concerned about...

[wizbit9]

my friend

she has a history of an eating disorder and claims she is on top of it.

but she has decided this week to become a vegan which i imagine is a very strict diet where you have to be ontop of what your eating 24/7

i feel this could be an excuse to make up for the disorder and a way of shoving it under the carpet

i have observed the amout she has eaten this weekend and it is nothing more than soup and scraps

she seems to be very much fine and dandy with it all
but i am concerned for her. i am not very knowledgable on either of the subjects and it is throwing me abit

what would be the best way to tackle it

and is there any truth (that anyone knows of) to the expression that you are born with an eating disorder and it is not something that you aquire

 

[cymbidia]

I'm so sorry for you, for your friend, and for everyone who knows her at all intimately.

Unfortunately, i know quite a lot about anorexia. I had to learn about it when my daughter was diagnosed and then, less than a month later, was in the ICU where, her doctor told us, she would probably die. She was two days into being 11 years old at the time and i was 7 months into anorexia hell with her by then.

So yes, i know quite a lot about this disease. I had to learn to help my child recover and move past it.

Here are some links. Go read. The very first thing you have to do is educate yourself on what anorexia is and is not.

It is not, for instance, a hereditary condition.

It is, however, a disease that requires treatment from a physical and psychological perspective - and at the same time! - for the girl to be able to move toward health.

It is not something that's going to go away on its own and it is a disease that will slowly (in most cases, unlike what we went through with my daughter) eat away at the girl's ability to make anything remotely resembling good food choices, her self-esteem because she batters herself every second of the day about being "fat" (even if she looks like a skeleton to everyone else), her higher brain functioning (because in short order, her lack of nutrition will begin to cause her brain to shrink), and on and on and on...

Please know this because it's a central truth for all anorexic's:
Just because you and the rest of the world look at her and see a skinny (not slim, not thin - just terribly skinny) girl does not mean she sees herself as you do. She does not.

When my daughter, just barely 11 years old, was being admitted to the hospital, she fought us (weakly, she was so weak then, when she was dying of starvation) about getting on the scale. She screamed and screamed, panicked, the noises ringing in the hospital corridor, that she didn't want anyone to see how fat she was, that she couldn't get on the scale with anyone watching, no no no NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO No Mommy no don't make me, Mommy please take me home. She had lost half her body mass by then and weighed 56 pounds. They couldn't even get an IV into her, not even with the newborn baby needles, because she was so terribly dehydrated.

And she saw a fat girl in every mirror.

It wasn't pretend.

That's what she saw.

That's where your friend could end up.
Read and learn.
Talk to her family or her other friends.

Know this, though: anorexia is a frighteningly expensive disease to treat. The two-pronged treatment goes on for years, sometimes. It's terribly taxing on everyone involved. Sometimes it takes absolutely everything those around her have to keep her focused on getting better. You *must* have a physical doctor (to monitor her physical return to helath) and psychological counselor (to help her begin to relearn what "normal" is with regard to her image of her body) working in tandem with her in order for her to atually get better.

She'll get better for awhile - and then slip. She'll lie to you and alter the truth and tell you stories - all so she won't have to face your reaction to her eating problem.

This is a tough one. Good luck. My heart bleeds for you and all of those involved with your friend. Please get her parents involved.

Links:
Something Fishy
http://www.something-fishy.org/default.php

My story posted to Something Fishy
http://www.something-fishy.org/words/artical_029.php
The sequel
http://www.something-fishy.org/words/artical_030.php

Pale Reflections
http://www.pale-reflections.com/

AnorexicWeb
http://www.anorexicweb.com/

EDSHED
http://www.dawnmist.demon.co.uk/edshed/index.htm

 

[wizbit9]

i have learnt alot from the info you have given me and have been able to extract info that is relevant to her case

thankyou for taking the time to write those memorys for me

i hope your daughter is now on the mend and coping with life well. what a brave strong daughter you must have

thankyou

 

[cymbidia]

She is a brave and strong girl. Closing in on her 14th birthday, she seems to have beaten anorexia.

Anorexia is like alcoholism, though, in that there's no for-sure "cure". She's eating normally (whatever that means for a 14 year old girl), maintaining a healthy body weight, and seems to possess a healthy body image (again, whatever that means in a 14 year old girl) - we can't ask for more than that, really.

I'm glad my info helped you and hope your friend beats it, too.

 

[lavender]

 

[wizbit9]

i dont know where to start (if at all)

she is on top of the eating disorder. she still sees fat that isnt there but keeps it to herself and usually keeps smiling

however i worry about the amount she eats. as she eats like a sparrow half the time. and she tends not to loose much weight

so the whole vegan diet seems to be a forced way to loose weight (that she doesnt need to) im not sure this will help