Consent? Are people entitled to their partner’s body?

[G00dg1rL]

Do you think people are entitled to their partner’s body?

As in “You’re mine and I should be able to fuck you whenever I want whether you like it or not”? Or do you prefer explicit consent every time?





Years ago, there was a period of a few months where my partner was very sexually aggressive and would just do whatever he wanted to do to me even if I said No. I literally slapped, punched, kicked, etc. and he would just laugh and continue what he was doing. It seemed like he liked me hitting him. He’s never ever raised a hand to me, but instead would use his penis to cause me pain if he was mad at me.

We ended up separating for almost a year because of it.

I know some people think it’s sexy to have someone want you so bad they “can’t help themselves”, but it made me feel like crap. It was painful physically and emotionally. Sometimes I’d be sore for days



People knew we had broken up but they didn’t know the real reason why. It’s kinda embarrassing to talk about with people who actually know us, so I’ve never mentioned it. This is only the second time I’ve written anything about it- the first time was in my diary.



This is also kinda confusing because I do like that he’s kinda dominant, so why did it hurt my feelings?



Anyways, what’s your preference?

 

[KatieDoes]

That was rape.

No one is entitled access to another persons body, ever. No one is owed or entitled to sex with another person without their explicit consent.

Your partner wasn’t Dominant, he was abusive.

 

[G00dg1rL]

That was rape.

No one is entitled access to another persons body, ever. No one is owed or entitled to sex with another person without their explicit consent.

Your partner wasn’t Dominant, he was abusive.

Honestly I thought so too, and your response is probably what I would say to someone else. Idk, I guess maybe I’m just trying to distance myself from that word- it’s hard to admit that.

 

[BlackSatinKnight]

Bottom line, NO means NO. What you were describing is rape. It’s not only physical abuse, but psychological abuse as well. I would recommend seeking counseling because distancing yourself is not a healthy way to deal with this trauma. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I spent years in law enforcement and I’ve seen many cases of what you described. Even partners in committed relationships have the right to say NO.

 

[G00dg1rL]

Thanks for your response. Doesn’t sound harsh- just real straight forward. I appreciate it.
I’ve been in counseling/therapy but have not mentioned this issue and only slightly mentioned things that happened when I was a kid. It’s hard to say some of this stuff aloud.
It’s hard to find a good therapist too. I had a woman therapist who I was seeing when I was depressed. I stopped seeing her because she mentioned that maybe I should have sex and that would help me feel better- after I had already said I had no interest in sex. I wasn’t even interested in living, let alone sex. I thought that was weird AF so I stopped going to therapy.


I know people have had it a lot worse, so it’s just easier to just “keep on truckin” than go through the hassle of therapy. I did learn some things, but therapists are just humans too, and some of them suck real bad. It feels like it would be more work than it’s worth trying to find the right one.

 

[ConfusinglyDelerious]

Do you think people are entitled to their partner’s body?

As in “You’re mine and I should be able to fuck you whenever I want whether you like it or not”? Or do you prefer explicit consent every time?

I have been in a situationship that revolved around free use/consensual non-consent.

But the essential part of it is still consensual. We had a long and detailed talk in advance, where it was made clear to me that I had her consent to do things, when she was saying no and trying to stop me, and physically fought back against me.

There was also a mutual understanding between us that she had a safe word. And if it was ever deployed, then things would come to a full stop. No ifs, no buts.

There was explicit consent for as long as we were in an ongoing thing.

This is also kinda confusing because I do like that he’s kinda dominant, so why did it hurt my feelings?

Anything that does not happen with expressed consent in advance, is sexual assault. Even if you like him being dominant.

 

[LIDiver]

Do you think people are entitled to their partner’s body?

As in “You’re mine and I should be able to fuck you whenever I want whether you like it or not”? Or do you prefer explicit consent every time?





Years ago, there was a period of a few months where my partner was very sexually aggressive and would just do whatever he wanted to do to me even if I said No. I literally slapped, punched, kicked, etc. and he would just laugh and continue what he was doing. It seemed like he liked me hitting him. He’s never ever raised a hand to me, but instead would use his penis to cause me pain if he was mad at me.

We ended up separating for almost a year because of it.

I know some people think it’s sexy to have someone want you so bad they “can’t help themselves”, but it made me feel like crap. It was painful physically and emotionally. Sometimes I’d be sore for days



People knew we had broken up but they didn’t know the real reason why. It’s kinda embarrassing to talk about with people who actually know us, so I’ve never mentioned it. This is only the second time I’ve written anything about it- the first time was in my diary.



This is also kinda confusing because I do like that he’s kinda dominant, so why did it hurt my feelings?



Anyways, what’s your preference?

This shouldn’t even be up for discussion!

 

[LMWM321]

if I said No. I literally slapped, punched, kicked, etc. and he would just laugh and continue what he was doing

Your partner wasn’t Dominant, he was abusive.

Yep... And he deserves to be in jail. This horrible person is undoubtedly continuing this behavior with someone else.

Sadly, there exists countries/ cultures where there isn't such a thing as domestic rape. I can't even fathom it...

 

[Erosfan]

Not only no, but HELL NO!

 

[stxjimmy]

That was rape.

No one is entitled access to another persons body, ever. No one is owed or entitled to sex with another person without their explicit consent.

Your partner wasn’t Dominant, he was abusive.

Well said Katie, though it is staggering that people need reminding.

 

[Rockymtnman]

Absolutely fucking not. You, me or any other human being NEVER owes anyone their body or any sexual favors regardless of relationship status. My wife and I have had sex thousands of times over our 30+ years together and she could cut me off tomorrow and that’s her right. She owes me nothing.

 

[Boat1]

Do you think people are entitled to their partner’s body?

As in “You’re mine and I should be able to fuck you whenever I want whether you like it or not”? Or do you prefer explicit consent every time?





Years ago, there was a period of a few months where my partner was very sexually aggressive and would just do whatever he wanted to do to me even if I said No. I literally slapped, punched, kicked, etc. and he would just laugh and continue what he was doing. It seemed like he liked me hitting him. He’s never ever raised a hand to me, but instead would use his penis to cause me pain if he was mad at me.

We ended up separating for almost a year because of it.

I know some people think it’s sexy to have someone want you so bad they “can’t help themselves”, but it made me feel like crap. It was painful physically and emotionally. Sometimes I’d be sore for days



People knew we had broken up but they didn’t know the real reason why. It’s kinda embarrassing to talk about with people who actually know us, so I’ve never mentioned it. This is only the second time I’ve written anything about it- the first time was in my diary.



This is also kinda confusing because I do like that he’s kinda dominant, so why did it hurt my feelings?



Anyways, what’s your preference?

Two words came to mind...
Lorena Bobbitt.

 

[LoneMilf]

Thanks for your response. Doesn’t sound harsh- just real straight forward. I appreciate it.
I’ve been in counseling/therapy but have not mentioned this issue and only slightly mentioned things that happened when I was a kid. It’s hard to say some of this stuff aloud.
It’s hard to find a good therapist too. I had a woman therapist who I was seeing when I was depressed. I stopped seeing her because she mentioned that maybe I should have sex and that would help me feel better- after I had already said I had no interest in sex. I wasn’t even interested in living, let alone sex. I thought that was weird AF so I stopped going to therapy.


I know people have had it a lot worse, so it’s just easier to just “keep on truckin” than go through the hassle of therapy. I did learn some things, but therapists are just humans too, and some of them suck real bad. It feels like it would be more work than it’s worth trying to find the right one.

I've felt the inadequacy of therapists as well. But it also sounds like you might not have given her enough information to work with. If you do try again, you might need to prepare yourself to be even more open and direct early on. I know it isn't easy, but at least it's fairly risk-free.

As for your question, I think that people in a relationship have an obligation to care for each other, including sexual needs. But you always need (implicit) consent - nobody ever has a right to your body.

 

[Kenziexoxo]

Do you think people are entitled to their partner’s body?

As in “You’re mine and I should be able to fuck you whenever I want whether you like it or not”? Or do you prefer explicit consent every time?





Years ago, there was a period of a few months where my partner was very sexually aggressive and would just do whatever he wanted to do to me even if I said No. I literally slapped, punched, kicked, etc. and he would just laugh and continue what he was doing. It seemed like he liked me hitting him. He’s never ever raised a hand to me, but instead would use his penis to cause me pain if he was mad at me.

We ended up separating for almost a year because of it.

I know some people think it’s sexy to have someone want you so bad they “can’t help themselves”, but it made me feel like crap. It was painful physically and emotionally. Sometimes I’d be sore for days



People knew we had broken up but they didn’t know the real reason why. It’s kinda embarrassing to talk about with people who actually know us, so I’ve never mentioned it. This is only the second time I’ve written anything about it- the first time was in my diary.



This is also kinda confusing because I do like that he’s kinda dominant, so why did it hurt my feelings?



Anyways, what’s your preference?

My son's Dad and I have been on and off again for a long time and he gets sexually aggressive with me at times. I felt like I had a weakness for him for so long, and it's hard to handle. I haven't been actually dating him in years, but at times he feels entitled to me still.

 

[LMWM321]

Domestic rape is rape - plain and simple.

I not only need permission, I need to feel like my partner is fully interested in having sex as well. ..If I get the sense she's merely agreeing to it, I'll say, "Let's wait until we're BOTH in the mood.."

WTF is wrong with people?

 

[Stopokochac]

Maybe if they're just dating no. But if you're married, I definitely believe you have an obligation to provide your partner with adequate sexual pressure. However, that does not mean it should be done in a way that's inconsiderate to each other. But giving them no sexual pleasure at all is not good either and can ruin the relationship.

 

[KatieDoes]

Maybe if they're just dating no. But if you're married, I definitely believe you have an obligation to provide your partner with adequate sexual pressure. However, that does not mean it should be done in a way that's inconsiderate to each other. But giving them no sexual pleasure at all is not good either and can ruin the relationship.

No one is obligated to provide access to their body to another person, ever, under any circumstances. You’re perpetuating rape culture and it’s dangerous.

 

[Sexysally1234]

they are entitled to mine

 

[LMWM321]

No one is obligated to provide access to their body to another person, ever, under any circumstances. You’re perpetuating rape culture and it’s dangerous.

Yep

 

[NOBGE]

Do you think people are entitled to their partner’s body?

As in “You’re mine and I should be able to fuck you whenever I want whether you like it or not”? Or do you prefer explicit consent every time?





Years ago, there was a period of a few months where my partner was very sexually aggressive and would just do whatever he wanted to do to me even if I said No. I literally slapped, punched, kicked, etc. and he would just laugh and continue what he was doing. It seemed like he liked me hitting him. He’s never ever raised a hand to me, but instead would use his penis to cause me pain if he was mad at me.

We ended up separating for almost a year because of it.

I know some people think it’s sexy to have someone want you so bad they “can’t help themselves”, but it made me feel like crap. It was painful physically and emotionally. Sometimes I’d be sore for days



People knew we had broken up but they didn’t know the real reason why. It’s kinda embarrassing to talk about with people who actually know us, so I’ve never mentioned it. This is only the second time I’ve written anything about it- the first time was in my diary.



This is also kinda confusing because I do like that he’s kinda dominant, so why did it hurt my feelings?



Anyways, what’s your preference?

In a word, NO! It’s your body. Jus5 because you’re married doesn’t give him(her) rights to use your body.

 

[ericalauren]

Maybe if they're just dating no. But if you're married, I definitely believe you have an obligation to provide your partner with adequate sexual pressure. However, that does not mean it should be done in a way that's inconsiderate to each other. But giving them no sexual pleasure at all is not good either and can ruin the relationship.

It scares me that you seriously sat down and wrote this. Stop enforcing rape culture.

 

[KatieDoes]

they are entitled to mine

This is why predatory men target women young enough that their brains have not yet fully developed.

 

[MiaBabe23]

they are entitled to mine

I know you think you’re just being cute and think you’re just showing how nymph-like and available you are
But there and countless threads where you can do that
Can I ask that you take a quiet moment to read, to actually think about, the OP’s opening post here that starts the thread, acknowledge what she went through, even if only to yourself, and realize that there will be a minuscule but nonetheless significant number of men on here who will read what you say and tell themselves they’re entitled, ‘she wants it really’

 

[gaindianguy4u]

@G00dg1rL I am sorry that you had to go though this. Do not ever compromise on your DIGNITY. Stand your own. Consent is a MUST. Your Life. Your Body, Your Consent

 

[Mike302]

No.

Also, if there is no sex or intimacy and for either partner and they want it they should ask for permission to seek it elsewhere or end the relationship.