Dear Clowns

[IhateClowns]

Dear Clowns,

What is the AV and inside joke about?

Dear everyone who has PM'ed me this question,

It is just that an inside joke that only 3 people know about. No I am not a Star Wars loonie. It actually has nothing to do with the movie.

 

[availableslave2u]

dear clowns,
i was driving down the street the other day and i saw a guy walking. he had on this pair of blue shorts that were the strangest shade of blue i've ever seen. the next day the heat came and it was unbelievable. between the heat and the humidity it was hard to breathe outside. i found some chocolate twizzlers in the store and those are my favorite. i think the kid that gave the baseball to the other kid at the ballgame the other day was so wonderful. did i tell you that i'm afraid to fly?

i guess what i'm gettting at is do you think the chicken or the egg came first?
signed,
curious about chickens

 

[Lookin4sumfun]

I love this thread. Always good for a smile no matter how bad a day I've had.

 

[IhateClowns]

dear clowns,
i was driving down the street the other day and i saw a guy walking. he had on this pair of blue shorts that were the strangest shade of blue i've ever seen. the next day the heat came and it was unbelievable. between the heat and the humidity it was hard to breathe outside. i found some chocolate twizzlers in the store and those are my favorite. i think the kid that gave the baseball to the other kid at the ballgame the other day was so wonderful. did i tell you that i'm afraid to fly?

i guess what i'm gettting at is do you think the chicken or the egg came first?
signed,
curious about chickens

Dear heatstroke victim,

Somehow I unsubscribed to my own thread. So I never noticed anyone ask a question. To answer it properly I need dto get into the enviroment you were in at the time. So i am turning up my hot water heater full blast and and putting on a jogging suit.

Ok it is pretty hot in here. So hot. Fucking hot. Damn is that my dead Grandpa??? Hi papa. So nice to see you. What is that? Yeah mom I like some mashef potatoes please. Oh yes I love Oklahoma. The mountains here are gorgeous. When did i go blind? Is that sirens i hear coming around the...

(2 days later). I cant answer your question as apparently i am brain dead now. The heat won.

 

[IhateClowns]

I love this thread. Always good for a smile no matter how bad a day I've had.

Is that a question? Is so always mark C

 

[Daizie]

Dear Clowns,

Good to see you back and posting.


~Flower Child

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Clowns,

Good to see you back and posting.


~Flower Child

Dear Flower Child,

Thank you for the kind words. I am glad to be back

IHC

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Clowns,

Good to see you back and posting.


~Flower Child

Dear Vegas Dweller,

Your city treated me very well and although I misbehaved some I never needed to call anyone to bail me out. So all was wonderful

 

[Spicy Southern Belle]

Dear Vegas Dweller,

Your city treated me very well and although I misbehaved some I never needed to call anyone to bail me out. So all was wonderful

Glad to hear you had such a great trip!

 

[IhateClowns]

Glad to hear you had such a great trip!

Yes giving advice and leading my fellow litsters down a path of glorious enlightenment is exhausting yet rewarding. So I needed this vacation. Now I am rejuvinated to help you all

 

[Wings27]

Dear Clowns,

I'm a little concerned that I hit on my neighbor's boytoy last night at the wedding I attended and he has since called and/or texted me at least a dozen times today.

Do you think my neighbor is going to be pissed when she sees him staying over at my house and hears the screams and moans coming from my house?

Signed,
The Hussy Next Door

 

[Daizie]

Dear Vegas Dweller,

Your city treated me very well and although I misbehaved some I never needed to call anyone to bail me out. So all was wonderful

Dear Vegas Visitor Who Managed To Stay Out Of Jail,

I'm glad my town was good to you and provided you with enjoyment. Hopefully you walked away with some money in your pocket. Remember, what happens here, stays here...unless you want to share.

Sincerely,
Vegas Hostess

 

[availableslave2u]

dear clowns ~
delightful to see you posting again. all seems right in the world now.

i think the guy who runs the farm stand is so fucking hot. there is definite sparks when we talk. since i am the quiet, shy and innocent one, i don't really know how to take this to the next level. in the meantime, i have so much produce in my fridge, i'm not sure what to do with it all. well, i do with the cucumbers...but that's a whole nother story.

any suggestions on how to get the hottie farmer to do more than carry my melons to my car?
signed,
fancy for the farmer

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Clowns,

I'm a little concerned that I hit on my neighbor's boytoy last night at the wedding I attended and he has since called and/or texted me at least a dozen times today.

Do you think my neighbor is going to be pissed when she sees him staying over at my house and hears the screams and moans coming from my house?

Signed,
The Hussy Next Door

Dear next door hussy,

How old is this lad? I mean do you need to worry about hidden cameras and cops tackling you on the front lawn as you shield your face and make an escape from the cameras? Is he a virgin? If so God help him. You being his first is like climbing Mt. Everest on your first try. Make sure you have a defibulator, oxygen mask, some hot cocoa, his snuggy and the movie Beaches ready for him afterwards. He is going to need medical attention and a calm quiet enviroment to calm his frayed nerves down.

You may want to cover his mouth with something. I am sure she has heard you scream numerous times. So she and the rest f the neighborhood are used to it. If she hears her son scream like that she may think you just knifed him and might call the cops. Last thing you need is to be sanding out on your front lawn with your neighbors staring at your scantily clad body, while the youngin stares wide eyed, blankly and continues to mumble Mommy help me over and over.

Good luck

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Vegas Visitor Who Managed To Stay Out Of Jail,

I'm glad my town was good to you and provided you with enjoyment. Hopefully you walked away with some money in your pocket. Remember, what happens here, stays here...unless you want to share.

Sincerely,
Vegas Hostess

Let's hope so otherwise I could be in a lot of trouble.

 

[IhateClowns]

dear clowns ~
delightful to see you posting again. all seems right in the world now.

i think the guy who runs the farm stand is so fucking hot. there is definite sparks when we talk. since i am the quiet, shy and innocent one, i don't really know how to take this to the next level. in the meantime, i have so much produce in my fridge, i'm not sure what to do with it all. well, i do with the cucumbers...but that's a whole nother story.

any suggestions on how to get the hottie farmer to do more than carry my melons to my car?
signed,
fancy for the farmer

Dear Fancy,

So you are a salad tosser huh? Kinda want someone else to toss your salad for you? Now I have a very didifficult time believing that someone named AvAilable Slave 2 U is shy and quiet. Submissive sure, shy and quiet no way.

Now back to the famer. Have you tried overalls yet? For some reason farmers love dem der overalls. Maybe buy him a new pair and tell him to put them on so youcan get into them. After he stares at you for 2 minutes break the awkward silence by explaining to him what that means, thus alleviating the massive headache he has as he tries to put two and two together. He will so happy he will ask you to go to Sizzler with him.

So if I I understand you correctly you fuck cucumbers. Pllease be careful of doing that as a lot of then are sliced fairly thinly and if you lose grip that piece could be lost forever and your pussy will eventually start to pickle. Might I suggest slicing them in to larger peaces that you can grip easier. Will be a lot easier for you to manage.

Cheers

 

[Wings27]

Dear next door hussy,

How old is this lad? I mean do you need to worry about hidden cameras and cops tackling you on the front lawn as you shield your face and make an escape from the cameras? Is he a virgin? If so God help him. You being his first is like climbing Mt. Everest on your first try. Make sure you have a defibulator, oxygen mask, some hot cocoa, his snuggy and the movie Beaches ready for him afterwards. He is going to need medical attention and a calm quiet enviroment to calm his frayed nerves down.

You may want to cover his mouth with something. I am sure she has heard you scream numerous times. So she and the rest f the neighborhood are used to it. If she hears her son scream like that she may think you just knifed him and might call the cops. Last thing you need is to be sanding out on your front lawn with your neighbors staring at your scantily clad body, while the youngin stares wide eyed, blankly and continues to mumble Mommy help me over and over.

Good luck

Dear Clowns,

It's her sex buddy, not her son thankfully. Although I like the idea of being like Mt. Everest.

Think I can hand out badges for after the climb?

Signed,
Rather be a mountain than a cave because spelunking isnt sexy

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Clowns,

It's her sex buddy, not her son thankfully. Although I like the idea of being like Mt. Everest.

Think I can hand out badges for after the climb?

Signed,
Rather be a mountain than a cave because spelunking isnt sexy

Dear Mountain Top,

Isn't that one of the merit badges for becoming an Eagle Scout? I am pretty sure it is. That is why I never made it past Cubs. I was just too painfully shy to earn those extra special badges.

 

[suit_up_si]

Dear Clowns.

A young lady in my office has a wonderful bosom, I want to make it "our" bosom but the pitfalls of an office romance make me wary of pursuing said bosom, what would be the best course of action?

Yours sincerely

sui_up_si (AKA blue balls)

...bosom

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Clowns.

A young lady in my office has a wonderful bosom, I want to make it "our" bosom but the pitfalls of an office romance make me wary of pursuing said bosom, what would be the best course of action?

Yours sincerely

sui_up_si (AKA blue balls)

...bosom

Dear Bosom Buddy,

Do you like your job? If not then I say go for it. Do you have a strong HOUR department? If not then they will drag their feet on any sexual harassment charges. If they do then you might want to lawyer up. I am all for touching nice bosoms. I am however not fond of getting pussy where you get your paycheck. Too many bad things happen

Do you have a small penis? If so don't do it. Office gossip is the worst kind and your bay bird in a nest will be known from the mail room to the CEO. Now if you are hung like a bull I would highly suggest just whipping it out and walking from cubicle to cubicle letting everyone get a glimpse. Then she will be more then happy to share said bosom. You see men with huge hogs a privy to certain things tiny dancers aren't. Take around here for instance. I shouldn't have asked your size because we all know only big dicked guys are on lit. Just look at the close up AVs and ask any female ltster who receives these pics on a daily basis. Since randomly shoving your coffee stirrer into women's PM boxes works so well here I highly suggest doing it at work as well.

Now realize women also like their bosoms randomly grabbed. It might not hurt to do a litt elbow graze and see how she reacts. Now realize I said graze not box out for a rebound. Reach over her shoulder while she is at her desk. Then graze that titty. If she can dial a rotary phone without using her hands in 3 seconds and doesn't slap you then whip out you hog (if it is huge) and mushroom thump her in the middle of her forehead.

You will be milking those bosoms in no time.

Good luck

 

[suit_up_si]

Dear Bosom Buddy,

Do you like your job? If not then I say go for it. Do you have a strong HOUR department? If not then they will drag their feet on any sexual harassment charges. If they do then you might want to lawyer up. I am all for touching nice bosoms. I am however not fond of getting pussy where you get your paycheck. Too many bad things happen

Do you have a small penis? If so don't do it. Office gossip is the worst kind and your bay bird in a nest will be known from the mail room to the CEO. Now if you are hung like a bull I would highly suggest just whipping it out and walking from cubicle to cubicle letting everyone get a glimpse. Then she will be more then happy to share said bosom. You see men with huge hogs a privy to certain things tiny dancers aren't. Take around here for instance. I shouldn't have asked your size because we all know only big dicked guys are on lit. Just look at the close up AVs and ask any female ltster who receives these pics on a daily basis. Since randomly shoving your coffee stirrer into women's PM boxes works so well here I highly suggest doing it at work as well.

Now realize women also like their bosoms randomly grabbed. It might not hurt to do a litt elbow graze and see how she reacts. Now realize I said graze not box out for a rebound. Reach over her shoulder while she is at her desk. Then graze that titty. If she can dial a rotary phone without using her hands in 3 seconds and doesn't slap you then whip out you hog (if it is huge) and mushroom thump her in the middle of her forehead.

You will be milking those bosoms in no time.

Good luck

Thanks Clowns!

Sadly I have a tiny penis, in fact it can scarcely be called a penis at all but I won't let my shortcoming detour me.

I may go down the playground route, by which I mean kick her in the shins and runaway or tease her until she develops an eating disorder.

 

[IhateClowns]

Thanks Clowns!

Sadly I have a tiny penis, in fact it can scarcely be called a penis at all but I won't let my shortcoming detour me.

I may go down the playground route, by which I mean kick her in the shins and runaway or tease her until she develops an eating disorder.

Be careful going down that road. Especially since you like her bosoms. An eating disorder will turns those D's into droopy A's in just a few gagging toothbrush toilet hugs. Plus if she ever was a swallower she isn't anymore so if she goes down on you be prepared to towel that belly button of yours.

As for you small penis. Do what we all do here. Put her nose against your balls. If it works for guys here with a camera then you will surely be Huge if your cock head is touching her cornea.

 

[suit_up_si]

Be careful going down that road. Especially since you like her bosoms. An eating disorder will turns those D's into droopy A's in just a few gagging toothbrush toilet hugs. Plus if she ever was a swallower she isn't anymore so if she goes down on you be prepared to towel that belly button of yours.

As for you small penis. Do what we all do here. Put her nose against your balls. If it works for guys here with a camera then you will surely be Huge if your cock head is touching her cornea.

Hmmm some good points, I need to go away and reconsider my strategy.

I think I'll just kidnap her but I'm no criminal mastermind so I guess I'll speak to you again in 5 to 10 years.

 

[BradBigBrain]

Dear Clowns,

Since the NFL lockout has ended, I've been obsessed by all the news and watch/read everything I can get my hands on. Here's my problem. My home town team SUCKS. And when I mean SUCKS I mean hind tittie. They are one of two teams who have been to 4 Superbowls and have lost every one. They haven't been to the playoffs in 10 years and they're not getting there this year.

My question is...should I dump my home team and jump on another teams bandwagon? Or suffer with my team that I've followed forever?

Help!

 

[IhateClowns]

Hmmm some good points, I need to go away and reconsider my strategy.

I think I'll just kidnap her but I'm no criminal mastermind so I guess I'll speak to you again in 5 to 10 years.

Well good luck with that. Just remember if you can make it through the next 48hrs you have a decent shot of getting away with it. You might want to go ahead and edit the above post though.

Just saying.