Celibacy - joy or curse?

[steve w]

I'm interested in people's take on their own periods of celibacy, be they in the past or present, long or short.

By celibacy, I use my own self-imposed definition of not having a sexual relationship ongoing ( so not necessarily a religious thing, or out of choice).

Does it leave you angst-ridden and unhappy, or philosophical and untroubled, or joyous at new-found freedom and choices? Does the feeling depend on the length of time of the celibacy, how/if a previous relationship ended, or the degree of optimism or interest about another one starting? Is it intimacy that is missed, or the sex itself, or both, or neither?

I know, I know, too many questions!

We all write about sex on this site - how does an absence of sex make you feel?

 

[Guest]

Sorry stevie. I can't help you there as I have sex with minimum of three people every other day.

So far, I've slept with 30,981 people.

 

[rgraham666]

It's a simple fact of my life.

It used to bug me a lot. Now I only get occasional twinges of angst.

Thirteen years and counting.

 

[McKenna]

.

 

[neonlyte]

It's a simple fact of my life.

It used to bug me a lot. Now I only get occasional twinges of angst.

Thirteen years and counting.

Well, we know what to get you for Christmas.

Sorry rg, couldn't resist.

NL

 

[steve w]

chilled - congrats. Not only do you lead a busy and fulfilling sex life, but you have an average of 3.5 days a week to pursue other interests. And you can clearly do long multiplication with an ease and fluency.

mckenna - that's what I thought would be the general view - that it's the intimacyand growing bond that's the crucial element. But other Literati may prove me wrong!

666 - sorry to hear that

 

[Guest]

What McKenna said, exactly.

I read a review of a movie recently about an older woman and a younger man (not that young). The director said something his mother said inspired him. His mother said that sometimes the thought struck her that she might never be touched again. At my age I think that too.

Perdu

 

[Boota]

Having recently broken an eleven year stretch of celibacy, I can say that it didn't really change my life. The sex part, anyway. The fact that I am with the woman I want to be with, the one I was waiting for, is the only thing that has changed. When I was celibate it was never a problem going without sex and I didn't miss intimacy. There are plenty of things in my life to focus on outside of sex. If I had never gotten with the woman I wanted I can honestly say I would have been celibate the rest of my life and been totally fine with it.

 

[rgraham666]

Well I do miss the intimacy.

Even all these years after my marriage breaking up, I still haven't quite gotten used to waking up in the morning alone.

But I don't really have a lot of choice in the matter.

 

[Liar]

Re: Re: Celibacy - joy or curse?

Three years of celibacy here, pretty much by choice. If I wanted to get laid...well, I guess I could make that happen.

But what for really? I don't care enough for physical intimacy that isn't sprung out of genuine and strong emotional intimacy. Not anymore. If I want to get off, I can handle that by myself. What I really want is someone who I feel strongly enough about to want to share that with.

So in a sense, although not in the chaste, relegious way, I guess you could say that I'm saving myself for the right one. Not by principle, but because I'm honestly not interrested in any kind of casual relation. The next time, if any, that I start a relation with someone romantically, sexually, what-have-you, it will be with the intention to last. To raise kids with. Til death do us part and all that jive.

#L

 

[angela146]

Are we including innocent celibacy? If not, I have no experience to draw from.

 

[SnoopDog]

Absence of sex is bad.
Absence of love is worse.
Absence of people you feel close to and that are there for you is hell.

So anyone who bitches or complains about little problems in relationships, who is annyoed by some sexual related arguement or who just can't stand their lover/s-o/friends for some time should take a minute and think about what you really have.
It's like everybody says, you get to know the value of something when you lost it.

Snoopy, *sigh*

 

[McKenna]

.

 

[SeaCat]

When my first wife died I was celibate for years. I just didn't see the point in mutual masturbation, which is all it is when there isn't any feeling between the people involved. It wasn't until after I met my current wife that I was able to share all the things which were important to me. Ideas, feelings, etc. Only then did sex take on a new apeal. Since then I don't think I've been celibate for more than a week at any given time. (Usually less.) BTW Celibacy isn't just about sex although that is it's usual form.

Cat

 

[Liar]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Celibacy - joy or curse?

And yes girls, he's single! (Aren't you?!)

Grab him while still you can!

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/11/11_5_10.gif

Oh, you're too nice. And yes, I am.

But just so that you don't get the wrong idea about me entirely... In the meantime, If Charlize Theron were to turn up at my doorstep wearing nothing but a smile, I sure wouldn't slam the door on her. That's top quality mutual masturbation material (good term, SeaCat) right there.

#L

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I've never been okay with celibacy, never saw anything to recommend it. Of course there've been times in my life when sex wasn't available, but I don't think I was ever celibate by choice or would want to be.

Sex is the engine that runs my life. Not in the sense that I'm always walking around thinking about getting laid, but sexuality in a deper sense. When I'm feeling good I feel the same kind of power and potency I feel from sex, and it's like I'm in a constant state of lust towards the world. My desire to do well, to understand things and master them, my appreciation of life, all come from the same well as my sexuality. I think that when I lose my libido is when I'll be ready to die.

---dr.M.

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

My early sexual experiences were much too young, and not with my consent. After that, I was celibate for nearly three years.

Later, I tried sex again, when I had some control.

Since then, it has never crossed my mind to embrace chastity — except for lack of acceptable partners.

As a form of caring and sharing, there is nothing better.

 

[cantdog]

All you need is love, and sex is sure a good relish for it.

I remember taking great joy in mutual masturbation until something better came along, so I guess, based on that memory, I'd have to say it's pretty good all by itself, too. Hear, hear! Gentlemen, ladies, raise your glasses to fucking!

All: To fucking!! *clink!*

I'm with the doc. Sex is like time and space, a framework for the emotional world as they are for the physical.

cantdog

ps St. Paul was an ass.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I forgot to add that, for the record, in my opinion there is no such thing as bad sex.

---dr.M.

 

[steve w]

Since I started this thread, I guess it's time for me to offer my own opinion.

Like Liar, I don't feel inspired by the thought of a one-night stand, or any relationship that isn't begun with the intention of something lasting and meaningful. So in that sense, my present celibacy is self-inflicted.

Personally, I miss the intimacy and the familiarity of someone special being a part of my life. I have no special one person with whom to share "in-jokes", inner thoughts and innermost feelings. Most of my family live thousands of miles away or are about to do so. For this reason, it may be that I feel the lack of intimacy more keenly now than previously. Friends, great as they are, can't always replace that.

On the other hand, living alone for a long time makes me somewhat selfish, so I would miss being able to do as I please, and devote time to writing, reading, travelling, etc. So it's a double-edged sword.

If that sounds ambivalent and undecided, it's probably because it is. But I do believe, whatever your circumstances and desired status, a positive attitude is a must. But often easier to say, than to do!

 

[Liar]

I forgot to add that, for the record, in my opinion there is no such thing as bad sex.

---dr.M.

Hmm... I'm giving you the benifit of doubt here and will assume that you don't include non-consentual activities in your definition of sex.

#L

 

[Guest]

re. bad sex

Zoot, it's different for girls, e.g., blokes get off (pun intended) too easy. P.

 

[minsue]

I forgot to add that, for the record, in my opinion there is no such thing as bad sex.

---dr.M.

Even with Liar's benefit of the doubt, I still must disagree. I've had bad sex on multiple occasions and I would have rather been reading or watching TV or just sitting and smoking a cigarette instead of having sex any of one of those times.

When you find yourself checking the clock over your partner's shoulder and wondering just when will this end... that's bad sex.

 

[SummerMorning]

Bad sex is when this leettle thought crosses your mind midway through, sort of like a beetle walking across your skin, "Why the hell am I pounding this broad here and now?"

That's bad sex. That's sort of like going to bed with someone and waking up the next day and finding out it's an elephant or a hog (South Park reference).

But that only ever really happens if you stay without sex for too long and then latch onto the first release that waltzes along and stick with it for more than, oh, two - three days.

Gods - but these few paragraphs sound callous. Personally, and for the record - I like a good, relatively steady relationship - it's the waking up in the morning that cinches it. But if my relationship went the celibate direction? Wellll... let's just say I'd have serious thoughts.

 

[Boxlicker101]

I have never in my life deliberately been celibate. I have had many periods of celibacy, sometimes for years at a time, but it has never been by my choice; it was from lack of available partners. I never liked it. I masturbated a lot but I would have preferred mutual masturbation with a woman. Even sex with a street hooker would be better than nothing.

To repeat an old saying: SEX: When it is good, it is very, very good. Whan it is bad, it's still pretty good.