D/s and Naming-Questions

[Kuran208]

This is becoming my default place to ask questions....

Okay, so, my girlfriend and I (We're also working on D/s at the same time, rather naturally really) are moving along quite nicely together, and getting a bit deeper into the D/s realm. I've done some searching around and haven't really found many answers, so I figured i'd ask here.

Basically, we're both interested in the naming thing, more along the lines of pet names. Not "Little lady fizzlebottom" but...pet, kitten, and so on, if that makes sense. Here's my questions.

1. Is there a commonly held convention for bringing up names? I understand that collaring (much later) is generally quite a ceremony and highly important, is giving her a name the same way? Or is it something that the D just starts calling her?

2. Bit of a follow on question...is a name something that the sub should be a part of? Should it be discussed together, or...see above? I'm not quite sure whether that's something that would be the D's prerogative, or if that's one that should be a mutual decision.

3. I'm aware that in a former relationship, she was often called Pet. I'm sure that's a fairly common name to give, but i'm wondering...is there a stigma with reusing names like that? We're both essentially starting over, so i'm not too sure about using a name that she's had by someone else.

4. What are common names? Pet, of course, but i'm struggling to find or think of names that seem...appropriate. I've thought of kitten, because she's like one but....

I'm aware that all of these things are subjective, or unique to the relationship, but i'm sure there's some general things..somewhere.

 

[ecstaticsub]

1) My collaring ceremony was only 5 months into the relationship so it's not always "much later". Mine also was not more than a private exchange of vows and lots of kinky sex afterwards. I was not given my name at that time. No specific reason, just wasn't done. He gave me my name about 1 or 2 months later.

2) My name was completely my dominant's choice. We did not discuss it at all. I like it, so there were no issues.

3) No idea. I am 8 years into my first and only D/s relationship.

4) I was given a normal human name. As he said he owns me so he gets to name me. I use the name he gave me in all D/s type circumstances on-line and in real life.

He will use a variety of nicknames along with the name he gave me for certain reasons for a stretch of time but my name stays the same.

 

[Stella_Omega]

There is no convention for names, I promise There are no rules about who should choose it, what it should be, where it should come from. Totally, one hundred percent your personal preferences.

From elsewhere on the net, I C&P;

• Any name that represents something delicate: Flower, or a type of flower. Cloud, Rain.
• Representation of a tiny mystical creature: Pixie, Fairy, Nymph, Angel.
• Words of smallness: Tiny, Little one, Baby, Babydoll, Kitten, Girl.
• Terms of endearment reserved for only sexual moments: Darling. Baby. Sweetheart. Lover. (one upside of this type of name is that is it not weird if it is overheard)
• Real names that have submissive associations: See warning above.

I had never thought of the wee folk-type names!

 

[celestialdragon]

1. I was never really 'collared'. My Doms didn't really like the idea. The idea, to them, is what mattered.

2. My name was my Dom's decision, not mine. He had combined my nickname and part of another name to use in public, and then used a different one of the same variety while we were playing.

3. I'm not entirely sure, talk that over with her. If she's fine using that name again, then that's up to you whether or not to use it. My gut instinct would be to say no, because depending on how well that relationship went, it could trigger bad memories.

4. Most names that I've heard are popular are pet, kitten, babygirl/babydoll, stuff like that. Plus the nasty ones. I've been 'little one', which is also popular.

Basically, find a name that suits her, and let her know what you're thinking. In this type of relatioship, communication is very important.

 

[KoPilot]

To give you a bunch of input that you're not looking for:

1. My D and I give absolutely zero fucks about institutionalized formalities. My collar is just another tool, not some symbol that has intrinsic meaning independent of what we want it to mean. So no collaring ceremony, no naming ceremony. No ceremonies. Even our wedding was 84 seconds long, according to my uncle's watch. We only did it because I can't move in with him without that certificate.

2. We use the same nickname for each other 90% of the time. Other than that, we have nothing set in stone, though we have just sort of gotten into the habit of using "pet" and "sir" on occasion.

3. Ask her. If she has no personal issue with it, then it's up to you I guess.

4. Just googling "BDSM pet names" gave me a lot of hits. Here's a blog post about it from that weird hetero Christian D/s perspective.

 

[VladHarkonnen]

To give you a bunch of input that you're not looking for:

1. My D and I give absolutely zero fucks about institutionalized formalities. My collar is just another tool, not some symbol that has intrinsic meaning independent of what we want it to mean. So no collaring ceremony, no naming ceremony. No ceremonies. Even our wedding was 84 seconds long, according to my uncle's watch. We only did it because I can't move in with him without that certificate.

2. We use the same nickname for each other 90% of the time. Other than that, we have nothing set in stone, though we have just sort of gotten into the habit of using "pet" and "sir" on occasion.

3. Ask her. If she has no personal issue with it, then it's up to you I guess.

4. Just googling "BDSM pet names" gave me a lot of hits. Here's a blog post about it from that weird hetero Christian D/s perspective.

This.

There are no rules in bdsm that you have to follow to be a "card carrying member" of the "club". How you pursue your sexual eccentricities is your business and no one can tell you that you're doing it wrong. Anyone that says different is a pretentious fuckwad. (certain logistical/technical/safety issues excepted of course)

Insofar as names are concerned, all that matters is that they be names that turn you both on. It may turn you on to call your sub "worm" but if she doesn't like it then something else needs to be agreed upon. She may want to call you "Baron" but if you're not into it something else has to be done. Sometimes, a person's actual name can be the hottest thing to call someone...depending on how you say it. I had the good fortune of being with a dom that called me by name and managed to do so with the kind of condescending authority you get from a school marm and it was hot as all get out But again...its about what works for you.

 

[rexhame317]

We have a collar, which I wear when we are together , it is the first thing I do when we get together.
Sir owns me, I am his. We are trying to find a collar that he likes. He wants something I can wear everyday, and he has a specific thought in mind.

I call him Sir, or he will allow Honey sometimes. He calls me "His pet". He always has. I got butterflies the first time he called me it.

 

[2981notrohrm]

Hmph...I always kind of thought names like that flowed naturally. My wife calls me Master in bed, which is about the only time she ever defers to me, and I call her Slave. Nothing too unconventional.

Frankly, I would find it highly unusual to use a term like "kitten" in bed, if not downright wrong - and not in a good, "we're pushing boundaries" wrong, but more of a "holy fuck, the name implies abusing a defenseless baby animal rather than simply playing rough with a fellow consenting adult" wrong. Maybe it's just a personal hangup I have; I don't know, but for me, hearing the word "kitten" would be an instant buzzkill.

 

[kimuk]

Collaring is individual. I was collared after about 3 months into when we got "serious" about what we wanted. It was symbolic to us and private
My name evloved and its on a tag on my collar. When he calls me by that it with affection and I love it.