Cheating

[Mhari]

The cheating person is starting to wonder if the betrayed person is actually pleased that the ballance of power has shifted even more toward themself. (AS in "you are the bad person in this relationship and I am the good person) and using that guilt as leverage.

This is what I was getting at earlier (or trying to, anyway). This kind of thing should not be happening. If you take someone back after they've betrayed you, you absolutely should NOT be using what happened as leverage. If you can't let the whole thing go, you shouldn't take the betrayer back.

To me, it's just really warped and wrong to essentially say, "Oh, I'm so good and wonderful, look at me, I'm taking you back, you horrid cheater! And now I'm gonna make you feel guilty about that every day for the rest of your life. *And* I will use that guilt to get whatever I want out of you!"

Take the betrayer back if you want, but don't "make them pay". Optimally, never mention the incident again. Certainly don't keep it as future ammunition.

 

[Dirt Man]

To me, it's just really warped and wrong to essentially say, "Oh, I'm so good and wonderful, look at me, I'm taking you back, you horrid cheater! And now I'm gonna make you feel guilty about that every day for the rest of your life. *And* I will use that guilt to get whatever I want out of you!"

Take the betrayer back if you want, but don't "make them pay". Optimally, never mention the incident again. Certainly don't keep it as future ammunition.

Okay, please don't take offense, I'm in a bad mood, but this is like telling an axe murderer to have a nice day after a three state killing spree. Does anybody here at AH actually think that what they say here makes any real difference to anybody else who just happens to read it here? Let along out in the real world? People are people, they have their own ideas, and opinions about everything, and anything. And worst of all, we all think that only we know the answer, or the right way to do things. The truth is no one alive on this planet can know everything about any one thing. It just isn't possible. And usually we don't even know the half of it, whatever it is. That's what it means when everybody is different. Even when we associate with people who have similar thoughts on the same subjects, and label them as friends that is leap beyond logic, and more towards faith. We can never truly know the whole about any other human being on the planet unless we first lived their life, and that is impossible to do for any of us. We only know what other people allow us to know, and as far as that goes we can never really say for sure that they aren't lying, can we. About the best anyone can ever do is empathize, and that's really pushing the outer edge of the envelope.

Think I'm full of shit? Think you know people by what they say, and do? Oh really? Ever notice how when they finally catch up with a psycopath that their friends, and even their landlady always say how nice the person was? How quiet, and respectful of others they were, how mannerly? These people would have sworn in a court of law that there was no way this person could have done such things. Yep, and that's just how much we know about anyone else, even those we love and cherish. Basically we end up taking people on faith, or else we'd end up sliting our own throats.

Okay, like I said, I'm just in a bad mood here. So believe what you want, you were going to anyway, right.

Just Another
Miscreant
on the Face
of this Planet
Dirt Man

 

[raphy]

Yo, Dirt.

Chill out, dude.

Firstly - I wasn't ragging on Christianity, so quit the defensive act. I'm not poking at your religion, or blaming you for the ills of the world.

Secondly - If you took a poll of average Bills and Bettys in the western world and asked them if they assumed that a relationship was monogamous, I think they'd say yes. And you wouldn't even have to ask them whether they were christian or not.

You think Christians have the monopoly on monogamy? I think you'll find you're sorely mistaken there. I have many pagan friends. They believe in monogamy. I have many, many atheist friends. Most of them believe in monogamy, too. I'd venture to bet that most agnostics, if pressed on the issue, would agree that in a relationship where the sexual politics were not discussed beforehand, they'd assume it was to be a monogamous relationship.

You want I should go out into the local shopping mall and take survey of the first 100 people I see? You know as well as I do what the results would be.

Thirdly - I have NO idea what relevancy your latest post had. I think we're all pretty aware that you never really can truly know someone else. I don't think I've seen someone claim otherwise in this thread. Mhari certainly wasn't. And for what it's worth, I agree with her point. Going overboard on the guilt is a sucky thing to do, big time.

You're in a bad mood? Feel free to vent about it to us, but don't take it out on us, buddy.

 

[Mhari]

Wow, Dirt, you are in a bad mood.

And yeah, I am gonna believe what I want. Which is that laying a guilt trip on someone is a rotten thing to do. Extremely rotten. Especially after you've agreed to take someone back after they've cheated on you.

I guess this is a black-and-white thing for me. You want to work out a relationship in which there's been betrayal, cool. But FFS, do not keep what happened as ammunition. You either take the person back and forget what happened, or you don't take the person back.

Personally, I think it's reprehensible to continue to treat someone badly, in any situation, to "make them pay". But I guess that's just me.

And Dirt...I'm pretty sure SnP was asking for people's opinions. So there's my opinion. You don't have to like it. Or me, for that matter.

 

[Dirt Man]

Wow, Dirt, you are in a bad mood.

And yeah, I am gonna believe what I want. Which is that laying a guilt trip on someone is a rotten thing to do. Extremely rotten. Especially after you've agreed to take someone back after they've cheated on you.

I guess this is a black-and-white thing for me. You want to work out a relationship in which there's been betrayal, cool. But FFS, do not keep what happened as ammunition. You either take the person back and forget what happened, or you don't take the person back.

Personally, I think it's reprehensible to continue to treat someone badly, in any situation, to "make them pay". But I guess that's just me.

And Dirt...I'm pretty sure SnP was asking for people's opinions. So there's my opinion. You don't have to like it. Or me, for that matter.

Actually, I agree with your opinion. The sad fact is that there are too many that don't, and that do take advantage of any situation that comes along. These people are reprehensible, but unless we see them actually doing it, how would we know that they did? And I don't dislike like anyone. I've just been disappointed too many times by other peoples actions to really think that they care if they are reprehensible.

As Always
I Am the
Dirt Man

PS: Raphy, I truely hope that nobody here thought that I was pointing fingers at anybody about anything. If so, I appologize. As for taking that poll, as long as you include the question: "Have you ever been exposed to christian morals at any time in your life?" Then I'd say go for it. I'd love to hear the results.

 

[raphy]

PS: Raphy, I truely hope that nobody here thought that I was pointing fingers at anybody about anything. If so, I appologize. As for taking that poll, as long as you include the question: "Have you ever been exposed to christian morals at any time in your life?" Then I'd say go for it. I'd love to hear the results.

Dirt, that'd be why I said in one of my previous posts "Because western society is influenced primarily by Christian ideals." or words to that effect. I don't recall the exact words I used.

However that, as has been said before, is the subject for a different thread

 

[Mhari]

Then, Dirt, you and I agree completely.

Which is kinda sad, when you think about it.

 

[Dirt Man]

Then, Dirt, you and I agree completely.

Which is kinda sad, when you think about it.

What? That we agree about something? Or that we can't debate about it when we are both on the same side? LOL Yeah, I know, I make people think deeper than they wanted too by taking a different road. But hey, we can always debate the differences between men and women, right?

As Always
I Am the
Dirt amn

 

[Mhari]

*grin* You know, after I posted that, I wondered if you'd take it that way.

No. What I meant was, it's sad that so many people don't care if they do reprehensible things.

It's a good thing that we can agree on something; that's definitely not the sad part!

 

[RenzaJones]

I would be more bothered by an "emotional affair" than by a physical affair.

 

[Dirt Man]

Renza, I notice you've changed your signature line. I really loved the other one, but this message too needs to be told.

As Always
I Am the
Dirt Man

 

[sweetnpetite]

That's not a joke, that's my relationship!

You know the joke, des:


Masochist: "Whip me, please whip me!"

Sadist: (evil grin) "No. I want you to suffer."