Dear X:

[ultramarineblue]

Dear H,

I'm sorry you felt as if I did not care about listening to you. I felt you did not want to talk and that you wanted space.

And more than telling you to just ask if there is anything you want me to do for you, I don't know what to do.

I know it is harder for you than for me. But that does not mean it is easy for me.
I'm doing my best, I'm keeping things together, I'm trying to be there when you want/need and give you space when that is what you want/need. I am not a mind reader (although I'm pretty good at that) and sometime I get the mixed signaling wrong.

You want to talk to me, but if all you do is say a word every 15 minutes, in the middle of the night ... sometime I'm going to fall asleep. And during the day ... I might wonder if you are done. And if I ask than you feel I want to cut you short, and if I talk or say something than you accuse me of not listening and turning it about myself instead.

So I came to listen to you. And after 20min you just said one sentence, that I've heard over and over and over. To which I know every single reaction I had has never been the right one. There is no freaking right reaction to someone telling you in a round about way that they do not think they see life worth living anymore!

What do you want me to say? That I understand? you say I don't and you are right (not really but let's not argue). If I don't say anything, than you get pissed and ask if I don't have anything to say. If I tell you that you have so much to live for, a wife and kids that adore you, than you say that yes but you don't have a scope and you are a failure. If I point out otherwise, you say that it is not true anyway. And so what do you want me to say? "there is the balcony, sorry to hear that but I'll accept that you are jumping?" Is that what you want to hear?

So this time I told you all of the above and went as far as to apply some though love: if you don't know what do you and have no energy to think what you want to do, than do what I tell you to do.

Of course that did not go down well and you stormed off pissed at me.

So now I'm here writing this letter that I don't think you'll ever see. Worrying that you are going to do something silly, knowing that you'll be mad with me and that there is nothing I can do about it. But that I'll still try to talk to you, listen to you, do whatever you want me to. Until you get out of this funk and things are well for a little bit. Before they come crushing down again.

I'm just tired of being wrong no matter what. If I do, if I don't do, if I say, if I don't say, if I'm up-beat, if I'm sympathetic, if I'm cool, if I'm distant, if I'm emotional, if I'm rational, if I'm trying to pretend things are ok, if I try to prevent your needs.

More than telling you that I'll support you no matter what you want to do if it makes you happy, what else do you want me to say?

I love you.
No matter what.

Just never forget it.

your wife

You are a strong awesome lady!

 

[rida]

You are a strong awesome lady!

Thank you.

He is doing the best he can with what he has. He is being the best person he knows how to be in the present situation. Ultimately, that is the only thing we can demand to another person.



(And even if you don't believe it yet, you are a strong and awesome lady too. )



.

 

[LegsApart]

Dear G,

Thank you for everything...

This may not end up well, but at least I am trying to take the right path..



F.E.M

 

[StrayKat]

Dear Higher Power,

I'm tired of existing. I'm tired of feeling this way over and over. I'm tired of trying to be different and better and it not working. This cycle sucks and I wish I knew a way to end it. Please let me die soon. I wish I could give the years I have left to live to someone who deserves it more.

I dont know who made you feel you dont deserve (good) life, but when I read this I want to smash his/her face. I am so sorry you feel that way.

 

[sinnocence]

Dear extremely boring English term paper,

I hate you. A lot. Go fuc-...write...yourself.

-Me

 

[Nymphomaniacal]

I dont know who made you feel you dont deserve (good) life, but when I read this I want to smash his/her face. I am so sorry you feel that way.

I second this motion.

Dear Hubby-

Happy Birthday My love. You are my world and I am so glad I found you

Love,
Your wifey

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Dear extremely boring English term paper,

I hate you. A lot. Go fuc-...write...yourself.

-Me

There's nothing worse than a boring assignment!

*sends chocolate*

 

[sinnocence]

There's nothing worse than a boring assignment!

*sends chocolate*

Tell me about it. This one is going to kill me, I'm sure.

Thanks a bunch for the chocolate!

 

[ultramarineblue]

Thank you.

He is doing the best he can with what he has. He is being the best person he knows how to be in the present situation. Ultimately, that is the only thing we can demand to another person.



(And even if you don't believe it yet, you are a strong and awesome lady too. )

.

I just don't see it yet. I appreciate that you think so.

I dont know who made you feel you dont deserve (good) life, but when I read this I want to smash his/her face. I am so sorry you feel that way.

I second this motion.

Thank you guys.


Dear Higher Power,

Please let me catch a break. I'm trying to be positive. I wish I hadn't tried to be helpful tonight. She's always so lucky. I can't afford to do repairs right now.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Dear Higher Power,

I'm tired of existing. I'm tired of feeling this way over and over. I'm tired of trying to be different and better and it not working. This cycle sucks and I wish I knew a way to end it. Please let me die soon. I wish I could give the years I have left to live to someone who deserves it more.

I dont know who made you feel you dont deserve (good) life, but when I read this I want to smash his/her face. I am so sorry you feel that way.

I second this motion.

Thank you guys.

Dear Higher Power,

Please let me catch a break. I'm trying to be positive. Why did that animal have to run out in front of me tonight?

I'll third SK's motion above.

As for that animal, maybe some of its acquaintances made it feel that life was not worth living. See how that thought made you feel? Think how your friends (including here) and family would feel if you were to take its place.

Is that a little harsh? Yeah, it is, but I've known people who have decided to "check out" ahead of schedule, including a couple of friends. It hurt many more people than they admitted or recognized... and besides, it's always seemed to me that it would be much more satisfying to continue on and show the world that you're better than what whoever it was tried to make you feel.

 

[ultramarineblue]

I'll third SK's motion above.

As for that animal, maybe some of its acquaintances made it feel that life was not worth living. See how that thought made you feel? Think how your friends (including here) and family would feel if you were to take its place.

Is that a little harsh? Yeah, it is, but I've known people who have decided to "check out" ahead of schedule, including a couple of friends. It hurt many more people than they admitted or recognized... and besides, it's always seemed to me that it would be much more satisfying to continue on and show the world that you're better than what whoever it was tried to make you feel.

I'm not going to do anything only because how I know it will make others feel.

I don't know if I will ever feel that I'm better that what I've been made to feel. It's about all I've ever known. I try to move beyond it but I come right back where I was. I've been really trying to be better for the last couple of years. I've tried to be very conscious of my decisions, actions, and consequences. I can hold it together for a while but then it falls apart.

I just hate for my friends to see me come back to that low place over and over. It makes them feel bad when there is apparently nothing either them or I can do about it.

 

[Nymphomaniacal]

I'm not going to do anything only because how I know it will make others feel.

I don't know if I will ever feel that I'm better that what I've been made to feel. It's about all I've ever known. I try to move beyond it but I come right back where I was. I've been really trying to be better for the last couple of years. I've tried to be very conscious of my decisions, actions, and consequences. I can hold it together for a while but then it falls apart.

I just hate for my friends to see me come back to that low place over and over. It makes them feel bad when there is apparently nothing either them or I can do about it.

But you have to understand, your friends, the ones worth your time will be with you no matter what. Thick or thin, up or down, they love you for who you are and will always try to make you feel loved or wanted. It wont be a burden or a problem when youre going through a rough time to try to help you out.

 

[gigi1968]

I'm not going to do anything only because how I know it will make others feel.

I don't know if I will ever feel that I'm better that what I've been made to feel. It's about all I've ever known. I try to move beyond it but I come right back where I was. I've been really trying to be better for the last couple of years. I've tried to be very conscious of my decisions, actions, and consequences. I can hold it together for a while but then it falls apart.

I just hate for my friends to see me come back to that low place over and over. It makes them feel bad when there is apparently nothing either them or I can do about it.

Trust me I understand what you are saying. And thanks for the encouraging messages you have sent me. They kept me going through the worst part of my release. I am picking up the pieces. I so know last week that yes things did cross my mind that should not have and I am not proud that I allowed him to get to me that way. I will watch out more in the future who I wish to share my gift of submission with.

 

[ultramarineblue]

But you have to understand, your friends, the ones worth your time will be with you no matter what. Thick or thin, up or down, they love you for who you are and will always try to make you feel loved or wanted. It wont be a burden or a problem when youre going through a rough time to try to help you out.

That's for the most part true. I think there are a few circumstances where your friends may not stick with you. If you are continually repeating the same self-destructive behaviour without really seeking help, I don't see that a true friend would be able to watch you self-destruct. There's generally a lot more to it usually than just that though. I recently went through a situation like that and it was one of the hardest things I've ever done.

Trust me I understand what you are saying. And thanks for the encouraging messages you have sent me. They kept me going through the worst part of my release. I am picking up the pieces. I so know last week that yes things did cross my mind that should not have and I am not proud that I allowed him to get to me that way. I will watch out more in the future who I wish to share my gift of submission with.

Thank you and you're welcome. I'm so glad that my messages helped in some small way.

 

[insert____here]

dear x

fuck off. you are a sociopathic, alcoholic wank stain who's sole existence is making others feel like shit because the fact that you are the world's biggest loser cannot possibly be your fault. karma be damned, every morning i sincerely hope that you have dropped dead in a very painful way.

from the only woman no longer willing to take your crap.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

dear x,

Repeated, publicly.

Back. The. Fuck. Off. Now.

The boundaries are pretty fucking obvious here.

 

[sb2009]

Ultramarineblue...this sounds like one of those times where you just might have to trudge along, one step at a time, for a bit. To just concentrate on getting that one foot out, and down to the ground. And then the next one up. Keeping going when you want to just lie down is the hardest thing out there.

But there is light at the end of the tunnel. You can't see it yet. But it's there. PM me if you want to talk...when all you see is darkness ahead of you, mabye someone on the other side shouting "hey, over, here...right here" can help a bit.

 

[ImOnIt]

Dear X and X and X

Continue to be awesome. Be happier if two of you get over your arguments, but fuck you are great friends so

 

[StrayKat]

Dear T

Another day passing by without me writing that mail. And I know you will not make an issue out of it or go sulking in a corner.
I really cannot understand how can you be so positive and so full of patience with all the crap you have to bear with daily. I cannot understand how can you bear with my moods and defiance and plain bitchiness on top of all that. First time in my life someone makes me feel undeserving. Yet when I tell you how much better you deserve you tell me to shut up since I am the only one you want, period.
You are too good to be true. I am so lucky

 

[jenniferbaby]

Dear X,

You might be right, but damn I hope you're not.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Other X,

These moods are getting harder and harder to deal with.

 

[CurlyKat]

Dear Little Sis,

I wish there was something I could say or do to make this easier for you. Part of me wishes it was me, because you will be such a better mother than I will. The other part of me feels bad that I don't wish whole-heartedly that it was me instead of you. You shouldn't have to deal with any of these issues, at least not now.

You were wondering why I seemed to be taking it a little harder than you expected, since I don't normally show you the more emotional side of me. This situation plays into some of my biggest fears. And again, I feel so selfish that my own personal fears are popping up from this instead of just being sympathetic to your situation.

I hope the CT scan finds good things tomorrow instead of more bad, as it seems to be the case every step of the way so far. I'll be here for you the entire time, I hope you know that.

Love you,
Big Sis

 

[Kajira Callista]

Dear X,
I think I really do get how fun it is for you to know I am squirming waiting for your call.
Please? Tomorrow?

 

[ultramarineblue]

Ultramarineblue...this sounds like one of those times where you just might have to trudge along, one step at a time, for a bit. To just concentrate on getting that one foot out, and down to the ground. And then the next one up. Keeping going when you want to just lie down is the hardest thing out there.

But there is light at the end of the tunnel. You can't see it yet. But it's there. PM me if you want to talk...when all you see is darkness ahead of you, mabye someone on the other side shouting "hey, over, here...right here" can help a bit.

Thank you. I'm finding myself so busy right now that I don't have time to think about much.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

.......

 

[Kajira Callista]

Dear E,
Be careful what you wish for my dear.
It really wouldnt be so hard for me to find a girl to join in our fun.
Are ya really up for it daddy?