Dear Clowns

[IhateClowns]

Dear IHateClowns,
Congrats on all of your good fortunes... May the positive energy that you are recieving bless all who are willing (or somesuch well-wishing- you know I mean well)
Being such a well respected and well known vehicle of Wisdom, I thought that sharing some of the wisdom I have gathered from my hiatus on your thread would be the best way to share it (this wisdom) with everyone.

In my travels, I have learned that using chocolate pudding as lube for anal sex is not a good idea. The tales of horror surrounding how I learned this asound me still. I assure you, I learned this second-hand... I was never foolish enough to attempt, and now I never will be.

I have also learned that it is a very smart thing to do to shave "downstairs" when your orally-pleasing partner wears braces. The story practically writes itself, so I will not repeat this tale either.

I am a fan of your wisdom & wittisicm, and I appreciate sharing mine with you and your audience

Sincerely yours,

Walks Strange Roads

Wow a revival!!! Praise Jesus, Buddah, Allah or Bruce Willis

First off are you sure it was chocolate pudding? Was this "pudding" applied prior to the anal sex or did it magically appear during it? I have learned that if the person you have coerced through alcohol and candy hasn't emptied her bowels prior to a poop poke that is exactly what you are going to get.

Of course her ass is tight. No matter what porn you watch you should ever have two objects inserted in the same hole at the same time except for fingers and if you are into freeky shit I suppose toes as well. I would revisit that event and make sure pudding was applied prior. There is nothing worse than pulling your dick out and if you are white it comng out looking like a Baby Ruth and in my case a fun sized Baby Ruth. I have always wanted to be hung like a black guy but this is not the way of going about doing it.

See I shave downstairs because it makes my wiener grow a half inch. I used to not shave it and my pubic area looked like I had Gary Coleman in a leg lock. Contrary to popular belief, hair in braces is not an attractive look on a female and it isn't comfortable to a guy. Even if you are not acting like a human Epilady that is all we are thinking about. Good God don't like one of my hairs get caught in that steel trap. It ould look like a yoyo getting caught in a ceiling fan and no ne wants that.

Thanks for the well wishes!!!!

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Clowns,
I have found myself in need of advice. I like girls. I also sometimes like guys. How do I spend the occasional night out with a guy and not give him the impression that I want flowers sent to me or have him think I am wanting more than I am? I like to run with fun people and sometimes that includes dudes. When the conversation gets around to ex's and the like, I too often get labeled a man hater if I tell them I usually don't go for men. Where is the in between?

Dear lover of cunt and cock,

First off don't talk about ex's It never ends up good. No one wants to hear about terrible break-ups and why this and that didn't work out. As for flowers and not wanting them the next time you are on a date, make sure you go buy a flower shop and throw a rock through the window This type of subtle message will always sink in. Well with women it will. With guys we tend to be a nit more stupid so you might have to burn it down as well before we get the hint. Even then we will just stand there with ahard-on and a stupid grin wondering if this means we get to fuck later.

As for the inbetween, there is none. My suggestion to to stick with chicks. They are so muh better than us. Take it from me. All I have done is date and sleep wth chicks. They are SOOOO much better than dudes. No one thinks a penis is attractive. They are terrible looking appendages with a mind of their own. You only need two brains in a relationship and dating a guy will cause there to be three. That is just too many thinking heads and will cause friction.

 

[beingtrue2me]

Ok clowns, why do men insist on asking about our ex's? I can keep a secret and am not the least bit uneasy if his ex (or hers) looks better than me cause I am the one in the present. So tell me, why do guys just have to know?

 

[IhateClowns]

Ok clowns, why do men insist on asking about our ex's? I can keep a secret and am not the least bit uneasy if his ex (or hers) looks better than me cause I am the one in the present. So tell me, why do guys just have to know?

We are the dumber species. Period end of story. Plus it gives us ammo for fights later on. Also it gives us an idea of how many serious relationships you have had. All of this info is calculated in our little head, drawing up percentages of the chance to fuck you that night.

Like I said we are dummies

 

[beingtrue2me]

I think I like clowns now. I never heard a guy actually tell the truth when there was NO chance he was going to see me naked. hmmmmmm

 

[IhateClowns]

I think I like clowns now. I never heard a guy actually tell the truth when there was NO chance he was going to see me naked. hmmmmmm

Now? You sure you didn't like me prior? Oh wait, I have a penis. Remember stick with the vadge.

 

[beingtrue2me]

Now? You sure you didn't like me prior? Oh wait, I have a penis. Remember stick with the vadge.

I meant actual clowns. They creep me out. I seldom make sense of what I really mean.

 

[IhateClowns]

I meant actual clowns. They creep me out. I seldom make sense of what I really mean.

Ohhhhhhh. Silly me. Sheesh

 

[L8tnIt]

Well, I trust that his (unless this is a sick joke) handle is I Hate Clowns.
I am going to go out on a limb, but I believe that IHateClowns doesn't like them either.
Also, I remember doing my homework*, and he has mentioned that IHateClowns does also find them creepy.

*Said homework was reading previous posts on this thread. Not going stalker and doing a psychological profile based on how he clips his toenails.

 

[IhateClowns]

Well, I trust that his (unless this is a sick joke) handle is I Hate Clowns.
I am going to go out on a limb, but I believe that IHateClowns doesn't like them either.
Also, I remember doing my homework*, and he has mentioned that IHateClowns does also find them creepy.

*Said homework was reading previous posts on this thread. Not going stalker and doing a psychological profile based on how he clips his toenails.

Dear Clarice,

Yes clowns are creepy people. Any adult pained in make-up that wants kids to sit in their lap creeps me out. Just because you can turn a balloon into a dump truck doesn't give you the right to plop kids on your lap.

 

[BradBigBrain]

Dear Clowns,

Your new av looks like you are meditating. However, I've heard that people who wear their hats backwards lower their IQs by about 50 points. Do you think that meditating and wearing a hate backwards is a dichotomy?

Forward Hat Wearer

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Clowns,

Your new av looks like you are meditating. However, I've heard that people who wear their hats backwards lower their IQs by about 50 points. Do you think that meditating and wearing a hate backwards is a dichotomy?

Forward Hat Wearer

Dear smarter than me,

I never claimed to be a MENSA member. I am not meditating I was masturbating and concentrating.

I think by lowering my IQ 50 points I have landed on the same intelligence level as a majority of our fellow litsters. With that being said, I am still quite a dummy and wear my hat backwards to prove that.

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Clowns,

Your new av looks like you are meditating. However, I've heard that people who wear their hats backwards lower their IQs by about 50 points. Do you think that meditating and wearing a hate backwards is a dichotomy?

Forward Hat Wearer

By the way I am never wearing a hat again.

 

[Wife of Bath]

Hats are great. Don't give up on them now.

 

[IhateClowns]

Hats are great. Don't give up on them now.

Apparently they reduce your brain capacity. Here I thought they held everything in. No wonder I barely got 4 didts on my SAT

 

[Wife of Bath]

Apparently they reduce your brain capacity. Here I thought they held everything in. No wonder I barely got 4 didts on my SAT

I wear hats all the time. My brain functions beautifully.

 

[IhateClowns]

I wear hats all the time. My brain functions beautifully.

You do???? I enjoy a woman who can wear a ball cap and still look good. Do you fit that bill?

 

[Wife of Bath]

I suppose there's only one way to answer that question.

 

[IhateClowns]

I suppose there's only one way to answer that question.

Time to book a flight. Where is William Shatner when you need him?????????

 

[Wife of Bath]

I meant I'll ask my boyfriend and let you know what he says.

 

[IhateClowns]

I meant I'll ask my boyfriend and let you know what he says.

I figured he was out of town, so I was trying to book him a flight

 

[Wife of Bath]

Lol...suave.

He is out of town. I'm alone in bed, naked and lonely. *sigh*

 

[IhateClowns]

Lol...suave.

He is out of town. I'm alone in bed, naked and lonely. *sigh*

Well damn who needs a hat then?

 

[Wife of Bath]

I do have socks on. It's fucking freezing in here.

 

[IhateClowns]

I do have socks on. It's fucking freezing in here.

Well thank God he isn't home naked. Freezing temperatures have a much different affect on men. I would need a jimmy sock in that case.