Dear Clowns

[IhateClowns]

Wouldn't that be just about right we beat K State and in the BCS it happens again a team beats OU on the field and is ranked below them with the same number of losses......Stoops would love that again.....

They haven't won a BSC game in a while I know that. I am amazed at how many people despise Landry Jones up here. He is the bet quarterback statistically they have ever had, he beat us over and over. Ou fans are dolts.

 

[Pinktacokitty]

They haven't won a BSC game in a while I know that. I am amazed at how many people despise Landry Jones up here. He is the bet quarterback statistically they have ever had, he beat us over and over. Ou fans are dolts.

You mean all except for one, She is beautiful and puts up with you.......

 

[IhateClowns]

You mean all except for one, She is beautiful and puts up with you.......

She is a dolt for marrying me .

Thank for the reminder lol. Gotta watch myself lumping them all together when I am married to one.

 

[availableslave2u]

dear clowns,
why don't people in chicago put ketchup on their hot dogs? it's a big deal if you ask for ketchup on your wiener. why do you think that is?
signed,
wondering about wieners

 

[IhateClowns]

dear clowns,
why don't people in chicago put ketchup on their hot dogs? it's a big deal if you ask for ketchup on your wiener. why do you think that is?
signed,
wondering about wieners

Dear period wiener lover,

Folks in Chicago like to be different. Deep down they want a bloody wiener. They also like to eat smoked salmon with tarter sauce, but they will never admit that either. Bottom line is that people from Chicago are no different than the rest of us, they just pretend to think they are.

So you know what? Ask for a bloody period wiener with pride. Let those people know that ketchup isn't just for Cheetos (try it before you vomit at the thought) and demand your dog to be smothered in the Heinz love juice.

 

[availableslave2u]

dear clowns,
i was just wondering if you had a favorite joke.

i'll tell you one of my favorites......did you hear about the two cannibals who were eating a clown? one looks at the other and says, does this taste funny to you? i know, you're groaning and rolling your eyes, but it makes me laugh.

would you share with me one of your favorite jokes (although it will be hard to top mine, i know)

signed,
tickle me pink

 

[IhateClowns]

dear clowns,
i was just wondering if you had a favorite joke.

i'll tell you one of my favorites......did you hear about the two cannibals who were eating a clown? one looks at the other and says, does this taste funny to you? i know, you're groaning and rolling your eyes, but it makes me laugh.

would you share with me one of your favorite jokes (although it will be hard to top mine, i know)

signed,
tickle me pink

Dear pink being tickled,

I am not a big joke teller. I like story telling. I liked your joke though.

I have always liked:

''A Dyslexic man walks into a bra''

I used that line a few times on women before. It actually worked.

 

[availableslave2u]

Dear pink being tickled,

I am not a big joke teller. I like story telling. I liked your joke though.

I have always liked:

''A Dyslexic man walks into a bra''

I used that line a few times on women before. It actually worked.

ok, one more joke and then we return to the previously scheduled dear clowns thread.....

a neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink. the bartender says 'for you, no charge'

thanks to the big bang theory for that one.

 

[availableslave2u]

dear clowns,
i don't feel like sending christmas cards out this year. i usually send them every other year, but haven't done it in 2 years now. i guess i should, so everyone will have my new address (which is actually my old address before my old new address ) and know that i'm divorced. it wouldn't be a big deal, but i send out about 140 christmas cards. well, now i can take some off the list, since they were only sent out because they were his family or friends. it will still be over 100. do you think i need to send them?
signed,
in a christmas card quandry

 

[availableslave2u]

dear clowns,
what do you do when the advice columnist quits responding to the inquiries??
signed,
patiently waiting

 

[IhateClowns]

dear clowns,
i don't feel like sending christmas cards out this year. i usually send them every other year, but haven't done it in 2 years now. i guess i should, so everyone will have my new address (which is actually my old address before my old new address ) and know that i'm divorced. it wouldn't be a big deal, but i send out about 140 christmas cards. well, now i can take some off the list, since they were only sent out because they were his family or friends. it will still be over 100. do you think i need to send them?
signed,
in a christmas card quandry

Dear Hallmark Challenged,

No don't send them out. Christmas cards are old fashioned. They get tossed away right after they are received. It will cost you $50 just in shipping postage alone. Instead send out group emails. Those are always a hoot to receive. Especially if you put on there that if they don't forward it to at least 5 people a kitten will get run over. Everyone loves a group email. They just mean more.

 

[IhateClowns]

dear clowns,
what do you do when the advice columnist quits responding to the inquiries??
signed,
patiently waiting

Dear tapping foot waiter,

You tell him to quit accidentally unsubscribing to his own threads that way if by crazy chance someone posts in one then he will notice it.

 

[Aquagal]

dear clowns,
i don't feel like sending christmas cards out this year. i usually send them every other year, but haven't done it in 2 years now. i guess i should, so everyone will have my new address (which is actually my old address before my old new address ) and know that i'm divorced. it wouldn't be a big deal, but i send out about 140 christmas cards. well, now i can take some off the list, since they were only sent out because they were his family or friends. it will still be over 100. do you think i need to send them?
signed,
in a christmas card quandry

I think you should send out one of those awful Christmas letters. Instead of boasting about how smart Johnnie and Suzie are, tell the fam how little Britney is a fuck up and sasses back and sneaks boys in her room. And how Hubs had to do a little 30 day DUI stint in the local slammer. You've taken up smoking pot, but Hey it's just once a day! And boy teen has gotten the school Ho, pregnant. Ahhh good memories!

 

[availableslave2u]

dear clowns,
my nipples get extremely hard for no reason. i wind up sitting here with the headlights on high beams and i don't know why. should i play with them when they're like this or ignore them and hope they go away?
naughty nipples

 

[L8tnIt]

Dear Clowns,
I know I am on Santa's Naughty List, and he is going to bring me coal.
But all I ask for Christmas s something to keep warm because it is fucking freezing at night!
My question is this: If I ask for coal when I am on the Nice list, but am on the Naughty list where I am supposed to get coal instead of what I ask for... What is Santa going to bring?

 

[LadyVer]

Hey IHC. No special requests today. Hope you're recovering nicely from the stone thing. BTW, interesting new av.

 

[IhateClowns]

dear clowns,
my nipples get extremely hard for no reason. i wind up sitting here with the headlights on high beams and i don't know why. should i play with them when they're like this or ignore them and hope they go away?
naughty nipples

Dear naughty Nipples,

I would always suggest playing with your nipples. I would play with mine but they are almost in my armpits. I worry about elbowing my wife in the eye when I try to touch them. As for yours i say play with them. Not sexually mind you. I am talking Minute to Win it style games.

Get a rotary phone and time yourself dialing 911 with them. See how fast you can accomplish it before the police show up and send you to jail. That is always a fun game.

Maybe play ring toss with them. See how many times you can catch a ring with them. Nipples have many many uses and should be enjoed for what they are. Something for guys to glance at while hoping you didn't catch them

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Clowns,
I know I am on Santa's Naughty List, and he is going to bring me coal.
But all I ask for Christmas s something to keep warm because it is fucking freezing at night!
My question is this: If I ask for coal when I am on the Nice list, but am on the Naughty list where I am supposed to get coal instead of what I ask for... What is Santa going to bring?

Dear Coal Burner,

If you are on the naughty list and ask for coal, then Santa brings you diamonds and emeralds. So ask for the diamonds and emeralds to make sure you get just what you desire for Christmas.

Oh wait. It is after Christmas. I hope you got the coal you wished for and I pray that your smoke alarm has a carbon monoxide detector in it otherwise you will be seeing more than santa soon enough.

 

[IhateClowns]

Hey IHC. No special requests today. Hope you're recovering nicely from the stone thing. BTW, interesting new av.

Not sure which AV it was but I am healthy again and have a job that is paying me a lot more than what I was making before. So yeah i am doing better thank you for asking

 

[LusterMunky]

Dear IHC,

I've been absent from Lit, so I have no choice but to conclude you have as well. If I don't exist on Lit, neither do.

~ Real Munky

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear IHC,

I've been absent from Lit, so I have no choice but to conclude you have as well. If I don't exist on Lit, neither do.

~ Real Munky

Dear Munky,

I haven't been around much either. A lot of folks have left the place and although i still have a few friends on here, most of the ones I was closest to have taken off.

Good to see you around. Hope all is well.

 

[BradBigBrain]

Dear Munky,

I haven't been around much either. A lot of folks have left the place and although i still have a few friends on here, most of the ones I was closest to have taken off.

Good to see you around. Hope all is well.

Dear Clowns,

What?????

~ Still here

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear IHC,

I've been absent from Lit, so I have no choice but to conclude you have as well. If I don't exist on Lit, neither do.

~ Real Munky

Dear Non-existent,

I have NO clue what you are saying. Are you saying I don't exist if you don't or Lit doesn't exist if you don't? Either way it is very true. You complete me.

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Clowns,

What?????

~ Still here

Vagina. Vagina. Vagina. Vagina. Vagina. Pussy.

If you don't have any of the above features then the post wasn't about you

 

[SmileyGirl]

Dear Clowns can you explain this:

Who or what is Tuiasosopo?

Thanking you kindly