Continuous "Feedback"

[SexyChele]

Like all writers, I like to get feedback on the stories I've written - both positive and negative. It lets me know what readers think. And if the readers leaves an email addy I will respond to them.

There has been a few occasions where I've responded to a reader's feedback, only to have them turn around and write back with such things as wanting to get to know me better, wanting to meet me or call me, wanting to play out the story I've written with that person. I'm others have gotten this type of response as well. How do you deal with it? I could change my profile to state that I'm married or attached, but I don't think that would deter some of these guys. I've been ignorning them, but I wonder if that's the best tactic. I certainly don't want to "feed" them.

What do others do in this situation?

 

[Whispersecret]

I'm married, and I have no problem telling them so, but I understand if you don't want to lie. Often men will tell you they jerked off three times to your story, or some such. Yeah, it's too much information, but look on the bright side. You must have written a hell of a story for that to happen, right? Try this:

Dear Chuck,

Thanks so much for your feedback. I really love hearing from people who enjoy reading what I wrote. And the fact that it drove you to the heights of passion three times? Wow. What a compliment.

If they want to continue a relationship with you, try this:

Chuck, you can't imagine how flattered I am that you want to pursue things with me, however, I must respectfully decline. I'm not in the market for a relationship right now/I'm involved with someone/I'm married. Still, I'm smiling at the thought that you thought of me in that way.

If they propose a night of sex, try this:

Be still my heart! Chuck, you're quite the flatterer, but I'm afraid the fantasy of our sexual union will have to remain a fantasy. But you're a sweetie for suggesting it.

I know this seems like encouraging them, but I've never had anyone persist after responding to them like this. If you acknowledge their sincerity they can maintain face. Keep the tone light but sincere. Compliment them back. I know there are weirdos out there, but they're the minority, so I treat everyone as if they're a normal person with normal feelings.

Also, check your profile and make sure it doesn't say you're looking for friends, companions, whatever. A fan will often look there first for more personal information about you and will take that "looking for" statement as an invitation.

 

[DreamGrrl]

HNGs who like to track down Authors! LOL

Where I cum from, dealing with guys who like the online or phone sex bit are called HNGs - Horny Net Geeks!

LOL


Seriously, though (because I'm hardly ever that ^_~) ...

I have only submitted one piece that hasn't even been up for 24 hrs and already I have been flooded with emails and people tracking me on my IM programs with exactly the kind of responses SexyChele is talking about. Before that, my sitting on the Lit boards or my profile in the Lit members area was enough to spur a lot of fan mail/IMs etc.

I think Whispersecret is right in that you have to be nicely firm - there's nothing stopping us from being friendly about it, however.

My most common response is that while I'm flattered, touched, embarassed, honored, etc, I am not afraid to say that I treat phone and cyber sex like I do real sex - I don't do it with strangers.

No one, as of yet, has complained about that. Like in r/l, guys who are told they have to wait to get the goods normally just step off.

But I never, ever demean my appreciation of how much effort it takes to move past a story to the author, the person behind it - nor how much I appreciate the fact that they bothered to actually just talk to me about my bio/story. In a conglomeration like Literotica, the fact that people single me out for individual attention is still an awesome thing I enjoy thoroughly!

Hope I helped, I just enjoy reading my own type I think...

LOL!

~Mai

 

[karmadog]

From a male point of view (maybe a strange one), I can't imagine chasing an online author. There are so many real-world women.

None of whom I could ever consider stalking.

Maybe I just don't get the whole cybersex thing. That could be it, but I don't think so.

 

[VeraGem]

Whispersecret,

I've tried that approach, and usually it works - but when things get really weird I just stop responding. The worst was a guy who told me he needed something more than his wife - emphasis on someTHING. I had nothing to say to that, and thankfully my silence following that email silenced him.

 

[jubilee]

I guess as a quite new author you have to build up a pool of people who reply in a serious way. This may take some time but it's worth. Just ignore the others in the meantime.

 

[Whispersecret]

Most of the time I don't strike up continuing conversations with the fans. Usually, they write me, I reply, and that's usually it. Sometimes they write a second time, usually amazed that I responded. Almost never do things progress beyond that.

Another idea is to avoid unwanted relationships is to not ask questions of them.

Yeah, I had one weirdo. I dealt with him firmly but politely and he desisted.

 

[KillerMuffin]

Standard response:

"I'm happily married and since I really, really want to keep my StudMuffin, you'll understand that I am not open to sex of any sort, email, phone, IM, cyber, PM, shady meetings, telepathy, or alien abductions.

I'm flattered by your interest, it's a real ego boost to learn that my writing inspired someone to want to get to know me better. Thank you for the compliment.

Muffin"

Of course I've done a pre-emptive strike. I completely gave up on the whole "I'm at a porn site, describe myself accordingly" bit. Coyness and sexuality have been removed from my profile. Instead, I've got a nice big paragraph that tells people that I'm not interested in them sexually.

From profile:

I have been writing erotica and smut for a few years now, and writing in general since I was old enough to string words together. It wasn't anything to write home about back then, but the power of the written word took hold of me and never let go.

I am happily married and since I intend to stay that way I don't do pics, cybersex, phonesex, or any sorts of carryings-on that the StudMuffin would disapprove of in any sort of way. I think he's pretty special and I want to keep him. In case you're wondering, though, I look exactly like Dennis Rodman doesn't.

Here are a few of my favorite authors in these parts; a little of everything with some humor, some intensity, and of course KillerHot sex mingled with fabulous writing skills. Dixon Carter Lee, naturally. Don't tell him I said it, though, the man is all ego. Whispersecret is so good at bringing out the heat and romance in about anything. She's smart, too. Gaucho is one of my absolute faves, everything of his seems to rub me in the most delicious way. Then there is Dirty Old Man. He twists humor and characters into a sublimely hot mix of something to lust after. Believe it or not, p_p_man gives me a bit of tickle. I love the way he writes despite his insidious political schemes to get the US to join up with the EU. Just do a little member search and you'll be pleasantly surprised.

 

[Suzi]

Hey guys and gals!

Go check out my profile...I made some interesting "changes"...think they will deter the annoying feedback (to which I have not been immune!)...? Let me know what ya think....

*Hugs*

Suzi

 

[KillerMuffin]

I see part of your problem. Under "Interests" it lists friends, men, women.

Lit's managed to turn the member list into a way of meeting people. Check the "Search Members" down at the bottom of the index page.

Get rid of that.

Nextly, consider that most of your fans aren't cyberstalking you.

I learned the hard way, never piss off your readership.

I like Sven though, can I watch, too?

 

[Suzi]

Point taken!

I altered the bio. a little...not so abrasive now! Also took out all checkmarks in interest section...what did ya think of what I put for Interests in general (BDSM) and under Occupation (phlebotomist)....lol

Thanks for the tip Muffin!

*Hugs*

Suzi

 

[TrinaT]

Thanks everyone for the tips. I've decided to go back and review my own profile and make some changes. I agree emails like this can be a compliment, but like KM, I love my hubby and I'm not interesting in carrying on with anyone else, be it on the phone, email or cyber.

Again, thanks for the great advice.

TrinaT

 

[SexyChele]

Wow! Thanks for some great input! I knew I couldn't be alone in this. On my way now to review and change my profile.

Again, thanks all!

 

[TrinaT]

I'm really surprised now. Changed my profile and those people who had read the old profile, some of which I had been corresponding with previously, aren't corresponding any longer. I guess people really do read into things more than they should. I didn't mind corresponding with one person in particular, seemed as if we had started a decent friendship, sharing ideas etc. Now I don't hear anything from this person. I guess that they just assumed that I no longer wished to correspond and is pissed off about it about the change in my profile.

Oh well, guess its their loss.

Take care all and thanks again for the tips.

TrinaT

 

[Quasimodem]

Just Follow Protocol.

A blank email with "unsubscribe" in the subject line is a surefire way to discourage unwanted correspondents.

Quasi