Coming Out

[minsue]

Teehee!

Pat, pat, pat, pat, pat, pat, pat!

PPPBbbbbbtttttt!

 

[Xelebes]

PPPBbbbbbtttttt!

The extra-terestial wants to ask you if geese can actually make those noises.

 

[whiskeyjake]

Must disagree with you Jake. And I am straight too. The proof is in the DNA.

So you're saying Sexuality is genetic? That there's a "Homosexual" gene, and a "straight" gene? What about a "Bi" gene? I will need to see hard medical and scientific evidence to believe that.

 

[kendo1]

Can't say that I chose to be hetero.
I just find females very appealing. There is something about them that men do not have.

 

[minsue]

No one really knows because I am merely open-minded in the regard. And cannot say I am bi-curious because that would be the same as saying I am also hetero-curious. Cursed lack of experience.

If you're bi, you're bi, X. I've never understood why people seem to believe virgins when they say they're straight, but you have to have had sex to say you're bi or gay.

 

[minsue]

The extra-terestial wants to ask you if geese can actually make those noises.

Yeah, but the beak tickles when it vibrates like that.

 

[kendo1]

If you're bi, you're bi, X. I've never understood why people seem to believe virgins when they say they're straight, but you have to have had sex to say you're bi or gay.

Bye, bye.
Time for bed.
Ken

Pat, pat.

 

[whiskeyjake]

And exactly when did you choose for that to be so? Being gay or straight doesn't have anything to do with choosing to have sex, Jake.

Enlighten me then. Is it spiritual? I already covered the genetic part. Please, I'm not trolling here. I'm curious. I personally think it is all a choice whether a concious one or not.

 

[sophia jane]

I think the only matter of choice is enacting on who you are. We are who we are. I didn't choose to be bi. What I do choose is to act on that, to explore my sexuality on both sides. I think that's where some of the confusion comes on this debate. We all, hetero, bi and gay, have a "choice"- but it is merely a choice in how to live, not in who we are. To choose to deny oneself, is to choose a life of unhappiness, tho, I think.

 

[Xelebes]

So you're saying Sexuality is genetic? That there's a "Homosexual" gene, and a "straight" gene? What about a "Bi" gene? I will need to see hard medical and scientific evidence to believe that.

There is evidence that may suggest that it is in fact genetic, however it has yet to be conclusive on such matters. The field of genetics has only been recently tapped and so we can't get much affirmations on orientation "genes" and what not, though it would appear that it may be the case. Social conditioning and the issue of "choice" are as inconclusive as the genetics. However, genetics in the coming years will prove to be a more concrete argument than sociological and psychological arguments.

 

[Xelebes]

Yeah, but the beak tickles when it vibrates like that.

Yeah, those lungs can be so ever bothersome.

 

[minsue]

Enlighten me then. Is it spiritual? I already covered the genetic part. Please, I'm not trolling here. I'm curious. I personally think it is all a choice whether a concious one or not.

It just is. You're the first person I've known who claims to have chosen to be straight, but then you say you have no attraction to males. If that was not a choice, then why aren't you attracted to them? I can't explain my being gay to you any more than you can explain your being straight to me. It just is.

 

[whiskeyjake]

There is evidence that may suggest that it is in fact genetic, however it has yet to be conclusive on such matters. The field of genetics has only been recently tapped and so we can't get much affirmations on orientation "genes" and what not, though it would appear that it may be the case. Social conditioning and the issue of "choice" are as inconclusive as the genetics. However, genetics in the coming years will prove to be a more concrete argument than sociological and psychological arguments.

If I'm wrong and it is a genetic thing then I'll accept it and apologize to any I've offended. I don't have an issue on this, just an opinion.

 

[minsue]

I think the only matter of choice is enacting on who you are. We are who we are. I didn't choose to be bi. What I do choose is to act on that, to explore my sexuality on both sides. I think that's where some of the confusion comes on this debate. We all, hetero, bi and gay, have a "choice"- but it is merely a choice in how to live, not in who we are. To choose to deny oneself, is to choose a life of unhappiness, tho, I think.

To quote the loverly Lucky - EGGZACHARY

 

[minsue]

If I'm wrong and it is a genetic thing then I'll accept it and apologize to any I've offended. I don't have an issue on this, just an opinion.

No offence here, friend.

 

[whiskeyjake]

It just is. You're the first person I've known who claims to have chosen to be straight, but then you say you have no attraction to males. If that was not a choice, then why aren't you attracted to them? I can't explain my being gay to you any more than you can explain your being straight to me. It just is.

Then we'll agree to disagree and not have an issue. All of us have our own beliefs and opinions and I won't force mine on anyone.

 

[Guest]

.....

 

[minsue]

I still haven't worked up the nerve to tell anyone outside lit I'm straight.

If they really love you, they'll accept you even if you do bring a woman home.

 

[sophia jane]

Ok. Let's look at it like this. Say you're a guy and you are only attracted to women. That makes you straight. There's not really a point in there where you say, "Let me look at my options and I think I'll go with heterosexuality." You're attracted to women, you're straight.
So, then, say you're a guy who isn't so much attracted to women. But thinks other guys are damn hot. Is there, then, a choice? If you're only attracted to your own gender, does that not just make you gay?
I'm confused where someone chooses who they are attracted to. Because in the end, that's what determines orientation. Or am I missing something?

 

[Anniejustagirl]

How did you do it? How did people react?

I was a late bloomer. Looking back... i know that i have been a lesbian all of my life. The only choice for me was whether to embrace it or deny it. I denied way too long, but each must take their own path of acceptance... or even denial.

I had mixed reactions, but most were similar to my daughter's.... "I always Thought so!" She and her friends had conversations about the possibilities before i ever admitted it to myself or started talking to friends and family one on one. The only thing that ever confused my daughter was that i did date a procession of guys.... confused until she realized that i had been dating cycles with men attached. (Didn't have my own yet) My daughter thinks it Rocks that her mom is a dyke. Your kids are always your kids and you are simply... MOM.

Those that stayed by my side... and fortunately, that was most people... knew that *i* had not changed... just a 'label'. Still the same soul with the same strengths and weaknesses, but now stronger for being true to myself.

Wasn't as great with my family as they see my life as one that needs to be forgiven. At this point.. i refuse to not be me and they choose to simply deny any of Annie's 'friends.' It ain't great, but they haven't cast me to the winds either.

He doesn't want to be the guy who has to live with "turning me gay." Is that a common thing for former partners, that kind of ego? Anyway, I reminded him that he's known I was bi since he met me ten years ago, so he didn't turn me to anything.

He certainly doesn't have that power, but i think a lot of men go down that path. My daughter couldn't wait to tell her father that i was gay and i let her as he has been my ex longer than we were an us and he has had no investment in our lives.

My daughter said that he was pretty blown away. (Ironic too as when early in relationship he used the lame ass line... "I hear you're gay. Wanna prove 'em wrong?" *gag*) At the end of the conversation he asked her if she thought he was the reason that i had 'turned gay' She said.... "Absolutely!" and it really freaked him out! *evil grin* I do so love my daughter! Sorry.. just had to share that.

I don't know how old your children are, but children are so intelligent and intuitive and open...they love people for who they are not whom they love. Your children will be all right. Like Luna said... be honest and age appropriate and the rest will fall into place!

Good luck with your journey!

 

[whiskeyjake]

I wish I could stay and keep with this topic, but I have a guest who just arrived. I'll be back to be a further pain in the tail. Have a good night everyone.

 

[Anniejustagirl]

There is evidence that may suggest that it is in fact genetic, however it has yet to be conclusive on such matters. The field of genetics has only been recently tapped and so we can't get much affirmations on orientation "genes" and what not, though it would appear that it may be the case. Social conditioning and the issue of "choice" are as inconclusive as the genetics. However, genetics in the coming years will prove to be a more concrete argument than sociological and psychological arguments.

There is an interesting study currently being done with twin studies where one is gay and the other straight... early indications are that it is more about genetics than environment or choices.. it's a very underfunded research topic and it's gonna take some time....

 

[ElizabethWest]

If I'm wrong and it is a genetic thing then I'll accept it and apologize to any I've offended. I don't have an issue on this, just an opinion.

I'm as open-minded as you appear to be. And I have a degree in Genetics. But right now my head hurts too badly for me to continue searching through the medical databases for reputable articles.

 

[Nirvanadragones]

Sorry Sophia, I'm going to answer this then I'll let it go too.

Yeah, I choose to be straight. It's a mindset and a preference. No one and I mean no one is forced to be one sexual preference or the other. It's about choices. No one put a gun to anyone's head and said be gay. I won't say the same's true the other way around either because the freakishly straight people out there tend to be a bit more fanatical about it. I can see an angry parent putting a gun to their child's head and saying be straight damn you, I ain't going to have no queer in MY family. I don't approve of it but I'm sure somewhere it's happened.

Now I am thread - jacking... please forgive, but this thread reminded me of one we had at the GLBT a few months back - here is part of my post:

Sexual orientation is only one of the four components of sexuality.
1. Biological sex (which is our physical gender)
2. Gender identity (the psychological sense of being male or female)
3. Social gender role (which is how we conform or personify our gender as being feminine or masculine)
4. Sexual orientation (sexual gender(s) to which a person is attracted.) In other words the gender(s) toward which one is primarily "oriented". Also - not sure if anyone is familiar with the term "Affectional orientation": the belief that orientation is much more than just sexuality. People who hold this opinion say that orientation is based on who we are predisposed to fall in love with and that the sexual attraction is just a part of this.

Sexual preference is more changeable (I am not saying for example that if you are a gay female your preference might change to you being attracted to men) I see preference as referring to feelings and individuals' views about what/ whom they consider themselves to be attracted to… in that moment. Sexuality is fluid, let’s accept that. (oh and using preference as a synonym for orientation creates the impression that the person prefers one sex - does that mean that the other sex is optional?? Not sure if any gay person will like that idea...)

Let me recap:
Orientation= inherent and unchangeable
Preference = potentially changeable

My opinion... nothing more...

SJ, i wish you well on your journey - may you find the answers to what you yearn to know.

 

[Guest]

opening scene:
large shower stall...mom sitting on bath stool and me standing in shower washing mom.

"so..." says i.
"so..." says she.
"well, you know how i thought i might be bi?" askes i
"yes?" says she.
"well, im not." states me.
"ok." says she.
"i'm a lezbean." sayeth me.
silence
long silence
hands cover face
she looks like shes crying
...
looks up at me and laughingly...
"I've always wanted a lezbean daughter."

have yet to have a negative reaction to my being HAPPY.

my sister just hates that im happy.