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Dear Clowns

Dear Clowns: I have this friend who asks me to dinner from time to time. I usually enjoy her company, however, she does some things that make me very uncomfortable. She prides herself on being friendly and outgoing. When we’re in a restaurant, she’ll go from table to table and engage in conversations with people she doesn’t know. She’ll ask where they’re from, what they’ve ordered, etc.

Once, she eavesdropped while the people at the next table discussed what they were ordering and gave them her opinion on what they should “really” order. It progressed to her joining them for a short time at their table for further conversation.

I feel bad admitting this, but it embarrasses me. How do I handle the situation without telling her, making her feel bad and putting a strain on our friendship? Am I overreacting, or is this bad manners?
 
msmaggie said:
Dear Clowns: I have this friend who asks me to dinner from time to time. I usually enjoy her company, however, she does some things that make me very uncomfortable. She prides herself on being friendly and outgoing. When we’re in a restaurant, she’ll go from table to table and engage in conversations with people she doesn’t know. She’ll ask where they’re from, what they’ve ordered, etc.

Once, she eavesdropped while the people at the next table discussed what they were ordering and gave them her opinion on what they should “really” order. It progressed to her joining them for a short time at their table for further conversation.

I feel bad admitting this, but it embarrasses me. How do I handle the situation without telling her, making her feel bad and putting a strain on our friendship? Am I overreacting, or is this bad manners?
Click to expand...

I am so sorry I didnt see this before,

Your friend seems like a go getter. She is very open, but if it embarasses you then tell her. Maybe she doesnt see how she is and how it might affect others around her. Then again go beserk one day somewhere out with her and do your best to embarass her. Sit on a wooden bench and rip one loudly and then blame her for it. Then tell her that is how you feel everytime she puts her finger into someone elses food.
 
Dear Clowns,
Did you get voted Class Clown senior year?

Signed,

One of your admiring fans
 
Dear Clowns,

I am a rich Frenchman in charge of ... well I don't want to give away too much personal information so...let's just say a shitpot full of money.

Did I tell you I am a rich Frenchman?

Well, anyway, I was on holiday in New York recently and I was in the shower. And I came out wearing only my towel. And a hot little woman entered my suite dressed in a maid's outfit. You know how we men love a little French maid action, right? So, I drop my towel and I'm naked and this girl starts playing hard to get.

So...I chased after her in my swanky NYC hotel. Down the hall and into another room. I caught her and wrestled with her and felt her boobies and tried to get her panties off. Then I made her suck my penis. Even though she was protesting the whole time. It was all in fun, right?

Did I mention that I am a Frenchman and I'm rich?

Now, here I sit...alone...dejected...

And I'm at Riker's. So maybe not so alone. I've been charged with attempted rape, sex abuse, a criminal sex act, unlawful imprisonment and forcible touching. The most serious charge carries five to 25 years in prison.

Any advice for me?
~ Anonymous in NYC
 
janeyl said:
Dear Clowns,

Wish me luck

I need it

Me
Click to expand...

Dear Ms. J

I hope I am not responding too late when I say I wish you the bestest luck in the world. You are amazing and whatever you need it for I am sure it will work out in your favor.

Rob
 
Dear Clowns,

I too, hate clowns. And I think you are the bees meow and the cat's knees.
Um, what else?
Nope, that is it. Enjoy.

LP
 
Aquagal said:
Dear Clowns,
Did you get voted Class Clown senior year?

Signed,

One of your admiring fans
Click to expand...

Funny you should ask that No I wasn't. Thank you for re-opening that deep seated wound I thought had finally healed. Actually I was first loser and came in 2nd place. Not too shabby out of 580+ students. The guy who did win mysteriously got snipered one day so I got to fill his shoes for the rest of the year.

The gift prizes awarded were awesome except the college scholarship to the circus. Clowns are scary and the fact they have a school for them is even more creepy. I do hear that balloon animals 101 is a highly sought out class and fills up pretty quickly.
 
IhateClowns said:
Dear Ms. J

I hope I am not responding too late when I say I wish you the bestest luck in the world. You are amazing and whatever you need it for I am sure it will work out in your favor.

Rob
Click to expand...

Never too late for good wishes...thank you my friend:kiss:
 
BradBigBrain said:
Dear Clowns,

I am a rich Frenchman in charge of ... well I don't want to give away too much personal information so...let's just say a shitpot full of money.

Did I tell you I am a rich Frenchman?

Well, anyway, I was on holiday in New York recently and I was in the shower. And I came out wearing only my towel. And a hot little woman entered my suite dressed in a maid's outfit. You know how we men love a little French maid action, right? So, I drop my towel and I'm naked and this girl starts playing hard to get.

So...I chased after her in my swanky NYC hotel. Down the hall and into another room. I caught her and wrestled with her and felt her boobies and tried to get her panties off. Then I made her suck my penis. Even though she was protesting the whole time. It was all in fun, right?

Did I mention that I am a Frenchman and I'm rich?

Now, here I sit...alone...dejected...

And I'm at Riker's. So maybe not so alone. I've been charged with attempted rape, sex abuse, a criminal sex act, unlawful imprisonment and forcible touching. The most serious charge carries five to 25 years in prison.

Any advice for me?
~ Anonymous in NYC
Click to expand...

Dear seeking advice litster,

I would probably start off with a pinky maybe even a tooth brush end. Then work into your index finger. Then for some girth maybe your thumb. I would do this quickly as time probably isn't on your side. Then work in 2 fingers but eventually you are gonna need to bite down on a stick and force something larger up there.

Here is what you should do to get ready. Put on some make up and start talking in a high pitched voice. Kinda like what Chaz Bono is doing on the opposite end of the spectrum. Then start struggling against your own hand that is holding a large dildo. Fight it over and over day in and day out knowing full well no matter how much you fight it, that dildo is going up your ass. No no no. You can't lube it unless you want to spit on it quickly.

Then jab it in your ass furociously a couple of dozen times and then pull out quickly. Change your voice back to that of a callous man and call yourself a bitch. Then fall into the fetal position and weep quietly as not to wake up any others. Then lightly dab the blood oozing out of your toen anus and repeat after me No means no. No means no. No means no...
 
I want to help burn down the circus! Except for the freak shows. I love freak shows.
 
Dear Clowns,

I'm kinda famous for three of my career choices (body-building, movies and politics) as well as my accent.

Lately, I've been living in someone else's house as part of my latest gig. And my wife (who is from US royalty) and kids live in my house about 800 miles away.

Anyway, we've been married a long time. And even though we don't live together anymore, we're officially formally separated.

Now...the reason for that separation is that I um...made a mistake. And that mistake led to another mistake, which will cost me for the next 18 years or so, if you catch my drift. We politicians don't fuck up, we make mistakes and then we apologize.

I've had dalliances in the past, do you think I went too far this time?
~ The Guvinator.
 
BradBigBrain said:
Dear Clowns,

I'm kinda famous for three of my career choices (body-building, movies and politics) as well as my accent.

Lately, I've been living in someone else's house as part of my latest gig. And my wife (who is from US royalty) and kids live in my house about 800 miles away.

Anyway, we've been married a long time. And even though we don't live together anymore, we're officially formally separated.

Now...the reason for that separation is that I um...made a mistake. And that mistake led to another mistake, which will cost me for the next 18 years or so, if you catch my drift. We politicians don't fuck up, we make mistakes and then we apologize.

I've had dalliances in the past, do you think I went too far this time?
~ The Guvinator.
Click to expand...

Until you put the Guvinator I had no clue who you were :rolleyes:

Just wrap your shit or pull out from now on. The pull out method is the safest form of birth control to be honest. Couple that with a slip of the morning after pill in her coffee as she does the walk of shame right out the front door and into the cab that you make her pay for.

Now because you were too cheap to by a M.A.P. you now have the joy of waching one of your children be ridiculed over and over because his dad is a no talented douche
 
Dear Clowns,

What is your advice for the NFL? I mean, c'mon...billionaires and millionaires fighting over who gets the bigger part of the pie?

Can you save professional football in the states as we know it?

Or do I have to become a rabid college football fan? My alma mater (a hockey powerhouse) doesn't have a football team, so which team should I cheer for? Knowing that certain colors (like Pink, Yellow and especially orange) do nothing for me as a fashionista.

Thanks,
Not a Lockout Nut
 
BradBigBrain said:
Dear Clowns,

What is your advice for the NFL? I mean, c'mon...billionaires and millionaires fighting over who gets the bigger part of the pie?

Can you save professional football in the states as we know it?

Or do I have to become a rabid college football fan? My alma mater (a hockey powerhouse) doesn't have a football team, so which team should I cheer for? Knowing that certain colors (like Pink, Yellow and especially orange) do nothing for me as a fashionista.

Thanks,
Not a Lockout Nut
Click to expand...

Can I? Ummm no. I live basically live pay check to pay check and if I did a work stoppage at my job it would last all of 20 minutes then i would be fired and I would be asking if they want their meal supersized 2 days later.

I like college football as much as I like the NFL..I enjoy the NFL more because I love fantasy football or as my wife calls it Adult Dungeons and Dragons. Now i enjoy college football more when my team (Longhorns) are better then what they are now. It is going to be a very long fall knoing my alma mater will suck this year while there is no NFL, which means I have NO excuse to not go to church.
 
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