Complaint Generator

[CapnCuddly]

(Auto generated at http://www.pakin.org/complaint)

My complaint about Your mom

All too often, some people attempt to make an argument by attacking and insulting those who hold opposing views. Your mom's slurs are a perfect example. The following paragraphs are intended as an initial, open-ended sketch of how bad the current situation is. Your mom believes that it is everyone's obligation to perpetuate the nonsense known technically as the analytic/synthetic dichotomy. That view is anathema to the cause of liberty. If it is not loudly refuted our future will be dire indeed.

Perhaps one day we will live in a world where good people are not troubled by fear of bestial gossipmongers. Until that day arrives, however, we must spread the word that I want to unify our community. Your mom, in contrast, wants to drive divisive ideological wedges through it. When it comes to her blandishments, I certainly aver that we have drifted along for too long in a state of blissful denial and outright complacency. It's time to do what comes naturally. The sooner we do that the better because she extricates herself from difficulty by intrigue, by chicanery, by dissimulation, by trimming, by an untruth, by an injustice.

It's incredible to me that anybody could be so cruel. Okay, that was a facetious statement. This one is not: Your mom has managed to mollify her more trusting critics simply by promising not to interfere with the most important principles of democracy. We shall see how long that lasts. In the meantime, Your mom's equivocations are always accompanied by hyperbolic rhetorical claims that are clearly perceived after-the-fact as transparently depraved. You don't believe me? Well, consider that I've tried explaining to Your mom's apparatchiks that it must be reemphasized that Your mom uses racialism as a subtle poison to dry up the sound serum of morality on which this country used to thrive. Unfortunately, it is clear to me in talking to them that they have no comprehension of what I'm saying. I might as well be talking to creatures from Mars. In fact, I'd bet Martians would be more likely to discern that Your mom's favorite tactic is known as “deceiving with the truth”. The idea behind this tactic is that she wins our trust by revealing the truth but leaving some of it out. This makes us less likely to derail Your mom's orgulous little schemes.

I believe it was Hegel who said, “She has no innate compass for judging what is proper behavior and what is unacceptable”. Your mom's satellites have already started to pooh-pooh the reams of solid evidence pointing to the existence and operation of a grotty coterie of resistentialism. The result: absolute vapidity, crapulous and patronizing cacophony, lack of personality, monotony, and boredom. We sincerely can't afford to let Your mom keep us hypnotized so we don't pull back the curtains on her ideologies and show them for what they really are. What I'm suggesting is that we tell you things that she doesn't want you to know. That's the key to disabusing Your mom of the notion that the worst classes of lawless swaggerers there are are easily housebroken, and it's the only way that most people will ever learn that we must understand that words fail me in describing my pure distaste for Your mom's positions and chauvinistic insinuations. And we must formulate that understanding into as clear and cogent a message as possible. So, sorry for being so long-winded in this letter, but Your mom's personal motto is “never forgive and never forget”.

 

[CapnCuddly]

And about myself...

Why is it that some people are so devoid of a sense of humor? Naturally, I'm referring to Capt. Cuddly's latest demands. The first thing I want to bring up is that Capt. Cuddly has blood on his hands. Naturally, he pretends to be an innocent lamb who has our best interests at heart. We all know the reality: If Capt. Cuddly really had our best interests at heart, he wouldn't put a clog on all attempts to limit his power.

Capt. Cuddly has been trying to popularize the narrative that 75 million years ago, a galactic tyrant named Xenu solved the overpopulation problem of his 76-planet federation by transporting the excess people to Earth, chaining them to volcanoes, and dropping H-bombs on them. My fear is that if he's successful at promoting such cockamamy notions then even the man on the Clapham omnibus may agree to let him give me reason to hide in a closet. We need to keep our eyes on him. Otherwise, he'll win support by encapsulating frustrations and directing them toward unpopular scapegoats by the next full moon. If that thought doesn't send chills down your spine then you are dead to the love of freedom. The rest of us are concerned that Capt. Cuddly demands that we make a choice. Either we let him paint people of different races and cultures as conniving alien forces undermining the coherent national will or he'll siphon off scarce international capital intended for underdeveloped countries. This “choice” exemplifies what is commonly known as a “false dichotomy” or “the fallacy of the excluded middle” because it denies other alternatives, such as that if Capt. Cuddly had done his homework, he'd know that my long-term goal is to enable all people to achieve their potential as human beings. Unfortunately, much remains to be done. As you may have noticed, I, not being one of the many pigheaded hedonists of this world, challenge Capt. Cuddly to point out any text in this letter that proposes that governments should have the right to lie to their own subjects or to other governments. It isn't there. There's neither a hint nor a suggestion of such a thing. I never thought I would live to see the day that an unruly autocrat like Capt. Cuddly could manage to rip off everyone and his brother. May we never forget this if we are to deny Capt. Cuddly and his vassals a chance to plague our minds.

 

[JennyNo1]

ummmmmm.....whut?