Colleen Thomas Memorial Thread

[minsue]

It's beautiful, Q.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

I tried so hard but I just cannot escape the prison of my own head. Sometimes, it just sucks to be me. Colly wrote that in a PM to me.
She and I used to talk a lot about being trapped inside our own heads.
We talked about being alone in ours lives, how we felt we that our illness made us somewhat damaged and not worthy of love.
We joked that we should end up together to be alone.

I wish that Colly could see the outpouring of love here and I hope that wherever she is now she can feel it and know that she was loved deeply. That everyone is worthy of love...and even if we don't see it, it is there.

I've learned over the past few years to tell people "I love you" even more. I'm a private person, I go quiet a lot, its in my nature to do so. I may not talk to people for a while, but my feelings for them do not change.
It bothers me that I never got to say goodbye, but I know Colly knew that I loved her and treasured her as a very special friend in my life.

and I am all the better for being able to say I knew her.

 

[McKenna]

There is a poem that has been included in my family's memorial service program for years now. It first appeared in my grandfather's program, then my grandmother's, and finally my brother's. It's religious in nature, and though I know many of us don't ascribe to a particular religion, I found its words comforting. I hope you do, too.



I'm free
Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free
I'm following the path God has laid you see,
I took His hand when I heard His call
I turned my back and left it all.
I could not stay another day
To laugh, to love, to work, or play
Tasks left undone must stay that way.
I've found the peace at the close of day.
If my parting has left a void
Then fill it with remembered joy.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss,
Oh yes, those things, I too will miss
Be not burdened with times of sorrow.
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life's been full; I've savored much;
Good friends, good times, a loved one's touch.
Perhaps my time seemed all too brief
Don't lenthen it now with undue grief
Lift up your hearts and peace to thee.
God wanted me now; He set me free.

 

[LadyJeanne]

I've learned over the past few years to tell people "I love you" even more. I'm a private person, I go quiet a lot, its in my nature to do so. I may not talk to people for a while, but my feelings for them do not change.
It bothers me that I never got to say goodbye, but I know Colly knew that I loved her and treasured her as a very special friend in my life.

and I am all the better for being able to say I knew her.

I'm learning this lesson as well, Abs, to tell people how I feel. I've been away a lot, but I am forever grateful that I took a moment to let her know my thoughts recently in PM, to tell her know she was treasured.

...

*HUGS*

 

[TheEarl]

Death is nothing at all. It does not count. I have only slipped away into the next room. Nothing has happened. Everything remains exactly as it was. I am I, and you are you, and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged. Whatever we were to each other, that we are still. Call me by the old familiar name. Speak of me in the easy way which you always used. Put no difference into your tone. Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow. Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together. Play, smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it. Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was. There is absolute and unbroken continuity. What is this death but a negligible accident? Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around the corner. All is well. Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost. One brief moment and all will be as it was before. How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!


These words of Henry Scott Holland were read at my Gran's funeral. They gave my mum and my dad solace when she passed and they used them to try and console me. I was too young to understand them at the time.

I've just read them out loud. Were any of my family or friends in the real world to die, then I would read this passage at their funeral. I fear this is as close as I can get to reading a eulogy to Colleen.

The Earl

 

[matriarch]

Death is nothing at all. It does not count. I have only slipped away into the next room. Nothing has happened. Everything remains exactly as it was. I am I, and you are you, and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged. Whatever we were to each other, that we are still. Call me by the old familiar name. Speak of me in the easy way which you always used. Put no difference into your tone. Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow. Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together. Play, smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it. Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was. There is absolute and unbroken continuity. What is this death but a negligible accident? Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around the corner. All is well. Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost. One brief moment and all will be as it was before. How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!


These words of Henry Scott Holland were read at my Gran's funeral. They gave my mum and my dad solace when she passed and they used them to try and console me. I was too young to understand them at the time.

I've just read them out loud. Were any of my family or friends in the real world to die, then I would read this passage at their funeral. I fear this is as close as I can get to reading a eulogy to Colleen.

The Earl

 

[McKenna]

Death is nothing at all. It does not count. I have only slipped away into the next room. Nothing has happened. Everything remains exactly as it was. I am I, and you are you, and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged. Whatever we were to each other, that we are still. Call me by the old familiar name. Speak of me in the easy way which you always used. Put no difference into your tone. Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow. Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together. Play, smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it. Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was. There is absolute and unbroken continuity. What is this death but a negligible accident? Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around the corner. All is well. Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost. One brief moment and all will be as it was before. How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!

Oh Earl, it's beautiful. Thank you for sharing this.

 

[Aurora Black]

Lovely.

 

[rgraham666]

Thanks Earl. That was beautiful.

 

[Roxanne Appleby]

We know what it’s like to be visited by an angel.

It hit me this morning that Colly was one of those vanishingly rare and unique individuals sometimes labeled as "too good for this world," but that phrase is not really apt. I've been lucky enough to know two other such people in my life.

One was a man named Joe, who was tragically killed in a plane crash a few years ago. The president of the organization Joe ran delivered a eulogy then that used a perfect analogy: We had been visited by an angel. That is exactly right, and it applies fully to Colleen as well. Pasted below are the relevent parts of this eulogy. If you take out "Joe" and insert "Colleen" it almost seems to have been written for her. It's a bit uncanny.


Ladies and gentlemen, do you know what it’s like to be visited by an angel? If you knew Joseph, then the answer to that question is YES!, whether or not you ever realized it while he was alive. His visit with Kay and his older sister Laurie was the longest — 43 years, 187 days. For Helen, it was less than two years, and barely three months of that as a husband. For me it was three months shy of 16 years. But whatever amount of time his visit was with you, the question is, what should you do when an angel bids you goodbye? Grief and a profound sense of loss are certainly appropriate feelings to have. But I think they should be overwhelmed by other sentiments: gratitude and awe come to mind. We should be saying, not, “Oh woe is me!” but, “Wow! What an experience! What a blessing! What a visit! Look how much we learned, how much we were affected, even changed! How lucky we were! How better we are for being among those chosen to be part of this 43 year, 187-day visitation.” We must not only profit as much as possible from the extraordinary opportunity that we had, but we must shout from the rooftops about how the rest of the world can also yet profit though it never met him.

. . . Did you ever have a sense when you were with Joe that there was something very special about him, something at least a little more than ordinary? Did you perhaps feel, for even a fleeting moment, that you were in the presence of greatness, that there was something about this guy that raised your standards and made you want to put your best foot forward? Honestly, if you ever experienced any feelings like this while you were with Joe, raise your hand. You know what I mean, don’t you?! How many times in your life have you felt that way about somebody? It really is a rare and extraordinary thing. I sure had those feelings often, and I said so many times — to Joe himself, as well as others. He and I laughed more than once about a comment from someone who didn’t know him well and may not have shared his convictions. She was clearly agitated at the impact he had had on her and complained that there was this inexplicable “aura” around Joe that bothered her.

. . . You can understand everything about Joe — from the sterling virtues to the seeming flaws or quirks — when you realize that to him, life was an exercise in character-building for eternity. He knew that your character is nothing less than the sum of your thoughts and actions, especially those you think or do when no one is watching. Joe believed that building character means striving to be upright in all things at all times. From memory, he would share Luke 16:10: “Unless you are faithful in small matters, you will not be faithful in large ones.” He pricked a conscience on more than one occasion by asking if you were “cutting corners” on something.

Joe was the straightest straight-shooter I’ve ever known. Not a speck of guile or conceit or hidden agenda in him. He said what he meant and meant what he said, always. You never, ever had to wonder if he was telling you the truth. Like so many others, I came to place total, unqualified trust in him.

Because you knew you could trust him, you sought him out and leaned on him. And he did what he could to help. I knew he was helping a lot of people quietly and privately — because they would tell me, not him. But not even I knew the depth and volume of that assistance until I started reading the cascade of tributes that have been pouring in for him from all around the world. Over and over again, I’ve been hearing and reading such phrases as, "He fixed this or that problem.” “He advised me how to handle this or that situation.” “He took the time that he probably didn’t have to do something for me, though I had never done a thing for him.”

Joe made a lot of people better people. Usually, it was with a soft gentle washcloth and you may have hardly known that he was scrubbing you. But he could be a Brillo pad if that’s what the situation called for. One way or another, if you let him, Joe would clean you up.

 

[Aurora Black]

I adored her mind.

 

[herecomestherain]

Here on the other side of a big ocean I am shedding tears for a lovely lady I didn't really know so well but whose kindness, cleverness and awesome skill as a writer I admired and enjoyed. If ever I wanted to know or read a sensible but impassioned viewpoint on a tough topic I'd come here and read what Colleen had to say and go away much more informed and wiser by far. And if I wanted to get turned on I'd go read one of her gorgeous stories! I'm shocked and saddened. Peace sweetgirl, peace.

 

[MissBri]

 

[matriarch]

I know that my offerings are inadequate, but I still want to share these here...

Halves of hearts torn asunder;
while one piece threatens
to simply shrivel and collapse,
its mate swells with fondness –
all are blessed who knew her.

* * *

Inamorata,
our treasured spitfire sweetheart –
memory prevails.​

No offering is inadequate, love. Especially when it comes from the heart.

This is not a competition, its merely an outlet for our feelings.

 

[MissBri]

 

[Nirvanadragones]

Colly,

Jessi and I went to St Paul's Cathedral this morning to light a candle for you. Neither of us are religious, yet I have always found immaculate peace there. And today was no different. I cried, and Jess was quiet as she has been since Sunday morning. We heard the prayer after Holy Communion:

... "let us be so sure of the eternal that we can be at peace in the movement of time, and let us so see You in the things of time that we may know ourselves to be part of the eternal. As You have loved and cherished us so may we love and cherish one another, and in learning to love ourselves come to love You in all life."

It was one of the most profound moments of my life. Standing on sacred ground. Knowing you are at peace. The message directly given again as comfirmation of your passing - epitomising who you were. I could feel it in every part of my being.

As we left the cathedral, the rain that had been threatening for hours finally fell. And we cried healing tears. No words spoken between us - just watching the sky, and the rain splaying everywhere.

We had to have a coffee in your honour. Sitting at the coffee shop taking my first sip, and Jessi speaks for the first time in hours: "London is crying for her too"

She misses you. She mourns. I think she will speak to you once she can. I just want you to know how much she loves you and wishes you were still alive.

You may have gone, but you continue to give so much. Your gifts are everywhere.

​

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Beautiful love.

 

[rgraham666]

Colly,

Jessi and I went to St Paul's Cathedral this morning to light a candle for you. Neither of us are religious, yet I have always found immaculate peace there. And today was no different. I cried, and Jess was quiet as she has been since Sunday morning. We heard the prayer after Holy Communion:

... "let us be so sure of the eternal that we can be at peace in the movement of time, and let us so see You in the things of time that we may know ourselves to be part of the eternal. As You have loved and cherished us so may we love and cherish one another, and in learning to love ourselves come to love You in all life."

It was one of the most profound moments of my life. Standing on sacred ground. Knowing you are at peace. The message directly given again as comfirmation of your passing - epitomising who you were. I could feel it in every part of my being.

As we left the cathedral, the rain that had been threatening for hours finally fell. And we cried healing tears. No words spoken between us - just watching the sky, and the rain splaying everywhere.

We had to have a coffee in your honour. Sitting at the coffee shop taking my first sip, and Jessi speaks for the first time in hours: "London is crying for her too"

She misses you. She mourns. I think she will speak to you once she can. I just want you to know how much she loves you and wishes you were still alive.

You may have gone, but you continue to give so much. Your gifts are everywhere.

​

Ow. But with a smile.

Thank you, Nirvana.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

No offering is inadequate, love. Especially when it comes from the heart.

This is not a competition, its merely an outlet for our feelings.

Very true. We are all looking for ways to express and declare our love for Colly and grief at her passing, as well as ways to honor her memory.

 

[saw_man1]

My apologies in advance

I hesitate to leave any comment here because I am not an author. I am however, an avid reader and a recipient of more than a few emails from Colleen thanking me for my kind comments. She must have been a voracious reader in addition to her writing because she commented on several occasions how much she appreciated my kind comments to her fellow authors. I have always held writers in high regard and she was certainly in a class by herself. I did not know her personally but I think she loved it here and I think she loved you, her fellow writers. You were her friends. I was just a fan.

 

[oggbashan]

... You were her friends. I was just a fan.

If Colleen wrote to you about your comments, you were more than 'just a fan'. Authors cannot survive without readers and readers who comment sensibly are worth their weight in gold. I think she would have happily counted you among her many friends.

Og

 

[Guest]

I hesitate to leave any comment here because I am not an author. I am however, an avid reader and a recipient of more than a few emails from Colleen thanking me for my kind comments. She must have been a voracious reader in addition to her writing because she commented on several occasions how much she appreciated my kind comments to her fellow authors. I have always held writers in high regard and she was certainly in a class by herself. I did not know her personally but I think she loved it here and I think she loved you, her fellow writers. You were her friends. I was just a fan.

We learn more and more about Colly every day, and the quiet and kind way she went about corresponding with so many people.

Thanks for coming by and sharing your memories of her with us.

 

[rgraham666]

Sigh. Did a tobacco run.

Went outside, noticed it was clouding over and smelled like rain.

I thought 'That means it will be raining soon where Colleen is. Weather travels from here to there. She'll be hurting tomorrow. Wish I could do something about that.'

Thought the same thing many times before.

Then I remembered she doesn't need to worry about that anymore.

Ow.

 

[impressive]

I hesitate to leave any comment here because I am not an author. I am however, an avid reader and a recipient of more than a few emails from Colleen thanking me for my kind comments. She must have been a voracious reader in addition to her writing because she commented on several occasions how much she appreciated my kind comments to her fellow authors. I have always held writers in high regard and she was certainly in a class by herself. I did not know her personally but I think she loved it here and I think she loved you, her fellow writers. You were her friends. I was just a fan.

Thank you.

 

[English Lady]

If Colleen wrote to you about your comments, you were more than 'just a fan'. Authors cannot survive without readers and readers who comment sensibly are worth their weight in gold. I think she would have happily counted you among her many friends.

Og

Exactly. Saw Man -thanks for your words.


Nirvana -the words in that prayer touched me too, thank you for sharing.

Rob *hug*