Dear Agony Aunt...

[doormouse]

Okay, your counsellor has taken her place.

You need help? Ask it here!

If I can't answer your query, I'm sure others will. Just don't sell your house or give up your life on my responses

Coffee is on the house, and, please, if you have smelly feet, leave your shoes on before you lay on the couch.

Thank you.

 

[Lucifer_Carroll]

Question 1: Just how much Pratchett have you read, Ms. "Agony Aunt"?

 

[minsue]

I've come to entertain as requested, but I'm too tired to think straight.

 

[doormouse]

Question 1: Just how much Pratchett have you read, Ms. "Agony Aunt"?

Pratchett?

I don't pratchett much unless I've just shaved...

Can get damn itchy. For you, I suggest baby oil, or a diaper rash liniment.


Thank you, come again.

 

[doormouse]

I've come to entertain as requested, but I'm too tired to think straight.

Too tyred?

I suggest keeping away from freeways.

That or a retread.

Thank you, come again.

 

[Lucifer_Carroll]

Dear Agony Aunt,

I suffer from a recent debilition resulting in a complete lack of pants. I am so distraught by this phenomenon that you are my only hope. What do you advise I do about this terrible affliction.

Sincerely,
Pantless in Pamona

 

[doormouse]

Dear Agony Aunt,

I suffer from a recent debilition resulting in a complete lack of pants. I am so distraught by this phenomenon that you are my only hope. What do you advise I do about this terrible affliction.

Sincerely,
Pantless in Pamona

Dear Pantless in Pamona,

I'm sure by now you have received my taxi fare and my address.

Kindly knock once so I know it's you before I send out the doberman.

Thank you, come again.

 

[doormouse]

*bump*

Back soon.

Agony Aunt answers all posts. Going for a smoke and battery recharge

 

[Lord DragonsWing]

Re: *bump*

Back soon.

Agony Aunt answers all posts. Going for a smoke and battery recharge

Damn, the batteries are out already? lmfao Must have been a short one. lol

 

[doormouse]

Re: Re: *bump*

Damn, the batteries are out already? lmfao Must have been a short one. lol

when it's good, it's good. What can I say?

thank you, come again.

 

[Don K Dyck]

Re: Re: Re: *bump*

when it's good, it's good. What can I say?

thank you, come again.

Dear Agony Aunt,

A hot chick PM'd me with a fascinating offer but I couldn't access her website, all I could get was "This is a member's area" and "group not listed on this site".

Do you think that I should change my after shave?

 

[doormouse]

Re: Re: Re: Re: *bump*

Dear Agony Aunt,

A hot chick PM'd me with a fascinating offer but I couldn't access her website, all I could get was "This is a member's area" and "group not listed on this site".

Do you think that I should change my after shave?

Dear Don K Dyck,

I'm sure if you changed your bed sheets you'd have more luck

(the link is in my profile)

Thank you, come again.

 

[tolyk]

Dear Agony Aunt,

I've just gone "cold turkey" off of my anti-depressants and am now becoming distinctly aware of how much the medications surpessed my sex drive. The side-effect of "cold turkey"ing is that I've not been able to sleep.

Suffice to say, my wrists are getting damnably sore, what do you suggest?

 

[Just-Legal]

Hey, Doormouse, are you taking serious questions too?

 

[doormouse]

Hey, Doormouse, are you taking serious questions too?

Of course, fire away.

 

[doormouse]

Dear Agony Aunt,

I've just gone "cold turkey" off of my anti-depressants and am now becoming distinctly aware of how much the medications surpessed my sex drive. The side-effect of "cold turkey"ing is that I've not been able to sleep.

Suffice to say, my wrists are getting damnably sore, what do you suggest?

Dear Cold Turkey,

And the problem here is... ?

Try using your other hand.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Dear Aunt Agony,

I've been considering breast augmentation, do you know if there is a home kit available?

Droopiing in Desmoine

 

[doormouse]

Dear Aunt Agony,

I've been considering breast augmentation, do you know if there is a home kit available?

Droopiing in Desmoine

Dear Drooping in Desmoine,

Duct tape.

It fixes anything.

 

[Guest]

Dear Aunt in agony,

At dog training my dog always insists in sitting in the middle of the hall and licking his willy. Any suggestions on how I get him to stop?

Lou - with a randy mutt.

 

[doormouse]

Dear Aunt in agony,

At dog training my dog always insists in sitting in the middle of the hall and licking his willy. Any suggestions on how I get him to stop?

Lou - with a randy mutt.

Dear Lou - with the randy mutt,

I sense a touch of jealousy here


I suggest moving him off to the side before it turns into a scene not unlike Dranoel's Olympic story

 

[Guest]

Dear Lou - with the randy mutt,

I sense a touch of jealousy here


I suggest moving him off to the side before it turns into a scene not unlike Dranoel's Olympic story

Dear Mousey One,

Yep, jealousy's right!!! Why can't us humans do that?


Good advice, LOL! I thank you.

Lou

 

[hotchkiss]

Lumpy chunks

THIS IS MY 100TH POST, ITS TOOK ME MONTHS TO GET HERE!

Now to my (friend's) problem.

Dear Agony Aunt

My friend has jelly like lumpies in his spunk, he's had it for years but wont see his doctor. Is this wheely serious.

He's got kids so he doesnt fire blanx and leads a full and happyish (he's married) secks life.

Please reply and put his mind at rest!

It's not me no it isnt honest, it really isnt.

HK

 

[CharleyH]

Dear Agony Aunt,

In a recent post some lady asked about her dog licking his willy in public, I have the same problem, and the only job I can get is in the porn industry. Any suggestions?

Signed,
Limber

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Dear Drooping in Desmoine,

Duct tape.

It fixes anything.

Thank you so much, my only problem now is that I can't see my shoes, I think I wrapped it too tight...but at least I have a shelf to rest things on now.

 

[pop_54]

Dear Mousey One,

Yep, jealousy's right!!! Why can't us humans do that?



Lou

If you give him a biscuit, he'll probably let you