lark sparrow
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Oct 11, 2002
- Posts
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It is often said that the key to a well balanced relationship is trust and that without it, a relationship cannot last and be fulfilling. This is true, however how do we earn or develop trust ,how does it begin.
When two people meet, their actions, i.e. demeanor, attitude, posture, vocal skills and appearance set the tone for potential friendship and perhaps life partner. We subconsciously grade and observe the other to determine whether they are fit and capable of being that significant other and our subconscious does not forget, it keeps a record I can assure you. The next time the same two people come together our subconscious picks up where it left off the last time continuously observing. And what it looks for is Consistency. That this person is the same as the last time we met that his or her actions are consistent with who and what they claim themselves to be. Over a period of time we become comfortable with that person because subconsciously we see that they are continuously consistent with who and what they say they are. And so a trust begins..
"Within A Relationship"
This is the tricky part... You have entered into a D/s lifestyle relationship. You have concluded that this person is the one for you and here you are. Consistency is “continuous” part of the definition of Consistent. It can not stop after the relationship is developed. Why many relationships fail is because consistency is lost. Consistency affects trust and trust affects communications, they are codependent. If a person is not consistent in their actions and behaviors then what can we believe to be true about them, we can only know what we have see and hear..
This does not mean remove spontaneity from the relationship but it does mean that certain guidelines must be maintained by both parties in order for the relationship to have merit and value. If John tells Jane that she will be punished for doing something she should not have been, then John doesn’t for what ever his reasons, A trust has been violated, consistency has been broken and communication damaged. For now Jane’s subconscious may be noting he lied, he said he would and then he did not. So now the next time John says he will punish Jane for something, Jane may not believe him.
Good communication comes from a constant exchange of information between two people and Communication must be consistent as well. If two people are accustomed to talking about issues on a weekly basis and then suddenly there is a lapse of two or three weeks where the discussion does not take place and it has not been addressed that there would be a lack prior, consistency is violated and trust is damaged. Because of the nature and complexity of the relationship we can not afford to loose good communication. The information exchanged is vital to maintain a healthy relationship.
Now what happens when Jane says she will do something and then does not. Well most people’s first response would be John will punish her and that will be that. But that is not that... John’s trust in her is just as damaged even if the incident is a small thing, like Jane said she would fill the sugar bowl and did not.. That may not seem like a major thing, but its a small strike in the subconscious and they add up and sometimes all to quickly.. And of course communication is damaged. For she said she would do something he heard it acknowledged it and then it did not happen.. So the next time she says she will do something, he will, hear it and acknowledge it but, not necessarily believe it. After a period of time, these small things become the big things that causes a relationship to end. Consistency in our actions and behaviors is a must. It is the things that trust and communication are based on.
http://www.bdsmeroticism.com/main.html
This is so true for me in my relationship with my Mistress. She is very consisent as a person in many ways that are important to me as a submissive, which allows the necessary trust to flourish in our D/s relationship. I trust and belong to Her far more than than any other Dominant or Top before because of this - it grounds me in the relationship, and creates a simplicity I have a harder time finding on my own. I think I am less consistent than She is, but it may be less of an issue as I do obey Her, She can trust me and I keep Her on Her toes a bit with my "sassiness" and changeability.
We know that trust is essential in relationships period but, is consistency more important in D/s? More cleary drawn roles and rituals come to mind.
Is it a necessary quality in Dominants for a submissive and a basis in giving themselves, or are there those who value unpredictability as a basic trait in their Dominant partners? How tied to it is self-control?
Is consistency a preference or a requirement once basic trust has been established? Is it more important in some ways on one side of the whip or the other? Simply a personality trait and preference that varies?
When two people meet, their actions, i.e. demeanor, attitude, posture, vocal skills and appearance set the tone for potential friendship and perhaps life partner. We subconsciously grade and observe the other to determine whether they are fit and capable of being that significant other and our subconscious does not forget, it keeps a record I can assure you. The next time the same two people come together our subconscious picks up where it left off the last time continuously observing. And what it looks for is Consistency. That this person is the same as the last time we met that his or her actions are consistent with who and what they claim themselves to be. Over a period of time we become comfortable with that person because subconsciously we see that they are continuously consistent with who and what they say they are. And so a trust begins..
"Within A Relationship"
This is the tricky part... You have entered into a D/s lifestyle relationship. You have concluded that this person is the one for you and here you are. Consistency is “continuous” part of the definition of Consistent. It can not stop after the relationship is developed. Why many relationships fail is because consistency is lost. Consistency affects trust and trust affects communications, they are codependent. If a person is not consistent in their actions and behaviors then what can we believe to be true about them, we can only know what we have see and hear..
This does not mean remove spontaneity from the relationship but it does mean that certain guidelines must be maintained by both parties in order for the relationship to have merit and value. If John tells Jane that she will be punished for doing something she should not have been, then John doesn’t for what ever his reasons, A trust has been violated, consistency has been broken and communication damaged. For now Jane’s subconscious may be noting he lied, he said he would and then he did not. So now the next time John says he will punish Jane for something, Jane may not believe him.
Good communication comes from a constant exchange of information between two people and Communication must be consistent as well. If two people are accustomed to talking about issues on a weekly basis and then suddenly there is a lapse of two or three weeks where the discussion does not take place and it has not been addressed that there would be a lack prior, consistency is violated and trust is damaged. Because of the nature and complexity of the relationship we can not afford to loose good communication. The information exchanged is vital to maintain a healthy relationship.
Now what happens when Jane says she will do something and then does not. Well most people’s first response would be John will punish her and that will be that. But that is not that... John’s trust in her is just as damaged even if the incident is a small thing, like Jane said she would fill the sugar bowl and did not.. That may not seem like a major thing, but its a small strike in the subconscious and they add up and sometimes all to quickly.. And of course communication is damaged. For she said she would do something he heard it acknowledged it and then it did not happen.. So the next time she says she will do something, he will, hear it and acknowledge it but, not necessarily believe it. After a period of time, these small things become the big things that causes a relationship to end. Consistency in our actions and behaviors is a must. It is the things that trust and communication are based on.
http://www.bdsmeroticism.com/main.html
This is so true for me in my relationship with my Mistress. She is very consisent as a person in many ways that are important to me as a submissive, which allows the necessary trust to flourish in our D/s relationship. I trust and belong to Her far more than than any other Dominant or Top before because of this - it grounds me in the relationship, and creates a simplicity I have a harder time finding on my own. I think I am less consistent than She is, but it may be less of an issue as I do obey Her, She can trust me and I keep Her on Her toes a bit with my "sassiness" and changeability.
We know that trust is essential in relationships period but, is consistency more important in D/s? More cleary drawn roles and rituals come to mind.
Is it a necessary quality in Dominants for a submissive and a basis in giving themselves, or are there those who value unpredictability as a basic trait in their Dominant partners? How tied to it is self-control?
Is consistency a preference or a requirement once basic trust has been established? Is it more important in some ways on one side of the whip or the other? Simply a personality trait and preference that varies?
