Daddy's Little Girl: Third Edition

[HumiliateAndRegress]

Welcome!! It’s nice to have you!

@HumiliateAndRegress and @Utmale48

Thank you both =) =)

 

[cascadiabound]

@cascadiabound That seems like a post to be a standalone thread in the BDSM forum. Maybe a sticky? What do you think?

I'd be honored

 

[ToPleaseHim]

I'd be honored

It’s a great post, one that could be impactful for a lot of people. Like Stella’s essay, making it a sticky made it much easier to reference for folks.

 

[firmbutgentle]

Structure and Self-Care for Unowned Submissives


I received a note recently asking me if I had any reference materials that focused on providing structure for a submissive who is currently without a Dominant. I didn’t, but I thought it was a good opportunity to write about it.

While I’ve never had a formal system, I have found in both in the time before I identified as a submissive, and in the times since, when I was without a Dom, that I naturally gravitate toward providing myself with a certain amount of structure. (To be clear I have always been a submissive, but I did not always have the words to identify as such.)

Creating structure for yourself in the absence of a Dom comes down to self care. You want to create routines for yourself that enforce predictability and healthy habits.

Some examples of things you might consider establishing as ‘rules’:

Going to bed by no less than 7 hours before you have to wake.
Being out of bed by a set time, even when you have nowhere to be. (say 10am?)
Regular exercise several times a week.
Reading a certain amount of pages per week.
Getting a vegetable with every meal.
Keep regular contact with friends and family members. (perhaps 1 call per week to 2-3 people)
Do all the dishes before bed each day.
Keep a chore list of things that need to be done each day, week, and month.

One you’ve decided the things you will be focusing on you may find it helpful to establish rewards for yourself. Some people, (like myself) who are organized by nature, may find reward just in having the routine, but for others there has to be incentive to motivate them.

You might consider taking out some money from the bank in one dollar bills, and placing a dollar in a jar each time you successfully follow one of your own rules. At the end of each week or month you can use that money to buy yourself something special. If this doesn’t seem like something you’d abide by, money is tight, or you generally just buy what you want anyway, then you might consider orgasm control instead. Put yourself on denial, and give yourself a point for each task completed. When you manage to reach a set number of points you allow yourself an orgasm.

There are a lot of reward systems out there but the basics of giving yourself structure are in creating beneficial routines, and motivations for doing them. It doesn’t have to be formal charts if that seems like drudgery to you.
You can reward yourself within the system. It can be as simple as when you get to bed on time all week you allow yourself to sleep in on weekends.Or making yourself wait to have any snacks/treats for the day until your work/chores are done. There are endless possibilities really, what matters is that you feel motivated to continue taking proper care of yourself.

I second (or third or fifth or eighth) the value of this as a standalone thread.

Some subs I’ve known also found value in making commitments to others without any sexual dimension. For instance, agreeing with a friend on a bedtime, or working with a mentor on some aspect you’d like to improve (a music teacher for whom you’re obligated to practice). It doesn’t work for everyone but it can be a way to get external structure safely when outside a relationship.

 

[cascadiabound]

I seem to be on a roll - as such - I offer this:

A submissive’s musings

I very much see the various aspect of BDSM as different parts of an elaborate buffet. A big table of DD/lg over here, a long table of restraints and bondage stuff along the back wall, a large array of pain implements of every description on a well-lit center piece table, another long table of costuming and play clothes for pet play and pony play and so on, and so forth.

I figure I get to eat off of ALL of the tables and pick and choose the stuff that I like from each part.

Submission… both comes naturally to me and is well, a little bit of a struggle. At least it was initially. It seemed intellectually wrong to me for a bright, competent, feminist woman to crave this kind of sexual submission.

Over time, I have thought a lot about all of the different part of submission and D/s dynamics and what works for me. What works for me is not what works for someone else. There is no one size fits all. And there is no absolute right or wrong way to be any more than there is an absolute right or wrong way to be a person. We all have preferences about our personal style, hair length, what makes us feel sexy and what helps us access that special part of us that craves submission. For me, I am a grown woman with grown up interests and know how to adult and be responsible with the best of them. I do not want to be treated like I cannot take care of myself or am unable to make decisions.

Being a competent person is really important to me. Competent in all kinds of ways. Able to take care of myself in the wilderness. Fearless. Able to master skills. A leader. A strategic thinker. A planner. While these traits may not describe every submissive, I am never surprised when a person who has a long list of competencies is also submissive.

I was dubious initially that there was anything about the DD/lg dynamic that was for me. Like many people I had a really complicated relationship with my dad. But, and this is important… there is nothing about a DD/lg relationship that about incestuous. So that is not at all it. There is nothing about “Dad” (as in “parent”) in this dynamic for me nor for most people who engage in this dynamic. I think that part of what I crave is stuff that I was not given growing up. Things like unadulterated praise. Being “seen” for who I am. Having a person who I respect and who protects me with whom I can be ultimately vulnerable with. Someone who will both push and keep me safe.

Like most people who identify in whole or part as “little” the appeal of DD/lg include elements of guidance, mentoring, caring, tender dominance. Praise, high touch, cuddles, kindness and providing a space where I can let go of being the caretaker and instead let go enough to be cared for. And… then add in whatever kinky submissive/ BDSM activities appeal at the moment. And of course, I am a pleaser… I want to do what I am supposed. Follow the rules. And when I am unable to do what I am asked, or make a mistake…. It is my undoing, twisting my stomach in knots and bringing color to my face.

On the other hand, as a grown ass woman, I do not need to be micromanaged as much as I appreciate a sounding board. And please do not offer problem solving advice unless I ask for it. My problem-solving capacity is pretty good thank you very much. It is perplexing… this need to both be respected as a woman and adored as a “good girl”.

As always - YMMV - I encourage you to elaborate on your own musings from either side of the slash.

 

[jeff_is_smiling]

Simply a great write-up. Your narrative struck a chord with me as I read it. I can easily separate the sexual aspect of a woman I want from the rest of life. Being with a smart, independent woman that is completely in control of her life is what I seek. I don't want to "season her food for her." I want that independence and confidence. That she, in turn, wants to spend time with me and allow me to pamper and control her sexually is a gift and pleasure.

Excellent writing...well done!

 

[Neat_bourbon_Kitten]

I seem to be on a roll - as such - I offer this:

A submissive’s musings

I very much see the various aspect of BDSM as different parts of an elaborate buffet. A big table of DD/lg over here, a long table of restraints and bondage stuff along the back wall, a large array of pain implements of every description on a well-lit center piece table, another long table of costuming and play clothes for pet play and pony play and so on, and so forth.

I figure I get to eat off of ALL of the tables and pick and choose the stuff that I like from each part.

Submission… both comes naturally to me and is well, a little bit of a struggle. At least it was initially. It seemed intellectually wrong to me for a bright, competent, feminist woman to crave this kind of sexual submission.

Over time, I have thought a lot about all of the different part of submission and D/s dynamics and what works for me. What works for me is not what works for someone else. There is no one size fits all. And there is no absolute right or wrong way to be any more than there is an absolute right or wrong way to be a person. We all have preferences about our personal style, hair length, what makes us feel sexy and what helps us access that special part of us that craves submission. For me, I am a grown woman with grown up interests and know how to adult and be responsible with the best of them. I do not want to be treated like I cannot take care of myself or am unable to make decisions.

Being a competent person is really important to me. Competent in all kinds of ways. Able to take care of myself in the wilderness. Fearless. Able to master skills. A leader. A strategic thinker. A planner. While these traits may not describe every submissive, I am never surprised when a person who has a long list of competencies is also submissive.

I was dubious initially that there was anything about the DD/lg dynamic that was for me. Like many people I had a really complicated relationship with my dad. But, and this is important… there is nothing about a DD/lg relationship that about incestuous. So that is not at all it. There is nothing about “Dad” (as in “parent”) in this dynamic for me nor for most people who engage in this dynamic. I think that part of what I crave is stuff that I was not given growing up. Things like unadulterated praise. Being “seen” for who I am. Having a person who I respect and who protects me with whom I can be ultimately vulnerable with. Someone who will both push and keep me safe.

Like most people who identify in whole or part as “little” the appeal of DD/lg include elements of guidance, mentoring, caring, tender dominance. Praise, high touch, cuddles, kindness and providing a space where I can let go of being the caretaker and instead let go enough to be cared for. And… then add in whatever kinky submissive/ BDSM activities appeal at the moment. And of course, I am a pleaser… I want to do what I am supposed. Follow the rules. And when I am unable to do what I am asked, or make a mistake…. It is my undoing, twisting my stomach in knots and bringing color to my face.

On the other hand, as a grown ass woman, I do not need to be micromanaged as much as I appreciate a sounding board. And please do not offer problem solving advice unless I ask for it. My problem-solving capacity is pretty good thank you very much. It is perplexing… this need to both be respected as a woman and adored as a “good girl”.

As always - YMMV - I encourage you to elaborate on your own musings from either side of the slash.

I feel as if you reached into my head and pulled out everything I hadn't been able to verbalize. Perfectly written, thank you!!

 

[wallstreetguy]

I like this board, but I cannot get past the "Daddy" thing. That is just me, personally.
For me, it is "Sir" or nothing. Period.

 

[Neat_bourbon_Kitten]

I like this board, but I cannot get past the "Daddy" thing. That is just me, personally.
For me, it is "Sir" or nothing. Period.

That is absolutely understandable. It isn't the same for any dynamic. What works for one may not work for others. That's the great part of this lifestyle, we don't have to fit some preconceived rules.

 

[barefootgirl69]

I'll be glad when I can actually quote people without my phone messing it up!!!


@wallstreetguy - not everyone likes that term. Some, like you, prefer SIR or PAPA or any form of endearment. I want to understand you correctly. You're a DD...a Caregiver? What term do you call your little one, if you don't mind me asking.

 

[cascadiabound]

View attachment 2193013

 

[wallstreetguy]

I'll be glad when I can actually quote people without my phone messing it up!!!


@wallstreetguy - not everyone likes that term. Some, like you, prefer SIR or PAPA or any form of endearment. I want to understand you correctly. You're a DD...a Caregiver? What term do you call your little one, if you don't mind me asking.

I had to read twice to see the question, LOL.
I am a Dominant. I prefer the term Sir, or after a relationship has begun, Master.

 

[cascadiabound]

I had to read twice to see the question, LOL.
I am a Dominant. I prefer the term Sir, or after a relationship has begun, Master.

Understood... in that capacity do you enjoy the Dlg dynamic, including the mentoring, caretaking, guiding style of dominance this thread celebrates?
And do you find the term "Master" is warranted immediately upon the intiation of a relationship or is there a period of time where you and your pyl/submissive are growing into the dynamic where you are earning the trust and respect the term "Master" denotes?
And did you see the other part of the question... what term do you like to call your little one if you are inclined to share?

 

[wallstreetguy]

Understood... in that capacity do you enjoy the Dlg dynamic, including the mentoring, caretaking, guiding style of dominance this thread celebrates?
And do you find the term "Master" is warranted immediately upon the intiation of a relationship or is there a period of time where you and your pyl/submissive are growing into the dynamic where you are earning the trust and respect the term "Master" denotes?

I enjoy so many parts of the relationship, including nurturing. And Sir is an automatic for me. It rings true.
But honestly, I am not hung up on honorifics and terms. I do not insist on being called a certain name. I just do not want to be called Daddy.
Sometimes, a woman will be willful and insistent on it. I think it is her playing the role of brat just to get my attention. I do not play that game. If it is something she insists on or persists in, I give a warning. More than a few times, and it is over.
Master is just a very powerful term that I have come to enjoy. Again, I never insisted on it.

 

[cascadiabound]

I enjoy so many parts of the relationship, including nurturing. And Sir is an automatic for me. It rings true.
But honestly, I am not hung up on honorifics and terms. I do not insist on being called a certain name. I just do not want to be called Daddy.
Sometimes, a woman will be willful and insistent on it. I think it is her playing the role of brat just to get my attention. I do not play that game. If it is something she insists on or persists in, I give a warning. More than a few times, and it is over.
Master is just a very powerful term that I have come to enjoy. Again, I never insisted on it.

That's clarifying. Thank you. All that makes sense. And absolutely... you have the right to not be called something you dislike. people should respect that pretty much no questions asked imho

 

[Robert1969_auralkink]

Hi all. I’m new to this board. Not quite so new to being a Daddy, although it was my little who made me a Daddy and not vice versa. Our relationship began in chat and shared photos, vids and audio clips. I said something like “Don’t mess with Daddy” as a joke, and she just seized on it! I think we are much more casual about it than many, if not most folks in here, but I’ve found that from being called Daddy i have almost unconsciously become more attentive to her needs than any other chat friend. She’s my only little girl and I’m her only Daddy, even though she has other lovers. There’s something incredibly beautiful about that. And I melt when she moans “Daddy.” Anyway. Those are my scattered thoughts.

 

[Deadbed1968]

I seem to be on a roll - as such - I offer this:

A submissive’s musings

I very much see the various aspect of BDSM as different parts of an elaborate buffet. A big table of DD/lg over here, a long table of restraints and bondage stuff along the back wall, a large array of pain implements of every description on a well-lit center piece table, another long table of costuming and play clothes for pet play and pony play and so on, and so forth.

I figure I get to eat off of ALL of the tables and pick and choose the stuff that I like from each part.

Submission… both comes naturally to me and is well, a little bit of a struggle. At least it was initially. It seemed intellectually wrong to me for a bright, competent, feminist woman to crave this kind of sexual submission.

Over time, I have thought a lot about all of the different part of submission and D/s dynamics and what works for me. What works for me is not what works for someone else. There is no one size fits all. And there is no absolute right or wrong way to be any more than there is an absolute right or wrong way to be a person. We all have preferences about our personal style, hair length, what makes us feel sexy and what helps us access that special part of us that craves submission. For me, I am a grown woman with grown up interests and know how to adult and be responsible with the best of them. I do not want to be treated like I cannot take care of myself or am unable to make decisions.

Being a competent person is really important to me. Competent in all kinds of ways. Able to take care of myself in the wilderness. Fearless. Able to master skills. A leader. A strategic thinker. A planner. While these traits may not describe every submissive, I am never surprised when a person who has a long list of competencies is also submissive.

I was dubious initially that there was anything about the DD/lg dynamic that was for me. Like many people I had a really complicated relationship with my dad. But, and this is important… there is nothing about a DD/lg relationship that about incestuous. So that is not at all it. There is nothing about “Dad” (as in “parent”) in this dynamic for me nor for most people who engage in this dynamic. I think that part of what I crave is stuff that I was not given growing up. Things like unadulterated praise. Being “seen” for who I am. Having a person who I respect and who protects me with whom I can be ultimately vulnerable with. Someone who will both push and keep me safe.

Like most people who identify in whole or part as “little” the appeal of DD/lg include elements of guidance, mentoring, caring, tender dominance. Praise, high touch, cuddles, kindness and providing a space where I can let go of being the caretaker and instead let go enough to be cared for. And… then add in whatever kinky submissive/ BDSM activities appeal at the moment. And of course, I am a pleaser… I want to do what I am supposed. Follow the rules. And when I am unable to do what I am asked, or make a mistake…. It is my undoing, twisting my stomach in knots and bringing color to my face.

On the other hand, as a grown ass woman, I do not need to be micromanaged as much as I appreciate a sounding board. And please do not offer problem solving advice unless I ask for it. My problem-solving capacity is pretty good thank you very much. It is perplexing… this need to both be respected as a woman and adored as a “good girl”.

As always - YMMV - I encourage you to elaborate on your own musings from either side of the slash.

Wow! Another excellent piece! Thank you Cas for sharing!!

 

[barefootgirl69]

Welcome to the thread @Robert1969_auralkink!

I enjoyed reading your post and about how your relationship evolved!!

 

[Robert1969_auralkink]

Thanks, Barefoot girl. I was worried I wasn’t hardcore enough. But I FEEL like a Daddy

 

[barefootgirl69]

No one gets to have a say in that but you and her, @Robert1969_auralkink .







My phone is killing me by not allowing me to reply or quote.

 

[barefootgirl69]

I was going to bed when my son came in to ask who was my favorite Disney Princess and why.

Belle, because she reads.

Then, he asked who was my favorite supporting character was. He thought I'd say Gaston. But, in truth it's

Lumiere!!! I think he's adorable.

We laughed and laughed. Goodnight!

 

[barefootgirl69]

 

[Lady2020]

I enjoy so many parts of the relationship, including nurturing. And Sir is an automatic for me. It rings true.
But honestly, I am not hung up on honorifics and terms. I do not insist on being called a certain name. I just do not want to be called Daddy.
Sometimes, a woman will be willful and insistent on it. I think it is her playing the role of brat just to get my attention. I do not play that game. If it is something she insists on or persists in, I give a warning. More than a few times, and it is over.
Master is just a very powerful term that I have come to enjoy. Again, I never insisted on it.

You are fos.

 

[cascadiabound]

Many of you that follow this thread know that MrTenant has been my daddy for a long time.
We have both benefited from this thread and the shared wisdom herein.
The last years have been really difficult for everyone. And the complexities have magnifyied the difficulties of long distance DDlg.
If you have interacted with him here, appreciated his whacky sense of humor and steady kindness to all, I would like to invite you to make a post on a thread I made for him. I appreciate him and I believe I am not alone in feeling that way. Thanks

https://forum.literotica.com/threads/a-tribute-to-mrtenant.1578490/

 

[Deadbed1968]

Many of you that follow this thread know that MrTenant has been my daddy for a long time.
We have both benefited from this thread and the shared wisdom herein.
The last years have been really difficult for everyone. And the complexities have magnifyied the difficulties of long distance DDlg.
If you have interacted with him here, appreciated his whacky sense of humor and steady kindness to all, I would like to invite you to make a post on a thread I made for him. I appreciate him and I believe I am not alone in feeling that way. Thanks

https://forum.literotica.com/threads/a-tribute-to-mrtenant.1578490/

That is a really nice thing to do! I’m sure Mr Tenant appreciates you very much!