Dear X:

[_Lynn_]

Dear X

You won't win.

 

[SeaCat]

Dear Whoever's in Charge of Dispersing Stray Cats;

We really don't mind the little ones showing up at our doorstep needing a new home. Jane, Rebecca and Sweetie have all been fine cats.

However, just once could you deliver a male (neutered would be wonderful, but we're not expecting miracles) instead of a female either in heat or almost ready to deliver kittens? A few that aren't starving when we take them in would be greatly appreciated, too.

Oh, and the new cat you sent us this morning? Her name seems to be Diva. We'll take her in to get her spayed as soon as we get her weight up so she can survive the surgery.

Thank you.

Glynndah

Glyndah,

Smokey, Bobba Shay, Critter, Magellin, Squeak and Scrapper thank you for this. (They are my Herd by the way.)

Cat

 

[glynndah]

Glyndah,

Smokey, Bobba Shay, Critter, Magellin, Squeak and Scrapper thank you for this. (They are my Herd by the way.)

Cat

She just showed up this morning, extremely skinny and extremely loud and extremely demanding. Hence the name Diva. She's a black and yellow mottled calico, a very striking little cat. We fed her cat food and tuna and left her some water. If she's still around on Monday, we'll call the vet and get her fixed up. Even if she decides not to stay, at least she won't be having any kittens.

 

[rydia57]

Dear Microsoft,

Just cos you guys put out a new OS every two or three years does not mean that everyone wants to use it. Everyone has their favorite chair, their favorite games and their favorite toys. Let them use their favoirte operating systems without you trying to force them on to the latest half assed one! If it does what you want it to... why change?

 

[matriarch]

Dear X

Why the fuck do I bother, day after day........I might as well be fucking invisible.

pissed off poster

 

[neonlyte]

Dear X

Why the fuck do I bother, day after day........I might as well be fucking invisible.

pissed off poster

I get that a lot

 

[scheherazade_79]

Dear Mam,

I know it's a pain in the arse that the chicken's gone off, but do we have to go out to the xxxxxxx's xxxxxxx for Sunday lunch?

It's overpriced and they serve up slurry. To be honest, I'd be disappointed with that kind of fare if I'd ordered it for £1.99 from a greasy spoon cafe. And to make matters worse, the place has all the ambience of a nursing home.

I'd rather have a McDonald's instead

Zade
xxx

 

[Vermilion]

Dear Whoever,

I know i should be able to get a 2:1 even if I utterly cock up tomorrow's exam (which, let's face it, is a distinct possibility) but I still don;t want to make a complete tit of myself. People I respect are going to read my pitiful answers and see what a tenuous grasp I have on this module and I will feel ashamed of myself. I am dreading tomorrow, not because I *need* the marks, though they'd probably help, but because I hace self-respect and pride in my work and abilities and I really just don't understand this module. I have no idea how to answer questions on it or what would make appropriate examples. I missed 1 seminar out of 14 and it feels like I missed about half of them I am so all-at-sea.

Please help get me through.

x
V

 

[scheherazade_79]

Dear Whoever,

I know i should be able to get a 2:1 even if I utterly cock up tomorrow's exam (which, let's face it, is a distinct possibility) but I still don;t want to make a complete tit of myself. People I respect are going to read my pitiful answers and see what a tenuous grasp I have on this module and I will feel ashamed of myself. I am dreading tomorrow, not because I *need* the marks, though they'd probably help, but because I hace self-respect and pride in my work and abilities and I really just don't understand this module. I have no idea how to answer questions on it or what would make appropriate examples. I missed 1 seminar out of 14 and it feels like I missed about half of them I am so all-at-sea.

Please help get me through.

x
V

Dear Mils,

People who mark exam papers don't have the time to go looking up references and quotes. Success is all to do with sounding convincing in what you're writing about. Just pretend you're an expert in this module, and the rest will all come naturally

Zade
xxx

 

[Guest]

dear my favourite vibrator

i'm not giving you up. i'm simplu trading you in for something else. variety is the spice of life. i'm not a player. i will always love you.

jessi

 

[Fallenfromgrace]

Dear P,

You owe me a sunset, and quite frankly i think we both deserve it.

So, let's dine and talk, play footsie if you so please, and then take a walk.

Let's watch the sun disapear, and wrap around each other to protect against the drop in temperature.

Perhaps we can fall into the water together? And maybe get to that island?

Then upon our return, let's shun the rest of the world and revel in each others company.

We deserve it, and need it.

what say you?

<3

 

[Misty_Morning]

Dear P,

You owe me a sunset, and quite frankly i think we both deserve it.

So, let's dine and talk, play footsie if you so please, and then take a walk.

Let's watch the sun disapear, and wrap around each other to protect against the drop in temperature.

Perhaps we can fall into the water together? And maybe get to that island?

Then upon our return, let's shun the rest of the world and revel in each others company.

We deserve it, and need it.

what say you?

<3

Dear N,


OK

 

[oggbashan]

Various Roads

Dear County Councillor X,

Yes, it was astute of you to put an item on the agenda as "Various Roads, Anontown" for an introduction of a limited parking period, and especially clever to get the thickest City Councillor (of another party) to endorse it, and sneaky of you to get the item deferred until after the recent election but...

We have noticed that you are proposing to put yellow lines around half the town centre that hasn't already got yellow lines and that "various roads" is the full length of 12 roads, and the proposal is for four miles of yellow lines.

You won't keep it quiet. We'll let everyone know exactly what "Various Roads" will do and make you very unpopular even with your own party.

 

[Just-Legal]

Dear Mat

<3

--

Dear Family.

How wonderful! You sat down and had a light lunch, and some tea and biscuits. I come down to enquire when we're going to DIY store to find this peaceful scene.

Why didn't you ask me to join you? Oh wait, I forgot, I'm "ensconced in my room". Social pariah.

Let me tell you something - the only reason my sister doesn't spend all her time in her room is because her TV and PC are in the room so laughably referred to as our shared sitting room. I am not welcome there. So I make myself comfortable in my room, because I have no where else in the house to go. Mum has three rooms. Dad has three rooms. Sister has two. I have one.

And you wonder why I feel isolated?! I'm not welcome in your sitting room. Dad deliberately puts on shows I can't stand to make me leave. Sister will bitch and whine at me not spending any time with her yet I'm so clearly damn unwelcome I've stopped bothering trying to share that room with her.

You want me to spend time with you yet you isolate and ostracise me? Fine.

Oh - and just because YOU have had YOUR lunch, doesn't mean I have had mine. Deciding to clean out the dining room when I so patently want to sit in there? Not fair. I don't LIKE carting food all the way up to my room because likely as not I'll keep forgetting to take the dishes back down.

So I'm back to sitting in my room and crying. And I was doing so well.

And DAMN YOU for stranding me here this week. I need a break and now I can't do it. STOP ORGANISING WORKMEN FOR WHEN YOU'RE NOT HERE! PUT UP WITH THE FUCKIGN NOISE AND DISTURBANCE YOURSELF FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIVES!

I am NOT your slave and I do NOT deserve to be treated like this!

 

[FatDino]

Dear Lit stories,

Thank you. I love you.

Forever your fan,

Dino.

~~~

Dear muscles,

Yes, I know you're all hating me right now, but can you please love me again on Tuesday? I really need you at work.

Your slave,

Dino.

~~~

Dear Breakfast in Bed,

Has anyone told you lately that you're the best? Well, you are.

A sleepy but satiated organism,

Dino.

 

[Just-Legal]

Dear Dino:

*offers sore muscle massage*

J-L

 

[FatDino]

Dear Dino:

*offers sore muscle massage*

J-L

Dear Legal,

*rolls on my stomach*

Dino.

 

[Just-Legal]

Dear Legal,

*rolls on my stomach*

Dino.

Dear Dino:

You're not allergic to anything are you?

*gets the Lush massage bars and grins*

J-L

 

[FatDino]

Dear Dino:

You're not allergic to anything are you?

*gets the Lush massage bars and grins*

J-L

Dear J-L,

Nope, I'm only allergic to roaches.

Dino.

 

[Just-Legal]

Dear J-L,

Nope, I'm only allergic to roaches.

Dino.

Dear Dino:

In that case, close your eyes and think of Eng... no wait. think of relaxed muscles.

*sets to work*

J-L

 

[FatDino]

Dear Dino:

In that case, close your eyes and think of Eng... no wait. think of relaxed muscles.

*sets to work*

J-L

Dear J-L,

Mmm hmm mmm...

Dino.

 

[bluebell]

"Not Hercules could have knocked out his brains, for he had none."

To: The people who live on the second floor of the house diagonally across from my apartment

I love that you let your fat, furry, fluffadelic cat out to walk the porch railing and contentedly plop its squishy body down on the roof to nap and purr in the sun.

I think it's grand, and quite honestly- it makes me want to purr also.

From: Your somewhat nosey (but only in the best way) neighbor

-----

Dear dickweed on my street who owns a rare, domestic, ten-foot Anaconda,

Can I just tell you how glorious you are?
Truly.

I mean, it's such a joy to know that you not only keep a large and disgruntled exotic pet that kills things by squeezing their innards and then unhinges its jaw so that it can swallow the whole damn thing, AND that you have managed to let that Cute Beastie escape onto our street.
I hear the Environmental Protection Agency has been called.
Kudos, really, at achieving a level of witlessness that is worthy of documentation, or perhaps an award.

If I hear that that Thing has killed the cat mentioned above...oh boy.
Fuck the EPA. I will hunt your precious pet down with a machete and make a nice, messy end of it.

Yours truly,

Girl from the third floor

 

[Just-Legal]

To: The people who live on the second floor of the house diagonally across from my apartment

I love that you let your fat, furry, fluffadelic cat out to walk the porch railing and contentedly plop its squishy body down on the roof to nap and purr in the sun.

I think it's grand, and quite honestly- it makes me want to purr also.

From: Your somewhat nosey (but only in the best way) neighbor

Dear Bluebell

Be a good neighbour and warn them if they don't already know, I'd hate to see harm come to that magnificent moggy you describe.

 

[Fallenfromgrace]

Meri pyaari 'Shere',

Main sirf tumko meri baahon mein lekke tujhe pyaar karna hain.

N

 

[FatDino]

Dear Grace,

Go study, damn it. Do you want to be worried still about psych when you have your sunset later?

Dino.