Consensual Non-Consent

[subish2009]

So what is begging anyway? Please don’t do/do that because I am so special. You somehow inherently deserver whatever it may be. What do you expect the motivator to be, just that you said it?

Well...actually, with my online Dom, yeah. The motivator is just that I said it. He LOVES hearing me say it. It just highlights the power differential, I think.

Also, I think you're looking for logic and rational thought where there isn't any. I'm not talking about any sort of protracted negotiation. I'm talking about him teasing me, for example, to the point that I feel like I'm going to DIE of lust if he doesn't do whatever it is he's been teasing me about. It's a purely animalistic reaction. Obviously, I know I'm not actually going to die, but in the heat of the moment, in the throes of passion, it just comes out.

 

[DVS]

What I wouldn't give to find a woman into a little non-consensual or S/m sex. Shit, I'd even go for some consensual non-consensual sex or even some consensual rape. I'm not picky. Actually, I'm pretty damn easy. But the mid-western women around here seem so uptight about telling their secret desires. There have to be women in my area that are seeking what I am. But, they do without and so I do without. And we're all living alone, through this cold winter.

I'll tell ya, some good ol' perverted sex would sure melt a lot of the snow around here.

 

[ataxia.girl]

Have you ever begged him to let you go? Or please mister not again, I can't take anymore.

So is daddy an aloof senile old man, or does he just ignore whatever doesn't fit him?

i more just whimper or physically resist. Sometimes i tell him i can't breathe. Giving bj's under the covers makes me really claustrophobic. There was one incident where i wouldn't stay under there and ended up with my wrists and feet bound pretty painfully with zip ties giving him a bj while he stood and i kneeled. There was basically no comfortable way to kneel with your ankles bound that way. It sucked. i have bad shoulders too and having them bound behind my back hurts really bad. He didn't care. i think i was crying after awhile with his thing in my mouth. i tend to get in trouble if i let it out of my mouth so no begging but you can get your message across without words. Eventually he let me out. Putting my shoulder back hurt so fucking bad.

i dunno how he does it. He doesn't exactly say no. He has a way of putting it off until an unspecified time in the future. His sense of time and mine are not at all the same.

To a degree he does ignore what doesn't suit him. i do think he pretends the situation is what he wants it to be, even if that isn't quite what it is, but in the end even that fits. Abductors rarely do what their abductees want and they are often deluded. i am able to eroticize his lack of attention to detail and attentiveness in that way. i am under no illusion that this is part of some master plan on his part and yet it still works for me to think of it like that simply because i know he is into abduction and that the way he is with me is likely the way he would be if he abducted someone. He would do just enough to keep them marginally placated and at least somewhat compliant. He doesn't like using physical punishment. He'll force you but he isn't into CP.

In all honesty if he did very much of what i think i want we likely wouldn't still be together. i need a little dysfunction.

He told me once when we first met that in service i would be free to bastardize him and he was right. When i tell him "i hate you" he says good because that means we are connected. He knows i am going to swing from love to hate and back again so he makes the hate not matter. He interprets it differently.

i know he analogizes owning me with owning a pretty, spirited, horse. You don't exactly tell the horse what's going on and he is impervious to me not fitting into his little analogy. The first night we met he came to my hotel room and i was pretty scared and freaked out. He's like 6'3". He had me sit on his lap and gave me a doll and then brushed my hair for a really long time. He didn't really talk much. Just waited until i wasn't quite so jumpy.

These days it is often more vanilla between us unless i resist but that undercurrent is there. i'm expected to comply when it comes to sex and if i don't its going to happen anyway. Because he doesn't need to me to comply in the same way most Dominants do he doesn't really feel the need to punish for resistance. Honestly physically forcing me and not punishing me just adds to my sense of powerlessness. He doesn't even acknowledge that my resistance has any impact on the relationship.

Whether i comply or resist he sees me as his little doll\toy in the form of "little girl". If he really was able to keep me chained to the bed 24/7 there would likely be lots of pillows and presents and i know he would take me out shopping. It would be cushy but i still wouldn't be getting off that chain. He says he would really do it. i'm not sure if he would or not. Part of him enjoys talking to vanilla big girl to much. i have that problem with just about every Dominant. They like grown up me as much as they like the little girl. i'd be fine chained to the bed as long as i had my computer i'd likely end up his bookkeeper and system admin. i often only leave the house once a week for the weekly shopping run as it is. i definitely have recluse tendencies but without any stimulation i would completely lose my mind and one of us would likely end up dead.

 

[00Syd]

Ataxia.girl, sometimes, for some reason, I don't know, reading what you have to say freaks me out a little. It all seems so intense or bent in a way thats so different from the usual kind of bent, that it kind of puts me on edge. But then when I put that feeling aside and actually read what you are saying I start to relate to it more closely than almost anything else I read on lit. Its kind of scary and great at the same time.

 

[MisterSir]

Well, probably because I can't relate to it, bits of what ataxia and OSG have been saying have really concerned me. It clearly works for them on some level, even if it's buried deep, but things like the below just seem wrong:

i have bad shoulders too and having them bound behind my back hurts really bad. He didn't care. i think i was crying after awhile with his thing in my mouth. i tend to get in trouble if i let it out of my mouth so no begging but you can get your message across without words. Eventually he let me out. Putting my shoulder back hurt so fucking bad.

Bent so different to what we think of as the usual kind of bent is a good way to describe it, because I'm looking at that and thinking "You're just going to get broken eventually". He's clearly fine with that, but it grates against my philosophy because the last thing I want to do is end up with a badly broken toy. (That sounds rather judgemental now I read it to myself. I'm not judging, I just don't agree. K?)

 

[Keroin]

I want unfeigned, worshipful enthusiasm, dammit.

Would you like fries with that?

 

[ataxia.girl]

Bent so different to what we think of as the usual kind of bent is a good way to describe it, because I'm looking at that and thinking "You're just going to get broken eventually". He's clearly fine with that, but it grates against my philosophy because the last thing I want to do is end up with a badly broken toy. (That sounds rather judgemental now I read it to myself. I'm not judging, I just don't agree. K?)

A little celebrex clears it right up. i might have to have shoulder surgery some day but it isn't going to be because i had my hands tied behind my back. i do more damage shopping at sam's club every week.

It isn't that he doesn't care. Its mostly that he's tied my hands back there on many occasions and it hasn't broke me yet so he's not apt to think its going to this time. Mostly it just hurts. i think its bursitis. i need to get an MRI done on it at some point but i haven't had a really bad episode for a few years so its stayed on the back burner. The last time i had a cortisone shot. i don't want to meet my deductible with the MRI. Dumb i know but those things are freaking expensive.

What i really need to do is just a little light weightlifting. i think i'll start tonight. i have the weights already.

 

[eastern sun]

Chiming in to say that I love reading your posts, ataxia. I couldn't relate as much to the "little girl" voice you used to write in, but I love to hear what you're thinking and grappling with today.

I also think it's important to acknowledge that BDSM hurts sometimes. A lot. And it can take you in some pretty strange directions. Like any other culture, the public play scenes and forums point to a range of common practices, but this world can encompass a wide variety of activities.

If most of your play is private, it helps a lot to share it with other people who can relate.

 

[BiBunny]

I understand about the shoulder problems and bondage. I dislocated mine back in 2005 (riding accident), and it's still prone to popping out to this day because there's a hole in the front of all that tissue that's supposed to hold it in place that's big enough to drive a Mack truck through. I need to have surgery, but I lost my insurance before I could have it. So what do you do?

Having your arms bound behind you is the worst. Honestly, I can't even stand up with my hands behind me long, or I get dizzy and lightheaded. Once I start seeing black spots and know I'm about to pass out, I have to say something. Dunno what causes it. Must be the damaged tissue pressing on blood vessels or something.

I'm usually ok, though, as long as I'm untied before my arm starts going numb. I usually whine so much when it hurts that I get untied way before it turns into a real problem.

I find it doesn't hurt nearly as badly once you're untied if you slowly move it back to a comfortable position, then give it a minute and stretch a little. Once, the Masterly One thought it would be amusing to wrench my arm back into place after untying me. He only made that mistake once. I think he thought I was going to cut his balls off while he slept, honestly.

 

[ownedsubgal]

Well, probably because I can't relate to it, bits of what ataxia and OSG have been saying have really concerned me. It clearly works for them on some level, even if it's buried deep, but things like the below just seem wrong:



Bent so different to what we think of as the usual kind of bent is a good way to describe it, because I'm looking at that and thinking "You're just going to get broken eventually". He's clearly fine with that, but it grates against my philosophy because the last thing I want to do is end up with a badly broken toy. (That sounds rather judgemental now I read it to myself. I'm not judging, I just don't agree. K?)

disagreeing with the ways/beliefs of others is totally fine, it's only when others stand in condemnation of or express revulsion towards my ways/beliefs that i get really upset.

but you are right, sometimes we do get broken. and my Master's response to that would be, "she is mine to break."

 

[ataxia.girl]

Ataxia.girl, sometimes, for some reason, I don't know, reading what you have to say freaks me out a little. It all seems so intense or bent in a way thats so different from the usual kind of bent, that it kind of puts me on edge. But then when I put that feeling aside and actually read what you are saying I start to relate to it more closely than almost anything else I read on lit. Its kind of scary and great at the same time.

Yeah i like going to sort of psychologically scary places. i've decided being owned by Daddy is sort of like being owned by King Kong. He's not a sadist but you might get hurt all the same.

Being forced by this huge guy who's gently kissing you and saying "Shhhh" is really weird\scary\yummy\freaky. i can't tell you the number of times i've gone off the rails and all he's done is brush my hair till i calm down.

My shoulder doesn't pop out or anything. It just gets stiff and hurts like the dickens when i move it forward again.

 

[ataxia.girl]

I usually whine so much when it hurts that I get untied way before it turns into a real problem.

This is pretty much what happens with us. i start crying and carrying on when it really starts to hurt.

 

[00Syd]

Chiming in to say that I love reading your posts, ataxia. I couldn't relate as much to the "little girl" voice you used to write in, but I love to hear what you're thinking and grappling with today.

I also think it's important to acknowledge that BDSM hurts sometimes. A lot. And it can take you in some pretty strange directions. Like any other culture, the public play scenes and forums point to a range of common practices, but this world can encompass a wide variety of activities.

If most of your play is private, it helps a lot to share it with other people who can relate.

I completely agree. I had a really hard time figuring out where I stood on a lot of fronts, and everything that I was seeing was pushing me in a direction that, I now realize, wasn't really right for me. As I've started getting out more, and have made more friends in the community, I've luckily been witness to a lot of hugely varying dynamics and practices, and that has been incredibly helpful to me personally. Similarly, reading different views on things from Ataxia and OSG and others has been very helpful in my becoming comfortable in my own unique skin.

 

[00Syd]

This is pretty much what happens with us. i start crying and carrying on when it really starts to hurt.

I've found that I'm really bad at doing things that I don't want to do. The majority of the time that I don't want to do stuff it's because it's uncomfortable or it hurts or something like that. I will complain and resist and cry and sometimes beg, but I've already worked out with Seb that if he doesn't want me to stop, he's free to force me to continue. If it REALLY hurts, and I mean hurts in a way that I know is damaging, I can safeword out. But, I'm reluctant to safeword, I (really, really, really) don't like doing it, and would never stop him from making me do something unless I seriously needed to stop. Luckily for both of us, that situation hasn't come up yet.

I don't think I would ever feel comfortable giving up my ability to safeword, because even though I very, very rarely use it (I think I've safeworded once the whole time I've been with Seb) I'm a big ol' scardy cat and would be terrified not having that last way out.

 

[eastern sun]

Similarly, reading different views on things from Ataxia and OSG and others has been very helpful in my becoming comfortable in my own unique skin.

Yes. And its the uniqueness of each person's skin that makes them all so damn beautiful.

 

[ataxia.girl]

Chiming in to say that I love reading your posts, ataxia. I couldn't relate as much to the "little girl" voice you used to write in, but I love to hear what you're thinking and grappling with today.

i'll make you listen to the lil girl again one of these days. She's been absent for awhile. i used to fret over being little, being big, blah blah blah. Now i don't worry about it. i post in whatever voice i'm feeling at the moment. i can't even relate to posts anymore in the Daddy\lg groups on fet where they are all fretting over their little voice taking over their big voice or whatever.

The medication i'm taking seems to actually help me to do this. Kinda forcing me to live in the moment\present whereas before i was living in the past.

 

[YourCaptor]

Well...actually, with my online Dom, yeah. The motivator is just that I said it. He LOVES hearing me say it. It just highlights the power differential, I think.

Also, I think you're looking for logic and rational thought where there isn't any. I'm not talking about any sort of protracted negotiation. I'm talking about him teasing me, for example, to the point that I feel like I'm going to DIE of lust if he doesn't do whatever it is he's been teasing me about. It's a purely animalistic reaction. Obviously, I know I'm not actually going to die, but in the heat of the moment, in the throes of passion, it just comes out.

I can't really relate to that, I have a lot of self control, so I think if at all I could only understand it through logic.

The bunch of stuff you said

You know ataxia, I'm always impressed by how stable this relationship sounds. It seems like you have found a method that works for you, sure it may be abnormal, but it seems safe and fulfilling, so who's to argue it.

I find it awesome how you took your situation and built your own home still within society, but according to your own style. That's in contrast to how most tend to react, they just want the cure so that then they will be able to live, instead of just living, even if it be a bit odd.

You should write a book or something.

Would you like fries with that?

Super size me.

 

[ataxia.girl]

You know ataxia, I'm always impressed by how stable this relationship sounds. It seems like you have found a method that works for you, sure it may be abnormal, but it seems safe and fulfilling, so who's to argue it.

I find it awesome how you took your situation and built your own home still within society, but according to your own style. That's in contrast to how most tend to react, they just want the cure so that then they will be able to live, instead of just living, even if it be a bit odd.

i appreciate that observation along with others in this thread. There are things about myself i can't really change. i'm always going to be a bit bent but Daddy does provide an extremely stabilizing force in my life.

Pretty much no matter what problem or worry i text to him he invariably replies "you are loved" or "you are wanted" or "you are mine." It never changes no matter how much i change. Whether i speak to him as a woman or a girl his response is the same. i have become much more comfortable in my own skin, something i never really thought possible, but that consistent message always there in the background has made it possible. i had to do some work to as well. i had to be willing to take some emotional risks but it has been worth it.

i'm not exactly the picture of mental health but i remain high functioning despite some setbacks partly because in the back of my mind\heart i always know i have Daddy's unconditional love and acceptance even if he is an insensitive clod sometimes and even though i am often a complete nut case when we are together

 

[subish2009]

I can't really relate to that, I have a lot of self control, so I think if at all I could only understand it through logic.

Exactly. Which is probably one of the many reasons I'm not a Dom: too little self-control, too little handle on my emotions. I am happier with someone to control me and keep me in check. Grounded.

A lot of self-control is an excellent quality in a Dom, IMO.

 

[MrMentor7]

...A lot of self-control is an excellent quality in a Dom, IMO.

I have always considered myself as being very disciplined with a lot of self control. Funny how these things work out.