Consensual Non-Consent

[ownedsubgal]

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What does it do for me? I am a fairly responsive person emotionally. My girls' emotional states can spin me up or sap me dry depending on what the state is, and how receptive I am at the moment. Enthusiasm is always a good thing for me.

It is not necessary mind you, but it is what I want.

i get it...their mood can likely have an effect on your mood. so if they are down in the dumps or just hating something, it will drag you right down with them. and if they're jazzed up, that only heightens your excitement. makes sense.

 

[Homburg]

i get it...their mood can likely have an effect on your mood. so if they are down in the dumps or just hating something, it will drag you right down with them. and if they're jazzed up, that only heightens your excitement. makes sense.

Precisely. There are exceptions to this, sure, but it's why I don't do "rape play" (I still dislike that phrase) and the like.

 

[eastern sun]

What is more rare, and more interesting to me, is the partner that isn't just willing to suffer through my twisted ideas, but the enthusiastic partner in crime. The one that wants the twisted fucked up shit enough to beg for it herself. That's my kink.

This is what my husband wants too.

I regret the many times I'm not able to give it without resistance and/or reluctance.

He's very patient. But sometimes I wonder if he let's me get away with it because it invariably slows us down on whatever trajectory we're moving on, and . . . given our life obligations . . . that's not altogether a bad thing.

(I'm talking bigger picture there. During sex, if I show any reluctance, it's a crapshoot whether he'll take what he wants or simply walk away. At first I was going to say, I prefer it when he stays, but that's not actually true.)

 

[YourCaptor]

I have very stereotypical Catholic school girl/Daddy issue desires...I want to be made by a D to do all the dirty/depraved things that I want to do, but can't bring myself to own up to or (gasp!) initiate on my own.

I have this talent where I can tell a girl what I want her to do, and while she goes off on all the reason why she wont do it, all I have to do is keep a physical presence and she'll talk herself in a circle till shes talking herself into doing it.

I bet if I wear some shades I could get in a quick nap.

I've always wanted to try this one on sexual acts but haven't yet.

 

[subish2009]

I have this talent where I can tell a girl what I want her to do, and while she goes off on all the reason why she wont do it, all I have to do is keep a physical presence and she'll talk herself in a circle till shes talking herself into doing it.

I bet if I wear some shades I could get in a quick nap.

I've always wanted to try this one on sexual acts but haven't yet.

A handy trick, I bet!

I don't talk myself into the sexual acts, though. I protest passionately right up to the point that I'm suddenly begging for that same thing. And I'm not faking the protests...I really believe in the moment that I would never want/could never possibly do whatever the thing is. My Ds know me better than I do; they're always right. (But you never heard that from me!)

 

[insert____here]

That is because we don't like to share as much.


What is more rare, and more interesting to me, is the partner that isn't just willing to suffer through my twisted ideas, but the enthusiastic partner in crime. The one that wants the twisted fucked up shit enough to beg for it herself. That's my kink.

has anyone told the bossy people (*giggle, can't remember who first said that, but i love it) that the more they share with us pyl's the better we play with them??
also, that we'd probably beg for it if we knew that what they wanted was us enjoying their "twisted fucked up shit"??
news flash bossy people...we like the twisted stuff too, otherwise we wouldn't keep coming back. give us the permission to enjoy it and we'll be begging for all kinds of things.
sheesh, you lot do yourselves a huge disservice by being all "secret squirrell".

 

[Homburg]

This is what my husband wants too.

I regret the many times I'm not able to give it without resistance and/or reluctance.

He's very patient. But sometimes I wonder if he let's me get away with it because it invariably slows us down on whatever trajectory we're moving on, and . . . given our life obligations . . . that's not altogether a bad thing.

(I'm talking bigger picture there. During sex, if I show any reluctance, it's a crapshoot whether he'll take what he wants or simply walk away. At first I was going to say, I prefer it when he stays, but that's not actually true.)

I've mentioned this before, but often times I find that he and I are similar in thought on a number of things. Or at least are in the way you describe him.

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has anyone told the bossy people (*giggle, can't remember who first said that, but i love it) that the more they share with us pyl's the better we play with them??
also, that we'd probably beg for it if we knew that what they wanted was us enjoying their "twisted fucked up shit"??
news flash bossy people...we like the twisted stuff too, otherwise we wouldn't keep coming back. give us the permission to enjoy it and we'll be begging for all kinds of things.
sheesh, you lot do yourselves a huge disservice by being all "secret squirrell".

It is the journey, not the destination, that matters.

Mine certainly know what I want and expect. It's just how I operate. Others, eh, they enjoy the process of discovery, or maybe just feel superior because they know something you don't, or maybe, just maybe, there's a communication fault either on the part of the teller or the part of the listener.

 

[ataxia.girl]

A handy trick, I bet!

I don't talk myself into the sexual acts, though. I protest passionately right up to the point that I'm suddenly begging for that same thing. And I'm not faking the protests...I really believe in the moment that I would never want/could never possibly do whatever the thing is. My Ds know me better than I do; they're always right. (But you never heard that from me!)

i will sort of beg for it with my husband because i know he likes that but never with Daddy. i usually won't even acknowledge i like something but usually once each visit i end up letting go and can't help myself being a pretty enthusiastic reciprocater.

With my husband i will sort of walk the line of pretending enthusiasm or at least exaggerate how i really feel about something in order to excite him or, you know, i do that thing where you want to get aroused but you aren't quite but you work at getting there and part of that is saying all the stuff and moving etc etc.

With Daddy i never do that. i don't *try* to get turned on to please him. i do what he says most of the time but i don't feel obligated to be aroused. That is a pretty big sticking point for me because for a long time my husband made me feel really guilty for being "frigid." Years actually. We know that wasn't the case now and he understands but after hearing something for years and being pretty sure you are defective its hard to shake.

Anyway... when Daddy tells me to suck his cock or something i do it and i try very hard to do a good job but i don't try to appear worshipful or turned on by it when i'm not in order to please him. When my husband tells me to suck his cock i try to get turned on for him and i'll act like i'm turned on before i really am because i know he likes it when i am but it doesn't fulfill me. It feels more like an obligation to serve vs a need to be used.

Being expected to act like a porn star and ooohh and aahhh and act like i "want it baby" is pretty much a hard limit for me. It won't happen. Maybe if you threatened me with a cattle prod or something but there would have to be serious negative consequences if i didn't do it for me to go there.

 

[Evilzeus]

It never ceases to amaze me that just when I THINK I have a pretty good understanding of a topic, someone shows me a different angle and I learn volumes more!

Allow me to express my thanks to the subs on this thread who have helped to expand my knowledge on this topic. I find it fascinating to step into the sub head space for a few moments. Thanks again and by all means keep talking!

 

[YourCaptor]

has anyone told the bossy people (*giggle, can't remember who first said that, but i love it) that the more they share with us pyl's the better we play with them??
also, that we'd probably beg for it if we knew that what they wanted was us enjoying their "twisted fucked up shit"??
news flash bossy people...we like the twisted stuff too, otherwise we wouldn't keep coming back. give us the permission to enjoy it and we'll be begging for all kinds of things.
sheesh, you lot do yourselves a huge disservice by being all "secret squirrell".

Begging, it feels so fake. In what other situations do people beg these days, especially when its about something as short term as sex.

Personally I prefer the girl with the fatal flaw, someone so fucked up she'll always return for more abuse at my whim, despite hating that about herself. I like the pathetic girls.

 

[intothewoods]

I don't want to fake anything in sex. I really feel like the key is always to go with what you're feeling and make it work. I mean, I don't act like a jerk or anything, but if I'm doing what I've been told or physically forced to do, and I don't want to do it, I kind of relish that feeling.

 

[insert____here]

It is the journey, not the destination, that matters.

Mine certainly know what I want and expect. It's just how I operate. Others, eh, they enjoy the process of discovery, or maybe just feel superior because they know something you don't, or maybe, just maybe, there's a communication fault either on the part of the teller or the part of the listener.

see i have the theory that there are just some things i need to know. if D says "I really like it when you do xyz" then i, in turn can serve better by making sure that happens more. to use a basic rl analogy...if i make you coffee every day, then don't i need to know how you like it to make it right for you?? same as begging. if it's not fake (i can think of a few things that make me beg), then it's a wonderful tool for D in charge. D in ultimate control and me being a good girl is what does it for me. doing things that give D what He wants never feel fake. it's anathema to my need for service.

 

[subish2009]

Begging, it feels so fake. In what other situations do people beg these days, especially when its about something as short term as sex.

Personally I prefer the girl with the fatal flaw, someone so fucked up she'll always return for more abuse at my whim, despite hating that about herself. I like the pathetic girls.

Seriously?!? Begging feels fake to you?!?! Wow, I am so not faking a damn thing when I beg. It's very real and very hot (for me) exactly because there are so few situations in which I would...

I'm thinking this is a case of D just never being in the s position, don't you think? Torturous teasing, tickling, orgasm denial...these will all make me beg, every time, and very sincerely and authentically. Maybe it feels fake because you've never been in that position? Just a guess; I fully admit I don't know enough about you to make that statement with any confidence.

 

[ownedsubgal]

Seriously?!? Begging feels fake to you?!?! Wow, I am so not faking a damn thing when I beg. It's very real and very hot (for me) exactly because there are so few situations in which I would...

I'm thinking this is a case of D just never being in the s position, don't you think? Torturous teasing, tickling, orgasm denial...these will all make me beg, every time, and very sincerely and authentically. Maybe it feels fake because you've never been in that position? Just a guess; I fully admit I don't know enough about you to make that statement with any confidence.

begging doesn't come naturally to all subbie types. begging has always felt fake to me too, as the few instances where i would sincerely beg are pretty extreme (please don't pluck off my toenails, please don't drive that rusty nail through my skull, please don't kick me out, etc.). typical things mentioned when lifestyle folks talk about begging, like teasing and orgasm denial, are just not a part of my world. i am almost non-orgasmic, and further don't care about having an orgasm. i am also never, ever in a state of uncontrollable/insatiable lust, lol. therefore there could be no begging of that nature.

i've heard some say that beg when it comes to punishment...and i suppose if the Dominant allows that then it's fine, but that would be extremely inappropriate and insubordinate in my relationship. i have done something to merit punishment, what excuse would i have to then attempt to beg for mercy or leniency?

let's say the begging is to be spared some torturous physical delight for the Master. this too i do not understand, as we are supposed to suffer for our Masters to some degree at least. if a certain thing will please him, a thing we may dislike or even hate, well tough cookies, that is part of being someone's submissive.

begging also feels very selfish to me. you are begging for something you want, or something you don't want. you want things to go your way, not the Dominant's. at least, that's just how it feels and why i have never been the begging sort. my Master also finds most submissive begging to be very self-centered and it is a huge turn-off to him. if it is not begging to be spared some extreme torture or consequence of some kind, it reads false.

 

[ataxia.girl]

begging also feels very selfish to me. you are begging for something you want, or something you don't want. you want things to go your way, not the Dominant's. at least, that's just how it feels and why i have never been the begging sort. my Master also finds most submissive begging to be very self-centered and it is a huge turn-off to him. if it is not begging to be spared some extreme torture or consequence of some kind, it reads false.

The selfish and self centered thing is i think partly why i like the idea of captivity and dare i say it "non-consent."

In that type of situation you still get to be on the bottom, you're still powerless but you're free to be self centered and selfish because you didn't sign up to serve or please. my Daddy had my number very early on. i remember during one of our first chats he told me he liked reading reluctance and non-con stories and he wasn't saying it in order to instruct me about what he wanted. It was meant to be a lure. All Daddy cared about was meeting me in person at that point.

i understand more what he does now because i've been the recipient. He listens. He doesn't say much. He figures out what will likely push a woman's buttons and keep her coming back and he executes. i don't think i ever heard him say anything even remotely close to "Do you think you would like _____?" nor did he really tell me much about what he wanted. He just wanted to lure me into meeting him and he knew having no choices, feeling powerless was what i craved. It makes perfect sense now that i know abduction is a huge turn on for him.

So now i'm captured. i keep coming back to get the candy which at this point is basically love, acceptance and someone to keep me from doing really stupid stuff when i'm in a big city by myself. my fatalism combined with my impulsiveness and ridiculous mood swings make it hard for me to trust myself. i can no longer live without what he gives me but i haven't surrendered yet, not really. It's really difficult in a part time LDR. Daddy waits patiently and keeps using my holes in the meantime. He knows i would be happier if i gave up and just accepted i am powerless but so far i haven't been able to for a very long stretch. The process is broken up by the fact that we are part time and don't have a ton of contact when we aren't together.

i don't think Daddy is turned on by resistance per se, just the idea that i am his and that i am his because he says i am and makes it that way versus me giving myself freely to him. He would like it if i would give up and stop fighting. He's never going to be the Daddy i used to fantasize about. It's never going to be the stereotypical Daddy/girl relationship where Daddy takes care of his little girl and does what is best for her and wants her to be the best person she can be.

More like the guy who keeps a girl chained to his bed. He takes care of her but its dysfunctional. Its not about helping her be her best, its about keeping her there to use. He would prefer i was happy, accepted i'm not getting off that chain and to serve him willingly but his first priority is simply to keep me and use me.

He has a thing about not wanting to hit me like at all so i rarely get any discipline unless i really act up. i'd likely be much better behaved if he did and i don't really get it because i know he has caned other women but it seems to be like pretty much everything else i really want. Probably not going to happen. i can never decide if those things don't happen because of a conscious decision he has made or if he is just dense. Probably he knows i'm going to keep coming back without that stuff and he just doesn't care enough about whether i behave or not to do much of anything about it. It kinda doesn't matter either way though. Nothing i can do about it. i've tried being good and i've tried being bad.

He says only an insensitive clod can survive me

 

[luv_to_golf1]

this is a very interesting post....made me understand something that i have been very curious to for a long time!.....Thanks

 

[YourCaptor]

The selfish and self centered thing is i think partly why i like the idea of captivity and dare i say it "non-consent."

I don't get it.

You tell daddy you want this, this, and this, and daddy says no. Is that it?

 

[YourCaptor]

Torturous teasing, tickling, orgasm denial...these will all make me beg, every time, and very sincerely and authentically. Maybe it feels fake because you've never been in that position? Just a guess; I fully admit I don't know enough about you to make that statement with any confidence.

I think I would only beg objectively, and that only in situations in which other action is too much of a gamble. Like say if someone pulled a knife on me, I'd probably beg them to stop. Knife fights are not pretty and I'm not that confident about disarming.

Tickling, never. How hard is it to get away from someone tickling you. I just don't get begging if you are able to get out of that situation without it.

 

[ownedsubgal]

Personally I prefer the girl with the fatal flaw, someone so fucked up she'll always return for more abuse at my whim, despite hating that about herself. I like the pathetic girls.

sometimes i think you've been spying on me...for a long, long time.

 

[ataxia.girl]

I don't get it.

You tell daddy you want this, this, and this, and daddy says no. Is that it?

Usually he doesn't even say no. He makes some statement about life or something and ignores what i said.

As far as getting it the abduction\captivity thing just removes the expectation that there was some initial agreement on my part to obey him. i usually do but not because i signed up for it, because its usually pointless not to unless i'm just in the mood for a confrontation\consequences.

 

[subish2009]

begging doesn't come naturally to all subbie types. begging has always felt fake to me too, as the few instances where i would sincerely beg are pretty extreme (please don't pluck off my toenails, please don't drive that rusty nail through my skull, please don't kick me out, etc.). typical things mentioned when lifestyle folks talk about begging, like teasing and orgasm denial, are just not a part of my world. i am almost non-orgasmic, and further don't care about having an orgasm. i am also never, ever in a state of uncontrollable/insatiable lust, lol. therefore there could be no begging of that nature.

i've heard some say that beg when it comes to punishment...and i suppose if the Dominant allows that then it's fine, but that would be extremely inappropriate and insubordinate in my relationship. i have done something to merit punishment, what excuse would i have to then attempt to beg for mercy or leniency?

let's say the begging is to be spared some torturous physical delight for the Master. this too i do not understand, as we are supposed to suffer for our Masters to some degree at least. if a certain thing will please him, a thing we may dislike or even hate, well tough cookies, that is part of being someone's submissive.

begging also feels very selfish to me. you are begging for something you want, or something you don't want. you want things to go your way, not the Dominant's. at least, that's just how it feels and why i have never been the begging sort. my Master also finds most submissive begging to be very self-centered and it is a huge turn-off to him. if it is not begging to be spared some extreme torture or consequence of some kind, it reads false.

Well, sure, I can understand all of that, I think. I shouldn't have implied that I thought all subbie-types would dig the whole begging thing. I am not a service-oriented sub, and probably couldn't be more different from the type of s you are if I tried! Which I think is great; I like that we're not all cut from the same cloth.

I suppose it is selfish, but it's also demeaning to myself, and that's what I and my D like about it. I think my husband could take it or leave it because he's going to do what he wants, regardless. Begging never gets me anywhere with him, but it just comes out of my mouth without thought, and he likes me that way: beyond thought, out of control, nothing but instinct.

My online D loves making me beg...he loves breaking me down from a mouthy, insolent, bratty sub into someone who's suddenly soooo compliant, soooo service-oriented, soooo wanton and slutty that she'll beg for whatever it is he's made me want. His power to do that to me results in a feeling of power for him and degradation for me that we both LOVE.

So, yeah, it's just a totally different setup from what you live, of course.

I think I would only beg objectively, and that only in situations in which other action is too much of a gamble. Like say if someone pulled a knife on me, I'd probably beg them to stop. Knife fights are not pretty and I'm not that confident about disarming.

Tickling, never. How hard is it to get away from someone tickling you. I just don't get begging if you are able to get out of that situation without it.

Again, well, yeah, I get that. There is, of course, fearing-for-your-life begging that is fear-based. That's not what I'm talking about. This is just desire overcoming any shred of dignity or self-possession I may like to think I had. It's authentic in the sense that it comes out of my mouth naturally, without thought; it's me very much uncensored, which is what my D wants. I want to put up a fight and have him make me beg...that's where I get my powerless feeling from.

As for the tickling, how is one supposed to get out of it if restrained?

 

[YourCaptor]

Usually he doesn't even say no. He makes some statement about life or something and ignores what i said.

As far as getting it the abduction\captivity thing just removes the expectation that there was some initial agreement on my part to obey him. i usually do but not because i signed up for it, because its usually pointless not to unless i'm just in the mood for a confrontation\consequences.

Have you ever begged him to let you go? Or please mister not again, I can't take anymore.

So is daddy an aloof senile old man, or does he just ignore whatever doesn't fit him?

Again, well, yeah, I get that. There is, of course, fearing-for-your-life begging that is fear-based. That's not what I'm talking about. This is just desire overcoming any shred of dignity or self-possession I may like to think I had. It's authentic in the sense that it comes out of my mouth naturally, without thought; it's me very much uncensored, which is what my D wants. I want to put up a fight and have him make me beg...that's where I get my powerless feeling from.

As for the tickling, how is one supposed to get out of it if restrained?

Hmm, if you put it that way I suppose people do similar stuff rather often. Like getting drunk, making themselves helpless, letting the inner self slip out of any control effort.

Come to think of it, often when I see someone drunk I think they're faking it too.

Something to think about.

 

[YourCaptor]

sometimes i think you've been spying on me...for a long, long time.

Oh come on girl, it hasn't even been that long yet.

 

[subish2009]

Hmm, if you put it that way I suppose people do similar stuff rather often. Like getting drunk, making themselves helpless, letting the inner self slip out of any control effort.

Come to think of it, often when I see someone drunk I think they're faking it too.

Something to think about.

Yeah, I guess I can see the similarity to drunkenness. In this case, it's lust lowering my inhibitions and allowing me to do and say the things that I truly want to, but repress on the surface. Like I said, classic Catholic school girl neuroses.

It's not fake, though. Yes, I know deep down that I truly want to do what my Ds are telling me to do, but having them make me do it gives me permission to be the slut that I am on the inside. Does that make sense? (I mean, not in the grand scheme necessarily, but am I explaining it clearly enough?)

 

[YourCaptor]

Yeah, I guess I can see the similarity to drunkenness. In this case, it's lust lowering my inhibitions and allowing me to do and say the things that I truly want to, but repress on the surface. Like I said, classic Catholic school girl neuroses.

It's not fake, though. Yes, I know deep down that I truly want to do what my Ds are telling me to do, but having them make me do it gives me permission to be the slut that I am on the inside. Does that make sense? (I mean, not in the grand scheme necessarily, but am I explaining it clearly enough?)

So what is begging anyway? Please don’t do/do that because I am so special. You somehow inherently deserver whatever it may be. What do you expect the motivator to be, just that you said it?