Celibacy - joy or curse?

[dr_mabeuse]

Hmm... I'm giving you the benifit of doubt here and will assume that you don't include non-consentual activities in your definition of sex.

#L

Well of course I'm talking about consensual sex. Non-consensual sex is rape, and what fun is that?

Perdita, I know that it's different with women, though I've been with women who were out looking for a night of hot and sleazy sex every bit as much as I was, and it was great. I'm not saying that all sex is equally great, but sex should never be bad.

I just don't understand the idea of bad sex. I guess I could understand it for a woman, but for the man, if it's that bad, you just stop and turn on the TV or see if you can finagle your way into a back rub.

When I was so depressed and destroyed that I really thought things were over for me, it was the power of sex that brought me back to life. There is something just so life-affirming about two people eager to touch each other and be physically intimate, put their egos on the back burner and give of themselves and try to please each other, that I never looked at sex the same way again since. And the dirtier and nastier the sex is, the more life-affirming it is. You just can't be depressed when you're screwing someone.

And it's just so sweet how people always want to be good for each other. They want to be good in bed, they want to please their lovers. Sex is the one thing in the world where you can both take and give pleasure at the same exact time. (Well, nursing a baby comes close, I guess, but guys don't get to do that.)

---Zoot

 

[SnoopDog]

Sex is like oxygen.....
....it's no big deal as long as you have enough of it !!!!!

Snoopy, the wise

 

[SummerMorning]

Welll.... bad sex is the cue to say something along the lines of:

"Dear, you're great. Really, a great girl. I'd love to be with you. For a long time. But I've still got issue. Being with you reminded me of my last girlfriend with which I spent [insert number] years, and it's just too much. I can't handle it. I'm sorry."

Not saying that the sex in and of itself is bad or of low quality - it's just boring. That's the cardinal sin in this pomo world [thanks for the term, P.!], boring.

 

[Liar]

Even with Liar's benefit of the doubt, I still must disagree. I've had bad sex on multiple occasions and I would have rather been reading or watching TV or just sitting and smoking a cigarette instead of having sex any of one of those times.

When you find yourself checking the clock over your partner's shoulder and wondering just when will this end... that's bad sex.

I remember discussing this with a lady friend of mine just yesterday at a party. Exactly that happens now and then with her current boyfriend, who has a much higher sex drive than she has. Her definition of the situation was this:

"He is having sex, I'm not. But he's a great guy, so I don't mind if he has his sex on top of me. It's a bit boring, but hey, I watch too much TV anyway."

I think that's what they call love.

#L

 

[Guest]

I think that's what they call love.

Sometimes it's called a doormat.

Perdita

 

[Boxlicker101]

Sometimes it's called a doormat.

Perdita

I would have to take exception to that, Dita. Doing something with someone even though you don't particularly want to is not being a doormat, it's making accomodations. I don't like to go shopping but I do it with my wife because she likes me to. There are millions of men who dance with their wives even though don't really want to because their wives like it. Men and women go places, to the opera, to baseball games, and other places, not because they want to but because their SO likes such activities.

 

[Guest]

I'm not fat, AND ugly.

 

[Guest]

Jeez, Box, I was having a larf. Didn't you see the smilie? P.

 

[NoJo]

I think that when I lose my libido is when I'll be ready to die.

---dr.M.

Or ready to live.

(edited to add) That line above was too glib. I mean I'm quite looking forward to not having sexual desire (it may never happen). I'd still find "love worse living" without sexual desire, there's lot's of other good stuff to see and do here. ( JJ quote for Perditia).

 

[Guest]

I like, and completely agree with, what Lew said in the "Dumbass Question" thread, about this particular thread.

"Here's a dumbass question:

Celibacy - joy or curse? - as in the thread!"

I could never be celibate, even if I was 90. Of course, I don't know what kind of old woman I'll be, but I will keep trying, as long as my body allows.

Lou

 

[Guest]

maybe ill change my mind about sex when im older and have some form of doggie hip dysplasia however.....


i went four years without sex because i didnt want the "dance" before the sex.. just the sex.. :gasp: there is alot to be said for love em and leave em.

it was distasteful and will not be reapeated.

there is such a thing as bad sex... size DOES matter...please dont kid yourself...its all relevent. IMHO.

 

[Guest]

I don't think I've ever gone more than a month without sex (and that was only cos of giving birth). I don't ever plan to go without, either.

Lou

 

[SummerMorning]

I would have to take exception to that, Dita. Doing something with someone even though you don't particularly want to is not being a doormat, it's making accomodations. I don't like to go shopping but I do it with my wife because she likes me to. There are millions of men who dance with their wives even though don't really want to because their wives like it. Men and women go places, to the opera, to baseball games, and other places, not because they want to but because their SO likes such activities.

Snigger...

...comparing shopping and sex... come on, Box, be serious! No bad sex is as bad as a shopping trip!

 

[Guest]

I don't think I've ever gone more than a month without sex (and that was only cos of giving birth). I don't ever plan to go without, either.

Lou

oh Lou.. im with you on that one.

my sister has been 7 years without sex and counting. i dont get it. i dont understand how she can tolerate it. i personally made sure she had a drawer full of vibrators so that she had something to fall back on.
she is not happy with it, but wants the bells and whistles.. i told her i would hire her someone to blow whistles and ring bells for an entire night of rauncy sex.. i dont think thats what she meant...

 

[SummerMorning]

Welll... as long as I'm in a nice, warm and kuddly relationship (plus sex), I feel great.

If I don't have a nice, warm and kuddly relationship, I'll just settle for a regular sex-friend - or in the local jargon "fuk-frend"

 

[SummerMorning]

Correction, have to use right gender, so: "fuk-frendica"

could also say "fuk-kolegica" I suppose...

...I was really silly not to use this option last autumn. *sigh*

 

[Guest]

for Jose for the JJ quote. P.

 

[rgraham666]

Vella? Maybe your sister is like me.

Too frightened and socially maladept to get any.

 

[Guest]

Vella? Maybe your sister is like me.

Too frightened and socially maladept to get any.

ick.. thats a very down way to look at it.. i would prefer:
picky.. not the right person, not the right time..
it is scary out there isnt it RG?
***hugs***

 

[rgraham666]

I was, unfortunately, taught fear very carefully when I was growing up.

I'm getting over it. But it's going to take a while yet.

I also had no opportunities to learn about dating, seduction and all that stuff in high school as I was at the very bottom of the social structure. Even looking at girls was occasionally rewarded with a swift punch in the mouth.

So my social abilities are rather lacking.

 

[Boxlicker101]

Vella? Maybe your sister is like me.

Too frightened and socially maladept to get any.

That does apply to men, and applied to me most of my life. It does NOT aply to women, though. If a woman is celibate, it is by choice, except for unusual circumstances, such as being in jail, a nun, etc.

To show you what I mean, there is a site I have frequented named Adult Friendfinder. I had a profile there of a man looking for sex with women. I never got a single answer to the profile and when I propositioned women on the site I never got an answer except from women trying to get me to join a pay site or asking me for my credit card information.

Last summer, I made up a woman and wrote a profile for her saying she was looking for sex. Her name is RedHotMama101. Even though she is 64 years old and fat, Mama gets hundreds of emails from men ranging in age from their twenties to their seventies. Any women looking for sex with men, not necessarily Mr. Right or a soulmate, but just sex, can find all she wants.

 

[amicus]

Dostoevski, Feodor

I thought I had forgotten how to spell the name, but the dictionary gives several variations...

A hundred years ago...when I was reading all the classics, I ran across a write about a Priest in a cave who was being seduced by a village girl. To maintain his Priesthood vow of celibacy, he chopped his finger off with a hatchet and of course, immediately wilted.

There was a school of thought some time ago, that the intellectual energy of a man was drained by sexual activity with a woman.

That to accede to the emotional and lustful temptations of the flesh detracted from the rational and logical 'essence' of the man.

I discovered there is some truth in that premise. There is a clearer path to reason and logic unimpaired by the female psyche.

I also discovered that man does not live by bread alone, a taste of wine from time to time, lightens the soul.

Perhaps someone would remind me of the Dostoevski novel the story came from? Thank you.

Celibacy is an interesting aspect of life..when one discovers, if one does, that live can be lived without sexual intercourse, one is set free, in a way, from being driven by nature. The 'choice' then, of celibacy or not, becomes a factor.

amicus

 

[Randi Grail]

Celibacy joy or curse? Depends on what you mean by the word. Some here seems to think of abstainging from sex, othars about abstaining from relationships.

If we talk about the former. Most of the time either or. If you think of fucking as a nessecity in life (other than for procreation that is) then you don't have your priorities straight. I mean, yeah, it is fun. It's a great spice in life, but there are many other spices that I appriciate just as much. ..or more. Not that I don't love it, but I would for instance give up sex before I gave up music.

 

[Randi Grail]

Re: Dostoevski, Feodor

That to accede to the emotional and lustful temptations of the flesh detracted from the rational and logical 'essence' of the man.

I discovered there is some truth in that premise. There is a clearer path to reason and logic unimpaired by the female psyche.

amicus, are you for real?

You see the lustful temptations of the flesh as detracting from the rational and logic. And maybe you're right about that. Being horny is a good way to lose the concentration needed for more intellectual thoughts.

But then you blame it on "the female psyche" instead of on your own inability to wrestle the control of your mind from your wiener. What are you aiming at?

It has nothing to do with male or female, but with primal urges taking up too much of your mind. Don't blame your shortcomings on someone else's psyche, please.

Or else, by your definition, all gay men would be genius.

 

[rgraham666]

A warning

Amicus is for real. He actually believes the bullshit he posts.

You may have missed it, but he called cloudy a retarded cannibal because in his opinion, all Native Americans were just that.

He's a real fine piece of work. Stick him on your ignore list.