D/s and the relationships that ensue

[lilmissdarling]

Is Long Term D/s relationships on the decline?

I swear, ghosting and short lived relationships are becoming more common. So I am curious. What is the glue of your dynamic? Did you have multiple relationships before settling into the one you currently have? Is yours just a sexual D/s? or does it span to all aspects of your life? Online only or In person? Anything you wish you would have known from the beginning?

Sincerely,
The girl trying to figure it all out.

(p.s Sorry if this was already done in another thread)

 

[RopeBunny69]

My first foray into d/s was long term. But I was clear from the beginning what I was expecting and didn't begin the true d/s aspects of the relationship until several months in. The relationship was primarily sexual but did involve all parts of my life; both online and in person.
I do think that I was lucky in that and I had plenty to weed through before stumbling upon my long term dom.

 

[SissySalina]

It started out as friendship and grew.
She married sissy and after several years of a normal relationship it changed.
Both of us wanted to please the other and do things that the other liked, sissy wanted to dress up and She wanted the BDSM.
She stated that if sissy wanted to live that life that She would oblige but She was to be in control and sissy agreed. It has been that way for 18 years now.

 

[JaneRamsey]

I've always been a long term kind of girl. I never bothered even dating someone unless they were too. It's all about setting the expectation right off the bat, otherwise you're just gonna be waisting each other's time.

 

[Stevew0073]

Long term relationships is the only way to go but they are hard to find and even harder when you have to align kinks.

 

[cookiecat]

D/s "dating" is no different than vanilla. You date a bunch of people, some work, some don't, until you meet someone who really clicks. At times, it's almost like finding a job. If you use online sites, you market yourself just like you would with a resume. You have the interview, so to speak. You go through the probationary period and hope you get a glowing review after 90 days. (I'm kidding... just a bit)

Like Jane and robebunny mentioned - set out your expectations up front. Sure, that doesn't prevent ghosting but back in my dating days (10 - 15 years ago) when texting, messaging wasn't a thing, I'd have to show up to the bar/restaurant only to be stood up. Ghosted, I guess.

The thing I find with D/s it's a cover for people to pretend they're Dominant or submissive. They can hide behind the online fantasy for a moment or two OR think they can meet someone for easy sex. I can't tell you the number of "doms" I met who "ordered" me to come to the date with no bra or panties, who would "order" me to go to the bathroom and wait for them to come in or go to their car so I had the privilege of sucking his cock.

I met my husband on an online kink site. I was clear on that site I was looking for a long-term relationship That didn't prevent the trollers from trying but it became pretty easy to weed out those guys.

What do I wish I'd known?? I'm not sure. It took me a while to figure out what I liked, what I wanted. I had to date those people in order to realize those things. The one rule I finally did put in place is - if I met someone online that lived far away - we needed to meet within 2-3 months in order to keep talking. If he was local, we needed to meet within a couple of weeks.

The other thing I wish I had done was follow my gut. I was in a three year D/s relationship with someone who I suspected was cheating. I was pretty new to D/s and was wrapped up in to him. My pussy did a lot of my thinking in those days. I should've left the moment I felt it. I'm worth more than that. Even if he wasn't cheating (he was), there's a reason I had those feelings. Always trust my gut. In any relationship, I deserve to feel good about myself, not insecure or anxious.

I've never had an on-going online only D/s relationship. I tried but I lack the commitment to make it work, so I can't really speak to that. Since so many relationships start out online, though, I know I run far and fast if someone asks me for nekkid pics right away, speaks to me in the third person, insists I call him Master or Sir or Overlord after every sentence.

Like sissy mentioned, starting out as friends first is a solid way to go. A friend from Lit met her guy here in the BDSM forum! Just posting to threads, posting about music (yup, a music thread in the BDSM cafe!). I met my first real life Dominant on another kink site. We were posting in some goofy thread - it was a word scramble thing. Nothing about sex or bdsm. He messaged me something like "great word scramble" and three months later, we met face to face.

Good luck, lilmissdarling!!

 

[sub2femdom]

Agree with the OP, they do seem to be getting more and more flaky.

Maybe it's a culture thing? People today have shorter attention spans, and so much more opportunity to pursue a much larger pool of interests. They grow bored easily and move onto the next thing (or person). Just a thought.

 

[kezzstar24]

For me personally, I've sworn off long-term relationships permanently (and no, no one hurt me. I was the one who did the hurting).

I guess the thought of a strong emotional attachment, while insanely appealing, also to me seems extremely dangerous. I prefer not to play with fire (instead, I create characters and ruin their lives).

 

[Nezhul]

I think it's not really a question about BDSM.

I think relationship in general become shorter and more frequent. 100 years ago people wouldn't even think changing 20 partners before marriage. Today, though, it's totally normal.

Sex also becomes disjointed from a relationship more and more. The furhter we go, the more sex becomes just an enjoyable time, and less about love and deep attachment. There are people who have one-night-stands frequently and don't feel like they need to feel something to have sex at all. A hundred years from now, I wouldn't be surprised if sex would be practiced by close friends without any relationship going on, and every big party will devolve into an orgy or at least everyone splitting to their rooms to fuck.

And BDSM commitments - are just a flavor of sexual life, and they follow the same trends.

I think that's the reason.