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Oh, Min. 
Colleen Thomas Memorial Thread
- Thread starter dr_mabeuse
- Start date
Selena_Kitt
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*lump in my throat*
can't imagine this place without her...
god I wish I knew the why of things sometimes...
I only knew her peripherally, but she was very kind...
sail on, Collie...
can't imagine this place without her...
god I wish I knew the why of things sometimes...
I only knew her peripherally, but she was very kind...
sail on, Collie...
Nirvanadragones
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impressive said:
Another Colly quote from a pm we exchanged: "I have just found writing leaves a trail to follow when I want to go back."
G
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A link to an archive of Colly's bio page on my old site, Psyche Erotica: Colleen Thomas's Biography
And this is what she said on that page:
"I love to write, but when it comes to writing about myself, I must confess I am at a loss. I guess the basics first. I’m 34, single, live in New York and am recently unemployed. I have been diagnosed with chronic migraines, severe depression, social anxiety disorder and just recently agoraphobia. I suppose it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to guess I don’t get out much any more.
My writing has become my world and my escape. I started in fantasy and sci-fi, but was drawn to erotica by some female friends. My first works were very short stories, designed around the fantasy of whomever I was writing for. One of these friends was so impressed by my work that she brow beat me into posting it. I got a lot of feedback on it from people all over the world and suddenly my little world opened up a great deal, if only through the computer.
I am still pretty much a prisoner in my own home, but thanks to my writing I am no longer so lonely or isolated. I have made a great many friends online and have started to gain some confidence in myself. My erotic writings are still geared to women and feature almost exclusively female characters. I have only recently begun to spread my wings so to speak and try new themes within the context of erotica. I can’t say enough about how enthused I am to be a guest writer here or about how much I love and respect Katie for the honor." - Colleen Thomas, 2004
And this is what she said on that page:
"I love to write, but when it comes to writing about myself, I must confess I am at a loss. I guess the basics first. I’m 34, single, live in New York and am recently unemployed. I have been diagnosed with chronic migraines, severe depression, social anxiety disorder and just recently agoraphobia. I suppose it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to guess I don’t get out much any more.
My writing has become my world and my escape. I started in fantasy and sci-fi, but was drawn to erotica by some female friends. My first works were very short stories, designed around the fantasy of whomever I was writing for. One of these friends was so impressed by my work that she brow beat me into posting it. I got a lot of feedback on it from people all over the world and suddenly my little world opened up a great deal, if only through the computer.
I am still pretty much a prisoner in my own home, but thanks to my writing I am no longer so lonely or isolated. I have made a great many friends online and have started to gain some confidence in myself. My erotic writings are still geared to women and feature almost exclusively female characters. I have only recently begun to spread my wings so to speak and try new themes within the context of erotica. I can’t say enough about how enthused I am to be a guest writer here or about how much I love and respect Katie for the honor." - Colleen Thomas, 2004
lucky-E-leven
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minsue said:It is simply not possible to put into words all that Colly did for me and meant to me. Instead, the apologies that I owe her. I have nowhere to send them now.
I let Colly down, time and time again over the past few months. Wrapped up in my own world, happier than I've ever been in my life, I wasn't there for her. Ever.
Every few weeks, a PM would appear in my box from Colly asking how I've been and telling me how much she missed me. Telling me how down she had been, how hard things had been, and how she missed the little messages I used to send to cheer her up. Every time I would reply with an apology, an excuse for my absence, and an empty promise to be around more when [fill in the blank here] was done. When we got to England. When we got back to Arizona. When we got the wireless set up. Etc, etc.
The last PM exchange we had was the same, me telling Colly that I'd be there for her and be a better friend once we got back to AZ. But she'd already gone before we got back. Before I had the chance, whether to do right by her or, more likely, to let her down again.
To the myriad of things I learned from Colly I will now be adding the lesson to be there for my friends and loved ones right then, when they need it, before it's too late.
Colly, beautiful, I'm so unbelievably sorry.
She would be so pissed with you at this. She understood better than anyone else what a positive turn your life had taken and would be hopping mad to hear your apologies. She was always like that when I attempted to apologize. Wouldn't hear of it. I know where you're coming from with your feelings, trust me, but I also know that your happiness was a great joy and success to her. Cut yourself a little slack, sweetie. She can't be here to tell you Pfffftttt!!! so I'm doing it for her.
I'm here if you need me and just stubborn enough to hunt you down if you don't come knockin' of your own accord.
Liar
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I'm usually not short for words. Words come and they fit the purpose, they may be a chore to carve out, but they are there, apt, ready, to communicate what I wish. But I've been trying to collect them and put them here to somehow share my thoughts.
This is my sixth attempt. And no words. At least not the ones I want to say.
But I think I've begun to understand why. It has to do with respect.
I did not love her, not like some of you do. Love's a big word for me, and during my time here, fate just happened to make it so that I never got to know her in person. So I can not grieve the loss of a loved one, and scribe down my expression of that grief. I can only offer my support to those of you who knew her good enough to love, and have to deal with that kind of loss.
What I'm left with, and what I'm having such a hard time expressing, is respect. A deep rooted and profund respect for her that I don't even feel for many of my friends and loved ones. Not one given by default. But one earned by a relentless display of intelligence, aptitude and coherence, of passion and compassion as well as of knowledge. Stellar insights, but both feet firmly on the ground. Equal parts brains, heart and spine.
It was a voice in the room that whenever it spoke, I would listen. It's a much more abstract loss that that of a close friend, and one that my words fail to approach.
This is my sixth attempt. And no words. At least not the ones I want to say.
But I think I've begun to understand why. It has to do with respect.
I did not love her, not like some of you do. Love's a big word for me, and during my time here, fate just happened to make it so that I never got to know her in person. So I can not grieve the loss of a loved one, and scribe down my expression of that grief. I can only offer my support to those of you who knew her good enough to love, and have to deal with that kind of loss.
What I'm left with, and what I'm having such a hard time expressing, is respect. A deep rooted and profund respect for her that I don't even feel for many of my friends and loved ones. Not one given by default. But one earned by a relentless display of intelligence, aptitude and coherence, of passion and compassion as well as of knowledge. Stellar insights, but both feet firmly on the ground. Equal parts brains, heart and spine.
It was a voice in the room that whenever it spoke, I would listen. It's a much more abstract loss that that of a close friend, and one that my words fail to approach.
Last edited:
matriarch
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lucky-E-leven said:She would be so pissed with you at this. She understood better than anyone else what a positive turn your life had taken and would be hopping mad to hear your apologies. She was always like that when I attempted to apologize. Wouldn't hear of it. I know where you're coming from with your feelings, trust me, but I also know that your happiness was a great joy and success to her. Cut yourself a little slack, sweetie. She can't be here to tell you Pfffftttt!!! so I'm doing it for her.
I'm here if you need me and just stubborn enough to hunt you down if you don't come knockin' of your own accord.
Thank you. That is EXACTLY what I told her. Colly's total delight and absolute pleasure when we told her about us was infectious and completely genuine. She would be very annoyed to see this. I expect an e-mail from heaven imminently, with a gentle rebuke to her gentle gosling.
Belegon
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From The Literotica Olympics: Fencing
I honestly did not know how much I had left for Colly. I had been watching her when I could and I could tell she was as capable of manipulating the emotions of her opponents as she was of her readers.
Little did I know that Colleen was having some of the same thoughts about me. As much as I saw it to be an advantage for her that she had never fought in the co-ed ranks she felt it was a disadvantage.
..........
I wrote this for a chain in which we used each other as characters...I barely knew Colly at the time...hell, I had her hair color in the story as black! But she enjoyed my portrayal enough to PM me a thanks...and it kind of kick-started a friendship between us.
I'll never be able to say I knew Colly perfectly...who knows anyone perfectly?...I never even shook her hand, let alone made good on the mountains of promised *HUSG*. The only space we shared was cyberspace. But that really matters not at all.
She was and shall always remain my friend. And THAT matters a hell of a lot.
I honestly did not know how much I had left for Colly. I had been watching her when I could and I could tell she was as capable of manipulating the emotions of her opponents as she was of her readers.
Little did I know that Colleen was having some of the same thoughts about me. As much as I saw it to be an advantage for her that she had never fought in the co-ed ranks she felt it was a disadvantage.
..........
I wrote this for a chain in which we used each other as characters...I barely knew Colly at the time...hell, I had her hair color in the story as black! But she enjoyed my portrayal enough to PM me a thanks...and it kind of kick-started a friendship between us.
I'll never be able to say I knew Colly perfectly...who knows anyone perfectly?...I never even shook her hand, let alone made good on the mountains of promised *HUSG*. The only space we shared was cyberspace. But that really matters not at all.
She was and shall always remain my friend. And THAT matters a hell of a lot.
rgraham666
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I'm finally going to attempt to write something here.
When I first got to Lit, Colleen was, of course, one of the first people to stand out.
Since I did, at the time, love political threads that's where we first met, and clashed, because of our backgrounds, me as a socialist Canadian and her as a Southern U.S. conservative.
It was a surprise, and a pleasure. A surprise because she could actually debate. A pleasure because of her consummate skill at it. And because she never, ever engaged in ad hominem. She was far too honourable to use such a vicious tool.
As time went on, we grew closer. Mostly, I believe, because of our similarities. Like her, I was rather a shut in due to illness. And like me, she held to her honour and empathy with a tenacious grip. Our differences were because of our similarities. We both wanted the best world possible, to be the best people possible and were always aware how dangerous such ideas can be. So we never took any of our beliefs for granted, always questioned them. These facts drew me closer to her, and I believe her to me.
I do hope I'm not sounding too egotistical with this.
As time went on, we supported each other. When I wrote my first lesbian piece, of course she was the one I asked for advice. And it was excellent. My work was much better for her input.
Any work that was important to me I made sure she looked at. And she never refused, the very soul of generosity.
And she would sometimes ask for my help. I did my best to make sure that I was honest and fair as she wouldn't have wanted it any other way.
And she was unstintingly supportive when the darkness threatened me again. Anytime my mood turned, I could expect a post or PM with a *HUSG* in it that never failed to make me smile.
I was very honoured when she gave me permission to use her characters in my best work to date. Even when I killed those characters off.
The last PM she sent me I saved in a special folder on my computer. One that contains feedback that I read to remind myself I'm not a complete fuckup. I'll post it here.
This missive is so completely Colleen, I can't help but smile, even now.
That's it. A short history on my time here with Colleen, and how much she affected me.
Goodbye, beautiful. My life is much richer for my having known you.
When I first got to Lit, Colleen was, of course, one of the first people to stand out.
Since I did, at the time, love political threads that's where we first met, and clashed, because of our backgrounds, me as a socialist Canadian and her as a Southern U.S. conservative.
It was a surprise, and a pleasure. A surprise because she could actually debate. A pleasure because of her consummate skill at it. And because she never, ever engaged in ad hominem. She was far too honourable to use such a vicious tool.
As time went on, we grew closer. Mostly, I believe, because of our similarities. Like her, I was rather a shut in due to illness. And like me, she held to her honour and empathy with a tenacious grip. Our differences were because of our similarities. We both wanted the best world possible, to be the best people possible and were always aware how dangerous such ideas can be. So we never took any of our beliefs for granted, always questioned them. These facts drew me closer to her, and I believe her to me.
I do hope I'm not sounding too egotistical with this.
As time went on, we supported each other. When I wrote my first lesbian piece, of course she was the one I asked for advice. And it was excellent. My work was much better for her input.
Any work that was important to me I made sure she looked at. And she never refused, the very soul of generosity.
And she would sometimes ask for my help. I did my best to make sure that I was honest and fair as she wouldn't have wanted it any other way.
And she was unstintingly supportive when the darkness threatened me again. Anytime my mood turned, I could expect a post or PM with a *HUSG* in it that never failed to make me smile.
I was very honoured when she gave me permission to use her characters in my best work to date. Even when I killed those characters off.
The last PM she sent me I saved in a special folder on my computer. One that contains feedback that I read to remind myself I'm not a complete fuckup. I'll post it here.
This missive is so completely Colleen, I can't help but smile, even now.
That's it. A short history on my time here with Colleen, and how much she affected me.
Goodbye, beautiful. My life is much richer for my having known you.
G
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Belegon said:
Oh yes of course, I forgot all about the Lit Olympics (how could I?! LOL!).
Colly appeared in many of them... I remember her in one as a commentator, along with Rumps. That caused quite a stir.
I also remember her stressing about writing M/F action in hers - something she hadn't done before - and by fuck, did she do it justice, or what!?
This is a link to her story in the chain: The Literotica Olympics, Day 09 (Nordic Combined)
Thanks for reminding me of that, Bel - it was so much fun!!!
But I don't think it ever got finished... oh, Lauren...
Aurora Black
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*bump*
CharleyH
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lucky-E-leven said:She would be so pissed with you at this. She understood better than anyone else what a positive turn your life had taken and would be hopping mad to hear your apologies.
I'm here if you need me and just stubborn enough to hunt you down if you don't come knockin' of your own accord.
I concur and hunt that bird down, Lucky!
I think its shooting season in AZ?
A
AsylumSeeker
Guest
I never had the opportunity to meet her. That's my loss. God bless.
Aurora Black
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Tonight I've been re-reading some of Colly's pieces and I keep thinking, "My God, what a waste."
Aurora Black
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From Emily Dickenson's "Time and Eternity" collection:
IV
Safe in their alabaster chambers,
Untouched by morning and untouched by noon,
Sleep the meek members of the resurrection,
Rafter of satin, and roof of stone.
Light laughs the breeze in her castle of sunshine;
Babbles the bee in a stolid ear;
Pipe the sweet birds in ignorant cadence,—
Ah, what sagacity perished here!
Grand go the years in the crescent above them;
Worlds scoop their arcs, and firmaments row,
Diadems drop and Doges surrender,
Soundless as dots on a disk of snow.
IV
Safe in their alabaster chambers,
Untouched by morning and untouched by noon,
Sleep the meek members of the resurrection,
Rafter of satin, and roof of stone.
Light laughs the breeze in her castle of sunshine;
Babbles the bee in a stolid ear;
Pipe the sweet birds in ignorant cadence,—
Ah, what sagacity perished here!
Grand go the years in the crescent above them;
Worlds scoop their arcs, and firmaments row,
Diadems drop and Doges surrender,
Soundless as dots on a disk of snow.
Aurora Black
Professional Dreamer
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Again from Dickenson's "Time and Eternity":
LXX
She died,—this was the way she died;
And when her breath was done,
Took up her simple wardrobe
And started for the sun.
Her little figure at the gate
The angels must have spied,
Since I could never find her
Upon the mortal side.
LXX
She died,—this was the way she died;
And when her breath was done,
Took up her simple wardrobe
And started for the sun.
Her little figure at the gate
The angels must have spied,
Since I could never find her
Upon the mortal side.
SeaCat
Hey, my Halo is smoking
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I didn't know Colleen as well as many here. I read her posts and respected her views. Occasionaly we would end up debating about something and usually she left me looking foolish. Believe it or not I enjoyed those debates as she never stooped to the elvel of a kid on a playground and started in with the name calling and vitriol. Instead she used logic and information to back her views up. How could I not enjoy and respect that?
After a bit I read a couple of her stories. Not my usual catagory of reading but I read them anyways. After the first one or two I was hooked. Colleens voice was in her stories. She made me feel what her characters did and made me come back for more. What more can I say about her other than I shall miss her in my own way.
Cat
After a bit I read a couple of her stories. Not my usual catagory of reading but I read them anyways. After the first one or two I was hooked. Colleens voice was in her stories. She made me feel what her characters did and made me come back for more. What more can I say about her other than I shall miss her in my own way.
Cat
Luna_Wolf72
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Remembrances
I remember Colly's words when I was down...she was always kind, always giving, always looking for a way to cheer me up and make me smile. Nine times out of ten, she succeeded
I remember the first time I asked her to read something of mine. (I believe it was my werewolf story) She gave me great advice and made me blush from the profusion of her compliments.
She always made me feel welcome, from day one. She never spoke down to me or made me feel as if I were imposing on her time. She was the one of the few reasons why I returned to the AH, again and again. I will miss her, with my whole heart..and will keep a candle burning for her until she comes round again...
I love you Colly...
I remember Colly's words when I was down...she was always kind, always giving, always looking for a way to cheer me up and make me smile. Nine times out of ten, she succeeded
I remember the first time I asked her to read something of mine. (I believe it was my werewolf story) She gave me great advice and made me blush from the profusion of her compliments.
She always made me feel welcome, from day one. She never spoke down to me or made me feel as if I were imposing on her time. She was the one of the few reasons why I returned to the AH, again and again. I will miss her, with my whole heart..and will keep a candle burning for her until she comes round again...
I love you Colly...
lucky-E-leven
Aphrodisiaddict
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It all sucks big hairy moose cock, as she would've said.
cheerful_deviant
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I’ve started this remembrance a dozen times but each time I get to writing, I delete it all because no matter what I write, nothing seems worthy of the woman who was Colleen Thomas.
But if I don’t write something I think I’ll go completely mad so here is my final attempt.
Who Colleen Thomas was to me:
She was Colly, or Red.
She was a woman who was beautiful and sexy even if she wouldn‘t admit it.
She was a mentor who freely offered advice to all who needed it.
She was a writer who shared little pieces of herself with us all through her stories.
She was brilliant. Very few people have ever impressed me as she did.
She was a perfectionist who would never put something in her stories unless she knew it was accurate.
She was honest. She was not even capable of telling a lie.
She was a scholar who knew her facts and figures better than any textbook.
She was sincere to a fault. You always knew where you stood with Colly, she hid nothing.
She was a skilled debater who would present her case in a logical, reasoned way. Never rude or exclamatory, but always civilized and unfailingly accurate.
She was a private person who kept the real, outside world at bay but let us in through her life online and her writing.
She was an inspiration to those new to writing erotica. The depth and color from her writing still leave me in awe.
But most importantly, Colly was a friend. She helped me with my writing more times than I can remember. She gave me advice, encouragement and praise. She made me laugh when I needed it and when a laugh wouldn’t come, she was there with *HUSG*. She was warm and caring, honest and beautiful. More than any other person, Colleen Thomas helped me become the writer I am, and for that I will forever be in her debt.
Colly, I admired you as a person, I respected you as a writer, and I loved you as a friend.
Goodbye Colly.
But if I don’t write something I think I’ll go completely mad so here is my final attempt.
Who Colleen Thomas was to me:
She was Colly, or Red.
She was a woman who was beautiful and sexy even if she wouldn‘t admit it.
She was a mentor who freely offered advice to all who needed it.
She was a writer who shared little pieces of herself with us all through her stories.
She was brilliant. Very few people have ever impressed me as she did.
She was a perfectionist who would never put something in her stories unless she knew it was accurate.
She was honest. She was not even capable of telling a lie.
She was a scholar who knew her facts and figures better than any textbook.
She was sincere to a fault. You always knew where you stood with Colly, she hid nothing.
She was a skilled debater who would present her case in a logical, reasoned way. Never rude or exclamatory, but always civilized and unfailingly accurate.
She was a private person who kept the real, outside world at bay but let us in through her life online and her writing.
She was an inspiration to those new to writing erotica. The depth and color from her writing still leave me in awe.
But most importantly, Colly was a friend. She helped me with my writing more times than I can remember. She gave me advice, encouragement and praise. She made me laugh when I needed it and when a laugh wouldn’t come, she was there with *HUSG*. She was warm and caring, honest and beautiful. More than any other person, Colleen Thomas helped me become the writer I am, and for that I will forever be in her debt.
Colly, I admired you as a person, I respected you as a writer, and I loved you as a friend.
Goodbye Colly.
Belegon
Still Kicking Around
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I've gone through some of my old email and am thankful to discover I had saved some from Colly...this is from one about the swordplay in "The Spy Wore Petticoats"
ahhhh babe....you could "practically aspire to" far greater heights than I could ever get you to see...I wish you would have believed me...and I wish I had the opportunity to try and convince you again...
Colly said:I try to maintain as much realism in a story as I can. And I am not one to stint on reasearch when it's needed. That said, I cannot possibly learn enough to be satisifed with the scene's authenticity. One of the greatest things about freinds is they have knowledge of things you may not and I respect the depth of yours. The scene might be fine as it is, but it not as good as it could be. I know with you, when it is done, it will be as well written and realisitic as I can practically aspire to
ahhhh babe....you could "practically aspire to" far greater heights than I could ever get you to see...I wish you would have believed me...and I wish I had the opportunity to try and convince you again...
Colleen Thomas
Ultrafemme
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Colly
Thank you all so much for the wonderful thoughts about Colly. They have been giving me some great comfort. SHe loved you all and her writting was her pride and joy. I am working on getting something set up with Hospice so you will be able to Donate to it. We have a Hospice residence that was built in our area but they have not been able to get the funds to get it open. I have spoken to Colly's family and they wish for everyone who was thinking so sending flowers to give to the Hospice residence in her name. As the family said flowers die and they want something to live on in COlly's name. It will take me a few weeks to get the information out to all of you but I promise I will. I will also try to write the events of what happend that day out when I am able. I thank you all and I am forwording all the email to the family so they will also know how loved Colly was. Please feel free to email me at Meekomn@aol.com. I am returning to work tom so in time I promise to answer all the emails. Thank you all Melissa (Mel)
Thank you all so much for the wonderful thoughts about Colly. They have been giving me some great comfort. SHe loved you all and her writting was her pride and joy. I am working on getting something set up with Hospice so you will be able to Donate to it. We have a Hospice residence that was built in our area but they have not been able to get the funds to get it open. I have spoken to Colly's family and they wish for everyone who was thinking so sending flowers to give to the Hospice residence in her name. As the family said flowers die and they want something to live on in COlly's name. It will take me a few weeks to get the information out to all of you but I promise I will. I will also try to write the events of what happend that day out when I am able. I thank you all and I am forwording all the email to the family so they will also know how loved Colly was. Please feel free to email me at Meekomn@aol.com. I am returning to work tom so in time I promise to answer all the emails. Thank you all Melissa (Mel)
