Coming Out

[RebeccaMorton]

I suppose I'm most worried about the ex. He's so closeminded about homosexuality, so worried that his sons will be gay (like it's a disease, is how he sees it), that I suspect the idea of me being in a relationship with a woman will set him on edge, like I'm going to "make" them gay or some such bullshit.

I guess a lot of people are afraid of what they don't understand and what they have been brought up to believe is not normal. Do you and your ex get along well? Plenty of talking and patience should do the trick. He may never like it but that doesn't mean you should never be happy.

 

[kendo1]

Evening SJ.
It does matter to 'us' what others think.
I suspect you will be pleasantly surprised at the reaction you get from your friends. I'm sure most will be supportive of you. Certainly, everyone here.
Does it really matter what orientation someone is?
Surely it is the person you are, rather than your preference of sex, that matters.

I hope this does not sound condescending. It is not intended as such.


I have tried to instill understanding and tollerance into my kids, to accept people for who they are- not what they are. Race, creed and sexuality.
Everyone is different, including me!
What we all need above all else are good friends.

I take it that a fuck is out of the question?

 

[sophia jane]

I take it that a fuck is out of the question?

Did you read thru the whole thread, Ken???

 

[kendo1]

Did you read thru the whole thread, Ken???

Well, skipped a bit!

 

[whiskeyjake]

I started an initial conversation with my ex. His reaction was...not terrible. But he wants to think about it. He said he's confused, and he doesn't want that for the kids (the confusion), etc. And then he said something that struck me as funny. He doesn't want to be the guy who has to live with "turning me gay." Is that a common thing for former partners, that kind of ego? Anyway, I reminded him that he's known I was bi since he met me ten years ago, so he didn't turn me to anything.
We'll see how it goes from here, I suppose. It seems sort of ridiculous to me that I have to ease him into the idea of me being in a relationship with a woman when there's not even a possibility of it happening yet.

I saw this and felt like saying something on this point. A lot of us guys tend to have insecurities and fears about not being enough of a man. I've had a ladyfriend admit to me that she was Bisexual. Me being big dumb old Jake just looked at her and asked if that meant I might be invited to play with her and her girlfriends. I can't see why men have to have the insecurity or the vanity to think they're that big of an influence on another person's life or lifestyle.

 

[Liar]

Since I didn't come out, but (sorta) came in, I guess I don't really have the perspective of those that went the more traditional way. So the only prejudices and dissent I had to battle came from a few weirdos on the gay side, whose opinions I didn't give a toss about anyway. And there was no SO's heart to break or kids to explain the concept to.

I'm lucky in that regard, I guess.

 

[Evil Alpaca]

How did you do it? How did people react?

I've known I was bi since I was a teen, but having been married (and monogamous) for nearly a decade, I haven't exactly acted on that bisexuality. It's just occured to me that I'm going to need to sit down with my ex and talk about the realities of it. He knows I like women, but I think he always assumed it was a sexual, strictly threesome thing. It will also be odd with my kids because they've never actually been around any gay couples (how sad is that!?). Curious to hear y'all's thoughts.

I had to admit to my family and friends that I was, in fact, a quadruped when I was an adolescent cria. There was some denial and more than a few hurt feelings . . . particularly when it was discovered that I could spit further and pack more weight over rocky trails that those bipeds . . . but eventually the entire family learned to cope. Giving everyone sweaters for Christmas didn't help . . .

 

[kendo1]

Okay. I skipped Bel's post and your reply.
Went back and read it like the good boy I am.

All is not lost! One day...

 

[minsue]

I had to admit to my family and friends that I was, in fact, a quadruped when I was an adolescent cria. There was some denial and more than a few hurt feelings . . . particularly when it was discovered that I could spit further and pack more weight over rocky trails that those bipeds . . . but eventually the entire family learned to cope. Giving everyone sweaters for Christmas didn't help . . .

PMSL!!

 

[sophia jane]

I had to admit to my family and friends that I was, in fact, a quadruped when I was an adolescent cria. There was some denial and more than a few hurt feelings . . . particularly when it was discovered that I could spit further and pack more weight over rocky trails that those bipeds . . . but eventually the entire family learned to cope. Giving everyone sweaters for Christmas didn't help . . .

Very funny, Packy!

 

[sophia jane]

I saw this and felt like saying something on this point. A lot of us guys tend to have insecurities and fears about not being enough of a man. I've had a ladyfriend admit to me that she was Bisexual. Me being big dumb old Jake just looked at her and asked if that meant I might be invited to play with her and her girlfriends. I can't see why men have to have the insecurity or the vanity to think they're that big of an influence on another person's life or lifestyle.

I understand what you're saying. But, I think, what bugged me is that he was pretty much only concerned with how it reflected on him. Not my well-being, etc, but on how it made him look. That bugged me.

 

[whiskeyjake]

I understand what you're saying. But, I think, what bugged me is that he was pretty much only concerned with how it reflected on him. Not my well-being, etc, but on how it made him look. That bugged me.

It just means he's self centered. IF one of your boys ends up choosing to be gay your ex'll take that personally too. I have to wonder if I'm the only open minded redneck in the world.

 

[minsue]

It just means he's self centered. IF one of your boys ends up choosing to be gay your ex'll take that personally too. I have to wonder if I'm the only open minded redneck in the world.

If they choose to be gay, they ain't.

 

[whiskeyjake]

If they choose to be gay, they ain't.

Sure they can. It's all about choices one makes. If they find they love men more than they love women and act on it it means they're Bi or Gay. If they CHOOSE to be like their father and they resist their urges and desires and "stay" straight then they'll be straight and miserable. Or are you one of those that have thoe opinion that huuman sexuality isn't a matter of choice? That we're hardwired to a certain sexuality?

 

[minsue]

Sure they can. It's all about choices one makes. If they find they love men more than they love women and act on it it means they're Bi or Gay. If they CHOOSE to be like their father and they resist their urges and desires and "stay" straight then they'll be straight and miserable. Or are you one of those that have thoe opinion that huuman sexuality isn't a matter of choice? That we're hardwired to a certain sexuality?

Did you choose to be straight? I didn't make a choice to be gay. I did choose to allow myself to love, but that's the extent of the choice. If'n I had the option, I'd have chosed to be straight and make my life a fuck of a lot easier.

 

[minsue]

Sorry for the threadjack, Soph. I'm done, I swear.

 

[sophia jane]

Sorry for the threadjack, Soph. I'm done, I swear.

Min, you can threadjack me anytime you want and I won't mind at all. And, I find the discussion of the threadjack just as interesting (if not more) than my original question.

 

[Xelebes]

No one really knows because I am merely open-minded in the regard. And cannot say I am bi-curious because that would be the same as saying I am also hetero-curious. Cursed lack of experience.

 

[kendo1]

Pats Gosling's head.

There, there.




There once was a gosling, it's true,
Whose name, I think, was Minsue.
She swung this way and that way
'Till it all became clear,
That what matters is how to be you.

 

[whiskeyjake]

Did you choose to be straight? I didn't make a choice to be gay. I did choose to allow myself to love, but that's the extent of the choice. If'n I had the option, I'd have chosed to be straight and make my life a fuck of a lot easier.

Sorry Sophia, I'm going to answer this then I'll let it go too.

Yeah, I choose to be straight. It's a mindset and a preference. No one and I mean no one is forced to be one sexual preference or the other. It's about choices. No one put a gun to anyone's head and said be gay. I won't say the same's true the other way around either because the freakishly straight people out there tend to be a bit more fanatical about it. I can see an angry parent putting a gun to their child's head and saying be straight damn you, I ain't going to have no queer in MY family. I don't approve of it but I'm sure somewhere it's happened.

Minsue, you have a preference for women that simply surpases any attraction to men. It's not a bad thing. Just like I can honestly say that I've never seen a man that made me want him in a sexual way. If I ever do I might just try that out. But I personally think I just have too much affection for women.

 

[matriarch]

Pats Gosling's head.

There, there.




There once was a gosling, it's true,
Whose name, I think, was Minsue.
She swung this way and that way
'Till it all became clear,
That what matters is how to be you.

Good god, you're a brave, brave man. Or foolish. YOU PATTED THE GOSLING'S HEAD!!

 

[ElizabethWest]

Did you choose to be straight? I didn't make a choice to be gay. I did choose to allow myself to love, but that's the extent of the choice. If'n I had the option, I'd have chosed to be straight and make my life a fuck of a lot easier.

I asked a gay friend once if it was his choice or if that was just the way he was. He said pretty much the same thing. He would have chosen to be straight since it would be so much easier for him. And he chooses to live his life on his terms without shame or regret.

 

[kendo1]

Good god, you're a brave, brave man. Or foolish. YOU PATTED THE GOSLING'S HEAD!!

Teehee!

Pat, pat, pat, pat, pat, pat, pat!

 

[ElizabethWest]

Sorry Sophia, I'm going to answer this then I'll let it go too.

Yeah, I choose to be straight. It's a mindset and a preference. No one and I mean no one is forced to be one sexual preference or the other. It's about choices. No one put a gun to anyone's head and said be gay. I won't say the same's true the other way around either because the freakishly straight people out there tend to be a bit more fanatical about it. I can see an angry parent putting a gun to their child's head and saying be straight damn you, I ain't going to have no queer in MY family. I don't approve of it but I'm sure somewhere it's happened.

Minsue, you have a preference for women that simply surpases any attraction to men. It's not a bad thing. Just like I can honestly say that I've never seen a man that made me want him in a sexual way. If I ever do I might just try that out. But I personally think I just have too much affection for women.

Must disagree with you Jake. And I am straight too. The proof is in the DNA.

 

[minsue]

I can honestly say that I've never seen a man that made me want him in a sexual way.

And exactly when did you choose for that to be so? Being gay or straight doesn't have anything to do with choosing to have sex, Jake.