IhateClowns
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LOL I have a pretty good guess that it would be a certain hater of face painted folks and a woman who bears the name of Pooh's favorite food...
Dear Clowns
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LOL I have a pretty good guess that it would be a certain hater of face painted folks and a woman who bears the name of Pooh's favorite food...
IhateClowns
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YEAH!! (Oops, I'm not Clowns)
Not that I am aware of unless you are my ALT
availableslave2u
naturally moist
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dear clowns,
thank you for all the good advice and problem solving you've given me in the past. your answer as to why my mom has to have every light on in the house made me laugh and i chuckle every time i turn off lights or i scrape the rest of her dinner in the trash.
i'm coming to you again with another dilemma. i'm wondering if you can work your clownish magic again and help me understand this. how do you men get anything done having a penis? if i had a penis i would be playing with it all day. i would have puppet shows, i'd stroke it, i'd be jacking off all day. how do you all manage not to walk around with your hands in your pants? or how do you even manage to get out of bed in the morning? is it true you don't look at the guy next to you when you pee? aren't you the least bit curious on how your penis matches up to his?
signed,
curious about penises
thank you for all the good advice and problem solving you've given me in the past. your answer as to why my mom has to have every light on in the house made me laugh and i chuckle every time i turn off lights or i scrape the rest of her dinner in the trash.
i'm coming to you again with another dilemma. i'm wondering if you can work your clownish magic again and help me understand this. how do you men get anything done having a penis? if i had a penis i would be playing with it all day. i would have puppet shows, i'd stroke it, i'd be jacking off all day. how do you all manage not to walk around with your hands in your pants? or how do you even manage to get out of bed in the morning? is it true you don't look at the guy next to you when you pee? aren't you the least bit curious on how your penis matches up to his?
signed,
curious about penises
Jinxi Minxi
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Dear Clowns,
Does he have a nice ass? Just wond'rin'!
I am your ALT and you are my ALT, there, now they all know!
IhateClowns
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Dear Penis Envy,
You have to understand that if us men had breasts we would have our hand inside our shirt all the time. You see we are blessed because we can touch, rub, or play with our penis' in a more inconspicuous way.
All those times we have misplaced our keys isn't necessarily true. It let's us dig into our pockets numerous times thus getting a quick rub or graze in. I mean when you lose something how many times do you look in the same place over and over thinking it will magically appear there the 12th time you look?
Also who's hands are so cold they have to continuously put their hands in their pockets for extended lengths of time? My hands aren't cold I have just perfected the subtle thumb rub through my jeans is all. Nothing like a thumb cock head graze to put a smile on our faces.
You see we are always rubbing, touching, or jerking ourselves, we have just become much slier at it then you realize. Every time there is a quiet moment, the lights are off, or you turn your head because you just saw a deer we take quick advantage for a cock tickle.
If you start paying closer attention you will soon realize that our hands are a bit more active then you realize. We have to be careful though. There are many things that can injure our penis such as zippers, teeth, cock burn from too much rubbing, etc. etc so we have to be careful and loving in the way we play with our special friend
IhateClowns
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Dear Clowns,
Does he have a nice ass? Just wond'rin'!
I am your ALT and you are my ALT, there, now they all know!
He doesn't have much of an ass actually. Very flat, but is thinking about getting some butt implants to give it that extra boost.
Jinxi Minxi
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Dear Clowns,
I just read this and it made me chuckle, so much so that my mood lifted! I was about to Google for some voodoo doll making instructions so I can punish a bitchnitch I know. So, saving that for next time.
P.S. Please make sure he gets the once with the extra bounce.
Thanks, happy bitch.
Ellafun
Just Visiting This Planet
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Dear Clowns:
I was unsure whether to post this question here, or in your "Steak and a BJ Day" thread, but since it's a request for advice, I came here...
Since I am eagerly anticipating providing the appropriate services for my husband on March 14, would it be okay to request a similar arrangement, for my benefit, on February 14?
Maybe we could call it (as I've seen suggested elsewhere) "Cunninlingus & Cake Day"?
Just a thought.
Signed,
Do I really have to designate one day a year for you to go down on me? Really? Do I?
I was unsure whether to post this question here, or in your "Steak and a BJ Day" thread, but since it's a request for advice, I came here...
Since I am eagerly anticipating providing the appropriate services for my husband on March 14, would it be okay to request a similar arrangement, for my benefit, on February 14?
Maybe we could call it (as I've seen suggested elsewhere) "Cunninlingus & Cake Day"?
Just a thought.
Signed,
Do I really have to designate one day a year for you to go down on me? Really? Do I?
availableslave2u
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dear clowns,
what is the meaning of life?
signed,
wondering
what is the meaning of life?
signed,
wondering
availableslave2u
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dear clowns,
why don't people use the word whilst more?
signed,
full of questions it appears
why don't people use the word whilst more?
signed,
full of questions it appears
IhateClowns
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Dear Clowns,
I need help with my homework. *twirls my ponytail and bats my lashes*
I have milk and cookies for after.
LOL sounds good to me. I have been known to be a great tutor. Wait what subject are we studying? If it has to do with Home Ed, Shop class, english, math, science or history then well you arfe fucked because I can't help you. If it has antyhing to do with Google searches, Microsoft word, Power Point, Apps on an I PAD, or anything like that then I am your man.
IhateClowns
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S&BJ Day can be a daily routine if you want it to be. If so do you have a sister????
As for Feb 14th that day is already designated for men to blow half their weekly salary on a trinket that will make you smile outwardly while thinking God I hope he kept the receipt so I can get something I actually want.
IhateClowns
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Dear Pokey,
I am unsure to be honest. Why do you feel the need to poke and what exactly are you poking and what exactly are you poking it with? I think if you can fill in two of those questions for me then I will b better able to help answer your question. I sure hope you don't have a big "stick" or you just might be another one of those PG lit "women" that troll these boards.
IhateClowns
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Dear wondering.
The meaning of life is very simple. Smile when you are happy, cry when you are sad and never ever trust a fart.
IhateClowns
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MrWhisper
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Dear Clown,
I have to buy a car for me and my 24 children. The salesman told me I had to get a bus. I'm a little suspicious about this suggestion. And I love the smart car. You think it would be enough?
IhateClowns
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Sorry it has taken me a while to get to this answer. Hopefully you are still trying to fill out the paperwork just to get financing on your vehicle.
So to understand this dilemma you have 24 children and want a fuel efficient vehicle? The smart car might be a good choice. It gets like 300mpg highway so I can understand why you would want sch a luxury vehicle such as that. Plus the giggy up and go factor alone would be well worth it. Put your pedal to the floor and you will hit 60mph in about 3 hours. That ain't too shabby.
As for fitting all 24 kids in a smart car all you need is some velcro and duct tape. Make the younger ones hood ornaments. Buy a luggage rack as well. Then finish it off with a bicycle rack for some rear storage. Now that you have yourself, your partner and 3 kids snuggly tied down, you just need to figure out what to do with the other 21 kids. My suggestion is leashes.
Darwin speaks of survival of the fittest. Each day tie your kids to the bumper. Take off. Realize with the extra weight it will take about an hour and a half to hit 10mph so make sure you have a full tank of gas before starting. When one kids finally collapses behind the vehicle from not being able to keep up drag them till they finally pass away. If you do this on a daily basis, in 3 short weeks you won't have any more issues.
Just make sure you dump the bodies in a secure area preferrably in the middle of the night so no one sees you. Have a good alibi as to what happened to your 22 children(keep 2 so you don't look like an animal). I wish you well and enjoy that gas mileage. Very impressive numbers they put out.
Sidney_1
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Dear Clownz,
1.How does it not exhaust you to answer so many diverse questions?
2. Why do some people always have to demand/draw attention to themselves. For example, a group of us were having a serious life/death fate-deciding conversation. It was at this moment that a nosy housecleaner decides to empty every last trash can in the room and make so much noise with her mop and broom that someone said stated that it was too noisy to think. I mean, WTF? I had to nicely escort her out of the room. And SHUT THE DOOR. I swear, I'd love to turn her into a SNL skit. There's another character that I work with who is very similar. I'll be adding up a bunch of numbers, and he'll demand that I say "Hello." God forbid I don't acknowledge his presence in 2 seconds. It's like, helloooooo, can you see I'm concentrating?
Clownz, how would you deal with these type of people?
1.How does it not exhaust you to answer so many diverse questions?
2. Why do some people always have to demand/draw attention to themselves. For example, a group of us were having a serious life/death fate-deciding conversation. It was at this moment that a nosy housecleaner decides to empty every last trash can in the room and make so much noise with her mop and broom that someone said stated that it was too noisy to think. I mean, WTF? I had to nicely escort her out of the room. And SHUT THE DOOR. I swear, I'd love to turn her into a SNL skit. There's another character that I work with who is very similar. I'll be adding up a bunch of numbers, and he'll demand that I say "Hello." God forbid I don't acknowledge his presence in 2 seconds. It's like, helloooooo, can you see I'm concentrating?
Clownz, how would you deal with these type of people?
MrWhisper
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Mr Clown this answer was worth the wait. You make complexe decisions seem so simple. This would solve both my car issues and my expensive house ones. And then the clothes budget. And food one too.
I'll save loads of money thanks to you! And will be able to buy a bigger car!
Thanks Mr Clown!
B
BradBigBrain
Guest
Dear Clowns,
Please explain calling food what it isn't to me.
Snails are bad, but escargot is good?
Raw fish is bad, but sushi is good?
Raw ground beef with an egg is bad, but steak tartar is good?
I'm confused.
Signed,
Not eating tripe
Please explain calling food what it isn't to me.
Snails are bad, but escargot is good?
Raw fish is bad, but sushi is good?
Raw ground beef with an egg is bad, but steak tartar is good?
I'm confused.
Signed,
Not eating tripe
availableslave2u
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dear clowns,
do you know where my slippers are?
signed,
cold feet
do you know where my slippers are?
signed,
cold feet
Dear Clowns
If I had a big stick I surely wouldn't be one of those "women" aren't their sticks always a little bigger than average? Maybe I've been on the wrong end of a stick
I was poking with my finger, which is nowhere near stick sized. Unless we're talking those Winnie the pooh playing sticks size in which case mine would def win. I'd probably lean too far over the railing and fall in too.
Now I'm confused as to what I was doing here. Now there's a bigger question for you, true "women" troll sized. Why am I here?
Yours
KeepingMySmallStickToMyself
IhateClowns
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Because half the people in the world don't realize escargot is snails...you say can I have some escargot and they might try it, you say wanna eat a snail and they think you might have a runny nose.
I think if the food is not avail on your fast food menu's around the world then it shouldn't be eaten. Then again that is just the life of a travelling salesman talking.
