collarme.com

[babiesmiles]

. I've seen this happen on a number forums that have the "popularity" or "karma" feature enabled for individuals. People decide they hate you for the pettiest reasons, and there's not need to be an out and out psycho to quickly get a really bad Karma, all you have to do is answer a rude person intelligently. :/

Tainted your point of view, was as usual a clever and articulate . And I appreciated all of it , besides I can understand DVS and Betticus point as well , as it's never pleasant to be ignored when your messages are polite and coherent with the requests people make on their profiles.

Considered all above the thing which hit my attention though was your statement about so called " Karma" points , and again I completely agree with you. And I'd like to add a few things about it .


I am a regular poster on another board , among others I casually go on, where there is that system of " karma" rating popularity .

It is not a "sex contents" nor a personals site, it is a small but rather international one mainly used to exchange opinions on several matters and different items ( from very serious political ones to silly fun others ) with people from all over the world , and notwithstanding it's not in my country some of us know each other rather well ( and some of us even met more than once ) ,

I must say there are really good friendships starting and growing , even if as in all places there are people one likes more and other one like less. But that is normal and physiological in every community , "net" or not ( lol) .

All perfect you could say !

No, cause since that damn rathing thing was started , some people maybe for fun maybe with lower intentions started messing up with that rating feature using it for their lil petty revenges ( usually against the less shy , more witty or simply more grown up people ) just cause they disagreed with opinions or just for an envious bitching around .

Now in a small and usually friendly place , we can know ( and usually we dont mistake ) who is bitching in that moment as although the rating is anonimous , on a small scale knowing who is online and counting the karmas they used ( if you use karmas doesnt matter if + or - , they go subtracted from your "giving amount") we understand what is going on, keeping it someway under control if not replying with the same fence just for fun .

But I can easily imagine the impact of a similar thing on a large scale website . Lets just thing of the General Board here on lite !! . The horror !

That would mean to give trolls and kiddos (not an age but a mind matter ) a weapon to gang up some other people , without have a way to keep it under control . The karma war !!

So besides in closed, strictly supervised environments ( usually scientific and professional in identified fields ) a rating system can be useful to identify the most interesting articles or posts on a certain subject , in so called "entertainment" or personal site with a large amount of members who can easily hide in the mass or using alt , I find that feature with an high potential of bothering .. just cause "dangerous" seems to me a too big word in a similar context .

I am however against every form of anonimous rating , and that's why , even here when I read a story which I like or rate something , I never do it without sign it .

Hope I was able to express myself but its late here .

 

[LunarKitten]

I think we all have.

LOL I've even gotten them from Litsters...probably because of the pic thread

 

[LunarKitten]

I hope you didn't hurt yourself. Doms and Dommes are not suppose to have bruises. But, subs consider them trophys.

Master gets more marks than me, damnit! *sigh*

 

[LunarKitten]

Sorry, not me.

*works diligently on a dirty pm to DVS*





I agree with the others....women are silly not to reply to your emails. I've always thought you were very interesting and find your replies in threads thought provoking.

 

[graceanne]

LOL I've even gotten them from Litsters...probably because of the pic thread

I actually get more irritated when it's somoene from Lit who sends me PM's like that. Or when they PM me looking for a sub or something. They say "I saw you on lit, I like your posts." like that's going to make us instant friend or something. I know that they don't spend that much time on lit, or they'd know not to PM me. Sooner or later it comes out that they read one or two of my posts, and from that decided that I was their dream girl.

 

[timberwolf05]

babiesmiles

I am however against every form of anonimous rating , and that's why , even here when I read a story which I like or rate something , I never do it without sign it .
=====
i am not familiar every author i read. i will only sign if i want to hear from THAT one author.

but i always try to be fair in every rating ''i'' give.

thanks

 

[BlueSugar]

ok ok ok ... I blame Sir Brian for this ... but I made a profile too on collarme lol... I couldn't help it!
There was just so much hubbub I wanted to see what the big deal was.

I'm posting here and there, they aren't as organized as we are here lemme tell ya... lol. Its alot of run around to get to what ya need, but I suppose its ok.

I've been registered for about 3 hours, and I had 6 messages ... and it took me a half hour to find out where to retrieve them. They don't work on a PM system, they're set up to... I don't know why they dont...

They also seem to have a "virgin" etc thing like we do here, but I haven't found any solid postings on when you go up a level other then you lose Vanilla after 25 posts. I've used the search function a little, its almost like it is here... and their page refresh after a post isn't as instant as ours is.

And I don't feel community either, but then again, I'm just a noob lol.

You all are scaring me btw with all this harrassment stuff. So far everyone but one person has been respectful. One dude sent me this 2 page story type deal about some stupid crap.. ya know the deal... he got a "uh.. lets start with hello and a conversation - but if you don't have anything to say then don't bother with me then" message back.
I need to bulk up my profile to say "no cyber ... " etc i forgot to do that.

(subblue) btw if anyone cares

 

[jasonlf]

Ooh, fun.

@DVS: Thanks for saving me all that typing. I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL, BROTHER. This is why I no longer waste my time on national dating sites.

@Subbie women: If you get 10,000,000 emails a day from prospective doms, and 9,999,990 of them are jackasses, how is someone like me, or DVS supposed to stand out? I mean, really. The few subs on collarme that haven't already started topping from the bottom in their profile, and appear worthwhile to talk to, never reply. I've never gotten an unsolicited email from a sub who is looking. What the fuck is a man to do? I mean, seriously. I hear you, there are assholes. Understood. But for god sake, don't throw out the baby with the bathwater.
(note: most of that doesn't apply to lit.com girlies)

@All the prissy subbies on collarme: If you DEMAND your master be X, Y, Z, with hair 2 inches long, exactly #EF10A3 in color, and be 9 3/4 inches long, maybe you need to be looking for a sub instead of a dom.

@collarme: You guys should insitute a rate-limiter of some kind. Like 3 emails per day from an account. That way, possibly, the signal:noise ratio would be helped, somewhat.

That's all, goodnight folks.

 

[onceburned]

he few subs on collarme that haven't already started topping from the bottom in their profile, and appear worthwhile to talk to, never reply. I've never gotten an unsolicited email from a sub who is looking. What the fuck is a man to do?.

Yep, its a problem. Men tend to mob any woman over there, be she sub or domme. It wears them down and burns them out.

One solution might be to join us in the forums. Stand out from the crowd, make a name for yourself. Each message that you post is a subtle advertisement - a way of saying "I am a decent person, check me out". I know readers look at the profiles of people who post in the forums.

 

[canadiancutie]

@All the prissy subbies on collarme: If you DEMAND your master be X, Y, Z, with hair 2 inches long, exactly #EF10A3 in color, and be 9 3/4 inches long, maybe you need to be looking for a sub instead of a dom.

So subs shouldn't have standards? Not wanting you doesn't make someone a priss Occasionally the dom/sub thing turns into marriage, and who would want to be amrried to someone they weren't attracted to. Being picky is a good thing, it means you're less likely to end up with someone you'll hate 3 days after you make a commitment. And generally subs aren't just picky about what the person looks like. I won't lie, looks count. But personality matters a bunch too

 

[TaintedB]

So subs shouldn't have standards? Not wanting you doesn't make someone a priss Occasionally the dom/sub thing turns into marriage, and who would want to be amrried to someone they weren't attracted to. Being picky is a good thing, it means you're less likely to end up with someone you'll hate 3 days after you make a commitment. And generally subs aren't just picky about what the person looks like. I won't lie, looks count. But personality matters a bunch too

A lot of us in this thread are talking about standards, rules, pickiness, etc. Maybe we should post some examples of what we mean because there is a kind of fine line between insisted on what one wants in a future relationship and topping from the bottom (also I am not sure you can top from the bottom with perfect strangers who aren't your master to begin with and who may not even be dominants). I will post a couple below after I get through pontificating here.

Although a sub's attitude may turn some potentail dom partners off, maybe those who are turned off are the sort of persoalities you _want_ to be turned off in the first place? This is a tricky area!). I agree with you that the subs on collarme aren't being that picky about looks, usually. The few I've seen doing that were usually young and gorgeous, the kind that would be picky about looks in real life too, and nobody would think anything of it. Looks do count, I agree. For me, the looks of a person is far less important than what their photo (assuming they have one) and text _project about their personality_. They could be anywhere from gorgeous to butt ugly conventionally, but if their stance and facial expression--or just their text if there isn't a photo--oozes that certain something that turns me to butter...well, let's just say that the very, very few profiles I've found like that on collarme are not ones I'll ever post in a lit thread (I'm not crazy: should I ever decide to enter the personals rat race again, the _last_ thing I'll want is powerful competition from the likes of you ladies, lol). The "hunks" I post in the hunks thread are my hand-me-downs, so to speak.

Anyway, there are many different types of standards (or rules, as I term them) that collarmeat subs post. I'm going to quote a few examples below. I'd be interested to know which examples annoy the doms here posting on this topic.

Example 1, I think, is quite reasonable!
"A submissive lady, looking for a Master, who can controll a red head with a temper"

Example 2:
"Are there any members on here that are not masters, but daddy types? I'm an adult childlike little girl, who has to be an adult and mature and professional ALL DAY LONG, but away from my career, wants nothing more than to be a child, safe in daddys arms, have daddy make all the important decisions, and I'd be allowed to play and behave like a little girl, knowing daddy is watching, observing, and looking out for my safety."

Example 3: this is one that really pisses me off, as a submissive, and it is all too common on collarme. I would _never_ respond to a dom who "hides behind his sub's skirts" in this fashion! But most of them looking for second slaves do!
"Hello to all, I am a submissive female and I serve a Master who seeks a sister for friendship and possibly more. My Master seeks a poly relationship and it is my duty please Him in any way I can."

Example 4: kind of mysterious. What is NSA? Does her not looking for a real-life encounter piss you off?
"Not interested in pursuing any NSA encounters nor R/T relationships at this time, however."

Example 5:
Damn, I'm just linking this one, because it's such a good profile. She makes a few demands, to me they seem reasonable, and they're mixed in with what she has to offer, which seems like a lot. Don't miss the two hot and apropo quotes at the bottom:
http://www.collarme.com/bdsm/o/50/v/23319/default.htm

Example Six from a very attractive woman: Two parter. First the profile which is quite reasonable:
" I am a submissive female seeking a dominant male for online fun for now, with the hopes of r/t in the near future if things go well. I am interested in older men, ages 40-60 and they must be drug and disease free. I would also like that they not be married, as this creates problems.
*** Several replies I've had cause me to add this : I AM NOT BISEXUAL >>> NO WOMEN NEED REPLY ..:"
Second part, her blog, where you see the bitterness from lots of inappropriate contacts coming out:
"6/28/2005 8:05:34 AM: It's nice that so many ppl. have replied to me. What is not so nice is the number of 'dirty old men' that are out there posing as "Doms", and just looking to get their old wrinkled cocks sucked by a younger woman. What a waste of net space. If you got no reply back from me, then you need a new and better angle, cause I saw thru you like cheap gauze. Tah ta ______________________________________ 6/27/2005 1:24:41 PM: It amazes me how many people on the internet can't read. I specifically say in my profile NO MARRIED MEN< NO FEMALES !! What part of that is so hard to understand?? "


Example 7 from the profile, first: "If you're into scat, piss, blood, children, animals, rainbows, and other disgusting or illegal stuff....I AM NOT THE SUBMISSIVE FOR YOU!" Now from the blog: " if you send me a message and you don't have a profile, please don't feel insulted that I do not reply to you. If you don't have the time to say a little bit about yourself, then how do I know you have the time to care for a submissive?"

Example 8: From the blog of a very attractive young asian:
" Okay- I just have to say this because it's getting ridiculous. I don't know if people don't realize how many messages slaves receive in a day- but let me tell you...it's a LOT! If I don't send you a reply immediately after reading your message, please do not send me another note saying that I'm disrespectful, fake, a tease, or anything else much less flattering in regards to my character. Doing so is a guarantee that I won't be writing you back. "


ARGH! I am finding it impossible this morning to find all the profiles I usually see with lots of rules and standards. So the ones above are kind of mild. I'll try this again at another time.

 

[princess4u]

@Subbie women: If you get 10,000,000 emails a day from prospective doms, and 9,999,990 of them are jackasses, how is someone like me, or DVS supposed to stand out? I mean, really. The few subs on collarme that haven't already started topping from the bottom in their profile, and appear worthwhile to talk to, never reply. I've never gotten an unsolicited email from a sub who is looking. What the fuck is a man to do? I mean, seriously. I hear you, there are assholes. Understood. But for god sake, don't throw out the baby with the bathwater.
(note: most of that doesn't apply to lit.com girlies)

..but some of us lit.com "girlies" and collarme.com "girlies" as well

 

[jasonlf]

*gets out red pen*

Example 1, I think, is quite reasonable!
"A submissive lady, looking for a Master, who can controll a red head with a temper"

That's okay, but it's not describing anything. I wouldn't want to contact anyone who didn't have even the smallest modicum of something about them in there.

Example 2:
"Are there any members on here that are not masters, but daddy types? I'm an adult childlike little girl, who has to be an adult and mature and professional ALL DAY LONG, but away from my career, wants nothing more than to be a child, safe in daddys arms, have daddy make all the important decisions, and I'd be allowed to play and behave like a little girl, knowing daddy is watching, observing, and looking out for my safety."

That sounds a little bit spolied, but I'd say that's not what I was talking about in my post.

Example 4: kind of mysterious. What is NSA? Does her not looking for a real-life encounter piss you off?
"Not interested in pursuing any NSA encounters nor R/T relationships at this time, however."

non-sexual activities?

Example 5:
Damn, I'm just linking this one, because it's such a good profile. She makes a few demands, to me they seem reasonable, and they're mixed in with what she has to offer, which seems like a lot. Don't miss the two hot and apropo quotes at the bottom:
http://www.collarme.com/bdsm/o/50/v/23319/default.htm

That's a pretty good profile. It describes what she wants, without being demanding.

Example Six from a very attractive woman: Two parter. First the profile which is quite reasonable:
" I am a submissive female seeking a dominant male for online fun for now, with the hopes of r/t in the near future if things go well. I am interested in older men, ages 40-60 and they must be drug and disease free. I would also like that they not be married, as this creates problems.
*** Several replies I've had cause me to add this : I AM NOT BISEXUAL >>> NO WOMEN NEED REPLY ..:"
Second part, her blog, where you see the bitterness from lots of inappropriate contacts coming out:
"6/28/2005 8:05:34 AM: It's nice that so many ppl. have replied to me. What is not so nice is the number of 'dirty old men' that are out there posing as "Doms", and just looking to get their old wrinkled cocks sucked by a younger woman. What a waste of net space. If you got no reply back from me, then you need a new and better angle, cause I saw thru you like cheap gauze. Tah ta ______________________________________ 6/27/2005 1:24:41 PM: It amazes me how many people on the internet can't read. I specifically say in my profile NO MARRIED MEN< NO FEMALES !! What part of that is so hard to understand?? "

Poor girl.

Example 8: From the blog of a very attractive young asian:
" Okay- I just have to say this because it's getting ridiculous. I don't know if people don't realize how many messages slaves receive in a day- but let me tell you...it's a LOT! If I don't send you a reply immediately after reading your message, please do not send me another note saying that I'm disrespectful, fake, a tease, or anything else much less flattering in regards to my character. Doing so is a guarantee that I won't be writing you back. "

I would've thought that'd be a given, anyway. Meh.

ARGH! I am finding it impossible this morning to find all the profiles I usually see with lots of rules and standards. So the ones above are kind of mild. I'll try this again at another time.

I'd agree. I was on collarme, and I saw something to this effect:

"I'm a gorgeous 20 year old sub, looking for a VERY well endowed black man to serve. I love serving big black cock."

Is it just me, or does that sound a little prissy.

 

[Leolover711]

On a personals board like that place, the voting system would be used strickly for vendettas. Sometimes a woman tells a man politely and nicely she is just not interestred in him or he has clearly not read her profile because he's completely different than what she is looking for and the guy gets enraged and starts screaming at her. Men have similar encounters. Someone that pissed will give you a zero popularlity vote, even if you were courteous and nice. And he might get his friends online to vote zero for you too. The whole thing would be one big lie.

On ebay people aren't motivated by being personally rejected by a buyer or seller, lol, nobody is trying to get into the seller's pants so the feedback tends to be honest. It just wouldn't be so on collarme. I see lots of awful little fights various people get into.

The quiz idea isn't bad though. What sorts of questions would you ask?

By the way, the men's profiles are often like that too, not the male subs so much but definitely the male doms: very defensive and angry sounding, often, or even full of unwanted advice on how every single submissive should act based on his alleged vast knowledge.

tainted's wisdom, as usual, works. What she said!

 

[Leolover711]

I actually get more irritated when it's somoene from Lit who sends me PM's like that. Or when they PM me looking for a sub or something. They say "I saw you on lit, I like your posts." like that's going to make us instant friend or something. I know that they don't spend that much time on lit, or they'd know not to PM me. Sooner or later it comes out that they read one or two of my posts, and from that decided that I was their dream girl.

But gracie, you are everyman's dream girl!

 

[DVS]

To find a better way to communicate your needs and to understand the needs of another, maybe a different approach would be key. A sub could submit a sceries of essay questions, and ask possible Doms to reply with their answers.

These questions would be the type that the sub could use to get a better understanding of the individual, over and above what his profile says and what he says to her, in messages.

After she gets a few replies, she can read the answers and then submit more questions, if she wants more answers. All questions should be of the essay variety, keeping each answer personal, and they would also be more revealing about the person inside, instead of the possible front the Dom wants the sub to see. And, simple yes or no answers shouldn't be allowed.

I know this process would take longer, but I see the interaction of both sides as being more and more informative and revealing. the submissive would have a much better view of this guy on the other side, and the Dom would be less likely to be disgruntled, if he's allowed to at least give the answers he feels are totally his and his alone.

Maybe collarme could have a series of questions available to pick from, but the sub could always use her own, so form answers couldn't be created and tweaked by those wanting to do so. And, this could be done in waves or levels, so the questions of the next level could be geared from the answers of the previous level, taking more from the Dom's point of view and getting to know someone much more, before anyone actually meets face to face.

In fact, after something like this, you would tend to already feel secure that you know enough about a person before you meet face to face. Then, you can spend more time viewing body language and looking for abnormalties your questions couldn't reveial. You could even have a series of questions relating to the online answers he gave, so you could trip him up, if he had tried to lie at some time. And, of course, take a friend with you to help you check him out, and exchange notes afterwards.

Now the Dom could also ask questions and expect essay answers, too. It's only faiir that those qustions should go both ways. Personally, I would have no problem at all with this sort of deal. No problem at all.

 

[canadiancutie]

I'd agree. I was on collarme, and I saw something to this effect:

"I'm a gorgeous 20 year old sub, looking for a VERY well endowed black man to serve. I love serving big black cock."

Is it just me, or does that sound a little prissy.

you're just mad because you don't have a big, nor black cock.

 

[canadiancutie]

But gracie, you are everyman's dream girl!

I'd do her.

 

[SweetDommes]

Yep, its a problem. Men tend to mob any woman over there, be she sub or domme. It wears them down and burns them out.

One solution might be to join us in the forums. Stand out from the crowd, make a name for yourself. Each message that you post is a subtle advertisement - a way of saying "I am a decent person, check me out". I know readers look at the profiles of people who post in the forums.

Fabulous advice ... I know that a couple of the ones that we have messaged privately, we 'chatted' with on the boards first.

 

[chris9]

To find a better way to communicate your needs and to understand the needs of another, maybe a different approach would be key. A sub could submit a sceries of essay questions, and ask possible Doms to reply with their answers.

These questions would be the type that the sub could use to get a better understanding of the individual, over and above what his profile says and what he says to her, in messages.

After she gets a few replies, she can read the answers and then submit more questions, if she wants more answers. All questions should be of the essay variety, keeping each answer personal, and they would also be more revealing about the person inside, instead of the possible front the Dom wants the sub to see. And, simple yes or no answers shouldn't be allowed.

I know this process would take longer, but I see the interaction of both sides as being more and more informative and revealing. the submissive would have a much better view of this guy on the other side, and the Dom would be less likely to be disgruntled, if he's allowed to at least give the answers he feels are totally his and his alone.

Maybe collarme could have a series of questions available to pick from, but the sub could always use her own, so form answers couldn't be created and tweaked by those wanting to do so. And, this could be done in waves or levels, so the questions of the next level could be geared from the answers of the previous level, taking more from the Dom's point of view and getting to know someone much more, before anyone actually meets face to face.

In fact, after something like this, you would tend to already feel secure that you know enough about a person before you meet face to face. Then, you can spend more time viewing body language and looking for abnormalties your questions couldn't reveial. You could even have a series of questions relating to the online answers he gave, so you could trip him up, if he had tried to lie at some time. And, of course, take a friend with you to help you check him out, and exchange notes afterwards.

Now the Dom could also ask questions and expect essay answers, too. It's only faiir that those qustions should go both ways. Personally, I would have no problem at all with this sort of deal. No problem at all.

Since this is also a very time consuming thing (first thinking of questions, taking the answers, making up more questions and second answering a bunch of questions essay-style) this method should also cut away some people who go there for fun and are not serious about it.

 

[Betticus]

Since this is also a very time consuming thing (first thinking of questions, taking the answers, making up more questions and second answering a bunch of questions essay-style) this method should also cut away some people who go there for fun and are not serious about it.

True, it takes time to get to know someone and whether or not you will be compatible. I'd say if you are looking for a bdsm partner for a relationship that this kind of genuine, open and time consuming communication woud be a requirement.

If you are a swinger and just looking for a hook up then you don't have to have all of that. Also, if you are a dick just out thinking that sub girls must be totally easy to score with you won't bother to take the time. You might just move on to the next one on your list. Quantity over quality type of thing.

 

[chris9]

True, it takes time to get to know someone and whether or not you will be compatible. I'd say if you are looking for a bdsm partner for a relationship that this kind of genuine, open and time consuming communication woud be a requirement.

If you are a swinger and just looking for a hook up then you don't have to have all of that. Also, if you are a dick just out thinking that sub girls must be totally easy to score with you won't bother to take the time. You might just move on to the next one on your list. Quantity over quality type of thing.

Then you could have a different site for all that don't want to do the time consuming get to know each other kind of thing, which would be allright for those who want to do this. Then everybody could choose between spending time on potential partners or just playing around.

 

[LunarKitten]

Fabulous advice ... I know that a couple of the ones that we have messaged privately, we 'chatted' with on the boards first.

*nods* Actually, this is where I met my Master. Of course, we didn't start dating until we'd known each other about six months, because all we were were friends before hand.

 

[Summer_Jasmine]

Doesn't NSA mean No Strings Attached?

I have been seriously considering putting up an ad on collarme, so I appreciate the responding and profile advice I am reading here. The other sites I have had postings up on I have gotten bombarded and I am probably one of those rude women who hasn't replied.

 

[FurryFury]

I joined to see the pics.

Put in MY REAL age. *shudders* I did so thinking no one will contact me. and hey I'm not looking, so that works. Lied about my state because I don't give that shit out period.

I was very unsure how to say what I am! Cause I really don't know!!!
So I put Switch and Bi and explained why in my profile. However I noticed I really didn't bother to look at any of the collarme threads but the Dom and this one. Hmm.

Also I put in that I am not looking for anything in real time. Imagine my surprise at being contacted! I have responded to each one because I'd want a response, golden rule and all that, you know? Now I love people I really do. I love to talk with them and make them happy so it's all good. I was REALLY surprised to be contacted at all though and so far no one is too nutty. I'll probably delete my profile soon since I am not looking and I'm really busy these days. Still it made me smile that others don't see my age as a barrier like I do. Then again, I suspect many of these types see NOTHING as a barrier!

That's my two cents.

Fury