Rumple Foreskin
The AH Patriarch
- Joined
- Jan 18, 2002
- Posts
- 11,109
Breaking story re: Mergers and Acquisitions - Christmukah
Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Chanukah will merge. An industry source said the deal had been in the works for about 1300 years.
While details were not available at press time, it is believed the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of Chanukah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, we're told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the 15 Days of Chrisnukah, as the new holiday is being called.
Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreydl, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience.
Also, instead of translating to, "A great miracle happened there," the message on the dreydl will be the more generic "Miraculous stuff happens."
In exchange, it is believed Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus and his vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering their gifts.
One of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least three hundred years was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies for Santa, even after having eaten meat for dinner. A breakthrough came last year when Oreos were declared kosher. All sides appeared happy about this development, except for Santa's dentist.
The announcer closed the press conference by leading all present in a rousing rendition of, "Oy, Come all Ye Faithful."
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Rumple Foreskin
Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Chanukah will merge. An industry source said the deal had been in the works for about 1300 years.
While details were not available at press time, it is believed the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of Chanukah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, we're told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the 15 Days of Chrisnukah, as the new holiday is being called.
Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreydl, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience.
Also, instead of translating to, "A great miracle happened there," the message on the dreydl will be the more generic "Miraculous stuff happens."
In exchange, it is believed Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus and his vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering their gifts.
One of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least three hundred years was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies for Santa, even after having eaten meat for dinner. A breakthrough came last year when Oreos were declared kosher. All sides appeared happy about this development, except for Santa's dentist.
The announcer closed the press conference by leading all present in a rousing rendition of, "Oy, Come all Ye Faithful."
==
Rumple Foreskin
