Confused!!!!

[kyrie29]

Hey everyone...

Just a little background about myself, I really enjoy being dominated sexually and even in everyday life, I fantasize about it and have fantasized about it since I was much younger..


There is a bit of a dilemma now though...
I recently have been seeing someone and now he has told me he's very submissive. He enjoys being dominated and wants me to be selfish ( though it's not really in my nature ). I tried it about a week ago...he'll call me Mistress..and do whatever I tell him to, the session went for 5 hours...and the weird thing is I really enjoyed it. I liked telling him what to do, and how to do it...I also enjoyed him pleasing me without getting anything in return.

I've never been like this...does anyone have any thoughts/ explanations..maybe their own experiences to provide me with insight..

 

[CarnalGerund]

Hey everyone...

Just a little background about myself, I really enjoy being dominated sexually and even in everyday life, I fantasize about it and have fantasized about it since I was much younger..


There is a bit of a dilemma now though...
I recently have been seeing someone and now he has told me he's very submissive. He enjoys being dominated and wants me to be selfish ( though it's not really in my nature ). I tried it about a week ago...he'll call me Mistress..and do whatever I tell him to, the session went for 5 hours...and the weird thing is I really enjoyed it. I liked telling him what to do, and how to do it...I also enjoyed him pleasing me without getting anything in return.

I've never been like this...does anyone have any thoughts/ explanations..maybe their own experiences to provide me with insight..

Does either of you have switch tendencies? It sounds like you both have submissive sides that it would be unhealthy to ignore. Are you willing to power exchange? Is he?

 

[kyrie29]

I absolutely do...I really want to be dominated but he doesn't want anything to do with that..he said it would change the dynamic of things and wouldn't look at me in the same way. I definitely still crave being dominated but it's not something he's willing to do

 

[CarnalGerund]

I absolutely do...I really want to be dominated but he doesn't want anything to do with that..he said it would change the dynamic of things and wouldn't look at me in the same way. I definitely still crave being dominated but it's not something he's willing to do

Well, I don't know him or you obviously, but it seems like you'd be craving something and never getting it if you choose to be monogamous with him.

Which wouldn't be fun for you.

Unless you don't want to be monogamous or unless he's into watching you be dominated/being cuckolded, etc.

 

[ForHerToUse]

You can have the best of both worlds. Enjoy.

 

[kyrie29]

How so?

 

[Sir_Winston54]

How so?

Find one of Stella Omega's posts and read her sigline essay on tops, bottoms, sub, Dom/mes, etc.

 

[Stella_Omega]

yes, this one!

 

[subwannabe]

Sounds like you need a new guy. He wants you to give him what he wants but is unwilling to give you what you want? What kind of a relationship is that?

 

[ForHerToUse]

How so?

Use him as you like and go find another guy to use you.

Or you can just order your guy to Dom you and see how that works. If he's not doing a good job - punish him until he gets it right.

 

[edal1959]

Switching within a monogamous relationship is difficult, but not impossible. I am the Dominant in our relationship, and we are monogamous. I am also a bit of a masochist, and like being topped from time-to-time. My submissive was willing to try it as a means of servicing me. Once she looked at topping as a service (hence an act of submission, in a way) she was able to act the part of the dominatrix. She can usually do it for a couple of days before she starts "lapsing out of character."

So, if you approach him in a similar way, he may be able to "top" you, without feeling like he is a Dominant.

 

[kyrie29]

So I took all your advice and asked him today what he would think of it, and he said he wouldn't want to do that....(again) because he wants me to always be in control and he couldn't be in control because it would change everything.


I really like him...but maybe you're all right need to find someone else

 

[desertslave]

In was in that situation many years ago. In the beginning I was his sub playpartner (we also dated, in an open way, because ultimately I belonged to another...long story, not really relevant), but after about a year he was interested in switching out of curiosity, so I made a decent attempt at topping him. We switched back & forth for a while, our circumstances changed so we split up, and now he is married to his Domme.

During the switching period, it was often frustrating for one or the other of us about getting our needs met. I'm reasonably certain that's why he turned to someone else, and never really had hard feelings about it because it was clear we were becoming more and more mismatched. He's very happy now, and so am I.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Service topping is NOT being in control. It's more like being a horse that's providing the power and muscle, on behalf of its rider. The horse gets to choose where to put its feet, and the rider might let it decide which fork of a path to take, But the horse mostly does what its been trained to do/
A horse that demands to be carried all the time is a lazy-ass horse.

 

[Shankara20]

Service topping is NOT being in control. It's more like being a horse that's providing the power and muscle, on behalf of its rider. The horse gets to choose where to put its feet, and the rider might let it decide which fork of a path to take, But the horse mostly does what its been trained to do/
A horse that demands to be carried all the time is a lazy-ass horse.

well stated.

 

[LucyH]

I've had a similar experience - I just started topping to entertain someone else, and then found out I like that too. Rather a lot. Actually now, I prefer it. Unlike in fantasy, when someone else is in charge in real life, they often want to do things that bore me or annoy me or just aren't what I'm in the mood for. When I'm running the show, I try to make sure my partner has fun, but we don't do anything I'm not in the mood for.

About the relationship, if you really want one sort of relationship, where you at least take turns, and he really wants another sort of relationship where someone else is in control 100% of the time, then maybe you aren't right for each other.

 

[Alliecat1970]

Sounds very frustrating, not having a partner willing to attempt or able to meet your needs. I Would become very cranky and resentful in that type of situation. Hope you are able to work something out.

 

[kyrie29]

Hi everyone!

Thanks for your input and feedback, a lot was well said and made me think. I really don't want this...it just seems very backwards, he is pretty adamant about being submissive and doing whatever I say and that's not who I am. A mixture would be alright but I'm far more submissive...than I am dominant...so I think I'm just going to cut strings now...