Dating for Beginners

[m_hall99]

A friend of mine (and yes she is female) recently told me that she thought it was a bad idea to pay for dinner and stuff like that when taking somone out for the first time, that they might just hang around because you are buying them things. I've always been the type of guy that didn't mind paying for these things but I have been burned by my generosity in the past. So what do you guy's think? To buy or not to buy?

 

[incognito989]

A friend of mine (and yes she is female) recently told me that she thought it was a bad idea to pay for dinner and stuff like that when taking somone out for the first time, that they might just hang around because you are buying them things. I've always been the type of guy that didn't mind paying for these things but I have been burned by my generosity in the past. So what do you guy's think? To buy or not to buy?

Depends on whose doing the asking, IMHO.

I ask a woman out to dinner or similar, and I'll pay. I do it out of expectation that I'm treating her to something that I'll enjoy (her company, the food, atmosphere, whatever).

If it's just something like friends going out to a bar or something that wasn't planned in advance as a 'date', dutch is fine as well. Might buy the gal a drink, or similar. She might buy me a drink, too.

This is rare, but I have had women pay for my way too! And that's pretty cool - in almost every instance she was the one who asked me out, took me to a place I hadn't been to before, and treated me for the night. That's pretty nice, but I don't expect that.

Just my opinion.

 

[RoneLith]

I was with one lady that I asked out to dinner and she refused to let me pay. She was very pro-women and told me she did not need a man to take care of her. I proceeded to tell her that I was not in the buisness of taking care of another person and that I was just being the polite gentleman that I am we argued for ten minutes or so before I finally gave in because she just had to pay. Truthfully if I am doing the asking I want to pay mainly because it is the right thing to do, when she took that privlage away from me I felt rotten and the date was quickly ended, I don't think I even talked to her again, last I heard she became a lesbian and is still as pro-woman as ever. Probably not much insight but a good story.

But yeah if I ask I pay if she asks I will probably ask if I may pay but it is her right to say no and pay, if she does I cannot get upset and must give her the right to pay but don't take away my right to!

 

[metrepets]

This probably sounds chauvanistic, but as a man I almost NEED to pay for her, and if I don't I feel like less of a man. Sometimes, she'll pay for it, but those occasions are kind of a novelty. I always insist on paying. I always figure that it is worth it.

 

[SweetErika]

As a woman on the first few dates I've been invited on, I would offer to split the check. If the man insists on paying the whole thing, I'd let him because (as the other posters said) it's a matter of pride and manners. I might offer to buy coffee or pay for our next activity or say, "I'll get it next time". Golddiggers don't generally offer to pay because they feel a sense of entitlement. I'd use that as a rough guide. Also, don't spend too much too soon...the best dates I've been on have cost very little and I'd much rather know the guy spent a lot of time and effort than a lot of cash (same goes for gifts).

 

[watergirl]

pay

If I were asked out on a first date, I'd probably offer to split the check, or if I could leave the tip. But I wouldn't press the issue, and if I invited a guy on a date or out, I'd pay if he let me. I like to take turns or go dutch. It all evens out.

Now, if I were dating someone with a fantastic amazingly salaried job, I'd let him pay as often as possible, because I work in theater and don't always have lots of spare cash lying about.

If I were dating a guy who makes about the same as I do, we'd be very democratic and dutch about things, split it or take turns. I did date someone for about 4 months and it was that way. It made it seem special and date-like when he did want to pay for dinner & a movie or something, instead of fuck-buddyish.

I'm not sure this post makes any sense, but basically, sane women will let you pay if it makes you happy.

 

[m_hall99]

Thanx for the posts guys. This has been very informative and helpful. If anyone else has any questions similar to this maybe they can find out here. Again, thanks.

 

[bamagirl00]

A friend of mine (and yes she is female) recently told me that she thought it was a bad idea to pay for dinner and stuff like that when taking somone out for the first time, that they might just hang around because you are buying them things. I've always been the type of guy that didn't mind paying for these things but I have been burned by my generosity in the past. So what do you guy's think? To buy or not to buy?

well if your the type to buy we live int he same state u can buy me whatever u want . Just kidding i have no opinion on this just telling u that you need to stop by my thread again .. ok ypu can have your thread back

 

[SweetErika]

You can't buy love, but I'm thrilled to see there are still generous people like you M in this selfish world! If too much generosity is your worst quality, you'll make some lucky woman very happy.

Good luck!

 

[Avery_Chisholm]

As a woman on the first few dates I've been invited on, I would offer to split the check. If the man insists on paying the whole thing, I'd let him because (as the other posters said) it's a matter of pride and manners. I might offer to buy coffee or pay for our next activity or say, "I'll get it next time". Golddiggers don't generally offer to pay because they feel a sense of entitlement. I'd use that as a rough guide. Also, don't spend too much too soon...the best dates I've been on have cost very little and I'd much rather know the guy spent a lot of time and effort than a lot of cash (same goes for gifts).

I TOTALLY AGREE