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Christmas time

omahaman2

omahaman2

Here's your sign
Joined
Nov 16, 2001
Posts
18,171
Signs Of Christmas:

Toy Store: “Ho, ho, ho spoken here.”

Bridal boutique: “Marry Christmas.”

Outside a church: “The Original Christmas Club.”

At a department store: “Big pre-Christmas sale. Come in and mangle with the crowd.”

A Texas jewelry store: “Diamond tiaras — $70,000. Three for $200,000.

A reducing salon: “24 Shaping Days until Christmas.”

In a stationery store: “For the man who has everything… a calendar to remind him when payments are due.”
 
I bought 2 boxes of Christmas cards yesterday and hope to get them ready to mail by Monday.

Today I ordered a coat for my Dad from Lands End.




I hope this is what you wanted here in your thread Oman. :rose:
 
Today I picked up a white chocolate snowman sporting a rather snazzy dark chocolate bow-tie and a cherry kinda waistcoat chocolate type thing.

I hid it behind the Christmas tree, just under the radiator.

~ Shhhhh ... don't tell. :)
 
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
 
omahaman2 said:
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
Click to expand...

Oh, that was bad...but I laughed anyway. I like the pic in your sig line...I hope you don't mind if I b to Christmas songs onorrow it.

Listening to Christmas songs on the Radio
 
Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem.:D
 
Little Johnny's Letter to Santa

You must be surprised that I'm writing you today, the 26th of December. Well, I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurred since the beginning of the month! While filled with illusion I wrote you a letter and I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set, a pair of rollerblades, and a football uniform. I destroyed my brain studying the whole year! Not only was I the first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school. I'm not going to lie to you, Santa, there was no one in my entire neighborhood that behaved better than me. With my parents, my brothers, my friends and with my neighbors, I would go on errands and even help the elderly cross the street. There was virtually nothing I wouldn't do for humanity! WHAT BALLS YOU HAVE LEAVING ME A FUCKING YO-YO, A STUPID ASS WHISTLE, AND A PAIR OF SOCKS! WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING, YOU FAT SON OF A BITCH? YOU'VE TAKEN ME FOR A SUCKER THE WHOLE FUCKING YEAR, TO COME OUT WITH SOME SHIT LIKE THIS UNDER THE DAMN TREE. AS IF YOU HADN'T FUCKED ME ENOUGH, YOU GAVE THAT LITTLE SHITHEAD ACROSS THE STREET SO MANY FUCKING TOYS, THAT HE CAN'T EVEN WALK INTO HIS DAMN HOUSE! PLEASE DON'T LET ME SEE YOU TRYING TO FIT YOUR BIG FAT ASS DOWN MY CHIMNEY NEXT YEAR! I'LL FUCK YOU UP! I'LL THROW ROCKS AT THOSE STUPID ASS REINDEERS OF YOURS, AND SCARE THEM THE FUCK AWAY, SO YOU'LL HAVE TO WALK YOUR BIG FAT ASS BACK TO THE NORTHPOLE, JUST LIKE I HAVE TO DO SINCE YOU DIDN'T GET ME THAT FUCKING BIKE, YOU PUNK BITCH!! YOU KNOW WHAT SANTA, FUCK YOU!! NEXT YEAR YOU'LL FIND OUT HOW BAD I CAN REALLY FUCKING BE...YOU'VE BEEN SLEEPING ON A MOTHERFUCKER FAR TOO LONG! SO WATCH YOUR BACK NEXT YEAR, YOU FAT BITCH!

Sincerely, Johnny
 
Golden_Silence said:
You must be surprised that I'm writing you today, the 26th of December. Well, I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurred since the beginning of the month! While filled with illusion I wrote you a letter and I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set, a pair of rollerblades, and a football uniform. I destroyed my brain studying the whole year! Not only was I the first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school. I'm not going to lie to you, Santa, there was no one in my entire neighborhood that behaved better than me. With my parents, my brothers, my friends and with my neighbors, I would go on errands and even help the elderly cross the street. There was virtually nothing I wouldn't do for humanity! WHAT BALLS YOU HAVE LEAVING ME A FUCKING YO-YO, A STUPID ASS WHISTLE, AND A PAIR OF SOCKS! WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING, YOU FAT SON OF A BITCH? YOU'VE TAKEN ME FOR A SUCKER THE WHOLE FUCKING YEAR, TO COME OUT WITH SOME SHIT LIKE THIS UNDER THE DAMN TREE. AS IF YOU HADN'T FUCKED ME ENOUGH, YOU GAVE THAT LITTLE SHITHEAD ACROSS THE STREET SO MANY FUCKING TOYS, THAT HE CAN'T EVEN WALK INTO HIS DAMN HOUSE! PLEASE DON'T LET ME SEE YOU TRYING TO FIT YOUR BIG FAT ASS DOWN MY CHIMNEY NEXT YEAR! I'LL FUCK YOU UP! I'LL THROW ROCKS AT THOSE STUPID ASS REINDEERS OF YOURS, AND SCARE THEM THE FUCK AWAY, SO YOU'LL HAVE TO WALK YOUR BIG FAT ASS BACK TO THE NORTHPOLE, JUST LIKE I HAVE TO DO SINCE YOU DIDN'T GET ME THAT FUCKING BIKE, YOU PUNK BITCH!! YOU KNOW WHAT SANTA, FUCK YOU!! NEXT YEAR YOU'LL FIND OUT HOW BAD I CAN REALLY FUCKING BE...YOU'VE BEEN SLEEPING ON A MOTHERFUCKER FAR TOO LONG! SO WATCH YOUR BACK NEXT YEAR, YOU FAT BITCH!

Sincerely, Johnny
Click to expand...


Ya gotta love that Johnny! :eek:


I always make my guys at work some fudge for Christmas. I have all the ingredients except mini marshmallows. They were out of them at the grocery store I went to yesterday. This may not be such a bad thing tho...I've got this crud that the Hubby passed on to me...and I feel lifeless right now. Their fudge is gonna be a little later than usual this year.

:eek:
 
hdlynnette said:
Ya gotta love that Johnny! :eek:


I always make my guys at work some fudge for Christmas. I have all the ingredients except mini marshmallows. They were out of them at the grocery store I went to yesterday. This may not be such a bad thing tho...I've got this crud that the Hubby passed on to me...and I feel lifeless right now. Their fudge is gonna be a little later than usual this year.

:eek:
Click to expand...

Well get better soon.. Or make the fudge and spread your christmas 'cheer' around :D
 
10 Reasons Why Christmas Trees Are Better Than Men

1. A Christmas tree is always erect.

2. Even small ones give satisfaction.

3. A Christmas tree can stay up from Thanksgiving until New Years. (Well, USA Thanksgiving anyway! LOL)

4. A Christmas tree always looks good, even with the lights on.

5. A Christmas tree never worries about its size.

6. A Christmas tree has pretty balls.

7. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you break one of its balls.

8. You can toss a Christmas tree out to the curb when you are bored with it.

9. A Christmas tree doesn't get jealous if you pay attention to other Christmas trees.

10. You don't have to put up with a Christmas tree all year.


10 Reasons Why A Christmas Tree Is Better Than A Woman

1. A Christmas tree doesn't care how many other Christmas trees you've had in the past.

2. Christmas trees don't get mad if you use exotic electrical devices.

3. A Christmas tree doesn't care if you have an artificial one in the closet.

4. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you break one of it's balls.

5. You can feel a Christmas tree before you take it home.

6. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you look up underneath it.

7. When you are done with a Christmas tree, you can toss it to the curb and have it hauled away.

8. A Christmas tree doesn't get jealous around other Christmas trees.

9. A Christmas tree doesn't care if you watch football and drink beer all day.

10. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you tie it up and throw it in the back of a pickup truck.
 
What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit?
A Crisp Cringle :D
 
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