[IhateClowns]

Lmao! True I might do it for Almond Joys, but it better be a bag, not the rinky-dinky fun size.

I do enjoy some coconut and nuts from time to time but those aren't even worth a trip up to the 3rd floor.

 

[aexoticgrl]

Dear Man I met yesterday,

You don't know this yet, but I've dreamed about your pet for years. You made me blush and my fingers tingle. The next time I see you I'm going to ask for a ride. Your taste is impeccable and I promise to trade equally if you give me the chance to touch it. Thank you for introducing me to her. She made tremble when I first saw her and I think she'd purr under my tuteledge.

Catch me if you can~

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear snickering cashier,

Go ahead and stare at me. Go ahead and announce a price check. I watched the head pop out of her vagina like a back zit being popped. There is nothing that phases me anymore. So when she asks me to go get some tampons and a few other feminine items I say yes ma'am. Not because I want to do them for her but because it gets me out of the house for an hour or so.

So go ahead and snicker. Go ahead and point and laugh. I don't give a shit. By doing this simple task it allows me to not have to change the next diaper and be able to watch the game for a while.

That's what love is.

Signed,

Comfortable with my masculinity.

 

[ydahecnot]

Dear Man I met yesterday,

You don't know this yet, but I've dreamed about your pet for years. You made me blush and my fingers tingle. The next time I see you I'm going to ask for a ride. Your taste is impeccable and I promise to trade equally if you give me the chance to touch it. Thank you for introducing me to her. She made tremble when I first saw her and I think she'd purr under my tuteledge.

Catch me if you can~

I can't lie, this is pretty hot.

 

[Treasured]

Dear Whoever was snooping in my desk drawer.

I enjoyed opening my desk to find my bag of trail mix gone. You lousy piece of shit couldn't even toss the empty bag in the garbage. For a minute I thought I was at home with my kids. Seriously, I am not pissed you ate it, but if I am going to feed your ugly ass the least you can do is clean up after yourself. I have a feeling you are the same one who ate my goldfish last week and left the crumbs all over the bottom of my desk drawer along with the zip lock bag. I wonder how well you're going to like the buffalo wing combos.

Looking forward to hearing the guys talking about your heartburn.

 

[Aquagal]

Dear Whoever was snooping in my desk drawer.

I enjoyed opening my desk to find my bag of trail mix gone. You lousy piece of shit couldn't even toss the empty bag in the garbage. For a minute I thought I was at home with my kids. Seriously, I am not pissed you ate it, but if I am going to feed your ugly ass the least you can do is clean up after yourself. I have a feeling you are the same one who ate my goldfish last week and left the crumbs all over the bottom of my desk drawer along with the zip lock bag. I wonder how well you're going to like the buffalo wing combos.

Looking forward to hearing the guys talking about your heartburn.

Slip something mixed in there that will cause them to have diarrhea.

 

[BradBigBrain]

Slip something mixed in there that will cause them to have diarrhea.

You always have such a nice thing to say!

 

[Treasured]

Slip something mixed in there that will cause them to have diarrhea.

The dried prunes and raisens in the trail mix should have done that, but next week there will be a lil sumfing sumfing for my mouse

 

[Aquagal]

The dried prunes and raisens in the trail mix should have done that, but next week there will be a lil sumfing sumfing for my mouse

If only you could put a little visine in there.